


Ghost Road

by herumtreiber



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Cover Art, Drama, M/M, Manip, Native American Mythology - Freeform, Romance, Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Wolf Pack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:50:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 128,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herumtreiber/pseuds/herumtreiber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jacob runs after he receives the wedding invitation. On his return, he soothes Edward's bereavement. A story of healing as they find their way together while threats involving the Fermi paradox loom over werewolves and vampires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beach of broken dreams

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters herein are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>  **Warnings:** Angst, character death (not Jake or Edward)

 

 

After I got the invitation to her wedding, I just dashed out of the house. Didn't listen to Dad calling me back, I wanted to phase so much! I took off the t-shirt, not caring about the rain splattering down upon my body. It felt refreshing, liberating even. Felt so heavy inside, as if my heart would burst out of my chest. I couldn't believe Bella would go through with it.

I ran, and the only sound that registered in my hazy mind was the soft thudding of my paws against the grass. Hadn't realized I had shifted. Didn't care, really.

The wolf's mind helped me concentrate on the essential things like the smell of food and prey around me and the liberty of the woods. Distracted me from the pain in my chest. Should've listened to the wolf long ago. He wanted to be the Alpha, he wanted to dominate. I didn't let him though, trying to become the perfectly behaved gentleman so the damned girl would pay attention to me! Fat lot of good it did!

Running north, the woods passing by me in a blur, I made my decision. If she didn't want me, I wouldn't ever go back to Forks. I would run until all my problems had been left behind. I'd follow the moon wherever she led me and if time passed and I forgot about _them_ , so much the better. 

Couldn't escape my imagination though. It tortured me as the trees blended into one another, as my legs tired and my lungs wheezed; it was a shadow I couldn't leave behind. I pictured Bella in her fucking wedding dress, holding hands with _him_ as the priest or whoever blessed them. My lips curled up in a smirk as I wondered if the priest would be aware that the girl who was marrying wasn't long for this world. Bella would be another Cold One, she who once held my heart.

The miles merged with each other, day became night and day again. I was hungry. Smelled a deer upwind of me. The poor unwary beast was thirsty and had gone to drink in a creek.

I pounced on it and my jaws closed around its neck. Strangely, I felt invigorated. Leastways I could do this. Narrow the world to simple thirsts I could slake.

The wolf helped me by forcing me to think in simple terms; to see the land with the simplicity of an animal and face the cold, cruel facts. Bella's lips sweet upon my tongue, her warm body cuddling against mine in the kiss that gave me hope again, promising more if only I'd make it out of the newborn battle alive. Taunting me, bribing me so she wouldn't have my death on her conscience. What kind of fucked-up relationship was that? How could she kiss me when Edward's sickly sweet taste lingered all around her? At least the leech was honest, painfully so.

I'd been outside in the snow when Edward mentioned their engagement. I was angry of course. But now, with only the sun as my witness and the dead animal at my feet, I realized he'd displayed the kindness of a predator, just like I did when I efficiently dispatched the deer so it wouldn't suffer. Cullen didn't want me to have false hopes. It was much more than Bella ever did. My hackles rose and I tore a huge chunk of meat off the dead animal, remembering his words, 'He deserves to know.'

He and I, we had this in common. We didn't toy with each other. We knew what it was like to kill or be killed. Somehow, my anger at him abated. I had fought for Bella and lost. Could I have won though, when she was desperate to become one of them? When she accepted the marriage just so Cullen would turn her?

Running had made me tired. Didn't care that night had fallen. I wouldn't get cold anyway. I sat on my haunches on the soft loam. Looking at the night sky I remembered her expressionless face when she visited me after the newborn had crushed my body.

The pain had helped me concentrate on the light bulb above me, the sweat dripping from my face and body and the bandages soft on my chest as I poured out my heart to her. Bella just ignored my heartfelt words and left me alone, to be cared by my brothers. This was the moment I started saying goodbye to the girl I'd loved, the awkward Bella that clung to me after the leech left her.

But why was I so angry? Bella's decision didn't surprise me. Was it the thought that she would marry _him_?

What the hell did she expect me to do once I found out? I shook my muzzle and howled at the moon, going on until I was too tired.  

Before I fell asleep, I realized that if Cullen cared enough about me to let me know about their engagement, it wouldn't surprise me if it was him who sent the invitation.

My dreams were restless and painful, but the wolf brought a sharpness to my mind that allowed me to say good-bye to Bella. My feelings reduced to the raw essentials, I pictured Cullen's smoldering look whenever he looked at me. There was an intensity in his eyes I hadn't seen anywhere else. I sighed sadly, realizing I craved the conflict and passion the leech displayed when he fought with me. Who would ever fight with me like this?

It didn't hurt as much as I thought, taking my final leave of Bella. My chances with her had always been just a damned pipe dream. It was the intensity of the rivalry I liked, getting to her and seeing how angry the leech looked when I kissed her. That would never be mine now.

\--

I lost all sense of time and my days passed like the wind. I hunted when I got hungry and found streams to drink from. At night my wolf eyes would dimly follow the Ghost Road, the river of stars that bisected the sky in what the Iroquois called the Great Sky Road.

I constantly howled at the moon, my only companion, my compass. And I became strong again, free of the dreams of my youth.

There'd been a sliver of moon when I started this journey that had become a kind of quest. Something in my wolf chest burst with joy as the moon grew. Some nights it hung low over the mountains.

When I met the other wolf, the Silver, the moon was peering over the tall pines in the woods.

The wolf attacked me. The foolish silver-grey male didn't care I was so much bigger than him. So he wanted to prove he was the Alpha, huh? It was easy for me to close my jaws around his furry neck and thrash his body back and forth. I couldn't kill the silly wolf though, not only because of the taboo. I recognized the desperate challenge in the wolf's eyes, a defiant look that reminded me of someone I used to know. Edward Cullen.

With a mighty heave, I hurled the grey wolf against the brush and ran towards the river.

Another week or two passed. The river led me to the sea and I stayed on a beach. One morning, I was watching the full moon sink into the ocean and now I cursed it because it had grown. That meant time had gone by in the place where Bella and _her husband_ lived. I pawed the sand and sighed. Surely they had been married for weeks. I howled despairingly at the moon.

Sinking my muzzle to the gritty sand, I wondered if Bella would get everything. With the luck the girl had, wouldn't surprise me if she miraculously ended up with a kid. She'd find one in whatever place the leech took her on their honeymoon and they would adopt. Bella would have her perfect little family.

Not that I cared anymore.

The wolf confronted me though, he forced me to realize I still cared, very much so. I missed them, both Bella and Edward. But I wouldn't go back, ever.

I sank my muzzle into my paws. Why did I miss the damned leech? Could it be I somehow imprinted on Cullen?  I couldn't explain the intensity of my feelings for the Cold One that snatched Bella from me. I didn't have the revealing moment Quil talked about, when the world was wrenched from under my feet and arranged itself in a new way. I was confused and this time my wolf didn't help. He just watched me.

I felt sick to my stomach at the thought that the next time I saw him, he would be Bella's.

Under the cool gaze of the sinking moon, I felt like a stranger peering in on the love that would be forever kept from me. They were as good as gone from my life.

I was alone.

I whimpered, and when I took a deep breath to howl again at the disappearing moon I smelled the horrid stench of the vampires.

My hackles rose as I sat up and turned my head, growling at the intruder.  The pixie stood next to an outcropping, incongruously well-dressed. Her black slacks and jacket looked like they had come from a fashion magazine, as always.

I shifted, unmindful of my naked body. Had nothing to hide after all and I was used to my brothers seeing me like this. Besides, I doubted the pixie would care.

"How did you find me?" My voice sounded hoarse with disuse. She took a pair of cutoff jeans from her purse and threw them at me.

I snarled at her, "Bella told me you can't see me in your visions."

The pixie waited until I was dressed before answering. "It's true, your kind inhibit my powers."

"So?" I glared at her, crossing my arms.

"I had to work hard to find you, mutt."

"Tough luck, pixie," I said, not unkindly. After the newborn attack, I came to a new appreciation of the Cullens. Still disliked them, but I couldn't erase from my mind the care the Doc showed when he treated me.

"My visions? They are like riding a wave." Alice pointed to the left where the surf crashed against the rocks. "They can lift you up and you can see way beyond, and if you're not careful they'll crush you."

"Damn it, get to the point!" I was nervous. Alice's presence could mean so many bad things; new vampires prowling Forks or an attack on Bella.

I snorted, remembering the way Edward protected her. Bella was safe. Edward had the help of his family anyway.

"Even when I ride atop the vision, I can't see you or the place where you are but I can use that fact to guide me." Alice crossed her arms and she also looked at the moon, a woebegone expression on her pale, delicate face.  Her hands nervously tried to smooth her rumpled blouse.

"I decided to look for you in Washington," she said. "And I saw myself searching there. Same with Oregon, my visions still kept coming; but when I decided to look for you in Canada, where you are—"

"Your visions blacked out? Couldn't see where you were?" I puzzled my brows in thought.

"Exactly. That method led me to British Columbia, to the road I travelled to get here." She spread her arms to indicate the sea and the sand. "To this beach."

"Fine, but what do you want?" I growled impatiently. Would the pixie ever get to the point?

"I have bad news, Jacob." Alice's lower lip trembled and I noticed how she kept her hands knit together. It was obvious something awful had happened.

"What? Bella's a vampire I guess. The leech turned her." I turned my back to her and crossed my arms, glaring at the ocean as I muttered, "Don't care. I saw it coming."

"No, my brother couldn't turn her." Alice choked back a sob. "Bella died because she got pregnant."

I turned around. Was she joking or something? "Can't be true! What do you mean?"

I couldn't believe it, didn't want to. Bella had to be all right! She had Edward to protect her, the Cullens and the pack. They wouldn't have let her die!

When I looked at the pixie's sad face, I was half-way convinced. I looked intently at her, noting her wrinkled, brand new clothes. She was unkempt and harried, gone was the extreme care she took in her appearance.

My legs failed me and I sat heavily on the sand. Despite everything that had happened, I didn't want Bella to come to harm.

There was something in the pixie's story that didn't ring true, though, and I seized on that desperately.

"How could Bella get pregnant? I thought vampires were-"

"Unable to have children? We thought so too. God, it was a mess!" Alice's voice wavered and lost its hypnotic timbre. She walked slowly towards me, still looking at the ocean.

"Bella and Edward returned from their honeymoon in Brazil, they were astounded by the pregnancy." She crossed her arms and a stray sunbeam fell on her, making her skin shimmer like a ghostly apparition.

"Bet they would," I said.

"The baby grew at an alarming rate. Edward was beside himself with worry and so was Carlisle. We advised her to terminate the pregnancy." She looked down at the waves lapping at the beach with a forlorn expression on her face.

"And Bella, what did she do?"

"She refused to do it. I even begged her! Rosalie protected her. The baby in her womb? It just grew and--"

Alice hid her face between her hands. I looked up at the woman, sympathizing with her misery which mirrored mine.

Finally she continued. "The baby grew so fast. Bella couldn't hold down her meals and became very weak. It was as if the baby rejected normal food. She grew thinner and finally-"

"Bella is stubborn," I said with a catch on my voice. I still couldn't believe she was dead. I frowned, remembering Sam's harsh attitude towards the vampires.

I smacked my forehead. The Treaty! Did the pack attack the Cullens? Was this why Alice came here, so I'd go back and knock some sense into my stubborn pack mates?

"What did Sam do?" I stood up and walked towards the waterline. I started making plans about the best way to convince the council and the pack to leave them alone. It was obvious the Cullens had loved Bella; they were not to blame for her death. The pack was not to attack Edward!

I growled, "The pack came after you?"

"No. They were stunned but since we didn't turn her, and she died of natural causes..." Alice paused and gathered her thoughts. "They were enraged of course, but I guess your leaders --"

"The elders."

"--prevailed. That's not why I came here."

"Then why did you?" I turned to look at her and wiped my wet cheeks with the back of my hand. "Appreciate your telling me this, but why exactly did you come?"

Alice took a deep, unneeded breath and said in a rush, "I've come because Edward asked me. You see, he wants you to kill him and put him out of his misery."

I stumbled backwards. What the hell? I fisted my hands and tried to calm down. "Is he nuts? I'll never—"

"He's read your mind, mutt," said Alice wearily. "He's seen your fantasies when you close your jaws on his head."

"That's—"

"Untrue?" said Alice in her lilting voice. She appeared chirpy again. Obviously she hadn't told me the complete reasons to come here.

"Fine, fine!" I shouted, exasperated. "Dreamed of it, once of twice. Doesn't mean I'd do it!"

Alice sighed. "It's wearying for me to deal with you, mutt.  Your future remains hidden to me."

"Good!" I didn't want the pixie spying on me.

"Yet, this is a major reason why I came to see you." She bent and picked some pebbles. "Every decision I took regarding Edward? I had visions which showed him dying in a number of ways."

She threw a pebble far out into the sea. "Either going to the Volturi to have them kill him, or going to the Reservation and letting the wolves do with him what they would. Every path I foresee leads to my brother's death."

I nodded dazedly. I felt cold all of a sudden. I wrapped my arms around myself. First Bella dies and then Edward too? Would everyone I cared for have to die?

"When Edward said he wanted you to put him out of his misery…" She trailed off and threw the last pebble. "There's something in your eyes, Jacob, in the way you look at him that's different from hate. Some passion that… Edward shares with you."

"We're joined by some macabre destiny, I guess." Even though I tried to make light of the situation, I had to agree with the pixie. Those were the same conclusions I had come to when I meditated during those nights under the stars, far away from everything I'd known and left alone with my wolf.

"After I decided to look for you, Edward vanished from my visions. I was frantic at first." She frowned fiercely, an expression I often saw on her face when she looked at me.

"You think Cullen will die at my hands?"

She shook her head. "I had a premonition an hour later. I saw Emmett playing a videogame. Esme was looking at him from the kitchen door and they looked calm. Could be that things will turn out right." She smiled shakily. "Of course, it could also mean you'll kill him painlessly and give Edward the peace he desperately seeks."

"Didn't you hear me, pixie?" I shouted angrily, "Won't return to kill Cullen!"

Alice was crazy if she thought I would destroy the only person that linked me to Bella, to the time when our competition was sharp and exciting.

"If you don't go, he'll die anyway," Alice said. Noting my stubborn expression, she went on, "I hope you'll help him."

"Why should I?" I mumbled. Frankly I was scared of meeting Cullen and the pain it would bring to both of us.

"Your reaction at the thought of doing away with the person that took Bella from you tells me everything I need to know." She muttered sadly, "I'd rather Edward remain hidden to me than dead. That's why I looked for you."

\--

The trip back to Forks passed in a blur. I was too numb to care about Alice's cool Ferrari, which sped through the highway as if demons were chasing us. She managed to find a small road that was unguarded. When I made my way north I didn't carry a passport. Wolves don't need them after all.

The sense of unreality that had been hovering over me ever since the pixie found me became very strong when we got there. Forks looked the same, and yet I felt sadness seeping through the town.

She floored the pedal and the car sped through Forks until we reached the Cullen house.

"Go on," she said, opening the door. "Edward is in his room. It's upstairs."

I went in and nodded at the other vampires. They were silently watching the TV like mute statues. They were in mourning. Even the big one, Emmett, who was always joking.

I trotted upstairs and found his room with some difficulty. I entered and when I looked at him, it felt as if someone had punched me.

My throat was dry and tight, for Edward Cullen lay on a coach in a fetal position. He looked gaunt, his eyes staring at the wall with a lifeless expression. I always taunted him, told him he wasn't alive and wanted to suck Bella's blood. But seeing his vacant expression broke my heart. Despite being a Cold One, Edward had always struck me as someone very much alive, put in this world to tease me and drive me crazy, but very much alive to do so.

He turned slowly to look at me and his voice sounded broken and hoarse. "You're here at last. I killed her, Jacob. It's my fault and I know how much you loved her. I deserve to die and you, you deserve to have your revenge."

He opened his arms and waited for the moment I would become a wolf and do the thing I'd never do.

I leaned forward and framed his head, noting that his hair still was the color of molten copper and tousled, despite his hopeless expression. I looked into his eyes which were empty, bereft of challenge. He who was always smug and proud reminded me now of the wolf I'd fought. And my heart shattered even more.

"Do you think it's so easy, leech?" My hands shook his head. I was vaguely aware of the tears that ran down my cheeks.

My wolf howled in anguish. It was too much, seeing him like this. Now that Bella was gone, only he and I were left. His broken spirit wouldn't heal easily and I let the wolf's instincts guide me.

I leaned down and bared my neck, putting it next to his mouth as I whispered, "You want me to kill you? I'll do it only if you bite me first and tear off my neck!"


	2. The ghostly kiss

 

I waited for his bite. Hoped Edward wouldn't do it but a part of me, which was still stunned by the news of her death, that part didn't care. It welcomed peacefulness and oblivion. My wolf fought viciously against the move. He wanted to live; he felt there was a purpose for him and me. I held him at bay for a while, though, fixing my eyes on the shelves full of CD cases gleaming in the twilight.

Edward pushed me away.  His voice sounded tired and weary. "I can't do it. I never hated you, Jacob."

I looked up at him, noting the way he frowned, and his lips pursed into a thin line. His dark eyes were dull and bereft of hope.  His expression reminded me of an old black and white photo Dad showed me. It was frayed and bent and showed several Ojibwe warriors. Dad said it had been taken during a famine. The men wore their headdresses with pride but their faces were gaunt, and their eyes told me they had lost hope. In the Rez, conditions hadn't been that great but we did not hunger because of the sea and the food it provided, Dad told me.

 Edward wore the same look as the hopeless warriors. I knew he hungered for the end of his pain.

My heart beat faster with worry. Had to yank him out of this apathy, depression or whatever. Didn't know how to do it though.

"Talk to me." I looked at him, cursing the pleading tone of my voice but I couldn't hide from him, now or ever. I growled, "Tell me what happened."

If he spoke about the tragedy, we might find a beginning.

Cullen didn't even try to smirk, he just shrugged with resignation. "I have talked to my family, Jacob. It didn't lessen the pain."

I shouted angrily, "Your family didn't know Bella like I did!"

Lowering my voice, I pointed to him and then to my heaving chest. "They didn't love her like you and I. Didn't cherish her that way."

I loathed the broken sound of my voice. Hated that I was so weak in front of him. 

I stood up and leaned forward. I didn't give a damn if f I invaded his personal space or whatever. I reached my hand but shrank from touching his handsome face. Couldn't predict how he would react.

Cullen sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "I begged God to take me with her, but of course He wouldn't listen. I'm damned for eternity and I destroy everything I touch."

Hearing this, I ruffled my hair in despair. I grabbed his head, bending down until our eyes met. "You've touched me and I'm not dead. You're fucking wrong, Cullen!"

"You'd better go, Jacob. I don't want to harm you, Bella wouldn't want you hurt."

I balled my fist and hit his shoulder, yelling, "Damn you, leech! Don't you think I have the right to know how she died? I've earned it!"

There was a glint in his dark eyes, a very malicious spark.

I stepped back and shrugged. That was way better than the apathy and I was sure I could take whatever he dished out.

He sneered, "Mutt, you're wrong and I'll prove it to you."

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes.

He said almost conversationally, "I could hear her bones breaking, did you know that?"

Taking a deep breath, I staggered back. My legs suddenly were so weak, they wouldn't hold me up. I plopped down on the floor next to his couch.  Wanted so much to cover my ears, to block out his voice, to forget what had happened. I couldn't do it though. I was spellbound by curiosity and the despair veiled in his honeyed voice.  

"The baby broke her ribs when it moved." Edward whispered so softly, I wouldn't have heard him but for my acute hearing.

"Bella couldn't hold down her food. I despaired at her growing weakness but she wouldn't listen to me! She wanted that baby so much; she didn't care about the risks."

I nodded dumbly. What else could I do but listen and imagine the despair in their faces?

"When Carlisle told me her heart had stopped beating..." Edward punched the couch, breaking the cushion and the wood. I was startled by his fast movement but kept my quiet. He needed to vent, to get this out of his system.

I didn't realize I was yanking my hair so hard until the pain hit me. I lowered my hands and wrapped my arms around my middle, rocking back and forth. Didn't realize I was crying until I looked up at Edward and saw his pale cheeks as if through a prism.

"I bit her in her wrists, in her thighs and neck. It didn't work because the dead baby somehow interfered with my venom. Bella wouldn't change." His face was scrunched up and I didn't need his powers to touch his grief.

"I waited for her. I hoped Bella would change but she didn't! The whole night I stood there and looked at her, just like I did when I watched her sleep. I prayed… how I prayed that she would wake up! But Bella just laid there, her body so thin and wasted, so…"

He shut up. Waited for him to continue but the silence went on. When I looked up at him, his eyes were as black as obsidian. His handsome features were twisted in a grimace of despair. I stood up shakily and approached him but Cullen didn't move. It was obvious he was sunk in his mind, reliving the nightmare.

I felt nauseous, imagining Bella, my best friend and lost love. Pretty and vivacious, now unmoving and thin; and Edward just standing there in his lonely, tormented watch.

Tore me to shreds, the anguish that filled my heart for both of them. But I had lost Bella long before she married, when she chose Edward over me for the last time. The long trek up north had helped me clear my head and come to terms with it. My wolf also lent me strength.

But Edward Cullen? He was stuck in the same place where she died, reliving the horror day by day. If I pitied the dead, my heart cried out for the living, and the leech was alive, however much he liked to pout and say he wasn't.

I jostled his shoulder but he didn't move. I leaned towards him and shouted in his face, "Talk to me, please!"

There was no reaction.

I pulled my hair in anguish. I had to make him react! It was almost like Bella when Edward just up and left her. There was a big difference though; Bella clung like mad to her hope that Cullen would return, something that pissed me off no end. But Edward was aware there was no hope his wife would ever come back.

I recalled the times I tried to cheer Bella up by talking to her, telling her what I was doing with the bikes and cracking up jokes. She was my best friend before I fell in love with her. That wouldn't work with Edward. We were rivals for Bella's affection and bitter enemies, bound by anger.

Anger? That emotion worked for me. When I felt trapped and sad, anger was a way to let off steam. Didn't want to use it though, but it was in the wolf's blood as Sam had learned to his dismay.

I shrugged and narrowed my eyes, knowing exactly how to make Edward roar with anger.  

I shook his shoulders, growling, "Bella isn't worth it! Do you really think she cared for you?"

Knowing Edward could read my mind, I relived my bitter thoughts late at night in my room, crying myself to sleep on my wet pillow. Used the resentment I'd felt then, which I hoped would help me one last time.

"Don't, mutt, just don't!" Edward snarled at me, his mouth twisted in a grimace of hate.

It was good; at least I was getting to him!

"She should've chosen me!" I poked his chest, sneering at him. "Bella loved you only because she wanted eternal youth!"

I spit out my next words, "You were nothing but her meal ticket!"

There was a blurry movement and his hand pushed me violently away. My body just flew and I crashed against the shelves filled with the CDs. They rained down upon the floor but I hardly paid it any mind.

My ears buzzed like I had angry bees stuck inside my head and my vision was blurry. I slid down the wall into a heap on the floor. Tried to breathe through the waves of pain and dimly heard the door banging open and someone snarling.  

While I wheezed painfully, someone tenderly lifted me up. My legs and head swung free as they took me out of the room, towards the brightly lit corridor. The glare made me dizzier and I closed my eyes.

I felt vulnerable and weak, yet I enjoyed the way Edward carefully cradled me in his arms. Then I breathed in and smelled a flowery perfume, overlaid with the sickly sweet scent of the Cold Ones.

It wasn't Edward after all and I sighed in disappointment. The perfume reminded me of my mother and the nights I fell asleep on the couch watching TV, when she would carry me to my room in just the same way.

I must have passed out, for when I woke up I was laying on a soft bed. A woman's sweet voice said, "Are you ok, mutt?"

My vision swam until a curtain of gold fell across my face. Frowning, I recognized the beautiful, cold blonde who was staring down at me.

"'m fine," I said gruffly.

"Wait a sec, I'm going to get Carlisle."

She glided to the door but I managed to croak a few words, "Why? Thought you hated me."

She hunched her shoulders and said softly, "I don't hate you, mutt, never have. I just dislike you. You ask why I helped you?" She laughed bitterly. "Because I don't want another death on my conscience!"

She went out the door, mumbling, "Bella's was enough."

"Wait!" But it was in vain. She was already gone.

I shook my head, wincing at the headache the movement caused. Did all the Cullens blame themselves for Bella's death? They were so different from what I had thought. They weren't the cold, sneering monsters I had imagined. Had to admit that all my attention had been fixed on Edward. Hardly paid any mind to his siblings, unless I wanted to taunt them.

I wanted to talk to the blonde. She could tell me things about how Bella had spent her married life. Hopefully she wouldn't be as intense as Edward. If she was anything like him, she probably kept all her feelings bottled up. It would do her good to talk about Bella's death, if she felt she was responsible.

And perhaps she could help me cope with it.

I gazed at the ceiling and hoped that wherever she was, Bella would forgive my words. I knew that despite her faults, she had truly loved the leech.  I'd felt that goading him was the only way to help the widower.

I shrank back from the thought. Edward was a lonely widower. Reality hit me again and I looked out the wide, beautiful windows at the dying sun, feeling that nothing would be enough to warm my heart again.  

\--

The Doc held his cold stethoscope to my chest and smiled reassuringly at me. "Your shoulder and back are bruised, Jacob. You have no broken bones. You sustained a concussion but with your powers, you will heal soon enough." 

His light touch on my bandaged torso made me wince. The Doc frowned at that and opened his medical bag, taking out a bottle of pills. I guessed they were for the pain.

He handed me a red one and held my head while I gulped it down, sipping water from the glass. He put it back on the night table and crossed his arms. "I appreciate very much what you're doing for my son, Jacob. You're welcome to stay in this house as long as you like. We are all in your debt, especially considering your adversarial relationship with Edward."

"No trouble," I muttered.

"But I don't want to see you hurt. You don't owe us anything." He essayed a weak smile. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that… at any time you must consider yourself free to walk away. It's not your problem at all. You've already achieved what none of us could. You got Edward to react."

I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Doc, did Bella…?"

He seemed to know what I wanted to ask because he interrupted me, shaking his head. "No, she didn't suffer at all, Jacob. I kept her sedated and she passed away without pain."

He opened his bag and put the bottle inside.

The medicine reminded me of Billy. I'd been so shocked by the news I came directly to the Cullens and hadn't even bothered to call my Dad.  Escaped my mind until that moment.

"Doc, can you call Dad and tell him I'm here?"

Doctor Cullen put the stethoscope on his bag and smiled reassuringly at me. "I already took care of that, Jacob. I phoned your father and told him everything."

"Is he well?" I berated myself; in all the rush of the trek and what happened afterwards, I hardly thought of him!

He puzzled his eyebrows in thought. "He's been spending a lot of time with Chief Swan and Sue Clearwater. Actually, I think your Dad's company helps the Chief, gives him a routine in the midst of his grief. Billy told me to tell you he was fine."

He patted my arm and stood up, walking in the elegant way of the Cold Ones towards the door. I asked him before he could walk out, "Why does Blondie blame herself?"

Doctor Cullen turned to me and smiled sadly. "Rosalie protected Bella ferociously. My daughter believes that if she hadn't done that, Bella might be alive today."

He went out and closed the door.

I snorted in disbelief. Rosalie was wrong if she thought Bella would easily change her mind. She was very stubborn and wouldn't budge. I knew that first hand.

The sedative made me very sleepy. I yawned and tucked the sheet around myself.

Just before I fell asleep, I heard the door open softly. I looked up and noticed Blondie sitting on a chair next to the window. She reminded me of Leah after the battle with the newborn army. Leah had stood around my bed, unsure what to do and fidgeting with my bandages until I told her to go home and rest. 

I was too tired to shoo Rosalie away, though. Tried to smile my thanks but I was afraid it came out as a grimace.

\--

In my dreams, I ran through the Canadian forest, my shanks brushing against the brambles. It was the full moon and she hung low over the mountains. I knew I had to get to those mountains though the reason escaped me. After I leaped over a big boulder, suddenly the silver wolf stood in front of me.

Though he was way smaller than me, there was something about the manner the wolf's eyes watched me, silvery in the moonlight, which made me shiver. I growled at him, my shackles standing up.

The Silver spoke directly into my mind though he wasn't my packmate, not even a shifter. _'What do you choose, Jacob Black?'_

_'What the hell?_ ' I shook my muzzle in confusion.

_'Ephraim's heir must choose. It is the way of the wild.'_

The silver wolf loped towards me, his jaws opening in a wolfish smile. It wasn't comforting but menacing. I looked sideways, trying to escape him. There was a creek by the side of the copse and I jumped into it, my hind legs straining with the effort.  The water felt very warm against my fur.

I found myself in a hospital corridor. It was yellow and sterile. I looked left and right and it stretched far away into the distance. I breathed deeply, inhaling the antiseptic hospital odors which I hated. They reminded me of the night my mother passed away.

I stuck my sweaty hands in the pockets of my cutoff jeans; the corridor was too warm for me. I knew time was running short. I had come to the hospital to visit Bella. Had to find her room soon. They were going to operate her. She might die and I had to tell her I was sorry. I had been rude to her and I didn't want those words to be the final ones. Had to tell her how much she meant to me!  

I walked and the corridor just seemed to get longer. I didn't know where her room was; had to find a nurse or a doctor I could ask for directions because there were no signs. Started running but got lost in the maze. Sweat was running down my back and I was out of breath but I had to find her!

"In here!" someone said.

 I turned to the right and saw a door into a room. Walked inside but once I was past the threshold, the door closed by itself. It was a storage room, very small. I was nervous and the heat was stifling. Felt claustrophobic after having the run of the forest.

I was convinced whoever had trapped me here wouldn't let me go. I'd starve to death and meanwhile Bella would die. Wouldn't have time to say how sorry I was or kiss her goodbye.  

Went to the door, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I stared banging on it, shouting, "Lemme out, lemme out!"

It was useless though. The damned room wouldn't let me out. I leaned my head on the door and then I felt a soothing, welcoming cold on my brow. It refreshed me.

I puzzled my eyebrows in confusion when I felt a ghostly kiss on my forehead and heard a soothing voice. "I'm sorry, Jacob, so very sorry."

When I turned around and looked for the person who spoke, the hospital was gone. There was a tall pine to my right and I walked slowly towards it. Should've been more careful because a shadow jumped down from the tallest branch. Its eyes were red and I stumbled back in surprise.

I woke up with a start. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around blearily. For a moment I thought I saw the copper highlights of Edward's hair above the chair where Rosalie sat, but I blinked and when I looked again by the light of the dawn,  the chair was empty.

The dream had been oddly clear, just like Dad told me happened in the visions of the old ones. Hopefully I'd remember it later. Sighing, I puffed up the pillow before I laid my head on it.

 Of course it hadn't been Edward on that chair. I wasn't important to him, nor would I ever be.


	3. The sensual awakening

 

I woke up when I felt the sunshine on my face. Glancing around at the room, I noticed the empty chair. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. In the morning light it seemed even more improbable that Edward had been sitting there, watching me sleep last night.

I recalled bit by bit what caused our fight and the despair in Cullen's voice when he told me about Bella and her death. Guessed I was safer in my dreams, however weird they were with that Silver wolf.  My heart beat faster as I remembered everything; my trek up north, meeting the pixie at the beach and telling me the heartbreaking news.  

I just lay on the bed, too drained to do anything else. Would it be like this always? Would Bella's memory haunt me like a ghost for the rest of my days? No surprise Edward wanted to escape from this. No wonder he was so depressed.

I stretched my legs and when I slid the silky sheets down my body, I realized I wasn't wearing the pants the pixie gave me at the beach. Was embarrassed when I noticed the state of my body; I had morning wood.

I absently touched my prick and my fingers lingered on the shaft. While I was a wolf in the woods, sometimes I rubbed my crotch against the rough bark of the trees in an effort to relieve myself. Didn't do it often though, I'd been more concerned with exploring my past.

Touching my bare chest and abs, I realized someone had taken off the bandages. I flexed my arms and shoulders and everything was fine, just as I expected. I looked down at my lap with a frown. It didn't matter that I was well-hung; fat lot of good my fat cock ever did me!

I blushed when I thought Rosalie must have taken everything off so I could sleep more comfortably. It felt awkward that she had touched me while I was sleeping. Usually I didn't sleep so heavily, but the soft bed and the stress after the trip and the news must have been greater than I thought.

Glancing at the night table, I saw a pair of white Calvin Klein briefs and cutoff jeans next to the glass of water. Shrugging, I sat on the edge of the bed and fingered the soft elastic band. I put on the briefs, uncomfortably tucking my stiff shaft to the left and glaring at the wood that wouldn't go away.

I lifted my left arm and sniffed my armpit. I had swum on the ocean the last day I was on the beach, in what seemed like another life. I resolved to take a shower at noon, didn't want to offend the Cullens with that wet dog smell they all complained about.

That time at the beach all I'd thought about was how to get over Bella's rejection. I sighed wistfully, wishing I had those problems again. Compared to what I'd found when I returned to Forks, they seemed petty.

I put on the jeans just in time, because the door opened and Mrs. Cullen and the pixie walked in.  

Mrs. Cullen looked so beautiful, just like a painting I had watched on the news about an exhibit in a Seattle museum. She smiled at me with such warmth, it made me tingle. She was holding a big tray loaded with sandwiches, a big mug filled with orange juice and a glass of milk. She delicately put it down on the night table, pushing away the clock.

"I fixed you some sandwiches, dear," she said in a soothing voice and she pointed at the different plates. "I don't know what you like so I made tuna ones, ham and bacon, and let's see… three with turkey and deviled eggs."

 "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen. You shouldn't have bothered." I ruffled my hair; next to her elegant dress, I must've been quite a sight.

She smiled at me and shrugged. "Call me Esme, dear Jacob. Making sure that you're well fed is the least I can do to show my appreciation for what you are doing for my son."

"Thanks, Esme." I said shyly.

She touched my shoulder gingerly. "Are you all right, dear? I do hope you have recovered." She said gently, "I'm sure Edward regrets his actions."

I nodded, though what she said made me wonder if Esme had paid any attention to the way Edward and I behaved.  Often when we'd met, we'd been at each other's throats from the get-go.

I smiled reluctantly, remembering the way the vampire's eyes shone with fury when he looked at me.  If I was honest, it was fun to get under his skin and also very thrilling. Life had been so much simpler when all we had to contend with was our constant fight to win Bella's love, and not her absence.

Esme glided elegantly to the door and at the threshold she turned to look at me. "The pantry and the fridge are well stocked, Jacob. Please eat whatever you want and do let me know, dear, if you want me to fix you a special meal."

She smiled at Alice and then at me. "It doesn't matter if I don't know the recipe, Jacob. I just love to cook."

After Esme had gone, the pixie pointed at the sandwiches. "Aren't you going to eat them?"

Shrugging, I grabbed the nearest one. It had been more than a day since my last hunt and I was a bit hungry. I finished it fast, washing it down with orange juice.  That was enough.

The pixie raised her eyebrows at me and pointed at the other sandwiches. "Don't you want more?"

I shook my head and patted my flat stomach. "Nope, I'm not that hungry."

To tell the truth, imagining Edward with that stone-like face and why he was in such a state was enough to drive away my hunger.  

Alice made tsking sounds, eyeing me appreciatively. "A big guy like you has to eat, you know, to fill that huge frame."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Am not hungry right now. Besides, that huge frame you mention? Didn't help me with Bella you know."

She shook her head. "Bella didn't…."

I arched my eyebrows, wondering what she would say but Alice kept quiet. I motioned to the door. "How's he doing?"

Hearing that, Alice's lips tugged upward. Was that the beginning of a smile?

She sighed. "Edward feels a lot of guilt because of what he did to you, Jasper tells me."

What did Jasper have to do with…? I didn't finish the thought, remembering the powers of the vampire. He could feel emotions, Bella had told me in a dreamy voice, the same tone she always used when she talked about the Cullens.

Wait a sec! I'd forgotten Cullen's mind-reading abilities. Had he listened in when I thought about jerking off? I glanced guiltily at the door.

"Why are you blushing, wolf?"

"Am not." I said, even though I knew I was.

"I can see it; even feel the warmth coming from your face."

I shook my head, dismissing the snooping vampire's powers. What mattered was to pull Edward out of his grief, and the rest of my good feelings went down the drain, realizing I was doing the opposite.

I muttered," Doesn't help him then, my being here."

Alice started to say something but I held up my hands. "Don't you understand? For once, I don't want to make him feel guilty!"

I stood up and walked around the room which seemed tiny after living in the woods, thought it was big enough compared to my bedroom.  I noticed the pretty sight of the tall trees through the wide windows.

"Might've wanted him to squirm with guilt when we fought over Bella," I confessed as I stared at the book shelf. "But I don't want to hurt him anymore. Farthest thing from my mind, in fact. So I'm not helping him at all!"

In an eyeblink, the pixie was in front of me, her ruffled blouse blowing with the movement. I noticed with detachment that she'd dressed up with her usual flair. "You don't get it; do you, mutt?"

Alice said exasperatedly, "My brother feels guilt all right, but can't you see the difference?"

I shook my head in confusion. Who did the pixie think I was, some kind of mind-reader like Edward?

"When he feels remorse towards you, it's something he can fix!" She glared at me. "Do you know he paced all night long in the corridor outside your room, constantly asking Rosalie how you were?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. So the vampire felt guilty enough to care how I was, nice change!

Alice grabbed my right shoulder and I shrank back, startled by her cold fingers. "When he feels guilty about Bella, it consumes him because he can't change it but with you it's different, Jacob. He can try to make it up."

She walked to the window and leaned forward at a steep angle. If she'd been a mortal girl, I would've been worried, but since she was a leech that wasn't a problem.

I lifted my arms up in the air and motioned towards the door. "I don't want him to pity me!"

If the damned vampire thought he could just pity me when it was him who was acting all emo, he was wrong!

Alice walked to the bed and looked at her watch. "He doesn't…" She trailed off and glided back to the window, staring outside. It seemed like she was expecting someone, maybe that big guy, Emmett, or the Doc.

"It's not that, mutt!" She muttered, "Trust me, you're doing Edward good. Better than I expected in fact."

She glanced at the tray of food. "It's you I'm starting to worry about."

I snorted angrily. "Thanks for your concern, pixie, but I can take care of myself."

I was doing all right dealing with my emotions, except when I thought about her death. The pixie wanted me to eat but I just didn't feel hungry at all; with all that was going on, I just wasn't hungry. I'd eat later.

I smelled a familiar, welcoming scent through the open window. Someone from the pack. I rushed to the glass and saw the slim figure of Seth. The kid was strolling towards the house, holding a bag in his hand. He looked up at me and waved cheerfully. His coming here made some kind of sense, because Seth was pretty open and easy with all the Cullens.

Alice looked at me sideways. "I called your friend and invited him. Told him you were here."

"Why?"

"It seemed the right thing to do. Seth is one of your best friends, isn't he?"

I nodded.

"Besides…" She didn't have time to finish. Seth briskly opened the door and walked into the room.

The kid walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I put my arms around him and squeezed him until he winced. After hearing the awful news of Bella's death and seeing the heartwrenching sight of Edward behaving like the walking dead, it felt good to hug him. Seth felt warm against my body as he hugged me back.

"Wassup, Jake?" He said hoarsely.

"Not doing so good, kid." It was the worry in his voice that broke my composure. I had been all right with Alice's cool demeanor, but hearing Seth using that concerned tone, so unlike him, made me realize anew why I was there. I angrily swiped my cheeks with the back of my hands, cursing this need to break up in tears every damned moment.

Seth must have noticed my wet cheeks but the kid tactfully kept quiet. Instead he grabbed the plastic bag from Wal-Mart and opened it. Inside there was container which he opened with a shrug. Seth pushed it at me and my mouth watered at the scent.

"Emily baked your favorite cookies." He shrugged and smiled briefly. "When your dad told us you had come back, she said she just had to make you feel welcome."

Seth hooked his foot around the leg of the chair and pushed it towards himself. He sat down facing Alice and me, whispering, "Leah wanted to do it but you know how she is with cooking."

I nodded slowly after I ate the first brownie. Leah might be the fastest runner and a great fighter but she and the cooking pans were at war.

"Give my thanks to Emily." I licked my fingers and sighed. The brownies were good; they were covered with chocolate which just melted in my tongue. After my diet of raw meat, they felt creamy and delicious.

I munched on the second one and then the third while Seth told me the news. Sam had made up my absence by having them rotate shifts.

"Any leeches?"

"Nope, though there are some poachers." Seth said in a grave voice. "Quil saw a bullet stuck in the bark of a pine. Also there was blood on the soil."

"And Dad?"

"He's fine. He's spending time with Chief Swan." He turned to Alice. "The two go fishing, you know."

The pixie smiled beautifully. "I know Seth, I've seen them."

"Hey," I pointed the cookie at her. "How come you see my Dad?"

She shrugged and tugged at the lapel of her tailored suit. "Easy, Jacob. He's not a wolf."

"Oh!" I felt a bit stupid. Should've been obvious really. Seth shot me a reassuring grin but it didn't cheer me that much. I chalked it up to my being sad.

I reached my hand into the container and realized I'd eaten all the cookies. I smiled apologetically at Seth. "Sorry I didn't save you any, got carried away."

He nodded at me. "I know you're hungry." He cocked his eyebrow at the sandwiches on the tray. "Can I?"

"Sure, Seth. Mrs. Cullen made them for me."

"I see, you're the favorite guest." Seth smirked at me between bites. Seeing him eating with so much relish made my stomach rumble.

Without saying a word, he picked up a sandwich and, peering at the ham peeking out between the brown slices, he gave it to me.

The cookies didn't satisfy my hunger so I started in on the sandwich. It was nice and the bacon had the right amount of crispiness. It seemed Mrs. Cullen was a good cook.

"How's Edward?" Seth said. From the casual way he asked her, it seemed as if he and Alice talked often. I wondered if Alice had used Seth to test her powers, to see if they worked like she'd told me at the beach. I'd have to ask her later, now I was interested to hear her answer.

"Doing better, thanks to Jacob." Alice beamed at me and she and Seth started talking.

They didn't pay me any mind, but that was fine because I was in no mood to make small talk. When Seth grabbed another sandwich and handed me the one next to it, I tried to push his hand away but he wouldn't have it.

Deciding to humor the kid, I reluctantly grabbed it. Esme made great sandwiches, the bacon was crisp and the tomato slices just thick enough.

I listened with half a mind to their conversation and before I knew it, the sandwiches were gone.

Stretching my arms, my attention wondered to the room where Cullen was. So Edward did care enough to pace in the corridor? Can't say it didn't stroke my ego and made me feel less lonely. Hoped I did the same for him.

As I listened to Seth and the pixie, though, their conversation started to bother me. They were too chirpy and their enthusiasm began to grate on my nerves. I appreciated Seth coming over and his bringing the cookies, but they were chatting about American Idol!

Couldn't they find something better? I listened to them though; I wanted to find out who had left.

Afterwards I grew restless; I wanted to get rid of the two annoyingly cheerful people in the room.

I smirked when I realized I could get two birds at once, so to speak. I motioned to the door. "Seth, why don't you go and visit Edward?"

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. "I'm sure your visit will cheer him up."

I crossed my fingers behind my back, hoping Edward would find them as bothersome as I did and they'd get some reaction out of him.

"I sure will, man." Seth went to the door and at the threshold he turned to me and winked. "I notice you don't call him leech anymore."

"Things change, kid," I mumbled fast, hoping he didn't notice my blush.

Alice glided next to him but before she went out the door, I asked her, "Where can I find Blondie?"

"Rosalie? She's in the garage, working on her cars." She scrunched up her nose in disgust. "I've told her a thousand times she looks awful wearing those coveralls!"

\--

I stood next to the gleaming door of the garage, wondering if I should go inside when I heard Blondie calling out, "Don't just stand there, mutt. Come in!"

I opened it and walked towards her, trying not to ogle the beautiful cars. There was Edward's S60R Volvo.  I couldn't help but shudder at how abandoned it looked; the paint on the door was scratched and it was ajar. Emmett's huge Jeep Wrangler looked like a wolf pack next to a normal one, compared to the Blondie's neat BMW M3 convertible. Those tires on Emmett's Jeep were big!  

She was leaning forwards, studying the motor. I was drooling just from looking at that beauty. Knew I could never afford one, but maybe I'd get to fiddle with one when I worked at a mechanic shop.   

I fingered the front wheel arch reverently. Rosalie glanced at me and tucked a wrench into the pocket of her blue coveralls. "It does look good, doesn't it?

"You can say that!"

I noticed there was a smudge of grease on her cheek. Deciding not to tell her about it, I pointed at the motor instead. "Been working on that?"

"No. It's works like a charm, though the electronics bother me." She glared at her BMW. "If something in the computer goes wrong I can't fix it, you know."

I nodded and she motioned to the rear. There was a plastic tarpaulin covering a car at the back of the garage. "I've been renovating a Porsche Carrera 1962.  But I stopped working on it ever since…"

She trailed off and instead took off the tarpaulin. We didn't talk for a while. Rosalie was fiddling with the carburetor. She put the pieces on the floor on a neat row. "Pass me the pliers, mutt, will you?"  

I followed her gaze and went to the bench, picking the tool among the other ones.

"Sure, Blondie, sure." I handed it to her. "Where's your big guy?"

"Emmett? He and Jasper went hunting. About time, I say."

She worked on the carburetor, scrunching up her nose. Rosalie lifted her hand and tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear while she peered up at me. "So, how are you feeling? No aches?"

"Nope, I'm fine."

"I hope you know Edward regrets what he did. I stood watch by your bed and in the middle of the night, he…"

"Edward should stop feeling guilty!" I burst out angrily. "His guilt is useless! I'm perfectly able to take whatever he can give me."

"If you say so, mutt." Blondie didn't say anything more. She seemed to be pissed off at something, maybe because I didn't let her finish?

"Anyway," I said, reaching my hand to touch her shoulder. At the last second I pulled it back, not knowing how she would react. I shrugged and picked up a screwdriver, twirling it between my fingers. "Talking about guilt. I just wanted to…"

I fidgeted with the tool while I wondered what to say. Frankly, I felt uneasy talking to the blonde. She who had always been so sarcastic now was all moody.  I could take that from Edward because he always brooded, but her?

I looked up at the ceiling, hoping he hadn't caught that thought. Actually, I felt guilty. What with breakfast and talking to Rosalie I hadn't gone to visit him. Hopefully Seth and Alice weren't being _too_ cheerful.

The haunted expression in Rosalie's pretty face gave me pause, though.  She brushed aside her hair and leaned forward to assemble the carburetor.

I wanted to ask her how she was feeling, but I blurted out a question instead. "How did Bella spend her last days?"

She started checking the seals and gaskets and finally said, "Bella was very happy, wolf. She looked awful but she had such a contented expression. She looked forward to the baby so much, and so did I!"

"I see." I said in what I hoped was an encouraging tone.

"I want to tell you something. You deserve to know since she loved you."

I snorted in disbelief. Bella might've been fond of me, but I doubted she ever loved me.

Rosalie frowned at me. "She did love you, Jacob. The trouble was, I encouraged her to have what I could never have."

There was such yearning in Rosalie's smooth voice I shuddered in sympathy. "I always wanted a child of my own blood. I can't ever have one, due to this cursed existence. And if I hadn't encouraged Bella…"

I patted her back. "Bella would have done the same thing she did, regardless. You didn't know her like I did. Once she made up her mind, there was no changing it. That girl was stubborn."

I walked towards the Ferrari and stared at the yellow door, trying to avoid seeing my reflection. I muttered, "Believe me, I tried to change her mind and make Bella realize I was the right guy for her, but there was no convincing her!"

"You really think so?" Rosalie raised her eyebrows at me.

"She wouldn't give up Edward." I shrugged. "The more I tried to convince her, the more stubborn she became. Whatever else she was, Bella was her own woman."

I walked back to the blonde and stuck my hands in the pockets of my jeans. "Maybe it was me. If it had been another guy, he would've convinced her to remain human."

"Nonsense," huffed Rosalie. "Bella cared so much about you!"

She looked intently at me for few seconds, as if she was choosing her words. "They talked a lot about you, you know."

She smoothed her coveralls and turned back to the carburetor. Shrugging, she put it down on the floor and then turned to me, reaching her hand towards my face. Just like I had done, she stopped her motion.

Rosalie must have seen the despair in my face because she said softly, "I'm not telling you this just to make you feel bad, Jacob. God knows I've seen how you suffer! I just want to reassure you that Bella loved you, too."

I felt a knot on my throat when I heard Rosalie's next words. "Bella and Edward wanted you in their lives. You were in their minds."

I felt her cold thumb swiping away the lonely tear that rolled down my face. "Jake, can't you see that you were present in both their hearts, even in your absence?"

I choked back a sob and then I felt her strong arms wrapping around my chest. I broke down and cried bitter tears for the girl I had lost and the times that would never come back for any of us. For Bella, for Edward, who was lost in his suffering, and for me.

Rosalie patted me awkwardly and that made me cry even more, dammit!

Even if her embrace was cold, it was the warmth in her golden eyes and her concern that moved me. I cried for Rosalie too, because seeing how she had cared for both Bella and even me in her sarcastic manner, I knew she would have made a very good mother. Life had taken that chance from her, just like it had taken Bella from us.

I cried for a little while more and then she broke our contact. I swiped my cheeks with the back of my hand and Rosalie gazed sharply at me. "You've got grease on your left cheek, mutt. Let me…"

She didn't have time, though, because Seth opened the door to the garage. He stood on the threshold, watching us. I hoped he didn't draw the wrong conclusions. Blondie was only comforting me.

"Huh, Jake. Sorry to interrupt you, man, but Alice said I needed to tell you."

"What, Seth?"

"Edward doesn't want to go hunting. He's weak, needs blood and he just refuses to go." Seth said, worry tingeing his voice.

I looked upwards, balling my fists. _'So you think you can get away so easily, don't you? Damned leech!'_

Seth scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. "Jake, why are you glaring at the ceiling?"

I didn't answer him; I just dashed off the garage and stomped up the stairs. If the fucking leech thought he could pull this trick on me, he didn't know me at all!

Darting through the corridor, I saw there was a tray with more sandwiches in the guest room just opposite Edward's.

I banged open the door and stalked towards the couch, which remained broken. Alice was by the window and Edward just sat forlornly on the corner of the couch. I became angrier, seeing guilt stamped all over his face when he stared fixedly at my belly.

So the vampire still felt guilty about hitting me!

I waved my hand in front of his pale, handsome face. "Stop it, leech! You don't have to pity me! I can take anything you can give me."

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed Seth walking into the room.

I didn't allow Edward time to answer, the words just rushed out of my mouth. "So what's this I hear about you not hunting? You think you can escape so easily, huh? Be crazed with hunger and then attack someone so the pack will have to kill you?"

I roared in anger as I poked his chest. "No way, Edward!"

"Says the one who didn't want to eat!" Cullen said, frowning when he looked at my face.

"It's different!" I yelled at him, pulling my hair.

"How?"

"If I don't eat, I won't go attacking people!" An idea snuck into my brain and I glared at him. "If you don't hunt, I'll just have to do it for you and bring back the animal!"

The damned leech just smirked. "I doubt you can carry a whole mountain lion carcass upon your shoulders, Jacob."

I turned to look at Seth. "What do you say, kid? Wanna go hunting with me?"

"Sure, man." He nodded. "Just don't call me kid, will ya?"

Edward tried to stop me but I jumped through the open window and transformed on my way down. With a loud thudding noise, I landed on my paws on the lawn in front of the Cullen house. It was a dramatic exit and I wryly shook my muzzle, realizing that despite it all, Edward still possessed the ability to drive me nuts!

 

 


	4. The rules of survival

 

_'Keep quiet, Seth.'_

I snarled at my friend. We were far into the Olympic National Park, had been running through the forest for a while. Trouble was that the farther we went, the harder it would be to drag back the carcass of the animal. Me and my big mouth! Should've kept quiet, but there was something in the way Edward smirked that set me ablaze. I shook my muzzle as I carefully stepped over a twig while I looked sideways at Seth's rangy build. It was always like this with the vampire, he always managed to get under my fur. He and his smirk!

_'It's sexy, isn't it?'_

_'What?'_ I stumbled over a brush. I'd become so used to the solitude and forgotten the little fact that Seth could read my mind. Had been away for too long, it seemed.

_'I mean…'_ Seth jumped over a boulder and turn to grin wolfishly at me, his white teeth contrasting sharply against his sandy fur. _'The girls at school say that; the ones I've met, at least.'_

_'Those girls are crazy!_ ' I looked around at the woods, my nostrils flaring at the faint trace of an acrid burnt smell coming from the direction we were travelling in. _'Edward is just annoying is all.'_

There wasn't anything sexy about the damned way his lips curled upward, or the upward slant of his chin or anything like that, the leech was just annoying.

_'You're repeating yourself, Jake.'_

I shook my head at Seth and took a deep breath, enjoying the earthy scent of the loam, mixed with the scant wildflowers and the greenery. Smelled a bit different than the Canadian woods, felt like home. I wrinkled my nose at the pervading burnt smell though. Guessed a tree had burned down, struck by lightning.

Seth's fur stood on end at the same moment I sensed the approaching predator. Its paws hadn't betrayed the animal, only its scent and the shadows of the scampering birds far above.

A sleek cougar stalked forward from behind a cedar. It was fifty feet away; judging from its build it was fully mature. Its ears stood erect as the predator gazed warily around. The animal looked hungry and feral, and the size told me it was a male.

Seth tensed; crouching low to the ground, his rear legs trembled. He was poised to jump and attack. I looked sharply at him. _'Don't, Seth.'_

His whiskers twitched as Seth turned his head. _'Why?'_

_'It's wrong. That's why, Seth.'_ I turned to look at the cougar running away. He had smelled us and was beating a hasty retreat.

_'Could've caught it.'_ Seth's left forepaw shuffled the leaves on the ground, his stance shouting disappointment.

_'The cougar's a fellow predator. Needed for balance.'_ I could see I wasn't reaching the kid and I had to convince him. Knew this was important because Seth would grow and would become an elder or Alpha on his own right. I had to teach him, and this moment was ideal.

_'The prey needs him; animals need predators like the cougar to keep them in check, to keep the herd healthy.'_ I made up the next part, hoping Seth wouldn't question it _. 'It's one of the laws of survival.'_

Seth shrugged and looked up at me as he sauntered by, his four-legged gait as jaunty as always. _'The Cullens hunt them, cougars and bears.'_

I snarled and my hackles rose. _'They're wrong! They're affecting the balance of the woods with their hunts. Will have to talk to them about it. Especially that damned vampire!'_

I pawed the ground, turning my head to scowl towards Forks. _'Edward should know better. Bet he loves hunting the poor animals, that leech and his damned sneers and smirks. Will have to teach him a lesson he won't forget!'_

_'You want to wrestle with him?'_

_'Yeah… I mean no! Just teach him is all.'_

_'If you say so, Jake.'_ Seth's white teeth flashed for a moment as he shot me a grin.

I glared at Seth. What was up with the kid anyway? I didn't like snarky comebacks unless I made them myself. And what was with Cullen and him? Seemed he was obsessed with the leech! I dashed deeper into the forest, leaving Seth behind.

It was good to be home and roam the woods I knew by heart. Wondered if Edward missed this. Like me, he was a fellow predator and cooped up in that room of his, brooding about things that couldn't be changed wasn't doing him any good. The woods invigorated me and forced me to live intensely, to step lightly on my footpads.

The soft loam under my paws trembled when Seth approached, his tongue lolling like a pup. I shook my head at the sight of him, the kid who had the potential to become an Alpha. There was wisdom in him, and despite his good-natured way I remembered the way Seth fought bravely against the newborns.

My fur stood on end and I crouched down until my belly touched the ground. I smelled deer in the vicinity. I gazed around and my ears pricked up at the soft sounds of footpads coming from the northwest, judging by the direction of the shadows.

Seth stopped when he was ten feet away from me, hidden behind a large pine. Could only see his tail, trembling with excitement at the hunt.

The deer stepped daintily into the clearing from behind a tall yew, its reddish-brown fur trembling with fear. I frowned at the small antlers for a second. Knowing that Seth was ready to pounce I called to him. _'Don't, Seth!'_

Seth walked towards me; the deer dashing off when it sensed him. He was rolling his eyes. _'Now what? That wasn't a predator and look at it! We wouldn't have trouble bringing it back to Forks!'_

_'It's young, that's the trouble! Only a four-pointer! In prime mating age.'_

I recalled the deer's antlers which had two forks, dividing into two points each which had a certain symmetry I liked. The buck was still young.

Seth turned his head at the scampering sounds of the prey. The deer had darted away like the hounds of hell were behind him. Well, the animal was right in a certain way.

Seth shook his muzzle, his eyes looking at me quizzically. _'I don't get it, man! That deer was perfect for the hunt. Why did you have to spoil it?'_

_'Because the prey had a lot to live for.'_ I motioned with my head towards the cedars where the deer had disappeared. _'Probably he hadn't, you know, reproduced. Predators hunt the diseased and old animals, to keep the herd in check and healthy. They shouldn't kill animals in their prime unless they really need to.'_

_'Really?'_ Seth cocked his head in a funny way, as if he was wrestling with the idea. _'How do you know that, man?'_

_'Dad must have told me or something.'_ I shrugged, wasn't sure where the ideas I told Seth were coming from. Might embellish them a little but they felt right. Dad must have spoken about it, one of the times when he took out one of his albums with old photographs and talked to me about our history. Or maybe he and Chief Swan discussed them after one of their fishing trips, those rainy afternoons when their gruff voices coming from the living room would lull me to sleep.

I walked towards the scent of water I could sense from the south. I was sure we'd find suitable animals there. I looked at Seth from the corner of my eyes, trying to explain. _'Predators live off the herd and doing that, we keep it in balance, the way the forest is kept in check by trees, prey and predators. Everything works together, you see. Part of the laws of survival that we must follow so the forest goes on.'_

_'And wolves know all that? They're… what's the word? Altruists?'_

I had to snort at that. _'Hell, no! Predators think about themselves first of all. It's just easier to hunt weak and old animals; they don't run and struggle so much, I guess. You have an easier job of it. Works out at the end though and the forest prospers.'_

While I thought this, I scratched my back against the rough bark of a pine, relishing the relief it brought. With a sigh, I stalked towards the creek.

I turned my head to stare at the kid. _'Predators cull the herd, Seth. They select and help it this way. Remember that.'_

_'Cull the herd.'_ Seth shook his head, struggling with the concept. _'Funny, sounds like Cullen.'_

I scowled at Seth's rangy body. Did he have to bring the damned Cullen into everything? Though coming to think of it, Seth was right. I wanted to ask Edward if he'd ever thought of himself that way. Yearned to learn more about the vampire, about his past and what made him tick. Bet it was pretty interesting but I was afraid he'd sink into his deep funk again. It was hard enough to strike a spark in the brooding Cold One; I didn't want him to sink into apathy once more. I shook my head, smiling wryly at that. Man, Edward was really emo!

Seth looked up at that moment; he'd heard a crunching sound coming from the twigs overhead. I stopped to follow his gaze but there was nothing, probably just a bird.

My nostrils twitched at the awful stench of smoke, it seemed we were near the place where the tree had been struck by lightning.

_'You're different, man._ ' Seth said as he sat on his haunches next to me.

I followed suit while I shrugged. _'Guess the trek up north changed me, Seth. Had a lot of time to put my jaws around things, you know.'_

Running through the Canadian forest gave me the leisure and solitude I need to reflect. I'd realized Bella hadn't loved me at all. Was sobering and hurt like hell, but after a while the pain faded and I realized there were more things to do in life.

Guessed it gave me the mental distance to mull over things. If only the damned vampire would have the wisdom to do the same, to distance himself from the awful memories and not dwell on them!

The leaves felt rough against my footpads as I pawed the ground restlessly. I'd come to the conclusion that if Bella didn't love me back - hadn't ever really thought of me that way - then the anguish I felt over her leaving me was pretty much worthless. Those emotions were useless baggage I had to get rid of. I'd taken my leave of her long before I met the pixie at the beach, but of course it was different with Edward because _she_ chose _him_. He was bound to have sweeter memories of her. They had loved each other.

I gazed at the barks of the trees, feeling like howling at the moon all of a sudden. Feeling lonely and excluded.

_'Cheer up, Jake!'_ Seth's tail brushed against my shanks and I smiled weakly at the kid.

Bella was gone but Edward remained. I had to see to it that he lived and became the same guy I remembered.

_'Obsessed by Edward, I see._ ' Seth smiled wolfishly but my mood changed.

The snarky kid irritated me and I snapped at him _. 'I'm not obsessed by the leech! Damn you, Seth, get that idea out of your head! Cullen's a pain in the ass and drives me nuts. I'll grant you that but I'm not, nor will I ever be, obsessed by him!'_

_'Peace, man.'_ Seth grinned at me and lifted his left paw. _'I see I'm wrong about you having changed.'_

_'Whatever, Seth.'_

* * *

\--

We sat there for a while. The woods bustled with life all around us and despite the constant stench of burnt wood, this was home. I basked in the occasional sunshine while the breeze cooled off my warm fur. I grinned when I looked at Seth's sandy fur. I was in the company of my good, though snarky friend.

Seth asked me about the trek and I told him about the Silver wolf I met and dreamed about.

_'Maybe that was a vision.'_ Seth cocked his head. _'Have you talked to your father?'_

I shied away from the question and the guilty thoughts it brought to my mind. _'Haven't had time; been busy nursing damned Edward back to health. Lemme tell you, he's harder to deal with than Bella. Leastways she didn't fling me to the wall.'_

_'Edward was sorry about that.'_

_'Bet he was, but this time I don't want him to feel that.'_ I wanted to change the conversation so I brought up the vampire threat. _'So, no leeches on Forks, huh?'_ I looked sharply at him.

_'Nope, man. Only trouble is the poachers. They have high-tech gear, we haven't seen them. We found a carcass the other day? Paul was growling like mad and he noticed a bullet stuck on the bark of a tree.'_

_'I'll talk to Sam and work out a shift for me.'_ I shrugged guiltily. I was sure I would manage to patrol the area near the Cullen house and I wanted to see the guys and Leah.

_'He's taking it easy on you, Jake, they all are. We understand your pain.'_

_'Thanks, man, thanks.'_ Just like that, my mind returned to the dreadful reality and the losses I'd suffered; the way Edward's hopeless expression haunted me. Seth sensed the change and started babbling about the things he'd done.

_'I forgot to tell you, I visited this friend of Leah's in Forks? The guy has an internet connection and…'_

I grinned at Seth; from my own experience I knew where he was heading. _'Lemme guess, you watched porn?'_

He shrugged. _'Sure did, man! Michael left on an errand and I couldn't pass the chance! I saw this movie with this woman, you see. This guy was doing her and it was all slick and hot.'_

My mind drifted; despite the kid's enthusiasm I didn't have time to indulge in fantasies.

Seth's words yanked me back to the present, though. _'And this blond guy? He came into the room and then… you won't believe it. The dark-skinned guy started fucking him! Had a huge dong and just plowed right into the blond guy's ass!"_

I shook my head in amazement. _'Seth, what the hell?'_

Seth ignored me and went on, and I recoiled from the vivid images in his mind. It wasn't only the guys, who looked very hot together, that struck me but the whole package. Seth had a lively recollection of their squelching sounds when they fucked, and their moans and whines. Hit me like a hammer.

What did kids get up to nowadays? I smiled wryly at my own thoughts. Had to admit I'd watched porn when I was younger; but then Bella came into my life and I was too busy trying to win her love, not to mention the whole shifter and vampire thing going on all around me. That had cooled off my curiosity.

Seth looked at the sky, gauging the passage of time. I shook my head at that, realizing we were running late. I'd promised Edward an animal to drink blood from and I would deliver, if it was the last thing I did.

I pointed with my paw. _'Seth, you go to the north and I'll go south. We'll hunt quicker this way. Just remember—'_

Seth grinned impudently. _'I know, Jake. Only the old and infirm, according to your laws of whatever.'_

_'See ya, Seth!'_ I made sure that my tail struck his muzzle as I dashed off.

* * *

\--

I walked towards the shelter of a big oak. I was glad I'd suggested we split because Seth's tale had caused me to sport a boner. I was horny as hell. Guessed the movie he watched caught me by surprise.

I tried to scratch my groin against the bark but it just wouldn't do. Seth was farther into the woods, and yearning for the privacy of my own thoughts I shifted. Also wanted a better grip on my cock than a paw could provide.

I stretched my arms and sat against the oak, the rough bark scratching my back while the tall grass caressed my legs and buttocks as I looked down at my lap. I savored the breeze caressing my cockhead.

There were violet wildflowers next to my right heel and I leaned forward to smell them while my shaft bobbed on the open air. Rubbing my legs together, I trapped the swollen cockhead but it did nothing to ease the ache. Left a trail of precome on my inner thighs though. I wiped it with my thumb and cleaned myself, lifting the wet finger pads to my lips and grimacing at the taste. It was quite salty, just like I remembered.

I fisted my cock slowly, playing with the foreskin and squeezing gently the shaft on the upward thrusts. I pictured myself as the dark guy on Seth's video. He'd fucked the woman so hard! I imagined I was him, plowing into her like that.

My fist gripped my girth, the passage eased by the slippery precome, but the images weren't enough. They reminded me of _her_ and my arousal wilted away.

I was restless though, twitchy and horny while my thoughts drifted to the blond guy. The way the two had looked together when the blond was fucked laying on his back, his long pale legs spread open wide as the thick cock plunged into his willing backside.

He had moaned so wantonly after the brunet guy turned him sideways, lifting one of his legs so it was bent against his chest while he fucked the blond. That position allowed greater penetration, judging from the way the blond whimpered.

I lifted my left hand to my chest and my thumb played with the nipples. Didn't do anything for me though, and I sighed in disappointment. Perhaps if it was someone else playing with them…

In my mind, blond hair became darker until it settled into a satisfying copper that made me fist myself rough and fast. I moaned and the echo reverberated in the lonely forest, accompanied by the squelching sounds my fist made, moving up and down my girth. I was almost there, that image was so hot!

Had to stop for a moment, didn't want to come too soon. I lifted my wet fingers to my lips. My tongue swirled around the pads as I licked them hungrily, savoring the precome and imagining it belonged to… someone else.

I wondered if Edward would sense the scent of my seed when I returned. I could not hide anything from him. I pictured his surprised look when he smelled me coming back. Would the animal's blood disguise me or not? The thought of Edward knowing me inside out made me horny, as vulnerable as the pale guy looked on his back; his legs open wide as he was spread on that cock. The image of Cullen feeding from the animal I brought back made me feel strong, as demanding as the brunet who was fucking the other guy. Sensing my impending release, I tried to muffle my yelps, lifting my fist to my face and biting into it. Didn't work though, the sound was carried by the breeze.

I looked down at my lap, my hand moving up and down my shaft was a blur. Arching my back, I spread my legs and my back rubbed against the bark. When I realized I had torn my clothes after I shifted, and Edward would see me bare when I returned I climaxed hard.

The thick semen slid down my thighs where it had splashed onto the fertile ground below. I squeezed my girth, imagining it was the copper-haired guy I had pictured clenching around me, milking the last drops. The guy certainly sounded like he was having the time of his life and I mentally thanked him.

I rubbed the palm of my hand against my nostrils, trying to erase the acrid stench of the burnt tree. It was the only odd note that disturbed my high after that climax.

I felt the light touch of a leaf landing on my head and I pawed at my hair. Hated that feeling which I knew well from my trek. I gazed up, growling at the birds that had just flown off from their perch high above me.

Grabbing a handful of leaves, I stood up slowly, stretching my arms and kicking my legs which had started tingling. Used the dried leaves to clean my thighs, after I licked my fingers. There was come sliding down my ankle and I bent down to wipe it off.

I shifted and stalked forwards. The playful interlude had relieved stress but I still had to hunt the animal and bring it back; though if it proved too heavy I'd just leave it there and take Edward there by the scruff of his neck if I had to!

I tried to shrug off the feeling of my spent cock twitching at that thought.

_'Jake, come here! You gotta see this.'_

The worried tone in Seth's mental voice made my heart beat fast like a drum _. 'Where are you?'_

_'Near the downed tree, just follow your nose.'_

I ran northward, guided by the acrid smell. I got there in half a minute and stared at a big pine which lay on the forest. It was burnt in places. There was a trail of soot that led towards the trunk. Looked like someone had cut off pieces of the tree, tried to make a fire nearby and the brush caught it, spreading to the trunk.

My hackles raised in anger, I growled. Whoever it was, the fucker could have started a forest fire! We were lucky Forks had such wet weather.

I smelled spilled blood and rushed towards Seth. He was looking down at the carcass of a deer.

_'Those fucking poachers,'_ growled the sandy-furred wolf, his forelegs pawing the ground angrily.

_'At least it's a ten-pointer.'_ I scowled and turned to snarl at the forest, imagining those guys killing animals. The deer was shot in the head so it had died quickly, but judging from the clumsy way they had started the fire, the poachers had few skills apart from being good shots.

_'Damned guys! They could've started a forest fire!'_ They had acted worse than the leeches. I doubted the vampires would start a fire so recklessly; though recalling that crazy redheaded woman's behavior, they didn't seem above doing that.

_'I know, man!_ Seth looked at me. _'The council wants us to act cautiously though, they don't want the hunters to know we are shifters.'_

_'Good thinking._ ' Though I wished the elders wouldn't be so timid, I could see the need to remain hidden, our presence unknown to the humans.

'Well, what's done is done.' I approached the carcass and sniffed. Seemed they had killed the animal a few hours before. Probably something scared them and made them turn their tails and run. Perhaps the pack or a Cullen that was hunting.

_'This will do.'_ I gazed up at Seth, my forepaw touching the animal _. 'And if Edward doesn't like it, he can go and hunt himself! I'm not going to be his nurse forever; he'd better learn to do things—'_

_'Sure, Jake.'_ Seth grinned at me, his tongue tracing a path like a pendulum. _'So, you're going to carry it on your shoulder like Edward said, all mighty and strong? Or do you want me to help?'_

_'Nope.'_ I grinned back at him. _'It would be awkward, carrying it between the two of us. And the deer probably had ticks; they're all gone by now, but who knows? Won't carry it on my shoulders but in my arms. When I tire, you can relieve me.'_

_'Sure.'_ Seth turned his back and walked a few yards. I liked that about him, he wasn't only cheerful but helpful too.

I shuddered at what Mrs. Cullen would think if I strolled up to their door in the nude, carrying a dead animal.

_'Don't worry, Jake.'_ Seth pointed his snout at his back leg. _'I brought an extra pair of jeans for you, like Alice told me.'_

_'Oh!'_

_'Do I detect a trace of disappointment?'_

_'Nope, give them here.'_

I dressed hurriedly and grabbed the animal. It weighed a lot, probably more than 200 pounds. It was easy with my abilities but we were far away from Forks. The trek loomed large in my mind as we started.

Seth walked beside me, patting my back consolingly. The smart-mouthed kid said, "The big provider who wants to impress Edward."

I scowled at him. "I'm not trying to impress him, just want him to live; if I have to feed him the blood by hand, I will."

It was slow work, and by the time we made it past the creek, my arms ached something fierce. I was getting tired; the carcass was too heavy, even for me.

I jumped back and bit back a scream when I saw a pale figure run towards us. It was Edward. Frankly I was relieved I wouldn't have to carry the carcass the whole way.

I looked sharply at the vampire. Edward's hair was mussed and his usually neat shirt was unbuttoned. He looked very pissed off about something. His hair was more tousled than usual and I wanted to comb it through my fingers. It looked windblown as if he had been driving Rosalie's nifty BMW convertible to get here.

He just stood there, his arms crossed while he scowled at me. The fucking vampire, glaring at me as if I was guilty of something, after I'd gone to the trouble of hunting the deer for him!

"You didn't kill it, Jake." Edward smirked and put his hands in the pockets of his slacks. I walked up to him and for moment I was tempted to throw the deer at his head!

Instead I let it fall to the ground. The leaves cascaded upwards, some of them sticking to the tight slacks the vampire wore. They looked rumpled though, as if he had been slithering on the forest floor.

"Here, leech." I growled, pointing at the animal. "Now do me the courtesy of drinking your fill, after I went to all the trouble of-"

"Believe me, I will, Jake. I won't let your precious prey go to waste." Edward crouched elegantly and bit viciously into the deer's neck, all the while glaring up at me and piercing me with his gaze. It felt as if he was biting into my neck, judging from the intensity of his stare.

"Guys, did you notice that—" Seth started to say, but neither Edward nor I took much notice.

Edward was busy puncturing the artery and then drinking the blood, never taking his eyes off of me. I couldn't look away from his hypnotic gaze if my life depended on it. I shuddered and felt utterly naked in front of him, despite the cutoff jeans. Edward paused for a moment; he cupped his chin and then swiped his lips with the back of his hand. They were stained a bright ruby color with blood. I just stood there, staring mesmerized at them.

I heard Seth saying something and then his footsteps as he walked away; they seemed muffled, as if he was far away.

Edward's eyes, which had been black as night, became lighter, a rich golden color like the dawn. They remained hungry though, as he pierced me with his look. My heart beat faster, dancing a rock beat in my chest as those golden eyes seemed to search inside me, looking for my soul.

Predator become prey, I felt bare and vulnerable, stripped of my defenses but at the same time strong. I could take on the world just for the heck of it, just to prove to him that I could.

That had always been the case when I confronted Edward.

I realized something in the timeless moment while Edward drank from the animal, gazing at me as if he wanted to devour me. I wasn't the perfect predator I yearned to be. That would never be the case as long as Edward was around. My hand went involuntarily to my chest, unconsciously seeking to still my heartbeat, which made my ears throb.

Edward made me feel so many things; vulnerable and strong, honest and liar. So many emotions I couldn't put my finger on.

Seth was right, it seemed. I knew then that I had flunked my test. I cared a lot about Edward, enough to make me break my journey and rush south to stay in his house, enough to drag him by the neck if need be so he would survive and remain the strong vampire I knew. When Edward was around, I wasn't the first person on my list. I wasn't the perfect predator for I had failed my own rules of survival.


	5. The meadow of memory

 

I sucked the stale blood of the dead animal, which tasted awful. I refused to let it go to waste and anger Jacob. I wasn't scared of him, far from it. I was afraid _for_ him. I didn't want Jake to feel he had to provoke me to get me to feed. I didn't want to throw him against a tree. To watch his broken body slink down to the floor, and know I was the cause of his pain, hurt me far more than Jacob realized; certainly more than I had thought possible.

I had to be strong. I could do no other thing when I was faced with the wolf. I drank the blood while I scrutinized the smooth, perfect planes of the russet face before me. Drawing strength from him more than the blood, invigorated by his thoughts. It certainly helped me stomach the thick liquid. Pinned by Jacob's warm chocolate eyes, I couldn't sink in despair.

Jake's every move was so casually draped in sensuality, he drove me crazy. It reminded me he was in and of the world in a way I would never be, embedded in reality. Colors, scents and sounds acquired a rich glow when they came from his mind. It pervaded everything he did and he wasn't even aware of it! Jacob didn't know how his presence changed us, like a celestial body whose gravity changed our placid orbits.

"Guys, did you notice that the poachers knew where to find the deer?" Seth said, but I was too busy to answer him. I didn't want to disturb the moment and let my gaze slide off Jacob. The encounter was too intense to break off all of a sudden.

I had become so distracted that drops of blood fell from my lips. I cupped my chin with my hand and rubbed my lips. The way Jacob watched me, wariness and hopefulness battling in his visage, would have made any living heart beat faster.

"Huh, I'll scout around and come back later," Seth said with a resigned tone and walked away, sticking his hands in his pockets.

I had to repress my smile when I noticed Jake had paid his friend no mind, so intent did he watch me. I had to say this transient victory fueled my vanity. I gazed at his chest, nearly overwhelmed by his wolf scent which mixed with the smell of his seed, as rich as the loam he trod on his bare feet.

Seth thought about something else but I was too occupied to read his mind.

Looking at Jacob's face, I watched myself in the mirror of his mind, noticing how my eyes slowly changed color. Jake felt vulnerable and bare, but he didn't know that was a pale reflection of what he evoked in me.

His thoughts were intriguing, though frankly I was fed up with his hunting metaphors. Little did he know I had bested him at the predator game, stalking him through the forest without his knowledge.

I tried to draw out the moment as long as I could; knowing that life often robbed me of what I cherished. But in a few minutes I had had enough of the blood.

I stood up slowly while Jake sighed and essayed a smile. When he stepped towards me, his handsome features twisted in a grimace of pain. Looking down, I smelled blood coming from a deep wound in the sole of his left foot. He'd been so intent on observing me, he'd stepped over a sharp rock and hadn't realized it.

Nevertheless, the stubborn wolf advanced towards me. I pointed in the direction where Seth had disappeared. "Your friend didn't bring your shoes?"

Jake shot me a grin. "Nope. It was hard enough for the kid to carry all of that tied to his leg, you know." He walked towards me, favoring his left leg. "Will have to chance it."

I scowled at him. "Your foot might get infected, Jacob."

"Nope."

I tapped my shoe against the ground while I unobtrusively tried to shake off a twig that clung to my trousers. It had stuck to me while I crouched on a limb high above Jake, observing how he pleasured himself. The sight had been quite distracting, to say the least.

"Let me carry you home, wolf." I lifted up my hand to forestall the reply his lips were forming. "It's the least I can do after you went to all that trouble."

"Man, no way I'm gonna let you carry me around like a…"

"Afraid of what Seth will think?" I said, lifting my eyebrow in the way I knew would infuriate him.

"I'm not!" huffed Jake, crossing his arms. I said nothing, just stood there shaking my head while I lifted my eyebrows.

"Fine, Cullen, fine!" He snapped, as I knew he would, while he opened his arms.

I easily lifted him up, disregarding his cute frown. I started walking, my hands and chest warm as if I held a soft furnace in my arms. I looked down at his broad shoulders to satisfy myself there were no dark bruises from his encounter with the wall, though I had made sure of that the night before. Little did Jake know…

"Cullen, how did you find me so fast?" Jake poked my shirt with his fingers. "You and the pixie seem to anticipate my moves!"

"I see that it pisses you." I said, barely managing to hide my smirk.

"Nope, it's strange is all." Jake shrugged and wiggled on my arms. He swung his legs while his right arm wrapped around my shoulder, enveloping me in warmth.

I smiled down at him. "Just followed the trail of the animals you disturbed." Gazing up at the clouded sky, I purposefully ignored his snort of disbelief. "I also followed your wet dog scent."

That answer seemed to satisfy him, though his pang of disquiet made me feel guilty.

Actually, I had started on their trail fifteen minutes after Jacob and Seth left. It was easy to overtake them and jump high up on the trees when I sensed they were near. Following them across the forest without their knowledge had been eased by the overpowering scent of the burnt tree. I couldn't have hid from their keen senses otherwise.

It was much harder to fool Jake's acute hearing. I had to anticipate their moves, and that was where my mind-reading ability came into play. Not so much to predict Jake; he had a way of thinking that was very hard to foresee. The wolf kept changing his mind at the last second, and the contents of his sensuous mind were very distracting. To anticipate them I just followed Seth's lead.

The Quileute boy appeared to subconsciously grasp Jake's intentions better than I did; his mental link to Jake helped him to do it. Seth would gaze north or east and, gauging his thoughts, it would be obvious which direction they would take. I dashed through the canopies of the trees, silently jumping from limb to limb overhead the two Quileutes.

That enabled me to witness the moment Jake satisfied his desires. I almost gave myself away when I squeezed the branch I was sitting upon when he thought, once again, that I was too emotional!

Thankfully, Jake supposed it was the breeze that was causing the leaves to fall or he would have caught me, and that would have been extremely awkward.

"… Cullen, I'm talking to you!" Jake's right hand tapped a rhythm against my neck which brought me back to the present.

"Sorry, Jake. I was lost in thought."

"You were thinking about… her?" The way his voice broke at the end caused a ghostly pang in my heart. I would have to tell Jake I'd watched him, but I would do that later.

The wolf deserved the whole truth, a fact I had tried to impress upon Bella time and time again with no effect. I promised myself I would not do what she had done.

Gazing at his face, grimacing in pain, I knew I was not the only one that needed comforting. That was why I had followed Jacob into the forest, to watch over him and protect him.

I smiled gently at him. "Wolf, I assure you I wasn't thinking about Bella."

With Jake cradled in my arms in broad daylight, I didn't feel an onslaught of grief when I thought about her.

I asked him about his trek up north. I would readily admit I posed the questions for selfish reasons; to hear the soothing sound of his raspy voice and to distract myself from the sharp, starchy smell of his seed. Jake had thought he'd wiped himself clear, but he hadn't. His distinctive smell was overlaid with the coppery scent of the blood on his sole. Frankly, it was getting to my head.

While Jake talked and told me the things I had already gleaned from his mind, I glanced down at his sculpted chest. The smooth, russet skin brought to my mind last night and the admission Rosalie forced out of me…

* * *

\--

When Rosalie had glided out of the room with Jake cradled in her arms, in just the same way I was holding him now, I'd felt so angry with myself I dashed off towards the music room. I repeatedly kicked the shelves and punched the wall.

I had hurt him who was there to help me! When Jacob lay crumpled on the floor, his mind cleared and I read the stratagem he used to try to snap me out of my misery.

I wanted to hit myself! I had hurt Bella's best friend; worst of all, I had hurt the boy who gallantly rushed to my aid.

I punched the wall again and glared at the plaster raining down on the gleaming wooden floor. I was weak with hunger, else I would have knocked a more satisfying hole.

I felt a wave of soothing calm rain down on me before the door opened and Jasper strolled in, fingering the collar of his silk shirt. "Edward, calm down! Whatever the hell happened?"

"I hurt Jacob, that's what happened!" I paced back and forth, waving my arms. "Of course he had to say just the thing to make me…"

"Wassup, Edward?" Emmett strolled into the room. His big presence seemed to fill the space, and I noticed his baseball cap pointed downward.

"He's mad because he hurt Jacob," whispered Jasper, turning to him.

"So, nice to see the mutt got a reaction out of you!" Emmett patted my back, smiling fleetingly. "It's what we've been trying to do."

I glared at the door. "But I hurt him!"

"Well, his method seemed to work. The wolf would make a lousy psychiatrist though; he'd be punched by his patients." Emmett sauntered to the CD shelf and took out a plastic case. "Mind if I borrow this? Rose wants to hear it."

"Go ahead." I waved impatiently at him.

"What did Jacob say that angered you so much?" said Jasper. I turned to him and noticed his dark eyes. The two of them hadn't gone hunting because they thought I might try to do something to myself.

"Doesn't matter. It's just that he knows how to push all my buttons." I walked back and forth between the window and the piano. "Jake is right though, he's the only person in the world who can understand me."

"Hey, what about us?" huffed Emmett.

"I mean that he loved Bella as much as I did. The wolf knows me well." I made up my mind to check up on him and walked to the door.

Emmett raised his hand in warning. "Rosalie is taking care of the mutt. Checked up on her and she shooed me out of the room. Good luck, bro."

Sure enough, when I tried to visit him, Rosalie wouldn't allow me to enter the room. Scowling like a mother hen, she faced me in the corridor and whispered softly, "Edward, I love you, but I can't let you go in to see him."

"What? Do you think I'll hurt him?" I said, raising my voice. I took care not to speak too loudly; I didn't want to disturb Jacob.

"I don't know what to think. I heard you two shouting and next thing, he's crashing onto the wall." She waved her hand at me. "Why did you ask for him? To hurt him? I just don't get it!"

"I wanted him to…"

"Kill you?"

"Yes." I whispered brokenly.

"It sounds odd. I didn't say anything at the time because I wanted your pain to stop, Edward." She pointed at the door. "But now the mutt's hurt. There's been too much pain in this house and I don't want…"

I ruffled my hair in desperation. Would no one ever understand me except the wolf? I had to make it clear to Rosalie that it wasn't a sadistic streak which made me yearn for Jacob.

I gazed intently at her. "You want to know the truth, Rose? Fine, I wanted Jacob to be the one who dispatched me; most of all, I wanted to see his face before I died!"

* * *

\--

"… and then the Silver wolf ran away. Neat, huh?" Jacob poked my chest when I didn't answer. "Hey, I'm talking to you!"

"Sorry, Jake. I was distracted." My next words rushed out of my mouth before I could think clearly. "I guess that's when you formulated your survival rules."

"Hey, man; how do you know about that?" Jake frowned, his left leg balancing carelessly next to my arm as he swung his left heel back and forth. "You read…?"

He blushed so cutely, I hastened to twist the truth a little in order to reassure him and preserve his modesty. "I read your thoughts at a distance when you spoke to Seth. That's all, Jake."

"Oh, fine then."

In for a penny, in for a pound. I took a deep, unneeded breath. "I also saw the wolf you mention in your dreams last night, when I sat vigil by your bedside."

Jake blushed even more and tried to hide his face on my shoulder. He mumbled against my shirt, "Thought so, but I figured you didn't care."

I smiled at him, marveling at the change from the aggressive predator to the blushing boy. With a shake of my head, I corrected myself. The blushing _man,_ for Seth was right, Jake had returned from that trip a changed person.

* * *

\--

After I had gained entrance to the guest room, I stood by the bedside. Jake looked so innocent and vulnerable, his right arm draped around his head. Noticing how he was sweating in his sleep, I decided to undress him. He didn't feel the soft touch of my fingertips as I carefully unbuttoned his pants, pulling them gently down his strong thighs. The medicines Carlisle gave him were powerful enough to knock him down.

He laid before me like the statue of Apollo Belvedere, all sinewy muscles. I tried not to pay attention to his girth; instead I touched the bandages. They appeared to be wound too tight around his chest; his hands sought to get rid of them. I took them off very slowly.

I had to keep from running my hands across that smooth expanse of russet skin. With a sigh, I stepped back and let the sheet fall softly on his bronze body.

I sat down and wearily rubbed my face with my hands, remembering when I watched over Bella, but she wouldn't ever wake up. In my despair after her passing, I had thought everything would be so simple.

I wanted to see Jacob's face one last time, as I reluctantly confessed to Rosalie. Why? I didn't know exactly; I just felt the need to see Jake, the other person in the triangle that had shaped my life. The man who could have saved Bella, if she had only listened to him… and if I hadn't been so selfish and foolish to ever believe that dreams could come true for me, the accursed Cold One.

Jake wouldn't be bound by my expectations, though. I recalled vividly his daydreams about killing me. He thought about this with such fruition, I had been sure he would jump at the chance to do it. And in that last second before Jacob pounced on me, I would gaze at his handsome face and know no more. I'd arrive at whatever hell was assigned for me with his image stamped in my eyes.

Jacob refused to offer me death; instead he appeared intent on giving me a new lease on life, even at the risk of his own. That nobility defied understanding and yet, it was quintessential Jake. It informed the way he handled Bella and always tried to protect her.

Jacob slept on, unaware of my scrutiny. His brow would furrow as he dreamed fleeting erotic imagery that passed by in a flash, but his dreams soon turned into a nightmare. He was trapped in a corridor, feeling guilty about Bella, which showed me anew how hurt he was. When Jake entered the hospital closet in his dream, though, I was startled because it looked eerily similar to the place where Carlisle kept the medical instruments he brought home in order to care for Bella. The sterile-looking machines, which looked menacing to Jake, had seemed equally threatening to me.

Jacob started moaning and thrashing on the bed, his brow pearling with sweat as he threw off the sheets, fighting to break free. I walked towards him and looked down at his innocent face. Bending down, I just couldn't help myself and my hand reached out to caress that satiny forehead.

My lips touched his brow, just like my mother had kissed me during my final illness in that gilded age, forgotten so long ago, and I whispered softly, "I'm sorry, Jacob, so very sorry."

I went back to my chair, hoping his dreams would become smoother. A few minutes later, he began to wake up. I just couldn't bear to see his accusing expression when he noticed me there, so when Jacob turned to gaze at my chair I bolted from the room.

* * *

\--

"Hey, guys!" I was startled and turned around with the precious cargo on my arms to greet Seth. The Quileute boy smiled briefly and motioned towards us. "What's the deal?"

"Jake hurt his foot. I don't want it to get infected if he walks barefoot to my home, so I'm carrying him. Just returning the favor; after all, he got tired from carrying his _precious prey_."

Jake glared at me and hit my shoulder hard. He turned his face towards Seth and shrugged. "It's true. Cullen offered and I'm kind of tired."

"Sure, Jake." Seth started walking by my side while he briefly shook his head. _'That's funny; six months ago Jake stepped on that broken bottle of beer and hopped all the way home. Paul wanted to carry him but he refused.'_

Seth looked sharply at me. _'Guess Paul isn't Edward; that explains it.'_

I hid my smirk when I read Seth's thoughts. The boy frowned and pointed towards the spruces and oaks ahead of us. "It's not the way to your house, Edward. That's why I couldn't find you guys." He waved towards his right and frowned at me. "That's the correct path, unless you're taking a shortcut or something?"

He lifted his eyebrow and I realized my feet had unconsciously trod the path that led to Bella's meadow. It held a special meaning for me that went far beyond her. Looking down at the warm brown eyes looking intently at me, I knew the time had come to explain myself to Jake, to tell him part of the reasons I had acted the way I did. Jake's honesty deserved no less. If the wolf was willing to lay his life on the line to help me, his bravery demanded the truth.

"I want to show you something, Jake." I smiled at the thought of his expression when he saw the beautiful meadow.

"Sure, man." Jake lifted his left hand to ruffle his hair and, as I stepped over a boulder, it brushed my cheek. He quickly took it back, both of us shuddering at the contact.

Jake blushed yet again. "It's good to see you smirking again, Edward."

I nodded my thanks. I hoped what I had to say would soothe the wolf, too. He was completely right, when he said he understood perfectly how much I mourned Bella because he held the same feelings for her.

Jake was devastated by her death, however much he tried to hide it. What Jake failed to see was the symmetry in his words. I could help him cope with Bella's loss. His friends would support him, but they hadn't lived the triangle from within.

We arrived at the meadow, as green and lush as it was the last time I visited. I fixed my eyes on Jake, using him as anchor to help me escape the relentless pull of the memories that threatened to drown me.

With a reluctant sigh that was echoed by Jacob, I put him down on the tall grass. Jake crouched, gazing at the trees in the distance while he made a fist around the stems of grass. His nostrils flared as Jake drank the scent of the wildflowers which shot from the ground in a profusion of colors.

"Neat, man!"

A bit piqued at his lack of enthusiasm, I sat down three feet from him, my hands motionless on my lap as I tried to frame my thoughts. Seth sat on the other side, his eyes drinking the sight of the luxuriant vegetation.

I waved my hand at the ground. "I met her in a place just like this."

"Bella?" Jake said timidly; my heart tugged painfully at the wistful tone in his voice. Jacob's voice held such loss and unrealized yearning, that for the first time since her passing, I thought of Bella in a negative way. She had left him like this; with only the ghost of a kiss lingering in his memory to assuage the pain, keeping his hopes alive until she had no further need of him.

"No, Jake," I said softly, leaning forward to gently squeeze his knee. I hoped the contrast between his warm body and my cold hand would prove as comforting to him as it was for me.

Despite the envy in Jake's mind at the thought that Bella had chosen me, he was man enough to bury the past and try to help me.

I wondered how he would have reacted if things had gone a different way. If Bella had chosen Jacob and she had died because of his selfishness, would Jake feel the same crushing guilt I did? Would he desire for death's swift reprieve? More importantly, would I help him despite our rivalry and having lost to him? I shook my head, doubting I had that nobility.

"In a meadow just like this, I found a young girl. She was six-years old or so in 1952, I guess." I pointed towards the south. "We were living in Oregon at the time. I remember the year because the brunette girl thought about going home to watch _I love Lucy_. Her father was on tour of duty in Korea; she wanted to see him so much!"

"How come you…?" Seth started to say but Jake interrupted him. "Let Cullen talk, Seth. We can ask questions later."

Jake was inquisitive as a wolf, but he also felt I needed to speak about this. I nodded to him and turned to look at Seth. "I was feeling rather down at the time, Seth. I went to a meadow I meditated in and found the girl. Her mind was so innocent and pure, her wonder at what she saw so ineffable that it lifted my mood."

I tore off the stem of a violet wildflower and lifted it to my nose. "I often thought of her through the years. I wanted to know more about her, to protect her happiness but I refrained. Can you guess why?"

"You wanted her to live a normal life?" said Jake tentatively. "You didn't want to taint her with the Cold Ones?"

"Exactly. Through the decades I wondered what had become of her. If her father had returned safe from the war; if she had met someone and married, whether she'd had kids and later, grandkids."

Jake's fingers twitched in his lap. He wanted to reach out and touch me, to soothe the evident pain in my voice, but he kept still.

Sighing in disappointment, I went on. "I also felt guilty because I knew how cruel life is; the relentless way it reaches out and snatches joy from your hands when you least expect it. What if the girl was in trouble and I could have helped her, but was unaware of her plight?"

Seth scooted on the ground closer to me while Jake looked at me with wide eyes. He was starting to realize where I was going. He said very softly, clutching the stems of the tall grass. "So when you saw Bella…"

"She reminded me so much of the little girl. I fell in love with Bella's innocence and clumsiness. I wanted to protect her from the world, which appeared so menacing to her. That's why I wanted Bella to keep away from you. I thought you…"

"Might hurt Bella." Jake said, his voice tinged with sadness. Strangely enough, he wasn't angry at me. He was thinking about Emily's scars.

"I was a fool, and that's why I deserve to die. I should have let Bella go, the same way I let the little girl live her life." I scrunched up my shoulders and looked down at the ground as I finished in a hoarse whisper. "I thought I was out of the woods; that having survived James, and Victoria's newborn army, we were free to live our lives. Instead Bella and my baby…"

Seth stood up and hugged me awkwardly. I patted his back, his warm, lithe body comforting me. I whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry I didn't pay attention when you and Leah came to pay your respects. Will you…"

"Sure, man," Seth said gruffly, wiping a tear off his cheek. "I'll tell her. Don't worry, Edward."

Seth let me go and he stepped back, balancing on the balls of his feet. Suddenly, I was enveloped in warmth. I staggered back when Jake wrapped his arms around me and hugged me fiercely; clutching my flanks, his hand rubbed circles on my back and then ruffled my hair.

"Don't be sad, Edward. Please, please don't be sad." Jake said hoarsely over and over, repeating the words as if they were a litany.

I lost control. I hugged him back and cried dried sobs, unable to produce tears to assuage my sadness this way. I clutched him tightly as if he was my lifesaver, and sighed brokenly against his neck as his words rolled over me. I whispered against his heated skin, "The baby, Jake. Can you understand?"

"Cullen, I do. You were _qa'al_ … you were three." He held me against his chest, rocking back and forth. "Hush, I'll make it alright, Edward, I swear."

Under the cloudy sky, in the meadow filled with memories and wildflowers, Jake shed the tears I couldn't cry. Our cold and heat mixed, and his strong soul eased my sorrow by shouldering part of it.


	6. The spirit quest

 

"Guys, I'm a bit hungry," Seth said. The Quileute was loath to interrupt our emotional moment, but I could hear his stomach rumbling while Jake's belly groaned in sympathy. It was all I could do to keep from reaching my hand to caress the skin.

Jake looked down at me, his eyelashes brimming with the remnants of his tears. "Are you all right, Edward?" he said roughly, framing my face as he looked into my eyes. For a moment I could see my cursed, perfect reflection in his brown eyes. As always, there was no sign of the internal turmoil I was going through.

I nodded while my hand wiped the tears off his cheeks. He leaned into the touch, and I bit back a sigh at the unexpected tenderness of the moment.

"Guys, sorry to interrupt your bonding… but can we please go back?" Seth huffed, and started to walk away.

"Fine, Seth, fine." Jake reluctantly broke our contact and stood up. He casually brushed the seat of his jeans to get rid of the crushed grass stems, whose scent would indelibly stamp this memory in my mind. He hobbled along in one leg towards Seth. At that, I had to refrain from smirking, for I could see in his mind he was already healed. Whether consciously or not, Jake wanted me to carry him.

We made the trip in silence. I was too wrapped up in the comfort offered by Jacob's warm body to offer much conversation. Seth walked ahead of us, picturing the food Esme might offer him; from time to time he would turn to look at us, the hint of a smile in his russet face.

Reading Jacob's thoughts, I could tell he was fighting back his curiosity. He wanted to know more about the little girl I'd told him about. I shook my head and wondered what kept the wolf from peppering me with questions. It wasn't like him to hold back unless the wolf was planning something, though for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was.

Jake hummed a song, a kind of lullaby. The melody was intriguing, but I had no heart left for composing; not since Bella had left me.

As Jake swung his right leg back and forth over my arms, he gazed intently at the sky. The change from the sparse pines to the open canopies of the oaks above must have betrayed we were approaching home, because suddenly the wolf wanted to walk.

"Man, can you put me down? I'm feeling better." He grinned briefly at me.

I reluctantly laid down his strong body, my hand lingering for a moment in his slim flank. We walked on the lawn towards the house. Gazing up when I read her concern, I could see Alice watching us from her window.

Jacob opened the door, and his nostrils flared at the scent of stew. His face broke into a grin as his nose unerringly led him to the kitchen, Seth walking rapidly a few steps behind. I followed at a more leisure pace, my hands stuck in the pockets of my trousers while I tried to dislodge a stubborn burr that remained from my climb up Jake's tree.

The wolf faltered on the threshold while he frantically brushed his cutoff jeans. _'Wonder if Mrs. Cullen will smell the rest of…?_

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Esme won't notice the trace of your shenanigans, Jacob. The spice scent is strong, it'll mask it."

I just wanted to egg him on to see the blush spread across his handsome face, turning it a burnished bronze as he glared at me. Jacob hit my chest, hard. _'So, all this time you knew I beat off, damned leech!'_

"We all do, Jacob, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

The damned wolf smirked, and then cocked an eyebrow at me. _'That means you beat off, too?'_

Fortunately Esme beckoned the hungry Quileute to the kitchen island; in her slim hand she hefted a pot with meat stew. The scent of the lima beans and spices seemed delicious to Jake.

"I talked to Seth's mother on the phone, dear Jacob," Esme said while she ladled stew onto a dish in front of Seth. "She was kind enough to provide me with the recipe for this." Her voice betrayed her excitement at preparing a new dish. I could swear Esme got more pleasure out of preparing food than Rosalie got from fiddling with her cars.

Looking at Jacob as he rushed to the island and grabbed the spoon, I knew he would praise her cooking even if the dish wasn't that good. However, his open delight at the crisp flavor and juicy, tender meat was unfeigned.

"This is great, Mrs. Cullen." He beamed at her.

Esme ominously tapped the wooden spoon against her hips, leaving a sauce stain in her white apron as she frowned at Jake. The ravenous wolf noticed and quickly tried to make amends. He sat down and started wolfing down the meal. "Great food, Esme."

Meanwhile, I stood at the threshold and stared at the Quileutes devouring the meal, until Jake looked up and noticed.

"What are you doing over there? Come here!" he said, motioning to the chair next to him.

"In case you haven't noticed, wolf, I don't eat."

"Doesn't matter. Don't just stand there like a ghost or something; you can pass me the salt and make conversation, you know." He shot me a grin as I made my way to the chair. I had to admit that his cheerfulness was contagious, but as I sat down beside him and looked at the gleaming table, my mood took a dive.

Jake was looking at me from the corner of his eyes. He paused and laid down his spoon. "Wanna talk about it?"

I sighed, and then fiddled with the napkin. "It's just that I'm remembering when we were back from the honeymoon, how Bella sat here and…"

His hand sneaked to my knee and he squeezed it. "I understand, Edward; when I was looking for the deer? I remembered her, too. The haunting feelings come unexpectedly."

"I don't want to bring you down."

"You don't. Let me tell you when Bella and I went to the diner," Jake said, and went on to describe the time the two of them had gone to Forks after school. The fact that Jake shared this memory, one of his precious few with Bella, managed to cheer me up a little. I realized Bella had been happy without me.

When Esme gave him seconds, Jacob realized this was one of his father's favorite dishes. I felt guilt wash over him.

"Esme, could you keep the rest?" He pushed away the plate.

"Sure, honey."

Jacob looked at his friend, who was seated in front of me. "Seth, give it to Dad when you go back, please?"

"Sure thing, man."

I drummed my fingertips against the wooden table. A strange reluctance to break the moment overtook me, because I dreaded the time when Jake would consider I was fit to live and return home. In the days that he'd spent here, I'd grown closer to the wolf. But I knew that he had to be with his father and his pack because his thoughts called for them.

If Billy Black visited, Jake would see that his father was doing all right and he might delay his leaving for a few days, so I cocked my eyebrows at Seth and motioned to the door with my head. Jake was making small talk with Esme, who was taking a plate with Baked Alaska to the table.

I walked out of the kitchen while Seth followed me. Jake waved his spoon at us. "Gonna eat your share, Seth, if you plot with Edward for too long."

I scowled at the wolf and then I turned to the Quileute by my side. "Will you arrange for Jake's father…"

"… to come here?" Seth patted my arm. "Sure thing, Edward. Bet that Billy and Jake have a lot to talk about. Will have to ask Leah if she can drive him here, though."

Seth scrunched up his smooth features into a frown. "Maybe Paul will do it? He stood up for Leah when Sam…"

"When Sam what?" Jacob said loudly from the kitchen. He was curious to know what had happened.

"Wait a sec, guys!" he said, and then he strolled out of the kitchen, patting his smooth belly. "What did Sam do?"

Seth frowned and lowered his voice. "Well, after…." He fidgeted, apparently unwilling to continue, so I did it for him.

"After Bella died, you mean."

"Right, man!" He breathed a sigh of relief and went on. "Sam was all for coming here and finishing you all."

"I knew it!" Jake stomped on the floor and turned to hit the wall. "Sam always rushes to conclusions!"

Trying to distract the enraged wolf, I prodded Seth. "And your sister, what did she do?"

"Leah pointed out that it was Bella's own fault." Seth shrugged, and then he whispered softly, "That's what she said; sorry, guys."

"How did Sam take it?" Jake balled his fists.

"Didn't want to listen to her, said he was the Alpha and stuff. Paul pointed out Bella could take care of herself; after all, she had the guts to slap him."

Jake glared at the glass wall to his right. "And Quil and Embry?"

"They were on patrol. This was just after the poachers first turned up; Jared and the others were gone too. I was in Forks; I'm telling you guys what Leah told me."

I ruffled my hair in despair, and then I punched a hole in the wall next to the place where Jake had hit it. "I should've been aware of it; I put everyone in danger!"

Jacob smiled briefly at me and patted my back. "Nice punch, Cullen. By the way, I think your family can defend themselves."

"We sure can, wolf. Thanks." Rosalie said sweetly; she glided up the stairs from the garage. Jake and I had been so absorbed in what Seth had been telling us that we didn't hear her. I noticed an oil stain on her satin dress, apparently she had been working on her car.

"No problem, Blondie. I saw how you fought the newborns." Jake flashed a smile at her as he walked up to Rosalie. He wiped the stain with his thumb, only managing to spread it across the fabric. "Been working on the Porsche, huh?"

"Yes, wolf. I'll need your help to fix the accelerator pump." Rose scowled at him, which changed into a brief smile. I felt excluded as I witnessed their easy intimacy. It made me yearn for something like that with him, and I was a bit jealous at the familiar way in which Rose touched his broad shoulders.

"Anyway, the guys and I," said Rosalie, ignoring my frown. "We implemented shifts to patrol the house."

She walked up to me and patted my back. "That's why we had to leave you alone that night when you stood guard over Bella…" She trailed off and gulped, her mind plagued with guilt about my dead wife.

"It's fine, Rose." I smiled at her, but I was afraid it came out as a grimace, judging from Jake's concerned thoughts. Suddenly, I felt ashamed of begrudging Rose her growing friendship with Jacob when I should be encouraging it so she could heal faster.

"Earth to Cullen!" He said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I didn't allow him to finish; I held his hand in a tight grip and smirked at him. "I'm here, Jacob, but we should allow Seth to finish."

Seth had been tapping his shoes impatiently against the floor. He made a face and said, "As I was saying, guys." He paused and smiled at Rose. "Nice to know you were protected, though. Didn't Alice foresee the threat in a vision?"

"No, kid. Alice can't see your kind, remember?" Rose lifted her eyebrows, and waited for him to continue. Seth didn't, though; he was drinking the sight of my blonde sister.

"Seth, we don't have all day." Jake said, reclining his body and putting his shoulder on the wall, next to the hole I'd made.

"Yeah… where was I?" Seth's mind was everywhere, so I brought him to the present. "You said Paul stood up for Leah, what happened next?"

"Leah was surprised, she didn't expect that." The Quileute boy turned to Jake. "You remember that…"

"She teases Paul, a lot." Jacob smiled a mirthless grin. "Just like she does with all of us; bet she was surprised by his support."

"Well, Paul stood by her." Seth frowned, remembering when his sister told him this. "The two of them couldn't persuade Sam to call off the attack until Leah said something."

Jake lifted up his hand, grinning fondly. "Wait, lemme guess; something snarky?"

"Well, hurtful at least." Seth frowned. "Leah said she was amazed Sam would go to all that trouble to avenge an outsider, when Sam hadn't cared at all about his own fiancée, you know, after he dumped Leah for Emily."

"Ouch, that must've hurt!" Jake turned to me and wiggled his eyebrows, and his small gesture made me feel a part of the group. I knew a little about Sam and Leah's breakup from reading her mind.

"Made him think, I guess," Seth said. "Sam called off the attack."

Esme called from the kitchen. "Jacob, dear. Aren't you going to finish your cake?"

"Sorry, Mrs.… Esme." Jake hit his forehead on the wall. "I'm coming; thanks for the cake!"

Turning to us, the wolf said, "We'll talk later, ok? It's just that I missed sweets during my trek."

"Go eat, wolf." I said in relief. Finally I would get to talk to Seth alone.

* * *

\--

"What time is it?" The boy asked us, his hand gripping the doorknob of the front door.

"Around 4.30. I was listening to the radio while I worked on my Porsche." Rosalie said, brushing aside her hair.

"Guys, I gotta go."

I stared at him. "Seth, do you remember what I asked you?"

"Sure, I'll tell him," he said, shrugging. "Why don't you call Billy on the phone, though?"

"Well…" I ruffled my hair. Actually I hadn't thought of that. Somehow, it seemed more personal this way with Seth relaying the message. "I want Billy Black to come here and feel safe. If I called him on the phone…"

"You afraid he'd hung up on you?"

I shrugged. "Something like that."

"Billy wouldn't do that. He'd give you a chance to explain yourself, after all that you've gone through." He patted my back. "Doesn't matter though, I'll tell him."

"Seth, tell Dad to wear warm clothes!" Jake shouted from the kitchen while I cursed his exquisite hearing. I wanted the visit to be a surprise. It seemed Jacob wasn't the only one who could be startled by unusual powers.

* * *

\--

"Dude, let me get this straight." Emmett patted his broad chest in bewilderment, his gaze straying to the action flick on the plasma screen as his booming voice filled the room. "You want me to stop hunting bears?"

I groaned, sandwiched between my burly brother and the obsessed wolf. I should've seen it coming because of the way Jacob had grown so protective of the forest and its inhabitants. Maybe he had always been this way and I had never noticed, my attention having been reserved exclusively for Bella.

"Sure thing, man!" Jake shrugged, his shoulders twitching. Obviously he was uncomfortable wearing the plaid shirt, but Alice had insisted on it. He grabbed popcorn from the white ceramic bowl he kept between his thighs. "I told you about the balance between…"

"The prey and predator. Yep, I caught that." There was a tone of uncertainty in Emmett's voice that made me tense. If a fight should break out between these two, I was poised to come to Jacob's help. I wouldn't see him lying on the floor again if I could help it.

I stared intently at his handsome face. If Jacob wanted to persuade Emmett, he shouldn't have started the argument insisting that Em was wrong. I was mentally marshalling all the facts I could muster to persuade my brother. I smiled in satisfaction when I found the main reason I could use to persuade Emmett to stop hunting bears. Their numbers would become so scarce that the authorities would investigate what caused their deaths and…

"Ok, dude. Fine with me!" Emmett lifted his big hands and smiled at Jake and me.

"What?" I looked at Emmett in astonishment. He liked to brag about the size of the bears he killed; one of Jake's astute points had been precisely that Emmett hunted bears to improve his macho image.

"Don't squeak like that, brother," said Emmett while he patted my shoulder. "The wolf convinced me is all."

"Glad you see it that way, Emmett," said Jake while he put the bowl on his lap to hide his… erection?

I turned to look at the screen and frowned. There was nothing unusual, just a shot of an 80's rock group whose lead singer was prancing onstage, his tousled bronze locks shining in the spotlight. I shook my head and smiled wryly; with all the turmoil caused by Jake's presence and trying to understand him, I didn't have time to sink into melancholy for too long.

I lifted my eyebrow at Emmett; he shrugged as he shot me a knowing grin. _'Edward, Jacob has brought you back to us. If your wolf wants me to stop hunting his_ big bad bears _, I'm willing to do it.'_

I scowled at him. My wolf? What did Emmett mean?

My brother patted my shoulder while he stood up. "I'm going to find Rosalie and kiss her; I mean, help with her car…." He finished the sentence in his mind. _'And allow you guys time to bond.'_

"Say hi to Blondie!"

"Will do, wolf." Emmett sauntered out of the room as I crossed my arms and sighed in defeat. It would seem I'd never understand Emmett, even if I was able to read his thoughts.

"Hey, Cullen, why are you so angry?"

I turned to look at Jacob, who was sprawled on the couch with the bowl strategically placed above his leather belt. If he wasn't careful, his burgeoning erection would make the bowl tip and spill all the popcorn. My hand shot out to balance the thing, and I felt when the pressure I exerted made Jake twitch.

I smirked at him. "I'm not angry, Jacob, only puzzled."

Pressing lightly on the bowl, I enjoyed watching the wolf squirm on the couch as he tried to relieve the pressure against his cock. Jake should've thought of another method to hide himself.

He smiled weakly at me and grabbed the remote to change the channel; he sighed when the rock singer was replaced by young Judy Garland in the 'Wizard of Oz.'

"Did the little girl look like that?" Jake pointed at the screen with the remote while he draped a long leg over the couch, lightly touching my trousers. I let go of the bowl and scooted closer to him, seeking his warmth.

"She didn't have pigtails, but she was a brunet."

Jake nodded. "You said you didn't know her name, but you knew the town where she lived?"

I shook my head as my hand lightly touched his leg, enjoying when he shivered at the contact. "I guess she lived in Portland or somewhere close."

"And the name of the town?"

Why was the wolf so insistent? I tried to read his thoughts, but they didn't give me a clue so I shrugged. "Something related with mythology? I'm sorry, I can't remember."

Jake draped his leg over my own. "That's fine, man. I just…"

At that moment Jasper glided into the room, coughing delicately. I had been so engrossed in the discussion I hadn't really noticed him. "Sorry to disturb you, gentlemen, but Jacob's father has arrived."

* * *

\--

I nervously fiddled with the remote while Jake greeted his father, smiling fondly when the wolf peppered him with questions. I was reluctant to accompany him, wanting Jacob to have this moment alone with Billy. I felt guilty because I was the reason Jake had left Forks. In the first place, my wedding with Bella had driven him over the top, and then Jake was staying at the house to make sure I was all right. Knowing that, how would Billy Black react?

I heard the squeaky noises of Billy's wheelchair rolling over the wooden floor as Jake pushed it towards the living room. Esme hovered behind them with a tray full of canapés. I smiled fondly at my mother's antics; she had really enjoyed preparing them.

I nodded at Billy when the wheelchair stopped next to the couch. "Sir."

Esme placed the tray upon the table and smiled warmly at me as she took her leave. "I have to go to the supermarket, so I'll leave you gentlemen. If you need anything for your father, Jacob, you know where everything is."

"I sure do, Esme," said Jake.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," Billy said politely.

"Dad, are you really eating well?"

Billy nodded at me. "Edward Cullen." He turned to his son. "I'm doing well, Jacob, quit pestering me!"

Jake shrugged. "Sorry, I'm worried." He sat on the couch next to Billy and pushed the tray towards him.

I started walking to the stairs, but Billy stopped me. "Stay, Cullen. This is your home after all."

I stood on my tiptoes, wondering what to do. Jake beckoned me to sit by his side, but mindful of his father's presence, I chose to sit in front of him.

I listened with half a mind to their conversation while I studied them. If his shifter genes ever stopped acting, Jake's handsome visage would resemble Billy's weather-beaten look in thirty years; there was a nobility to Billy's features that would become his son very well. I looked at Jacob and remembered the valiant way he faced the newborns; his determined expression as he tried to persuade me to live, and I realized he already possessed that strength.

"Dad, I'm sorry I left you. Didn't even look back…"

"Doesn't matter, son." Billy waved aside Jake's guilt. He picked a slice of bread and fish cream, topped with scallions, from the tray as Jake stared at him. "I understood, I have always done, that you had to seek your _taxilit_ on your own."

Jake grimaced as he fiddled with the buttons of his shirt. "Afraid it wasn't a noble spirit quest, Dad. Didn't set out to find my _personal guardian power_." Jake lifted his hand to brush his hair and turned to look at me, his face clouded with anguish at the memory of what drove him from Forks. "I just took off to escape the pain."

Billy stopped eating to smile at his son, brushing aside the crumbs that had fallen on his lap; then he steepled his fingers under his chin. "It was a quest nonetheless, Jacob. You were alone in the forest, seeking solitude and answers to your pain. You meditated, fasted, and reflected…"

"But Dad…"

Billy lifted up his hand to stop him and went on. "Our rituals take many forms; what matters is the essence, not the shape. Do you remember when we went fishing that time?"

"When?"

"You were thirteen. I still had the use of these," Billy pointed disdainfully at his jean-clad legs. "Do you remember?"

Jake grinned at the memory. "I caught a big salmon." He lifted up his hands and spread them apart a distance of some inches. "I was happy, and then you took your knife and deboned it."

In his mind's eye, Jake pictured the silvery fish whose scales glinted in the sunlight, held between his russet hands as he smiled proudly at his father, who sat in front of him. Jake's legs were spread wide on the wooden bench of the boat, expertly distributing his weight so the boat would remain stable in the wild currents of the river. Billy grinned at his son with the same wolfish smile Jake used to such good effect, and the cascading drops of water created a small halo around his head. The fresh smell of the river and the leathery scent of the boat; it all made me sigh wistfully.

"I parted it in two, giving one half to each of us," said Billy. "And the head and bones…"

"You threw them into the river." Jake's voice rose enthusiastically as he sat up. "You said it was to insure the good will of the salmon spirits!" His voice became soft as he lowered his head and continued. "But you've never repeated the ritual."

Billy shook his head and smiled lovingly at his son as he took a crisp piece of bread and dipped it into the sauce. "Silly Jacob, what do you think I've done every spring when I go fishing with Charlie?"

"But…"

"It's the intent that matters, Jacob. I want the blessing of the spirits for you." He smiled proudly at his strapping son, and said softly, "They have been kind enough so far, just like they listened to you in your spirit quest."

"You mean the silver wolf that attacked me…"

Billy nodded. "I believe it was your guardian spirit."

"Why did he attack me?"

"I think he wanted to test you." Billy reclined on the leather seat of the chair and gazed at the ceiling. "To see if you would try to kill the wolf, or listen to your soul and remember what I taught you."

"Dad, afterwards the wolf came to me in a dream…" Jacob bit his bottom lip in that cute way of his, and turned to look at me. "And the Silver said…"

Billy lifted up his hands. "Don't tell me, son. You must interpret the message yourself, Jacob!"

"But, Dad!"

"If you have trouble I will help, but the message of the spirits is meant only for you." Billy sighed as he looked at the balcony, and then his gaze slid to me, sitting opposite them. He turned to his son, saying softly, "You are on the path a Quileute warrior treads; the Ghost Road where the spirits will guide you."

Hearing his father's words, Jake remembered the nights he'd spent in the Canadian forest, gazing up at the Milky Way, whose silvery strands he'd come to think of as the Ghost Road.

"You must grow, so their answers make sense," said Billy in a pensive tone.

Jake smiled and said self-deprecatingly, "If you haven't noticed, I haven't grown that much, Dad."

Billy stared sharply at him, and I concurred heartily with his next words. "You are wrong, son, you have grown so much already."

* * *

\--

After Billy left, Jake said he wanted to nap. However, what the naughty wolf did was take a shower, during which he started playing with himself.

Meanwhile, I sat on the couch in the living room, watching Emmett play a video game. The sensual imagery assaulted me while I stared haplessly at the screen filled with monsters. I tried to deflect Jake's thoughts by concentrating on my brother's sanguinary determination to kill the zombies onscreen, but it proved fruitless.

Worse, I was getting an erection because the onslaught of Jake's sensual images was so strong. I left the living room, hastily bidding goodbye, and disregarding the knowing grin Emmet exchanged with Rosalie.

I dashed to my room and closed the door with trembling fingers. The vivid images of Jake soaping his shaft acted as catalyst, bringing the onslaught of that scene in the forest when he jerked off to the video Seth had described so vividly.

As Jake started fisting his shaft, I unbuckled my belt and let the pants down, hooking my thumbs around the elastic band of my boxers and lowering them.

I walked to the door and laid my head on the pale, rough wall; turning to my left, towards the bathroom, I imagined it was a warm, dark body I was reclining upon. Looking down, I gazed at my cold cock and my fist closed around it. If I squinted, I could superimpose the images from Jake's senses, glorying in the feeling of a warm, throbbing prick around my thumb and forefinger.

I could almost feel the cold pricks of the water drops coming from the showerhead beating against my chest as Jacob pinched his nipples and moaned. Sometimes he pictured the pale man spread around the cock in the porn video; sometimes he imagined it was the rock star onscreen.

I didn't fool myself like my Jake did. It was him I imagined caressing all the way. I had come to the painful realization that it was Jacob whom my new life revolved around. It was an ache in my body because I was fated not to attempt anything, lest harm come to him without whom I would not be alive; the man I had betrayed when I wanted to keep Bella alive.

I caressed the cold wall instead of his warm body across the hall. I moaned when Jake came and spilled his seed, climaxing hard a few instants later, overcome by his feelings and mine. In that moment, I truly didn't know where I was.

As I looked at my cursed seed spreading on the floor, I pictured Jake's come in the bathroom, two parallel streams that would never meet. I made up my mind with a hollow feeling in my chest; I would protect Jacob in his spirit quest, that Ghost Road of his. I would cherish him in silence from afar, for whomever I touched with my cursed existence was doomed, and Jacob was too precious to ever leave this world.

 

 


	7. The slow dance of desire

 

I stood at the threshold and my hand gripped tightly the doorknob as I peeked inside the guest room. The moon struck sparks out of the pearls of sweat on Jacob's neck and shoulders. He had thrown aside the sheets and was lying on his side, his brow clear as he slept dreamlessly. Bathed in the soft moonlight, he appeared ethereal, a vision of unsullied beauty I had no wish to spoil. It was the reason I didn't enter; I was afraid I would not be able to contain myself, and my hands would roam free through that smooth body which my cursed existence would inevitably taint.  

I read my sister's thoughts and turned towards the left. Alice gripped the door to my room.  She cocked her eyebrow at me and motioned inside _. 'See what I've done with your room!'_

Sighing in contemplation, I stuck my hands inside the pockets of my trousers, not without glancing back at the silhouette of the wolf. I walked towards my room and gazed inside.

Alice sat on the sofa which she had changed; it was upholstered in a cream fabric with a horrid-looking fringe. It looked as if she had dragged it out of the set of the TV series _Upstairs, Downstairs_. She smiled at me as she tugged the cuffs of her white silk blouse.

"Do you like it?" She pointed to the music shelves, where Jasper was quietly putting the plastic CD cases.

"Do I have to answer?" If my voice sounded resigned, Alice feigned she didn't notice.

"I changed your shelves too," she said with a trace of smugness. "Emmett and Jasper helped."

I had to shake my head at the garish and baroque style of the shelves. Gone was the clean, streamlined Scandinavian style I preferred. They were painted an obscene maroon. As I laid my palm on the shelf, it was easy to divine Alice's intent. She wanted to annoy me so I would get interested in music again.

The wolf didn't pry like my sister. Jake wouldn't prod me like this, just so I would compose again. He would either leave me be, or if he got it in his stubborn head to intervene, he'd do something outrageous.

"It's nice to see you smirk again," said Alice.

"Funny you should mention that," I said fondly. "Jacob said something very similar."

Alice sighed deeply. "The wolf is right, you know. I missed your smile." She stood up and grinned. "Talking about the wolf, I bought the nicest outfits for him!"

"You did?" I exchanged a look with Jasper, who shrugged in commiseration.

"Well, Esme went along. She had her own opinions." Alice walked to the shelf and stared at it. "She bought stuff for him too."

"That's nice of her." My eyes shying away from the shelves, I hoped my mother's common sense would suit the wolf better than Alice's flamboyant style.

She didn't answer immediately. Alice frowned when she noticed the way my eyes avoided her attempts at decoration.

 "Sorry you don't like the way I fixed your room. I was unable to _see_ if you would."

Her words reminded me that with Jake in the house, she couldn't use her powers. I raised my eyebrows at her. "Do you miss not being able to predict the future?"

"I certainly do!" She smiled wryly. "But it takes a lot of weight off my shoulders, you know; that burden of being jerked in the middle of the day by a vision?"

I nodded because the ominous weight she mentioned was something I was very used to in my relationship with Bella.

Somehow, thinking about her did not sink me into deep sadness. I stared at the scant stars visible through the clouds outside the windows. "If Bella had followed our suggestions, she'd be alive."

"Now that you mention that, she made me despair about my visions!" Alice went to Jasper and hugged his waist, seeking the comfort his solid presence provided her.

"How so?" Jasper said, smiling at her.

"Visions of her eluded me." Alice explained, looking intently at Jasper and then turning to me. "I guess the baby, or something at any rate, interfered with my powers."

I nodded at that. I had wondered why Alice hadn't foreseen the way Bella ended.

Hugging herself, Alice looked down at the floor. "Bella wouldn't listen to any of us! Not even your advice about her and--" she motioned to the door, indicating the guest room where Jacob slept.

I grimaced when I remembered my suggestion to abort the fetus. I had urged Bella to have another baby, this time with Jacob. I was desperate as I watched her deteriorate daily; her sharp cheeks becoming as pronounced as a living skeleton. Grasping at straws, I had tried so hard to keep her alive!

I worried how Jacob would react when I told him. I didn't want to hurt him; this was another reason to stay away from him, to resist the lure of his innocence and warmth.

Jasper sensed my distress. He walked up to me and patted my shoulder. "Edward, I'm glad you're feeling better. I reckon I must tell you the reason I didn't use my powers…"

"… when I was feeling down?" I said, biting back a sigh at the thought of telling Jake, because I certainly would. My wolf deserved the whole truth.

"Exactly, Edward. Do not think I purposely left you to flounder. I used my empathy when you felt utmost despair, but I didn't want to…" Jasper trailed off as he walked to the shelf, idly picking a random CD. He passed it from his left hand to his right as he sought the way to frame his thoughts. "I could've made you feel giddy, Edward, but when I got tired and my powers waned…"

I nodded, realizing the point he wanted to make. "I would have felt worse. The abyss would have seemed deeper."

"We spoke of this at length." Alice walked up to Jasper and put her hand under his elbow, turning to smile at me. "Do you understand why you had to pull out of your despair naturally? Why I sought Jacob's help?"

I nodded at them. If my siblings spoke so freely of this matter, it hinted that they considered I was well on my way to healing. I lifted my eyebrow at Jasper, asking a silent question. He shrugged. "You feel better to me, like you were before."

Looking at the door and the guest room beyond it, I stuck my hands in my pockets and asked the question that was uppermost in my mind. "What about Jacob? Do you think he is out of the valley?"

"He's doin' better than when he came, that's for sure." Jasper smiled enigmatically. "It's funny, but you two feel as if you're in synch."

"They do? Dear, you haven't told me!" said Alice as she went to the shelves, examining them critically.

"It's like you two are…" Jasper made a sinuous movement with his hand. "How did the physics prof call it?"

His mind was fuzzy when he thought about that so I didn't get what he was talking about.  The mental picture of the wild-haired professor could only mean Mr. Wilkes in Alaska though, and I remembered him talking about the Fermi Paradox. "You mean synchronized waves?"

"Exactly. Your emotions gravitate towards each other." Jasper shrugged and walked to the door. "And when you two hit a peak? I just I take a walk in the woods." He cocked his eyebrow at Alice. "Comin', darling?"

She patted the shelf in resignation and walked to the door.

\--

I grabbed a book and made my way to the sofa; I hoped literature would distract me from the enticing man who slept across the hall.  I opened the heavy tome, a mint edition of Wuthering Heights, and prepared to immerse myself in Brontë's work, hoping the sweeping prose would soothe me. I fingered the dog-eared book which was a favorite of Bella's. I hadn't understood why she considered it a love story; I thought it was full of hate. As I took a deep breath and fingered the pages, I reflected that maybe she was right. My own relationship with Jake had been full of distrust, which he had changed with a sweep of his hand. It wasn't ever hate that bound us, though. I wouldn't call on someone I hated to dispatch me from this world; it would be someone I trusted, a person I cared deeply about.

The hours passed away. I had grabbed a notebook as I tried to put down in writing what I would say to Jacob. I tried to explain how much I despaired at the time I made the suggestion about her pregnancy.

Between the book and my scribbling, I was so engrossed that I hardly noticed the light of dawn illuminating the room.

The warm thoughts of the wolf approaching the room alerted me to his presence. I hastily ripped the pages from the notebook and stuck them inside the book.

The door opened a bit as he knocked on the wood. "Edward?"

"Come in, Jacob."

He peered inside. "You're free?"

"Of course." I wondered if he felt ashamed of masturbating in the bathroom and that was why he was so uncharacteristically shy.

Jake strode into the room. He was clad on white Levi's 501 that hugged his slim, strong legs. He wore black and white Reeboks with the straps undone, and he had a beige t-shirt with a map of Washington State stamped across his bulging chest. When he turned to frown at the shelves I saw him in silhouette. The way the light-colored clothes clung to his russet body just took my breath away.

"Rosalie asked me to help her with her car." I didn't say anything; looking sideways at the wall of shelves next to Jake, I tried to unobtrusively drink the sight of him.

He sauntered towards me and leaned down; as he peered over my shoulder, his warm breath on my neck made me shiver. "Huh, you're reading."

"What?" I said a bit thickly; only the wolf had the ability to leave me speechless.

"Sorry to disturb you. I'll leave you to it." Jake took in the garish beige sofa while he thought. _'Man, Edward surely redecorated in the style of an old lady!'_

He said out loud, "Will be in the garage."

Turning to glare at him, I put down the book and said grumpily, "Fine. And for your information, wolf, it was Alice who decorated this without my input!"

He lifted up his hands while he shot me a grin. "Whatever, man!"

\--

Jake left the room, leaving in his trail the afterimage of his nice figure from behind and the lingering smell of the aftershave Alice bought him. I tried to go back to the book but it was useless; the more I read about dark Heathcliff brooding, the more I thought about Jake's russet skin contrasting so nicely with his tight Levi's and t-shirt. I closed my eyes, remembering how he looked in a black t-shirt; the contrast was nice.

I went back to reading for a while; when the sun had risen significantly, I stood up and went to the shelves. I rearranged the CDs until they were more or less in the order I wanted. Finally the temptation was too much; I had to see the wolf. I trotted downstairs, but before I reached the lower floor Esme's voice came from the kitchen to my left. "Dear Edward, won't you come here?"

I walked inside; Esme was staring intently at a red can. She kept glancing at the oven, and finally she lowered its door with her bare hands. She didn't have to use mitts, which was one advantage she had over mortal cooks.

I had to admire the deft way she cooked, even if she was unable to taste the food; it was akin to Beethoven composing when he was deaf. I smiled at the domestic picture Esme made, clad in her flowery apron as she hefted the tray filled with pastries and carried it to the kitchen island.

Esme brushed her hands on her apron and gazed at me. "Jake must be hungry! He's been downstairs for hours! Your sister got mad at Emmett and now poor Jacob has to help her with the cars."

"What did Emmett do?" I said while I gazed at the brown crust of the sugar-covered pastries.

"Oh, he distracted Rosalie while she was fixing the car." Esme shook the can and started decorating the goodies with whipped cream.

I shook my head at those two. They fought and then made up the next moment. In fact, I envied their banter because it was something I had lacked in my relationship with Bella.

"I want you to take the _biscotti_ to your friend." Esme smiled a bit enigmatically as she pointed at the tray filled with delicacies.

"Fine, I will." If Esme only knew that friendship was the farthest thing in my mind when I looked at my wolf, but I was fated to remain only his friend while I saw to his welfare.

"I have to feed that strapping boy." Esme touched her chin as she squinted at the tray. "Those bulging muscles need food, not to mention vitamins for his smooth skin."

Hearing her words, I choked back a moan.

Esme smiled brightly at me and in an elegant motion, she brushed her hair from her forehead. "Rosalie told me she wanted Jake's help. I made sure he was dressed adequately." She shook the can once more and added the finishing touches. The biscuits looked quite appealing.

I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. Esme was a great cook and excellent mother, but she obviously had no idea about the work involved in fixing a car. Jake's white Levi's would easily become dirty if he was not careful.

\--

"… except for that, you'll find he likes all kind of music."

Catching the trail end of their conversation, I entered the garage holding the tray aloft. I frowned at my Volvo, it was very untidy. I should take it to the workshop and get a new coat of paint. I wanted it to be perfect in case Jake and I went somewhere in it.

I walked to the rear where my sister kept her new acquisition. Rosalie nodded at me while she buffed her nails on her silk blouse. I gazed around at the brightly lit cars, but there was no sign of his russet skin. I frowned when I caught a glimpse of what he was seeing; a dark, round shape above him.

My eyes finally lit upon the Reeboks which were next to a bench on the front of the car. I guessed Jake didn't want them to get dirty and had taken them off.  I walked towards the bench and laid down the tray, all the while staring at Jacob's white socks peeking from beneath the grey Porsche. I nodded at my sister, who stood on the other side of the car which looked like the model James Dean drove.

"Rose, where did you say the leak was?" Jake's muffled voice came from beneath the car; I stared as his left foot moved in an arc towards me. "Hi, Edward!"

"Wolf," I mumbled, my lips suddenly dry.

"Beneath the carburetor, Jacob." Rosalie muttered angrily, "I must have put the head gasket on wrong. Emmett kept pawing me!"  

I walked towards the chassis of the Porsche, looking down at his white socks.

"Think I've got it," Jake said, and then his foot found my leg; his sole and toes curled around my ankle as he rubbed his foot up and down. I shivered and barely restrained a moan. To Jake it was a playful greeting, tinged with longing; his mind was concentrated on the damned car.

I decided to turn the tables on the sensual wolf, just like I had played the predator game better in the woods. As my resolve to keep away from him started crumbling like the walls of Jericho, I crouched and ran my hands over his sole. I smirked in satisfaction at the way his toes curled; I could imagine his blush under the car.

Giving me a last caress, Jake reluctantly moved his foot away. He heaved a deep sigh and said, "Have to pull the gasket back off. Blondie, I need a torque wrench."

Before Rosalie could answer, I rushed to the bench and picked up a wrench. Frankly, I wasn't sure it was the one Jacob wanted. My mechanical talents were directed more towards sabotaging cars, rather than fixing them.

Dashing to the other side of the car, I stopped next to Rosalie. While she looked at me with aggravation, I bent down and held the wrench towards Jake. His right hand touched the handle of the tool; but his fingers traced a circle around my palm, lingered on my wrist and then caressed my forearm up and down.

_'Your skin is so soft and cool, like jade.'_ I shook my head at his thoughts. Jake was unaware of what he was doing; the way my resolve vanished like a mirage faced with his mind and body. His soft touch eroded all my defenses.

Rosalie impatiently tapped her high-heeled shoe against the floor and scrunched up her nose. "Jake, did you find the gasket bolts? I pointed them out to you in the drawing I downloaded."

I could hear the squeaks as his rolling creeper moved. "Yep, found them. Just hard to get them off is all."

"You should've let me do it myself!" Rosalie frowned at me. It was obvious she was a bit miffed with me because of my interruption, and yet she was amused by the situation.

"Nope, you would ruin your beautiful shirt."

Rosalie snorted; a smile tugged the corners of her lips upward as she looked at me and rolled her eyes. She said fondly, "It's a blouse, wolf."

"Whatever." Jake grunted with effort; then I looked down and saw the metallic shimmer of the wrench peeking from beneath the chassis. "Wrong tool, Edward. No wonder it was so hard."

Rosalie picked up a slim, long tool with a black handle and bent down. Before Jacob could reach for it, I gently pried it from her fingers. Our pale hands were on both sides of his forearm. As if drawn by some magnetic force, his hand unerringly turned towards mine. He made a show of searching for the tool when it was obvious he knew where it was. His fingers caressed mine and made a detour around my thumb, rubbing circles around my palm as his fingers dug under the cuff to hold my wrist.

I lost track of time. The brightly lit garage and the cars receded in my eyes; the smell of the _biscotti_ became weak, overlaid by my wolf's scent while his soft touch drove me mad with desire.   

Finally he grasped the tool and his hand vanished under the chassis. I stood up, sighing softly while Rosalie touched my shoulder. She was scowling fiercely, but her lips trembled as she fought back a smirk. _'You interrupting men! Edward, I hope you realize you're taking away the only man who really cares about cars in this house!'_

I nodded dumbly while my sister lifted her eyebrows in a mischievous gesture and waved elegantly towards the grey car door. "Jake, did you disconnect the hose? It must be glistening with oil; connects to the round fitting on top the crankshaft which is as thick as your wrist."

Jake gulped and in his mind I realized my sister's words were having a decidedly non-mechanical effect. He said hoarsely, "Think I found it."

Rosalie patted my shoulder and silently glided away; at the threshold, she turned to me and raised her eyebrows _. 'First Emmet and now you! Better make it work, Edward; I was having fun with Jake.'_

"I'm going, Jake. Have fun."

"Blondie, wait! I'm about to…. damn, this thing is harder than I thought," mumbled Jake. "I'll need a larger wrench."

I picked up a bigger one and sat on my haunches, holding it towards him. "I hope this one works, Jacob."

I laid my palm on the Porsche's door. It made me yearn to feel something as smooth, but warm and alive.

Jake's hand shot out and he fumbled for the tool, his fingers toying with mine. I just couldn't hold back from this dance of desire. The feelings Jake called up in me were more than I could stand; he was like the tide, slow but irresistible. Grabbing his arm, I gently pulled him towards me. He smiled up at me, and then his brow furrowed in puzzlement. I pressed the fat wrench against his palm and leaned down to kiss his smooth brow; then I pushed the rolling creeper towards the car.

Jacob sighed deeply. _'That was… unexpected.'_

The wolf then said out loud, "Hey, knew it was you who kissed…. Ouch!"

I shook my head when I read his thoughts; the silly wolf had realized I kissed him in his sleep. He had tried to sit up and hit his head against the unforgiving metal.  

I hastily yanked him back. Jake rubbed his forehead, grimacing in pain. I bent down and batted away his hands, kissing the smooth skin.  My fingers massaged his head while I asked him softly, "Better?"

"Still hurts," muttered Jake, pouting cutely.

I kissed his forehead again, more slowly. My voice sounded hoarse to my ears as I said, "And now?"

"Still hurts." Jake said thickly; he wiggled on the rolling creeper and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

I caressed his brow, raining kisses upon it. My gaze slid down his face which was upside down to me. I leaned at an angle and kissed his right eyelid, moving then to the left one. I whispered against his eyebrows. "Better?"

Jake didn't speak or open his eyes; he nodded as he took deep, fast breaths while his heart beat wildly in his chest. Groaning, I kissed the tip of his nose as I gently pulled him towards me. I bent my head to kiss the corner of his full lips and the wolf… snickered?

I scowled at him; Jake opened his eyes and smiled up at me as his hands reached for my head. "Cullen, your hair's tickling my collarbone!"

He grabbed a handful of it, running his hands through my mane. He bit back a moan. _'God, it's as soft as I thought!'_

His hands ruffled my hair restlessly, and I finally took the plunge and kissed him, rubbing my lips against his, caressing them with my tongue. The kiss was awkward and a bit sloppy due to our positions, but at that moment it was all I wanted.

The harsh garage lights faded away and my worries briefly disappeared while I lost myself in the sensual feeling of his soft, warm lips caressing mine. He finally opened his mouth and my tongue dove inside, chasing his own and caressing his teeth. I wanted to know him from inside, to lose myself in him in the same way my tongue did.

Jake's restless hands were the counterpoint as he pulled me towards him; his fingers warm as he carded through my hair. My hands roved through the expanse of his broad shoulders and the hollow of his neck, tracing a path to his ears which made him giggle.  

I couldn't get enough of him as I cradled his head between my forearms and kissed him slowly, seeking to extend the moment.

_'Man, I'm trapped._ ' His discordant thought gave me pause; I broke the kiss reluctantly and lifted my head as Jake grinned at me and tapped my forehead. "I mean the car, Edward."

I grabbed the headrest of the rolling creeper and swung it towards me; the wheels squeaked on the floor as it pivoted from under the Porsche until my prize was out. Jake was lying beneath me, an arm's length from the chassis.

He sat up and flexed his legs, which were tingling. Rolling over me, he snaked his left thigh between mine as his eyes gazed intently at me. His face was flushed and he panted harshly; the after-shave and soap he'd used were tinged with his unique scent. Jake's heart beat wildly under my fingertips as the sounds of our groans mixed. His irises were blown with desire; instead of warm chocolate, they were deepest black as I saw my tousled reflection upon them.

Jake's hands roamed over my chest; his fingers were greasy so they left stains on my white button-down shirt.  Jacob was so caught up in the moment he didn't notice; but when he looked down towards his groin to check if his bulge was noticeable, the modest wolf groaned. There was a big grease spot over his nipple, right over Spokane on the map on his t-shirt. "Hell, Esme's going to kill me; she picked this for me!"

I recalled the way Esme had smiled mysteriously in the kitchen, like the Mona Lisa. "Don't worry, Jake. She won't."

I grinned at him and my hands circled his slim waist; pulling the hem of his shirt up, I groaned at the expanse of smooth, bronze skin that was laid open to my gaze like an exquisite banquet. Jake lifted his arms and sat astride my legs as I took off the shirt, throwing it next to the bench.

I laid on the cold floor and narrowed my eyes at him, motioning to my shirt. "Won't you reciprocate?"

Jake awkwardly tried to take it off; giving up after he unbuttoned it, he just pawed it aside, exposing my skin so he could lie down and rub our chests together. The contrast between his warmth and my cold made us squirm. His hands caressed my chest, evading my grasp as he rubbed his palms over my flanks, under the shirt. When it seemed he couldn't get enough of me, he suddenly stopped.  

I puzzled my eyebrows in question as Jacob sat up and bit his lips, frowning as he tried to frame his thoughts. Finally he shrugged, wiggling his enticing body on top of mine and fixing me with an intent stare; then he gazed up at the ceiling and took a shaky breath.  "I want us to take it easy, man."

"Why, Jake?"

He bent down and ran his fingers through my lips, shuddering when my tongue sneaked out to lick his fingertips. "I want… "

He paused; the gist of his thoughts made it clear what was on his mind but I felt torn. I didn't want to spoil this golden moment and make it awkward, but Jake needed to talk about her. His feelings, his dreams and frustrations, they had to come out. If I had a choice between being suave or caring for my Jake, I hoped I would always choose him.

I caressed his left forearm, enjoying the way he got goose bumps from the contact. I nodded at him and voiced his thoughts.  "You want romance, the things you didn't get to have with Bella."

He reclined upon me, his body soft and warm, heavy upon my chest as we aligned perfectly while he rubbed his nose on my cheek. He whispered, "Does it bother you, talking about her?"

"No," I smiled against his soft skin, running my fingers through his short hair and breathing in his musky scent. To make it easy for him, I tried to make light of the situation. "What bothers me is that you think of other people when you… jerk off."

I could feel the heat blooming on his cheeks as he blushed. He licked my cheek and whispered hoarsely. "Guess the two things are tied. Lemme explain."

 He laid his hot cheek against mine and said softly, "It feels safer, thinking of other guys. I can imagine meeting them somewhere and doing… things. Bella taught me that certain things are forever out of my reach."

"Jake, don't."

"Lemme finish." He said hoarsely, "Guess I lowered my goals… so I picture other guys because I thought that, like Bella, you were out of my reach."

"I couldn't read Bella's mind, so I don't know what she truly thought about you." I whispered, caressing his shoulders as I sought the way to assuage his pride, to make him realize how much he was worth. "But I can tell you I'm strongly attracted to you." I paused for a second. "You are worth so much. I'd be even more of a fool if I didn't see that. I thought I'd never get to act on my feelings…"  

"Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you!" I motioned to my cold chest. "I curse everyone I touch!"

"You should've told me!" He growled, sitting up and shaking my shoulders. "Would've told you it's just you being emo!"

I frowned at him and he leaned down to kiss me, murmuring against my lips, "What made you change your mind?"

I rolled him sideways so we ended up facing each other in the brightly lit garage. I cupped his cheek while my right hand brushed his hair. "You did. This dance you're leading me on? It was too much for me; you win, always."

I was struck by this consideration and tenderness I saw in him, this willingness to take things slowly and savor the moment. I shook my head at this new strike against my stubbornness, for I had always thought him so impetuous. Looking into his eyes, I took a deep breath before I said, "I'm sorry."

"For what? And will you please stop being sorry?"

Disregarding the wolf's chastising, I said, "I'm sorry for thinking that, if Bella had chosen you, you would have been rough with her. I'm sorry I misjudged you, and…"

"Hush." He put his index finger upon my lips. "You're not the only one who's sorry, Edward." He scooted closer to me and leaned forward so our foreheads touched.

It was in the intimate space created by our bodies, with our voices hushed by the looming shapes of the cars that surrounded us, that Jake bared his heart to me. "Thought you didn't love Bella enough, that you just manipulated her and I was better for her. Seeing your pain made me realize how much you… cared… for her."

The way he changed the word he meant to say, _love_ , gave me pause. Jake felt insecure about me and I wanted to clarify this.  I frowned at him and then grinned, pointing to my chest. "My heart is big enough to love two people, Jake, if yours is."

He hugged me fiercely, cradling my head to his strong chest. "It sure is, Cullen. I just don't want this thing between us to hurt you again."

The thoughts behind his words made me smile at his tenderness, but they also made me scowl at Jake's persistence in thinking my emotions were too fragile. 

"Bella's death tore me to bits, Jacob," I tried to explain myself, to get rid of the emo tag in his brain. "But then you came…" I trailed off, gazing at his eyes as I framed the question that made me curious. "What would you have done if our positions had been…?"

"… reversed? If Bella had chosen me over you and then she died?" Jake bit hard his bottom lip, until my thumb pressed over his mouth. He sighed brokenly. "Honestly? I'm not sure. Would like to think I'd be mature and stuff, but if she'd been with me and died… I might've…"

He sat up against the door of the Porsche. I sighed at the loss of the intimate contact but I understood he needed space to frame his thoughts. He looked down at me, absently running his fingers through my hair. "Don't know, man. Might've gone crazy with grief; might have wanted to use my Dad's gun."

"Don't, Jacob." I shivered at the thought of Jake playing with this scenario.

"Don't worry." He essayed a weak grin. "Even if I fired point blank at my head, my healing would prevail. You'll find it's hard to get rid of me." He smiled at his own joke and went on. "I don't know, one day you might've found Leah on your doorstep, asking you…"

I said firmly, "I would never hurt you."

Jake didn't hear me though, as he visualized the scene in his mind. "To dispose of me." He didn't say anything more, but his fingers intertwined with mine and he sighed wistfully. _'Your golden eyes would've been with me as I stepped on the Road my ancestors traveled.'_

"I thought the same," I said slowly. "One of the reasons I asked for you so you'd kill me is that... I yearned to see your face one last time."

Jake snorted in disbelief, "Really? Whatever for?"

I rolled my eyes at his innocence."Because you are you."

We were quiet for a little while until I couldn't stand the sad look on his face. I sat up next to him, my back reclining against the cold door of the Porsche. I gently pulled him towards me until he was nestled against me; he sat between my legs, his back touching my bare chest.

I turned his face, kissing him. It was slow and lazy; we savored the moment which I knew I would hold in my mind for as long as I lived.

Soon enough, we were interrupted by Jake's stomach which started grumbling. He hid his face against my shoulder, blushing once more. His breath felt warm against my bare neck as he whispered, "Sorry, man."

I gazed at the _biscotti_ Esme had prepared, which were on the bench next to the Porsche's fender.

Trying not to break contact with Jake, I reached my arm until I grabbed the plastic leg of the bench, pulling it towards us. Jake made to stand up but I held on to his waist. "Where are you going? You have to eat."

He wiggled his greasy fingers in front of me. "Have to wash my hands, Edward."

"No need." I hefted the tray and put it upon his lap, hiding his tempting bulge from my sight. I hoped we would have opportunities to explore that side of our relationship, while we engaged in the romance we both had been deprived of.  

I grabbed the first biscuit on the left and held it towards him. "Open up."

"I'm not a kid!" He protested, frowning in that cute manner of his. I waved the biscuit at him, knowing the sight and the smell would be his undoing. When his stomach rumbled again, he shrugged and opened his lips. He bit into the pastry a bit awkwardly, which gave me the chance to wipe the cream off his lips and feed it to him, shivering at the raspy feeling of his tongue against my thumb.  Food meant nothing to my dead taste buds, it tasted like cardboard to me; but Jake's sensual imagery, the crunchy feeling of the _biscotto_ dissolving against his tongue, the way he licked the whipped cream and sighed gustily, the feeling of our bare skin touching in that tantalizing mix of cold and warmth, together with the heady feel and scent of him – that was enough to make me taste paradise. 

 


	8. The imprint talk

 

Jake stood up on trembling legs after we finished. He looked down at his hands, smeared with oil, and then he turned to the door. "I'll clean up."

He smiled down at me and walked towards the entrance as my gaze lingered on the fine figure he cut. While I waited, I stood up and walked to my abandoned car. The scratches on the door brought back painful memories. I recalled Bella made them, and I couldn't help but remember the many times I drove her around Forks before I bought her the Mercedes Guardian. I put my hand on the door handle, gazing at my reflection on the window. I looked the same despite the many things that had changed in my life.

I felt the heat of my wolf behind me as he put his chin on my shoulder and looped his arm around my waist in a comforting gesture. He looked at our joined reflections in the window and whispered into my ear, "Why so sad, Edward? Thinking about her?"

I nodded and my hand snaked back to his arm, seeking his warmth. "I was remembering when I drove her to Charlie's. The way she looked then, and the times when we…"

Noting my reluctance to go on, he sighed and his warm breath on my neck made me shudder. "It's ok, man, you won't hurt me. Gave up on Bella a while ago; matter of fact…"

I watched his face on the glass, the way he bit his lip and scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration. There was a sudden wariness stamped on his features which was reflected on his thoughts. It disconcerted me.

Jake intertwined his fingers with mine, and gave me brief caress. "Wanna talk to you about… something."

He looked to the ceiling as he broke contact; then he casually leaned his back on the metal door, his white denim-clad leg bent and propped against the car.

I couldn't quite enjoy the sexiness of his posture because I was anxious. "What is it, Jake?"

He looked at me and took a deep breath, his words coming out shakily. "You know about Sam? Why Leah is so bitter?"

I nodded slowly; Jake shook his head and smiled ruefully. "Course you do, with your mind power thing." He twitched his fingers which were splayed on his thigh. In his mind I could see he wanted to ruffle my hair but he refrained at the last second; he thought it was an inappropriate moment, and that gave me pause.

"Do you know about my friend Quil? How he…?"

"Imprinted?" I mumbled, gazing sideways at him. I wanted so much to reassure him but this imprint business made me uneasy. "Yes, it was in Seth's thoughts."

I hunched up my shoulders, knowing where he was heading. "You're afraid you will imprint?"

Jake's body slid down the silver car door. He looked up at me and then he wiggled on the floor, spreading his legs and touching the floor with his hands so I would sit in the V of his legs. I sat and he pulled me into his arms so I laid with my back against his warm chest, squirming to get my arms out of the ruined shirt. I threw it on the floor next to him.

He brushed my hair lovingly as he said softly against my ear, "It's another reason why I want us to take things slowly, man. Want the romance so much!"

I turned my face to look at him; his Adam's apple bobbed up and down and finally he said hoarsely, "Want you to sweep me off my feet so I'll fall in love with you…" His thoughts went on, _'More than I already have.'_

He touched my cheek fleetingly as he grabbed my waist and held me to him, seeking my coldness. "Do you understand?"

"You think that if you fall in love…"

"I hope the imprint won't touch me then." He sighed brokenly. "But I'm not sure, man."

He muttered angrily, "God, why do things have to be so hard? After Bella, I didn't care if I imprinted; now I don't want it to happen."

He tugged my arm so I would turn my body; he was restless while discussing this. I turned and sat astride his thighs, my legs under the chassis. It was uncomfortable but it allowed us to see eye to eye. He cupped my cheek and looked into my eyes while I smelled the oil on his chest, savoring the way the bright lights of the garage made his taut russet chest glow. Jake shook his head and mumbled, "My friends say it feels like gravity doesn't hold you to this planet anymore; don't know if I'm strong enough to withstand that."

He closed his eyes and leaned towards me; he licked my neck, seeking the reassurance of my body. "I don't want to hurt you, Edward. When I came back and saw how broken you were… a part of me broke too."

I put my hand under his chin and tilted it up so he would make eye contact with me. "I know, Jake; I'm so glad you are here and in my life."

I could see his brown eyes were brighter than usual. He tried to grin but it came out as a grimace; then he shrugged in resignation. "I'll understand if you don't want me."

"I'm willing to take the chance, wolf," I said softly while my fingers traced his full lips. I paused, unsure how to frame this thought in case he might think I was too untoward; finally I just blurted out, "Do you think that if we made love, it would protect you against the imprint?"

He blushed hotly and lowered his gaze, but it was useless for I felt his clothed arousal twitch against my inner thigh. "It's not that simple, Edward. When Sam imprinted he hadn't done anything with Emily that I know of. Quil's imprint is a baby, so…"

He looked up and stared at me with such hunger in his eyes it made me shudder. He cupped my cheek and rubbed his nose against mine. "If I thought it was that simple, I would take you right now, believe me! You make me so hot!"

Even in that solemn moment, when we were discussing important matters, this man made my body react in ways I couldn't fathom. My prick twitched at his words; I knew there was no point in denying the attraction that made me gravitate to his body, these feelings Jacob could invoke with just a casual glance.

I splayed my hands upon the car door on both sides of Jake's head, and rubbed my forehead against his warm brow. "I'm sure you will do your best."

"But if it's not enough?" He growled angrily and beat his fist against the floor. "Hate the fucking imprint that takes away my will! Dad says it's for genetic reasons, to insure the shifter gene passes on or whatever." He snorted, "I hate biology!"

I put my hand on his heaving chest, feeling the vibrations of his beating heart. "Then you're going to hate me."

He cocked his eyebrow at me. "Why?"

"Bella and I often talked about you and your return." I looked into his eyes. "One afternoon, I told her I hoped you'd come back to the Reservation and that you would imprint on a girl there."

"Why, man?" He scowled at me, his face betraying his puzzlement and anger.

"Because I wanted you to be happy, to remake your life!" I said slowly, then I bit my lip and my words came out in a rush. "I also wanted to see you."

I grabbed his short black hair and pulled his head towards me; staring at the dark eyes I wanted to drown in. "That was the only way I could do that; you'd have your girl and I would have Bella. Being her friend, you'd visit us and I'd get to see you once in a while from afar. It was the honorable solution."

"Honorable? Man, that's weird." Jake smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry I was an egoist, Jake."

Jake patted my shoulder; then he said, "Hey, did you ever think I might imprint on a man?"

I glared at him. "Don't even think about it! The thought of you in the arms of some boy is more than I can stand."

I kissed him then, biting his lips none too gently. I wanted to put my stamp on him so no one would dare to take him away from me. I knew it was useless though, we were trapped in a world which didn't care for our feelings.

Jake answered in kind, his tongue sweeping over my teeth; he was trying to map me from inside, to remember the feeling of my wet tongue caressing his. My hands touched his hardened nipples while he forcefully grabbed my shoulder with his right hand and cupped my neck with the other one. If I was a mortal, the rough handling would have hurt. As it was, I couldn't get enough of my wolf.

He broke up the kiss, looking at me with eyes darkened with lust; his lips were swollen and his cheeks blushing. "Guess I can understand why you're so old-fashioned, Cullen."

"Me, are you kidding?" I wrestled him to the floor and crouched over his body. "Who wants romance? Who's old-fashioned, mutt!"

I ran my hand through his soft, short-cropped hair while I peppered his chin with kisses. "It was the only solution I could foresee!"

"Wouldn't have worked, Edward. I didn't plan on ever returning."

I laid my body over his; holding his arms over his head, my hands trapped his wrists.

"Why, Jake? Why run away?"

"Bella with you would've made me sick," Jake said as his fingers caressed my hands. He rolled his hips until his engorged cock rubbed against my lap. Smirking when I gasped, Jake spat his next words, "And I didn't want to see _you_ with her."

\--

The next several days passed in a blur. I was busy planning where I would take Jacob in our first date because his words about the imprint imparted a sense of urgency to my preparations. I doubted it would be as easy as sweeping Jake off his feet, but I felt the imprint was also a mind thing. If my wolf believed in this, I would support him; besides, it promised to be fun.

I had taken the Volvo to the shop so it would get a new coat of paint where Bella had scraped it against a Jeep one day she went to the supermarket.

Meanwhile, Jacob kept working on Rosalie's old Porsche. It felt good to watch him interact with my family, but I had to repress the pangs of jealousy I felt every time he trotted downstairs to the garage. I wanted Jacob to spend all his time with me, dreading the inevitable moment when he would return to his father and his obligations in the Reservation.

During the night I had lingered outside the door of the guest room while I listened to his soothing heartbeat, peeking inside the room at the angelic man whose features were slack in sleep. Jacob's dreams were mostly commonplace, although the intense eroticism coming from his subconscious made me horny. Sometimes I would run to the woods and masturbate to the imagery of bronze bodies writhing against pale ones; thick arousal merging into a pliant body. I just couldn't help it; his lust was attuned to mine.

This hadn't occurred with Bella; I never knew what she really fantasized about. I had always played the gentleman with her; the man who would fulfill her every wish. I was slowly coming to the realization this might have been part of the problem; the need to shield her from the real world made her believe she was utterly safe from harm when she wasn't.

Though I cared a lot about Jake, to the point I couldn't imagine living without him, I was selfish too. I wanted to satisfy my hunger. Certainly the need to go slowly was killing me!

I shook my head while I smiled at the sleeping wolf. My life was certainly full of paradoxes. I had been striving to take things slowly with Bella, willing to wait for her a long time. With my Jake it was a daily struggle to keep my hands from ripping off his clothes and rutting against him; I had to refrain from smothering him with kisses, to grope his enticing body every chance I got.

\--

On Thursday morning, I sat on the couch and waited for Jacob to come to my room. I hoped this time he would wear the clothes Esme bought him. Alice preferred long-sleeved plaid shirts and designer trousers with leather shoes. They looked good on him; he was enticing no matter what he wore. But I liked it more when he wore Esme's choices: tight Levi's or Wranglers with studded belts, leather boots that he took off when he worked so they wouldn't get dirty, and tank tops or t-shirts that flaunted his physique.

We constantly touched each other; he would caress my arm in passing or I would hug him. It was sweet, though it left both of us hungry for more.

I turned to the door when I read his thoughts. Jake opened it and strolled inside; his hand was stuck in the back pocket of his dark blue Wranglers, and the way his white tank top delineated his torso made me lick my lips.

"Man, I'm going to work with Rosalie." His raspy voice jerked me from my contemplation of the wolf. He carded his fingers through my hair and leaned down to kiss my forehead. Jake was a touchy kind of guy, something I hadn't realized until he came to the house. According to Bella, he had always been reserved with her; he hardly touched her unless I was present, and then he was all over her.

"Fine, wolf." I tried to keep the resentment out of my voice but Jake noticed. He stuck his other hand in the front pocket and shuffled his boots on the floor. "I plan to bring my Rabbit and fix it for our first date."

I smiled up at him. "You don't have to; there's my car."

"Well, a gentleman always drives his…"

Before he could finish, I swiftly put my hand over his mouth and glared at him. "I'm no lady, Jake."

I groaned at the raspy feeling of his tongue swiping my palm. I hastily took back my hand while Jake smirked at me. "I never said you were, Cullen."

His eyes gazed down at my crotch. "Matter of fact, I'm looking forward to _exploring_ the difference."

Before I could answer the saucy wolf, he sauntered out of the room while I eyed the soft lines of the jeans hugging his body down to his boots. This constant shift from confident man to shy boy intrigued me. I wanted the strong Quileute who so gallantly tried to pull me out of my misery even at the cost of his own pain, and I yearned to hold the shy boy in my arms and kiss him full of confidence.

In the cold morning light, I glanced at the gleaming wood of the new shelves. After Jake poked his fun at me, Emmett and I went to Port Angeles to get new furniture. I also bought a bed just in case we needed it; the lady manager had assured me she would send it over in a week. I had wanted to postpone delivery in case Jake had the notion I wanted to pressure him to make love. Unconsciously, I started daydreaming about our bodies entwined in the soft bed. I felt my arousal grow; Jake had that kind of effect on me. I stood up and walked to the shelf, seeking some distraction. I pulled a book at random and returned to the couch to try to submerge myself in the tale of _Paradise Lost_. It was useless to try to concentrate in Milton's prose, though; I kept tuning in to Jake's thoughts.

He was holding something, a shiny thick tube with grease which only he and Rosalie knew the name of. As I submerged myself in his thoughts, the book I was holding slipped from my grasp. It fell to the floor with a soft thud that eerily echoed the sound of Rosalie's wrench falling into the oily rag.

"Pass me the spare part I bought, will you?" Jake said while he motioned with his arm.

"Where did you get the cylinder holding nut? I couldn't get it." Rosalie handed him a black hollow tube that seemed utterly ordinary to me; I wondered why she had so much trouble finding it.

"You told me it was scarce," said Jake, turning to my sister as he hefted the cylinder; then he bounced it from palm to palm. "I called Embry. He has a cousin who knows a Porsche dealer in Seattle. He got it for me."

"Good, couldn't find the damned piece!"

Jake gazed around and then pointed to the hood. "I need the rod that connects it to the crankshaft."

Rosalie went to a box and rummaged inside while she muttered, "Had to clean the thing; it got oil on it when Emmett…."

"Groped you?" Jake smiled at her back, balancing on the balls of his feet. "The big guy can't keep his hands off of you."

"You mean, like you with Edward?" I could picture Rosalie smirking as she said that.

Jake turned towards the car and stammered, "Y… you think so?"

"I know so." She handed him a long metal thing that looked like the handle of one of Esme's pans. "I swear you two can't keep from molesting each other."

Jake blushed. "Does it bother you?"

"Not at all, Edward is more animated and bouncy than ever." Rosalie patted his shoulder. "I don't care what you guys do as long as you're both happy."

"Glad to hear that," Jake muttered; then he said more loudly, "Yep, we've got all the parts! I'll take them to a shop I know to have the pistons machined back into shape so we're good to go."

"Tell them to send me the bill." She frowned at him. "I wonder what your pack will do when they find out about you two."

"Hope they understand," Jake muttered through his teeth, "I really, really hope they do. And if they don't, they can kiss my butt!"

"Oh, no! Edward will be jealous if they do." I knew the banter was Rosalie's way to lower tension in the room but I doubted Jacob was aware of that.

Jake shuddered when he pictured her words, and looked appraisingly at her. "Blondie, you're nothing like I imagined."

"You too, wolf." She looked sharply at him and stuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket. "I'm sure you'll find a way to convince your pack; and if they give you trouble, you can count on me."

"Thanks, Rose." Jake grinned at her; then he stepped back from the open hood and grabbed the rag to clean his hands.

I trotted downstairs, ready to protect Jake against my sister's sarcasm; though I doubted it would do much good.

Jake had an impetuosity that would not be contained. He was ready to take any problem by the horns. He hadn't feared the opposition he might encounter in my family if we were together. While they approved and showed it in different forms, Jacob hadn't known that at the beginning. He just waded into our lives, willing to face the unknown.

I was sure he would have the same attitude dealing with the pack, and I was afraid for him. I paused in front of the laundry room while I took out my phone to send a text message to Seth. I wanted his advice; he was a kid but he was acquainted with the members of the pack. If my stubborn wolf faced any opposition from his brothers, I would stand by him. No one would hurt Jake if I could help it.

When I entered the garage I noticed Rosalie taking out a slim case from her designer jacket. "Jacob, take this."

He frowned at the cell phone. "What?"

"It's yours."

He turned to me and shot me a toothy grin; then he scowled at my sister. "Can't take it, Blondie."

Rosalie snorted in exasperation. "Are you nuts? Just a small token of my appreciation. In fact, I've been thinking…"

"About what?"

I walked up to him and touched his shoulder. Jake reclined against me while I looked sharply at Rosalie; she was plotting something.

"You're helping a great deal with the car." Rosalie walked to her BMW and put her hand on the red lacquer of the hood while she measured her words. She was gauging how best to convince him; finally, she turned to us and nodded briefly at me. "Jake, you find the spare parts I can't. You have connections and put work and sweat into fixing the car; it's just fair that you get something out of it."

The wolf shrugged as he tucked the phone into the back pocket of his Wranglers. "Fine, fine."

"There's more, though." She said tentatively, "I'm thinking about selling the car when we finish working…"

Jake lifted his arms. "But I thought you wanted it for yourself!"

"Mutt, let me finish!"

"Sure, sure. Don't get mad!"

She scowled at him. "I'm not; you're just like Emmett!"

I caressed Jake's shoulder while he turned to look at the motor. "So I'm like the big guy?"

"Just as infuriating. Anyway, if I sell the car, and depending how much work you put into it, I want to share the profits." Rosalie said while she walked toward us.

I hooked my arm around his waist. Jacob leaned on me, and gazed at her. "But you paid for it."

"Sure, I get a bigger share. The car's getting work done because of you. I told you, your work and connections help. Think about it, wolf." Rosalie brushed her hair from her face and looked sharply at me. "Edward, quit pawing your boyfriend while I try to convince him."

"I'm not…" I trailed off and glared at her. "Fine!"

Jake rubbed his thumb over my wrist while he cocked his eyebrow at her.

Rosalie leaned against the chassis of the grey Porsche, and waved her hand at it. "We could sell the car and you'd get, let's say 35 per cent. You'd make a bundle; it would be like money in the bank!"

"You sure about that?" he said slowly while he considered the possibilities.

"I am, Jake. Afterwards, we could fix another car, an older one."

He smirked. "Oh, you mean a Ford model T from when you were young?"

Rosalie walked up to us and swatted Jake's shoulder, hard. He winced, and I did too. "I'm younger than that!" she said in mock indignation. "Anyway, you could save the money for when you go to college."

I massaged his shoulders while I said, "Yes, what are your plans, Jake?"

I smiled at my sister over his shoulder. She was very shrewd; Rosalie wanted Jake's help because she enjoyed the time they spent together. She also genuinely wanted to help him and me. Rose lifted her eyebrow and nodded in acknowledgement.

Jake's shoulders drooped while he mumbled, "Lost the school year when I ran away."

I squeezed his arm in sympathy. "Jacob, can't you make up for it? Take a special test on the website so you can pass your classes. I know you're very smart."

He turned to smile at me. "Thanks, Cullen, but the school doesn't have much of a website. Just bare bones I'm afraid."

Rosalie piped up, "Can't you take your tests somewhere else?"

"What's the point?" Jake shrugged in defeat. "I don't know all that stuff; can't pass the tests anyway."

I hated to see him like this. He should always be bouncy and full of spirit. I put my hand on his neck. "Find out, Jake. I know you're a pretty resourceful man. As for the material, you have the perfect tutor here." I pointed at my chest. "I've spent decades in high school; far too much for my taste."

I smirked at him. "Always wanted a sexy student to teach."

He frowned while he mulled over my words.

Seeing that Jacob still doubted, I decided to use the same tactics he had used on me. He had decided that anger would be the motivating factor, so I stepped back and crossed my arms, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "I take it you're afraid of the hassle."

"What the hell?" He scowled at me. "I'm not afraid, Cullen!"

I shook my head. "Prove it."

"Don't need to prove anything." Jake crossed his arms across his bulging t-shirt, pouting at me. "Fine, I'll try."

He muttered low under his breath, "I know what you're doing, Edward."

Rosalie smiled at Jake, and then she frowned at me. _'You owe me for this, brother. Better treat Jake well.'_

She looked at her watch and then sauntered towards the door, calling over her shoulder. "On that note, I'll leave you guys. Jake, we still have to work on the clutch; it squeaks."

He nodded. "Have to grease the wheel bearing."

She opened the door and said slyly, "Should be fun. I bet Edward would love to lick the grease off you!"

"Rose!" I protested while Jake blushed. He stepped away from me and bent down to pick up the tools on the floor. He started putting them carefully inside the box.

He finished after a few minutes; he lowered the hood of the Porsche and patted it lovingly. "This car's fantastic! Just like the one James Dean drove."

"You know about that?"

He turned to me and picked up the rag to wipe the oil off his fingers. "His photograph was in an old Life magazine Dad kept around."

By now I was learning how to read his body, and especially his blushes. The way he lowered his eyes and busied himself cleaning his hands told me there was more to the story.

"And?"

"What do you mean?" Jake said suspiciously, turning his back to me.

"There's more."

Jake threw the rag on the floor, and then he turned to me. "Those damned powers you have!" He threw his arms up in the air. "Fine, the guy was handsome, ok? Guess I was fourteen when I saw the photo; he looked so hot!"

He stepped towards me and ran his fingers through my hair. "Loved his hair, just like yours."

I tried to hide my smirk. "So you like me because I look like him?"

He caressed my cheek. "No, because you're my very own Cullen."

\--

Sauntering up the stairs, I stuck my hands in the pockets of my pants. I felt like whistling because we had managed to kill several birds at once. I was grateful for the chance to get to know Jake better. Even if he returned to the Reservation, he would have a reason to come back here and spend time with me. The tutoring would also give me the chance to learn more about him, though it would be very hard to keep my hands off of him.

"You look too damn smug, Edward." Jake said while his fingers brushed the back of my shirt.

I turned to look at him. "Just planning your anatomy lessons."

"Think you can teach me that?"

"You've seen the mortarboards on the wall." I said. "I have a lot of experience."

Jake stopped me and hooked his fingers through the belt loops of my pants, pulling me towards him. His chest pressed against mine, he growled, "You'd better not! My wolf is possessive as hell, man!"

He kissed my chin and his tongue traced a path up to my upper lip while I ran my hands through his silky black hair. He nibbled my lip and after I gasped, his tongue sneaked into my mouth and caressed my own. The kiss made his heart beat wildly against my fingertips which rubbed the smooth fabric of his tank top. I savored the moans my lips caught when my hand pulled up the hem of his shirt, exposing the smooth skin. The fingers of my other hand played with his hard nipples. It was exquisite to watch Jake's flushed face and swollen lips as he stepped back, to scent his arousal and see his chest heaving; to know it was because of me.

"Jacob, lunch is ready!" Esme called from the kitchen.

I bit back a moan of frustration at her, wishing Esme wasn't so motherly. Jake's stomach growled and he patted my cheek. "Later, man!"

He sauntered down the staircase; he walked ahead and reclined against the banister, looking up at me while he smiled wolfishly. "Never thought I'd have such a sexy tutor."

Esme beamed at us when we entered the impeccable kitchen. She wiped her hands, spotted with flour, on her flowered apron; then she took it off with a flourish. "You told me you loved that pizza you had in Seattle, Jacob."

Jake's eyes lit up when his nostrils flared, inhaling the sweet and savory aroma of cooked pizza. He shot her a grin. "You baked it?"

"Just the way you like it: plenty of sauce."

His hand brushed my arm and then Jake strolled to the table. He sat down, staring hungrily at the thick slices of pizza Esme had put there.

Esme pointed to the chair next to Jake. "Do sit down, Edward. I love to see you boys together; you look so cozy."

"Thanks, Esme." I mumbled as I sat beside Jake. This was one of those times I blessed my inability to blush, though Jacob did it for the two of us. He bent down to grab the thickest slice while Esme walked up to the door.

She called over her shoulder. "I'll leave you boys to it. Alice and I are going shopping."

"Thanks for the pizza" Jake said between bites, "The pepperoni is delicious, Esme."

"I'm glad you enjoy it, dear." With that, she walked out the kitchen.

With Esme gone, Jake felt more at ease. He pushed back from the table and slouched in the chair; waving the slice at me, he said, "Wish you could taste it, Edward. Your mother made it crispy with just the right amount of garlic, and the tomato sauce? It's rich and thick."

I crossed my arms. "So you're a mechanic prodigy and a pizza connoisseur?"

He frowned at me, licking his lips. "Nope, just love them is all."

"It's delicious I'm sure." My gaze slid down his bulky torso to the place where the shirt rode up a few inches to reveal his flat stomach, baring his abs to my sight. He wolfed down the second slice, but the pizza had plenty of sauce and some dripped down to his body.

I thought he was just being sloppy; however, the smear of sauce on his abs grew as he devoured the third slice. Jake shot me a come-hither look which made me aware of the game the wolf played.

If Jake thought I would ever back down, he was wrong. With a fluid motion, I rapidly knelt on the floor and leaned towards him before he could react. My hands caressed the soft fabric over his chest and travelled down to his abdomen. I bent down to lick the sauce, warm and spiced with the flavor of his sweaty skin.

Looking up at his flushed face, I said, "Very tasty; such an enticing dish!"

He dropped the pizza onto the dish and grabbed my hair. He splayed his fingers on my temple and then his other hand gently pulled me up. As I reached for him, he bent down; when our faces met his tongue lapped the sauce from my lips.

He shuddered and smacked his lips, clearly at a loss as to what to say; not for long, however. His voice was hoarse as he looked into my eyes. "Tastes so much better on you."

He brushed his fingers through my hair and looped his arms behind my back, pulling me up close to him. "I'm never gonna let you go, Cullen, hope you know that."

"You won't get rid of me, wolf."

Jake shot a regretful look at the unfinished slice and patted his stomach. "I'm sweaty; gotta take a shower."

He evaded my gaze and I knew it meant he was going to jerk off. I coughed and finally said, "Fine, I'll be outside."

\--

Far from the house, I walked in the woods. I was afraid that when faced with the images and feelings of Jake showering and beating off, I would not be able to stop from doing likewise.

If I had thought there was the slightest chance he might watch me masturbating, I would have done it. Just to tease him like he inflamed my senses. He was in the house though, so I contained my urges. Instead I ran through the woods, glancing at the thick cedars and the pines; inhaling deeply the scent of the trees and the grass as the occasional twig broke under my shoes.

I read her thoughts before Leah walked from behind the old oak. She put her hand on the gnarled bark while she squinted at me. She frowned when she looked down, hurriedly tucking her plaid shirt inside the waistband of her jeans. She cocked her head, her russet skin gleaming in the sunlight as she walked cautiously towards me.

"Cullen." She nodded curtly.

"Leah."

I couldn't help but see in her a possible rival for Jake's affection. She had a strong, supple body and her face was severely beautiful; her skin was smooth and bronzed like Jacob's.

The wolf had explained the reasons for the imprint were genetic; the need to pass on the shifter genes to the next generation. I sighed sadly when it dawned on me that he and Leah could have beautiful babies.

There was a hollow feeling inside my chest; only then did I grasp the gist of Jake's warning. I could easily lose my wolf just when we had found our way together. The thought of losing his easy companionship and cheerful support made me feel weak.

Would I mourn the lost chances to explore his body, to run my fingers down his smooth skin until I reached his arousal and played with it till he came? The haunting loneliness I knew only too well, would it return?

"What's the matter?" Leah stepped towards me and snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Cullen, you're just standing there, looking at me as if I was a ghost."

I squared my shoulders as I tried to face the world like Jake did, with his same resolution and lack of fear. I smiled weakly at the Quileute woman.

"I'm glad you're here." I said slowly. "I wanted to thank you for coming to pay your respects when Bella died, and standing up for my family when Sam wanted to attack us." I raised my hand to forestall her questions. "Your brother told me."

Leah frowned, and then shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to, Cullen. Sam is a stubborn man who was wrong. Believe me, it was a pleasure to make him realize that and knock him off his pedestal. Leastways he listened to me for once."

She brushed the tall grass with the sole of her tennis shoe as she said with a wistful tone, "And I came to offer my condolences when she died because I know what it feels to lose the person you love."

Leah wasn't very sad when she said that. I squinted at her as I read her thoughts. Sam wasn't uppermost in her mind any longer. Instead, she pictured the tall silhouette of a man with broad russet shoulders.

I sighed in desperation. Did Leah want Jake? He was so handsome and vital; it wouldn't surprise me if she did. If my Jacob imprinted on her, what on Earth would I do? Was I doomed to lose the people I loved?

 

 


	9. The conversation with Leah

 

Leah motioned towards the south. "Is Jacob there?"

I nodded, too overcome with worry to add anything more.

She shrugged and shuffled her sneakers on the soft loam. "I'd like to visit him; been awhile since I saw him, and we need him to tighten our patrols. Sam and Paul are pulling more shifts because those damned poachers are at it again."

"I understand." My voice came out rough because in her mind, Leah delightedly ran her hands over the chest of the broad-shouldered man she obviously had a crush on. I was sure it was my Jacob.

She must have noticed my forlorn expression. Her hands stuck in the back pockets of her jeans, she frowned at me. "What's with you, Cullen? You were all right, and now? You look sad."

I pointed to the south, where the larches were as gaunt as I felt. "Go and visit Jake; I'm sure he'll love to see you."

Leah scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion; then she shrugged nonchalantly. "Won't stay for long, I've got to return to the Rez."

I sighed brokenly. "I'll walk with you to the house."

Leah brushed a curl of her hair behind her ear and strode ahead of me. "Those shifts are tough on Paul; I swear that man takes too much on his shoulders. He's just like Jake."

"I'm sure he is," I muttered sullenly; but then Leah's imagery revealed a man grinning wickedly. His russet face had rougher features than my wolf. I felt buoyed up when I realized it wasn't Jacob she was daydreaming about, but Paul.

"You like Paul?"

"How do you know?" Leah muttered through clenched teeth, "God, I forgot your damned powers!" She kicked a pebble that ricocheted off a fir tree. "Paul's been nice to me lately; ever since he stood up for me when we faced Sam."

Leah stood still and turned to look at me. "Wait, you thought I had a crush on Jake?"

I shrugged.

She leaned against the fir, her hand straying towards an ugly, round canker. She idly fingered it while she looked intently at me. "So that's why you were so down."

Having read her thoughts, I knew she had a good inkling of the situation so I nodded curtly.

She grinned briefly. "Seth has been talking. Love the sweet kid but I swear, sometimes he talks my ears off!"

"I read your thoughts, and you were thinking of a man…"

"Just like Jake, huh?" Leah grinned wickedly. "Cullen, Jake is the hottest piece of ass around, if you don't mind my being blunt, but he carries around the baggage of Bella…"

Leah stopped suddenly. She was unsure about my reactions to what she wanted to say about my dead wife.

I desperately needed to hear her ideas though; I wanted to find out more about the imprint and how it could affect Jake. This was the perfect chance, so I held up my hands and tried to soothe her. "You can speak your mind, Leah. I'll always miss Bella but Jacob gave me the space I needed to see things more clearly."

She cocked her eyebrow at me. "Good to know." Then she sighed gustily. "Jake was unreachable for us girls at the Rez; and then he had to go and fall for Bella!"

I nodded my encouragement and she balled her hand in a fist and hit the tree, hard. "The bitch played with him! It made me so angry that he let her!"

She crouched and leaned gingerly against the gnarled bark, and then she looked up at me. "Even if I liked Jake that way, I wouldn't do anything. He's still haunted by the damned bitch!" She pursed her lips into a thin line and shrugged in apology. "Sorry, Cullen. I know you loved her and all, but you said I could…"

"Speak freely. It's ok, Leah." If anyone had uttered those words when Bella was alive or right after her death, I knew I would have reacted quite strongly like I did with my poor Jake.

I had grown more distant and centered regarding her; and I wanted to find out more about the imprint from one of the pack, from the person that had been hurt most cruelly by it.

"So there's no way I'd consider Jake boyfriend material." Leah paused and bit her lip, seemingly making up her mind. "Seth told me about you and him."

"You don't mind?" I raised my eyebrows at her. "Jake going out with a guy, a vampire to boot?"

Leah's short fingernails tapped an odd rhythm against the bark. "Lemme tell you; after Bella, I'd welcome anyone for him as long as they treat Jake right and don't stomp all over his heart."

I nodded solemnly. "I won't ever do that."

"Seth's babbling didn't take me by surprise," she said softly while she hunched her shoulders. "I've seen things in Jake's mind that…"

Leah paused and leaned forward to grab some violet wildflowers. "The guys in the pack? They whine that I'm bitchy and stuff, but they don't know half of it! I've glimpsed so much of what they think!"

I refrained from commenting, knowing this precious moment in which Leah spoke freely wasn't likely to repeat itself.

"Jake's been interested in guys, been curious about it." She looked up at me, clutching the stems of the flowers while she rubbed her sneakers on the grass. "You were constantly in his mind! It's easy to make the connections."

"Really?" My throat felt parched; though her words were flattering to my ego, they also placed a burden on me.

"Jake keeps it hid; guys are dumb when it comes to finding out things." Leah took a deep breath, and her words came out in a rush. "Would never tease Jake about that, though. I love him too much for that, and it's his choice to make."

She looked up at me, her dark eyes bright in the daylight. The scent of crushed grass brought back memories of the meadow in which Jake had comforted me, and farther back, the place where I'd met that innocent girl.

"I'm telling you this so you know where Jake's coming from." Leah said defiantly, "If you ever use it against him, I'll hound you to hell and bite your head off myself!"

I gulped as I held up my arms, knowing she was capable of doing just that. "I would never do that."

Leah looked sharply at me; seeing the expression in her narrowed eyes, I felt as if she was weighing my life in her hands like a mythical Norn. She nodded after a few seconds, apparently satisfied. "Jake loves deeply, Cullen; don't play with him like Bella did!"

To distract her from further bashing my dead wife, I gently pointed out, "You and Paul?"

She grinned briefly. "Just as intense as Jake and has no baggage. Always had a bit of a crush on him, to tell the truth, but he never paid me attention." She looked at the trees in the distance and sighed wistfully. "None of them ever do."

"Not even Jake?"

"He does all right," she said fondly. "But he can't magically change the minds of the other guys, you know."

"Yes, I can see that."

"They make jokes about me, you know? About my period and stuff; they have no idea how demeaning it is!" Leah gazed at the flowers she held in her palm and shrugged angrily. "Never hear any praise from those fuckers! I can run like the wind and they only grunt."

Leah frowned fiercely. "But little Quil does something stupid, and they all pat his back!"

"Sounds as if you hate them," I said while I leaned on the tree next to her.

"Nope, I never could; they're my brothers. I feel so connected when I walk next to them." She gazed at the distance and slowly opened her palm, letting the wildflowers fall softly to the ground. "I only want their acceptance now and then."

I refrained from pointing out that men handled each other as harshly as they treated her, if not more so; furthermore, women, at least in their heads, were no kinder towards each other.

"When Paul stood up for me, he finally acknowledged me!" she said brightly. "It was good. He's so strong; you should see him when he laughs! Kind of a maniac actually, but I like him. We've grown closer."

Leah faced the same quandary I did; she was interested in a member of the pack that could imprint at any moment. Knowing her history with Sam, I realized she must have a plan to deal with the imprint. I had to persuade her to tell me so I could use it too.

"Aren't you worried about the imprint?"

Leah nervously rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and looked at the woods; she said softly, "Course I am. After Sam and his stupidity…"

She turned to look at me. "Not for the imprint 'cause no one can fight against it; didn't expect him to. He dealt clumsily with the aftermath by not telling me why he broke up with me, and then he shacked up with my own cousin? It was cruel, you know?"

I nodded my assent and she went on. "Even if the stupid Elders forbade him to tell me, he could've bent the rules like Jacob did for his leech lover." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Sorry."

I nodded encouragingly; belying my inner turmoil, my voice was soothing and calm as I posed the most important question. "What will you do about it?"

"Well, I have a plan and it involves you." Leah looked up at me appraisingly. "That's why I'm pouring out my heart to you."

I gently prodded her. "And your plan is?"

She stood up, brushing the seat of her jeans to get rid of the crushed grass. She stepped towards a shrub and gazed at the bright red elderberry, reaching out her hand to caress the small fruit while she muttered, "The shifting powers come when leeches are near, the Elders say; our parents didn't have them. So I want to go away with Paul; convince him to move to a place where there are no bloodsuckers."

She turned to look at me, a pleading expression on her usually proud face. "That's why I need you, Cullen; through your contacts with leeches, you can tell me a place they don't visit."

When I heard Leah talking about her plan, my body felt light as if I was up on the trees, jumping from limb to branch. I was uplifted by her words and most importantly, the kernel of hope she zealously guarded in her mind. Surely I could do the same with Jake, move to a place unsullied by my kind.

But my hopes crashed as if I had fallen to the unyielding ground when I remembered that with Jake by my side, his powers would remain active and he would imprint. My presence inevitably meant he would shift. I was caught in a classic Catch-22 situation. I could let Jake go alone where no vampire dwelled and he wouldn't imprint, he would remain free and I'd never see him again; or we could stay together, knowing my cursed powers would mean his shifter genes would keep operating. There would always be the possibility he would imprint on someone else.

"Cullen, what's the matter?" Leah touched my shoulder awkwardly. She was puzzled by my woebegone expression.

I tried to put up a good front, not wanting to share my worries with the Quileute woman who had problems of her own. "I'll ask Carlisle; he's likely to be more informed. However, you shouldn't count on that alone, Leah. Our kind will come and go where they please."

Leah hunched her shoulders and gazed at the cloudy sky. "Leastways there must be some places you hardly visit."

"I'll ask him."

I motioned to the trees and we started walking to the house. Squaring my shoulders, I decided to plod on ahead. As we strode through the woods, I told her about my conversation with Jake. My words were punctuated by the occasional sound of the twigs breaking under our feet while the sweet scent of the pines and wildflowers soothed me.

I told her because Leah was sympathetic and I knew she would get the information as soon as she and Jacob phased. I smiled fondly and said, "So Jake wants romance, yearns for me to sweep him off his feet. I'm planning our first date."

Her hands stuck in the back pockets of her jeans, Leah snorted. "Typical Jake! He's an idealist. I swear the guy only sees the best in people. Just like with Bella; couldn't see how manipulative and cruel she was!"

I had to reluctantly concur because I had seen first-hand the results in my conversations with Jacob. Bella had undermined his confidence to the point he believed I was out of reach, just like her. Returning to the matter at hand, I grumbled, "I don't know where to take him for our first date."

Leah stopped at the edge of the woods and waved at the house. "Let me tell you something about Jacob. He's very thoughtful; the guy loves kind gestures. He doesn't have much money but he'll think of something to carve you for your birthday or when you're feeling down. He's the kind of guy girls adore." Looking sideways at me, she added slyly, "And vampires, apparently."

I looked at the grass while I fingered the car keys in my trousers. Leah's words gave me the idea for the perfect place to take him. I hoped he would love it.

\--

The rest of the week I spent making preparations for our date; I looked up the route to take and the places we would visit.

I waxed my Volvo after Jake called on the phone to tell me he was coming back from the Reservation. He had gone to discuss things with the pack and pick up his Rabbit. I found that the work soothed me; the fresh smell of the car wax reminded me of the times I watched Jake working in the garage. I smiled as I rubbed softly the fender with the rag; imagining his face when he saw the place I picked up for the date.

I looked up when I heard the soft rumble of Carlisle's Mercedes. My father parked the slick black car next to Emmett's huge Wrangler. Carlisle nodded at me as he opened the door, sliding out with the grace he endeavored to hide in the presence of mortals.

"It's so very nice to see you smiling again, son." Carlisle's soothing voice was like a balm, and I seized the chance to consult him.

I finished polishing the fender and put the rag on the hood, patting the metal before I leaned on it. "Carlisle, you may know I'm deeply interested in Jacob."

"Is there a problem?" Carlisle laid his medical bag upon the hood; then he cocked his eyebrow at me. "It seems the young man returns your feelings in spades."

I smiled at that. "Jacob cares about me; that's not the problem. It is the imprint. Frankly, I don't know what to do about it."

"I've heard it is inexorable." He stepped towards me and put his hand on my shoulder. "What does young Jacob say?"

"He says it exists so the shifter genes are passed on to the next generation." I carded my fingers through my hair, remembering the anguish in his face. "I won't give him up; I care too much for him. He's the reason I'm interested in life again."

"I see," he said softly, though in his mind I could read he had no clue about it. "In my years I have seen many strange things, Edward, so don't despair."

"Please, Carlisle, I need your help." I wasn't above begging if it would allow me to stay with Jacob for the rest of my days.

Metaphorically rolling up his sleeves, Carlisle started working on the problem. "If Jacob says it's genetic, perhaps there's a biological solution. I will have to examine other members of his tribe; find out if there are any measurable differences between the people who have imprinted and those who haven't."

He raised his eyebrows in questioning and I said rapidly, "Sam Uley and Quil Ateara imprinted."

Carlisle nodded energetically. "Good, I'll get to work on it right away."

He paused when his acute hearing told him the Rabbit was approaching. "I'll leave you two alone."

\--

 

"For the last time, Jake, my car is better equipped for the trip!" I glared at the stubborn wolf who sat ensconced between Emmett and Jasper.

I had told Jacob my car was safer for the road, equipped with GPS and everything. Did he listen? No, the obstinate Quileute had tuned up his car, aided by Rosalie, until according to them it ran like a clock.

I had tried to convince him over breakfast, and he had conveniently escaped to the garage. Now that I caught him in the living room, he was playing some silly video game with Emmett as Jasper coached him!

I wanted so to impress him with the car, to ride with him to the envy of the onlookers.

"Don't go into the alley," said Jasper, squinting at the screen. "The zombies'll get you; take a detour."

"Thanks, man." Jake smiled at him, his thumbs pushing the buttons on the handle of the white thing that looked like a spare part for their car. He shot me an impudent grin. "Nope, Edward. I worked my socks off on the Rabbit and it runs like a clock. I'll drive us to wherever."

He slouched on the couch, his t-shirt riding up to reveal his enticing abdomen. "Haven't told me where we're going yet."

"It's a secret, mutt," I said between clenched teeth.

Rosalie walked up from the stairs and glared at the men. "Emmett, I don't appreciate your stealing my right-hand man from me!"

"Sorry, hon!" Emmett didn't sound very contrite because his concentration was on the screen as he gunned down an unlucky zombie.

Rosalie growled. "Don't you honey me, Emmett!"

Jake poked Emmett's elbow. "Huh, your woman is mad."

Emmett scored a big victory on other hapless zombies and whooped with joy; then he turned to grin at Jake, wiggling his eyebrows. "Your man is angry too, wolf."

Jake rolled his eyes, a gesture which infuriated me, and finally put the game controller on the table. "Gotta talk to Edward; I'll have to leave the game. Sorry."

Emmett smiled wolfishly. " _Suuure_ , and the fact you're losing has nothing to do with it?"

Jake blushed and avoided my gaze. "Nope, that's the way it is. See you guys!"

Emmett waved his hand. "See ya, pup."

I tapped my shoe against the floor and turned to look at the woods outside the balcony, reflecting it hadn't been like this with Bella. We always acted in common accord and there were hardly any fights. I was finding that the wolf was obstinate about the strangest things.

Jake stood behind me, the scent of soap overlaid with his musky smell tickling my senses. He touched my shoulders but I shrugged him off in annoyance.

He leaned toward me. "Edward, I want to drive my car."

I said mulishly, "And I want to drive mine."

"Guys," Emmett's voice boomed around the room. He lifted the controller and pointed it at us. "Take mine, so you don't fight."

"Emmett, we can't drive that huge Jeep." Jake grinned and quipped, "That decepticon of a car will stand out!"

"Ouch, your wolf hurt my feelings, bro!" Emmett put his hands over his chest and pretended to swoon; but when he noticed yet another zombie on the screen, he hastily grabbed back the controls. He bit his bottom lip while he dealt with the monster; then he said, "Wolf, you two are going to stand out anyway; two handsome guys falling in love."

I could feel the heat blooming in Jake's cheeks as he leaned his forehead on my neck. He ruffled my hair. _'We could flip a coin, you know.'_

Before I could answer him, Rosalie said, "It's a pity the Porsche Carrera isn't ready. You could test drive it, you know."

I turned my face towards him, having felt his clothed arousal twitch against my hip at the thought of driving with me in that car. I wanted to see him blush, so I nibbled on his ear and then whispered, "Didn't know your James Dean kick ran this deep."

He looped his arm around my waist and leaned his warm forehead on my shoulder. _'Fine, fine. I had a tiny crush on him.'_

Rosalie huffed in annoyance. "Since you can't take the Porsche… why don't you guys take my car?"

Jake peered at Rosalie over my shoulder, his warm breath tickling my neck and making me shiver. "You'd lend it to me?"

"Yes, I would." Rose put her hands on her hips and scowled at us. "Don't you dare scratch it or something, you lovebirds!"

Jake intertwined his fingers with mine and pulled me towards the staircase. "Just wait till you hear what Quil said."

"Guys?" Rosalie called out to us, her hands in the pockets of her coveralls. "Take care, ok? There are lots of small-minded people who may not look kindly on two cute guys making out in public."

Jake laughed richly, his white teeth shining in the bright daylight; he slapped my back before trotting upstairs. "Ed and I will deal with them If they give us trouble."

 

 


	10. The date

 

Driving south along US 101 with Jake by my side was exhilarating. The top of the BMW was down so the wind caressed our faces while the radio boomed a rock song. Jake took a deep breath, his hand touching gingerly the collar of his plaid shirt. He looked to the right, at the endless expanse of the Pacific with the clouds hugging the horizon; then he breathed deeply as he turned to gaze fondly at the thick trees of the Olympic National Park to the left.

"Great view, man!" Jake's fingers tapped the song's rhythm against his black slacks.

I turned to gaze at him, drinking in the sight of his russet skin glowing in the early morning. "Happy now, wolf?"

Jake squirmed on the black leather seat and hooked his fingers under the seatbelt. "Sorry I was grumpy earlier, man," he mumbled. "But you woke me up before dawn. I had patrol duty the other night because of the damned poachers, and I'm trying to learn those damned subjects!"

I smiled softly, remembering Jake's dazed expression when I roused him from his sleep and told him we were beginning our date. I tried to explain. "Sorry, Jacob. I know your schedule's busy, but we had to go today. The weather, you know?"

Jake nodded as he fiddled with the controls of the radio. "Where are we going, Edward?" He craned his neck to look at a black dot of ground on the horizon. "That's Destruction Island, so we're near the Quinault Rez."

"You've been there?"

"Sure, two years ago." Jake frowned. "Dad has some friends there; they were suspicious of me though."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Rumors I guess. They're aware of our legends and when the odd report of a huge wolf reaches them…"

He turned to look sharply at me. "Now that we're on the way, where are we going really?"

This felt like the right moment to tell him the dark secrets about Bella, so I said, "It's a place I never took Bella, she…" 

Jake reached his hand and put his finger on my lips. "Let's not talk about her, ok? Leah ribbed me, telling me we're like two old men who talk about her all the time." He motioned towards the sea. "I want the day to be about you and me." 

I nodded my assent because it was our first date; however, if I had known better I would have disregarded his words. It would have saved us a lot of grief.

\--

Jacob found an oldies station, and the notes of _A hard day's night_ rang through the air.

"Nice song," I said.

He crossed his arms behind his head and turned to me. "So when did you listen to it for the first time?"

"Somewhere in British Columbia, I guess. We'd just visited the Denalis; Carlisle stopped by this small gas station along the highway?" I puzzled my eyebrows, trying to remember that day. "Heard it on their radio while they filled the Cadillac."

Jake stared at the road with a pensive expression and as I leaned down to downshift, I caressed his thigh. He lifted it up against my palm as I said, "Why are you asking me about every song?"

"Want to learn more about you."

"Through the music?"

"Nope, your voice, Edward." He sighed and scooted on the seat so his shoulder touched mine.

"Guess you sound happy, sometimes sad. And when you tell me about what you did right then, I don't know…" He shrugged while his hand played with the buckle of the seatbelt. "Somehow I feel part of your life, and I like it." 

We didn't say anything for a while.

As we passed Kalaloch Road, I downshifted again. Frankly, I was driving too slowly for my taste, but I wanted to draw out the time I spent with Jake. With his patrol duty and the way he crammed those lessons, we didn't spend as much time together as I wanted.

His words about Leah brought to mind the conversation I had with the Quileute woman. She'd pointed out that Jacob tended to idolize people, something I believed was correct. After all, he had put Bella upon a pedestal; certainly I didn't want him to do that with me. Taking a deep breath, I resolved to confess my dark, troubled past; Jake had to be aware I wasn't perfect at all.

Looking around at the trees on both sides of the road made me remember Jacob's wish to protect the land, that balance between prey and predator he was so keen upon. I hunched my shoulders, realizing that he was genetically destined to guard the people against monsters like me.

Above all, he thought of himself as a guardian, and I was aware he would not take kindly to my monstrous deeds. 

Jake frowned at me. "What's the matter, man? You're grabbing the steering wheel like it'll fly away!"

I looked sideways at him. "You really want to know about my life, Jacob? Then I must tell you it hasn't always been, to put it succinctly, humane."

"What do you mean?"

"I've killed people, Jacob." I stared fixedly at the road ahead, and my words came out in a rush. "In 1927 I left Carlisle and Esme. I was so foolish; I wanted to rebel so I took off on my own.  In my hubris, I killed Esme's abusive ex-husband, and he was just the first of many."

I peeked at him, uncertain of his reaction because his mind gave me no clue. Jake's dark eyes were wide, his body rigid on the leather seat as he stared straight ahead. He gripped the seatbelt so tightly his fingers were white. He said roughly, "Go on."

"I eschewed Carlisle's teaching never to drink human blood because, you see, I'm a true monster."

I knew I could easily lose him. Jake might come to regret sparing my life when I asked him to kill me.

Despite the risk of losing his love I had always considered, even when I was with Bella, that he deserved to know the truth so I plodded on, "I killed mortals, Jacob; people whose thoughts were so criminal, their actions so malevolent I thought they weren't worthy to live."

Jake closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself. I could hear his heart beating madly inside his chest. His thoughts whirled around so much I wondered if the protector in him would prevail and he would cast me aside, or the nurturing side I was so well acquainted with. Jake had both qualities in spades.

Finally, he looked sharply at me; his nostrils flaring as he said hoarsely, "Why tell me now?"

"Because you deserve to know before we go any further. If you don't want me…"

"Man, stop!" Jake lifted his arms and shouted, "Hate it when you put words in my mouth, ok?"

He scowled at me. "Lemme think for a sec."

Jake stared at the blurring trees passing by while he rubbed his forehead with a tired motion. "How many did you kill?"

Before I could reply, he muttered, "Don't answer that! Just tell me, they were all killers, they lived outside Forks?" 

"None from Forks. It happened before the Treaty and all were despicable people." I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on the straight highway and the scant houses, not daring to look at my wolf. "In due time I realized I had no business judging them. God knows a monster like me can't act as avenging angel."

"Don't say that!" Jake growled "Just don't." His eyes shone brightly and his handsome features twisted in a grimace; I saw his chest heaving up and down as he sought to control himself. I felt he was very close to phasing but strangely, I didn't feel threatened at all.

Jacob put his hand on his chest, trying to will his madly beating heart to slow down. Overcome with emotions I couldn't yet decipher, he rasped, "Can't you get it in your thick head that you're not a monster? What do you want, Cullen? Want me to tell you you were right? I can't because you were dead wrong!"

"I know, Jake." I pushed the pedal as I gazed at the map display on the dashboard. "I've rued those days for decades. I don't have Carlisle's compassion and kind heart; I'm not at all sweet, like you think."

"You were wrong to act as judge and jury; just be thankful the Treaty wasn't breached!" Jake said harshly. "And you're wrong to think you know me that well!"

He leaned down to reach the dashboard and pushed angrily the buttons to change the radio station. "I don't think you're sweet or anything. Can't you understand once and for all that I want you, darkness included? Along with the danger and whatever else you have?"

"You… do?" I hated the tentative quality of my voice, but I was surprised at his words.

"I have news for you; there's darkness in me, too!" Jake said sadly, "Every day is a constant struggle to control the wolf inside; you really have no idea how tight I'm bound!" He muttered through clenched teeth, "Felt so free when I ran up north; there was nothing to confine me."

He crossed his arms and tapped his shoe against the mat. "If I wanted a perfect guy I would look elsewhere."

He sniffed and looked at the woods; obviously flustered at my confession and his outburst which had revealed his feelings. None of us said anything for a long while and I didn't want to break the silence.

I felt refreshed after that exchange. Jake hadn't tossed me aside, neither was he blind to the perils I posed, like Bella had been. He felt in his core the darkness that held me in its grip, and relief washed over me like a soothing balm. Truly, he was the only one that could understand me because, like me, he had been forced into his unwilling role. My family offered love and comfort, but Jake forced me to confront myself. The stubborn wolf wouldn't be easily maneuvered; his judgments were harsh but I could feel the love that surrounded them.

We sped through the long miles sharing the comfortable silence, unlike the awkward pauses with Bella.

On the outskirts of Castle Rock, I swerved to let a white trailer pass us. Jake's eyes were closed and he had been so quiet, I would've thought he was sleeping if I hadn't read his thoughts.

"I love your dark and your sweetness; they call to my soul," Jake muttered. He leaned forward and laid his head upon the dashboard, whispering, "I'm attracted to you. I need all of you, the good and the bad. Even this."

He opened his eyes, and I drank the sight of him while he scrunched up his brow. _'I love all your sides.'_

Jake sighed deeply and spread his arms; leaning back on the black leather seat again he gazed up at the cloudy sky. I looked sideways at him, enjoying the way the brisk wind ruffled his silky black hair, though it robbed me of the chance to savor his sweet essence, mixed with the cologne he had brought from his house. 

"Just don't do it again!" He paused and mentally reviewed his words, amending them. "Without provocation."

"I won't, Jake. I've learned my lesson."

I was taking the I-5 down south when Jake said out of the blue, "We've been driving for hours. Are we going to reach Portland soon?"

"Soon enough. How did you know?"

"I just do." Jake smiled at me, and after my confession and the heated exchange, the sight of his lips curling upward and his dimples soothed me like a drop of blood when I hadn't fed in a long time. He cocked his head sideways. "I can read highway signs, you know."

I snorted while he said, "Wanted to drive, but since you've kept our destination a secret…"

"I want to surprise you, wolf."

"Whatever." Jake turned his body sideways so his head leaned against my shoulder. "I can't judge you, man. I don't know what it feels to be a leech; might've done the same in your case."

I said earnestly, "Would you ever consider becoming one?"

"Never!" His voice was deep and serious, but then he cracked a smile and snuggled against me. "Why should I, when I have my own personal Cullen?"

Jake yawned, having missed his sleep last night. I reached my hand to change the station, looking for something soothing. After going through New Age and Rock, I found another oldies station. Apparently the sound of the big band playing was relaxing to the wolf, who yawned widely again.

"Take a nap, Jake."

Like a stubborn kid, Jake shook his head, nuzzling my chin with his cheek. But the lack of sleep prevailed and after a few minutes he started snoring.

Jake's acceptance was soothing, but I garnered it came from the fact that he didn't know those people. The deeds occurred long before he was born. He had been revolted by the idea of me murdering people; but his feelings for me, which ran deeper than I thought, prevailed.  I was sure he would react very differently if the murders had been recent. 

\--

In due time we reached Portland; as I swerved to take the route towards Arlington Heights, Jake woke up. He stretched his arms and sat up lazily, rubbing his neck to get the cricks out of it.

I was very excited as we swiftly neared the place of our date. I wanted to see his face when he looked at the spot I'd told him about. 

"We're getting there," he said firmly.

I raised my eyebrows at him, noting his shirttail was out of his slacks. "How do you know?"

"Don't have your powers, Edward, but I can feel your tense body." He said while he rubbed my chest.

My lips curled up in a smirk. "You're just groping me."

"Maybe, but I'm right."

"Well, you are; we're almost there."

I pushed the pedal as the car climbed uphill near one of the reservoirs of the city. I doubted Jake's Rabbit would have been able to take the punishment of the 500-mile round trip. Rosalie and Jake would have had to fiddle with the carburetor afterwards or whatever they did to fix cars.

 Finally I turned to the right and entered an avenue, Southwest Kingston, according to the GPS. I found a parking spot next to a silver SUV.

"Where are we?" Jake said excitedly as we got out of the car. He balanced on the balls of his feet, full of nervous energy. I smiled at him while I opened the trunk and grabbed Esme's basket, full of goodies, and motioned with it to the small side street.

After I closed the trunk, I started walking on the paved road.  Jake stretched his long legs and then strolled with me. We meandered along the carefully tended plots of beautiful flowers while Jake pleaded with me to tell me where we were; the sight of his eyes begging me was my undoing.

I put down the basket and held his wrist, caressing it with my thumb as I waved my arm around us in a rather dramatic fashion. "Wolf of mine, this is the meadow I told you about, you know? The place I met the little girl whose memory I cherish."

I shrugged nonchalantly, knowing that the tended plots conveyed little of the wilderness that once was here. "What civilization has left in place at any rate."

I looped my arm around Jacob's slim waist and looked deep into his dark eyes, knowing that every day I irrevocably fell deeper for this man. "I wanted to bring you here because you're special like her. She gave me hope during troubling times and you…" I rubbed my cheek against his. "You gave me back my life. I'll always cherish every moment I spend with you."

Jake gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "Is this really the place?"

"It is, wolf."

He wrapped me in a strong hug that lifted me up the road and mumbled against my neck, "Thanks, Edward! I can't… it means the world to me! Sharing this place that's so special to you!"

After he put me down, I cupped his chin and kissed him gently. "You mean the world to me, Jake."

He framed my head with his hands and said gruffly, "I won't forget this, man. You've swept me off my feet!"

His fingers caressed my forearm as he looked around. "So where did you meet her?"

I shrugged. "They paved over the exact place, but the meadow was next to a…"

"Copse of trees, you said."

I smiled at him, pleased that he remembered. I mused that this was the kind of detail the wolf would hold in his mind. Lifting our joint hands I pointed to the east. "Those trees."

Jake bent down to pick up the basket and started walking towards them, dragging me along. "Well, let's have a picnic with the food your mother made."

\--

We spent time in the lonely copse as I fed him small tidbits of food between his questions about the little girl.  Some details were engraved in my mind but others had been washed away by time.

Jake held my fingers and licked the mayonnaise off my fingertips, looking up at me like the cat that ate the canary. "Tastes better on you than on the sandwich."

His words reminded me of something I wanted to ask him. "You haven't complained about the smell at the house."

Jake shrugged, snuggling closer to me. "Hardly feel it. I guess Rose's scent is more like motor oil; just don't tell her I said that." He smiled toothily at me. "And you smell like home."

I leaned down and swiped my tongue over his full lips, tasting the ham and onions of the sandwich.

Jake shivered and laid his head down on my thigh, playing with my sleeve. "You say you came back several times?"

It was hard to answer him in the sensual situation but I managed. "I was curious and just after we moved up north, I returned to look for her in the meadow. Saw the girl once; must have been in 1954. I remember the date because I'd just watched Brando starring in _On the waterfront_." I shrugged a bit despondently. "I glimpsed the girl from afar but she was with her aunt."

"Anything special about the aunt?" Jake's hand sneaked beneath my shirt to rub my chest. I choked back a moan at the wolf's groping but my voice was steady as I continued.

"She worked in Seattle as a secretary in the Boeing plant." I said while slowly unbuttoning his shirt and opening it to reveal the expanse of russet chest I wanted to play with. If the wolf thought he could grope me without consequences he was wrong.

"She must have been visiting her niece." I said while I played with his nipples. "Didn't have time to find out anything more because it was a sunny day and I had to stay hidden beneath the canopies."

Jake groaned and arched up his chest, seeking more contact with my roaming hand. Meanwhile he fiddled with the buckle of my belt.  

"I went back several times but I could find no traces of the girl." I pushed away his hand, intending to answer his question. "After we returned, around 1966, I visited here but could find no traces of her."

Jake propped himself on his elbows, smiling at me. "I'm sure she's all right; or at the very least she might've had a nice, long life."

"I'm not sure, Jake." I evaded his searching gaze. "I've seen so much misery in this world. It's so overwhelming that it makes eternal life a curse."

His voice full of determination, Jake reached his hand to ruffle my hair. "There's happiness in the world, Edward. You just have to grab it when it comes."

He held my hand and paused for a second, searching intently my face. I could see he was very aroused; he wanted to try something but was unsure if I would agree. The silly wolf didn't want to desecrate the memories the place held for me!

I pushed his hand towards my lap, my arousal twitching at the pressure. "This answers your question? We'll create new memories."

I looked around. "The trees provide good cover, but I'm not sure we should be doing this in the open."

Jake crouched over me, his russet chest heaving in the afternoon light. He blushed and looked intently at me. "I've got a mind-reading lover. You can find out if anyone comes." He paused and licked his lips, gazing down at my crotch. "Right now? I just want to taste you, man."

I reacted to his raspy voice and the smell of his sweat and arousal. My fingers opened his slacks and pulled down the zipper, divesting him of his pants before he could react. Jake leaned on me while he shimmied his boxers off, my mouth watering at the sight of his shaft.

He was nervous as he fiddled with my belt buckle until I batted away his hands. In a blur, I had my pants down to my ankles.

He smacked his lips and looked up at me, cocking his eyebrows. "Going commando, Cullen?"

Instead of answering the snarky wolf, I wrestled him to the ground. I scooted forward to reach his hips, caressing the sculpted muscles. I traced my fingers up and down the length of his shaft; when my thumb grazed his cockhead Jake shuddered violently and licked my cock.

The sensation of his warm tongue swirling around my glans, and then his wet mouth taking inside the first inches, combined with the hot flesh I eagerly swallowed made me shiver. Jake's head bobbed up and down on my shaft and he pushed his hips into my eager mouth, the coldness drove him mad with want like a mirror image of my own lust.

I was afraid I wasn't a good sentinel. I was so caught up in giving and receiving head that I didn't care if anyone saw us. The copse was eerily silent though, I could hear the sprinklers watering flowers outside but nothing else, except the slobbering sounds we made as Jake and I feasted on each other.

My left hand roamed over his abs while I held his shaft, running my fingers along the length and feeling the thick vein pulse as I licked the underside, which was glistening with spit. I stroked it and watched the foreskin slid back and forth, Jake mimicked my actions and I moaned. The hot mouth swallowing me prompted me to lick the red cockhead, my lips circling the crown. I lapped up his juices, delighting in the salty, wild taste of his precome before I swallowed him till I reached the root, my nose nudging his balls. It felt like molten bronze speared my throat as Jake thrust in and out. Overcome with the feelings, I jerked my hips violently and then paused, afraid I had hurt him.

Unable to speak, Jake grunted. _'Go on, man. You feel nice…'_

Assured by his thoughts, I let go of my inhibitions and thrust inside his hot throat, careful not to use my full force.

I felt his fingers spreading my cheeks, and then his thumb rubbed my entrance. I bucked my hips into his tantalizing hand while I slid his cock inside my mouth. I pinned him to the ground, staying his motions with my hands while I squeezed my throat around his shaft. Jacob moaned around my cock as he came. I hungrily swallowed all he had to give. It tasted like the warm sea, salty and alive. When I felt his probing finger invading my entrance, I clenched around it and climaxed.

I shuddered when Jake delicately cleaned my shaft. It took me a moment to let go of his softening cock and nurse it till it was clean of his seed.

I rolled sideways and wiped my lips as I stared at his swollen lips and flushed face; knowing I was responsible for this sexy sight made my cock twitch again.

"That was great, Edward." Jake croaked, blushing hotly when he realized his voice betrayed what we had done.

"Sure it was, wolf." I couldn't help but smirk, hearing how his eyes widened at the sound of my smooth voice.

Jacob stood up and hastily tried to make himself presentable while he glared at me. "It ain't fair! You don't sound like…"

"I had your thick cock down my throat?" I said, wanting to see more of his blush.

"Whatever." Jake rubbed his backside and squirmed. "I have a piece of grass stuck inside my boxers."

I leered at him. "I can take it out if you want."

He looked to the ground and mumbled, "Someday I'll make you sound hoarse, I promise." He puzzled his eyebrows in thought when he noticed the long shadows the trees cast. "Hey, what time is it?"

I looked at my watch and was surprised at the way time had passed so quickly. "It's 5:20"

"We have time!" He reached his hand to pull me up. "Dad came here once; told me there are street fairs this time of year. What do you say we visit them?"

I had to roll my eyes at Jacob's exuberance. I expected him to be tired after our lovemaking, but instead he appeared to be bubbling with energy. I shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

\--

"This car feels heavy, man." Jake said as he drove the BMW through the Portland freeway. I had to admit he handled the car with confidence.

He shrugged when I asked him about it. He rubbed his thumb over the button to adjust the rearview mirror. "Rose gave me lessons. She's a harsh teacher, lemme tell you!" He touched his forearm where my sister thwacked him.

"Where are we?" He glanced at the map. "Never got the hang of that thing."

My finger traced the green squares. "Approaching North Mississippi Avenue."

He rubbed his chin. "Dad said something about it."

There wasn't anything there though. He drove through the city until we found by happenstance a place with carnival rides.

He parked the car next to a pick-up truck. In the hustle and bustle of the carnival, the thoughts of the people didn't bother me as much as usual because I had Jake's cheerfulness to keep me occupied.

He quickly found a food vendor and wolfed down several hot dogs with fries. I shook my head at the hungry wolf while Jake rolled up the napkin and threw it in the trash can. Grabbing my elbow, he guided me to a stand on the corner where a middle-aged lady was selling old CDs.

He searched among the plastic cases, picking up the ones he found interesting and asking me. "Do you have this?"

If I said yes he would put it back. After rummaging through the bottom layer he held up a case with a picture of four faces painted in red. "What about this?"

I shook my head and he lifted his eyebrows at me. "Any good?"

"It's an old Talking Heads album, pretty good actually."

Having finished searching, Jake fished in his pocket while he asked the lady. "How much?"

They haggled a while until he bought the Talking Heads CD and two others from newer bands. 

Jake nodded his good-bye to the woman and she waved at him. "Have fun with your boyfriend, dear! It's so good to see young love these days!"

Jake blushed as we walked away. Meanwhile, I was glaring at a young thug who had elbowed his friend, whispering, "See those two fags?"

The thug took a step back when he saw me snarling at him. Jake noticed though; he dragged me along as he whispered, "Pay them no mind, Cullen. Don't let those punks bring you down."

We sauntered along the street until we got to several stands which offered prizes.

I noticed immediately the one which offered a stuffed penguin. I walked up to the paunchy man in charge who nodded at me.

"Think you can win, son?" He pointed at a group of red plastic baskets several yards away.

"All you have to do is throw this lil' ball here and get it into one of the baskets." He bounced a black ball between his hands.

I smirked at Jake while I paid the man. I grabbed the ball and measured the space with my eyes, knowing that with my baseball abilities it would be as easy as stealing candy from a baby.

Just as I prepared my throw, Jake coughed in embarrassment. "Mmh, Edward?"

"Yes?" I waved my arm and just before I threw the ball, Jacob wiggled his eyebrows at me. _'Wanna drop to my knees and suck your cock!'_

"What the hell?" It was too late, though, my perfect aim was way off and the ball went way above the damned baskets. 

"You cheated!" I spluttered in disbelief.

Jake winked at me and sauntered up to the man who was scratching his head at our words. Jake paid him and hefted the ball, lobbing it lightly so it traced a graceful arc. The damned thing had to hit the front of the top lip and sank down into the basket!  

The man rubbed his belly and said grumpily, "Which prize do you want?"

For a moment, I was afraid Jake would choose one of the Sponge-Bobs but he preferred a stuffed grey wolf.

As we made our way back to the car, I vindictively reflected that Jake's prize looked much more like a doggie than the predator he was so proud of.

Jake pointed the key at the car and turned off the alarm. He went to open the driver's door and motioned to me. I stuck my hands in my pockets and grudgingly approached my wily lover.

He hefted the grey wolf and waved its snout at me. "Edward, meet _Kwolie_."

I had to smile at that. "Kwolie? Funny name for a stuffed animal."

Jake huffed. "Hey, Kwolie means wolf in our tongue and for your information, the tribe's name comes from it!"

"Sorry." I said a bit insincerely; I wasn't feeling very contrite, smarting from his underhanded tactics.

He lifted the floppy ear of his dog-wolf and whispered to it. "Kwolie, the surly guy over there is Edward Cullen. I want you to watch over him when I'm away; he's very special you see."

He closed his eyes and muttered, "He's all I ever wanted, so take good care of him for me."

I grinned at him; I couldn't stay angry for too long and his words were touching.

After I got into the driver's side, Jake playfully put Kwolie on my lap. The stuffed wolf wouldn't allow me to drive properly so I unceremoniously threw it to the back seat.

Jake smiled at me. "Kwolie will keep you company in your couch. Just pet him and imagine it's me, holding you after we made love."

It was twilight when we left Portland. Jake gazed longingly at the skyscrapers which shone dimly in the light of the waning day. He looked tired after our exciting date.

Jake fiddled with the controls of the radio until he found the same oldies station and hummed along to the Beach Boys' _Good vibrations._

He yawned as he snuggled next to me, and his chin bobbed down as he started to doze off. Squirming as he sought the most comfortable position, he muttered against my shoulder, "I could use Kwolie right now, he's soft."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss his head.

He gazed up at me. "Had lots of fun today, Edward, thanks!"

"I'm glad, Jake."

Lulled by the soft music and the movement of the car, Jake started falling asleep. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. _'Loved the city and the meadow… and I love you.'_

I pressed the pedal and the car sped through the freeway. Invigorated by Jake's thoughts, I imagined that the streetlights created a tunnel through which we drove away from our checkered past into a future I could envision only with my wolf.

When I heard him snoring and his mind was blissfully blank, I looked down at him and said huskily, "I love you so much, Jacob. It hurts me to think I could ever lose you."

 

_**Author's note:** The next few chapters will have angst, though it won't last long. _


	11. The handwriting on the book

 

 **JPOV**  
  
  
"So that's the way it is." I shuffled my shoes against the pebbles in front of the shed, sticking my hands in the back pockets as I waited for his reaction. I had put off telling Quil about my relationship with Edward, but I couldn't keep this secret. Soon enough, we would phase together and he'd know all about it. It was better if he heard it from me.

My patrols so far had been with Leah and Seth, who were in on the secret. As I squared my shoulders, I prepared myself to face his possible disapproval. Quil was one of my best friends, but we hadn't discussed anything like this.

"You and Cullen, huh?" He shrugged his broad shoulders, his brow puzzled in concentration. "You imprinted or something?"

"Nope." I took a deep breath and walked towards the door, turning my head to gaze at the empty space where my Rabbit used to be. The place looked forlorn without my car and the tools seemed abandoned. Felt like a part of my past was gone forever. My heart thudded painfully when I thought about the fun times I'd had there with Bella, back when everything seemed as simple as winning her love.

Looking at Quil, I wondered if my friends would be with me on this leg of my journey while my wolf howled inside. He didn't want to be alone.

Quil must have seen something in my expression. He walked towards me and awkwardly patted my shoulder. "It's ok, Jacob. Guess I should've seen it coming, what with the way you and the leech stared at each other all the time."

I hugged his burly frame. "Thanks, man."

He stepped back and stuck his hands in his pockets. "No problem. Grandpa says love takes many forms or something like that."

Heaving a deep sigh of relief, I smiled at him and lifted my eyebrows in question. "D'you think the others will take it as easily?"

Quil took long strides towards the house.  "Don't think the pack will trouble you. We were worried about your reactions to her death, you know?"

I nodded and looked down; the crunchy sound of the gravel underfoot irritated me. Did they really think I was so fragile?

"Didn't affect me like Edward, you should've seen him." I took out the phone and frowned at it; there were no messages from Cullen.

Quil stopped in front of the door, his brow creased in worry. "Just don't let Cullen play with you the way Bella did."

Trying to make light of the situation, I quipped, "Thought you had a huge crush on her."

"Didn't blind me to the way she kept you on a limb."

"Edward won't do that." I shook my head and smiled fondly. "You should see him when he's…"

"Enough, Jake." Quil grinned impishly to take the sting off his words. "Or I'll tell you about my wet dreams."

"Nothing I haven't seen when we phase."

He shrugged and looked up at the cloudy sky. "Weather should be fine tonight, I hope. We have bigger fish to fry." He glared at the woods. "The damned hunters are at it again. They almost shot Mara."

"Did they? When?" My heart beat a fast rhythm; though I hardly talked to the girl, she was a nice person.

"You were patrolling along the river, I guess." Quil pointed at the woods. "We followed the trail. Led us south to…"

"The Quinault Rez?"

"Yep."  Quil nodded and looked at the forest. "Sam called them. They want a meeting tonight; most of the pack will go." He pointed at the door. "Your father's coming along."

"I'll go."

"Nope, Sam wants you to patrol." Quil shrugged. "He told me to tell you."

I opened the door of the house and motioned inside. He took a step back and smiled broadly. "Can't go in. Got an appointment with Dr. Cullen."

"Whatever for?"

"Don't know. The Doc just called and said it was important." He grinned goofily. "Gotta see Claire first to make sure she's all right."

"Sure, sure." I understood the need he felt to be near his imprint was overwhelming. My fingers touched the cold doorknob, and I shivered at the thought of losing my will just like that. Hated the imprint so much!

Like my best friend, the imprint could get me some day. I'd fall for a random girl or guy and would have to leave Edward, which made my heart throb painfully.

"Don't you feel… forced?" Seeing Quil's puzzled expression, I said, "You know, feeling this pull toward Claire?"

"Nope, Jake. Feels like the most natural thing in the world." He started walking away and called over his shoulder. "Just wait until you imprint. It's the coolest thing ever!"

\--

I stepped inside and breathed deeply the spicy scent wafting through the house. Dad had made his favorite stew. 

"Son, glad you're coming by." Dad rolled his wheelchair toward the table, where he had his meal. He waved at the savory dish. "Want something?"

"Thanks, but Mrs. Cullen fixed lunch." I patted his shoulder, and walked to the kitchen. I opened the pantry and gazed inside. "Haven't eaten the apples yet?"

I had made a detour to the supermarket and bought things for him when I picked my Rabbit. Dad never ate enough veggies and fruits. Had to make sure he had fresh produce because he forgot to buy it.

"I had one the other day," he replied gruffly. "You shouldn't have bought that, Jacob."

"You know fruit is good for you."  I closed the pantry and walked towards the table; hooking my foot under the leg of a chair, I pulled it towards me and sat down. "Heard you're going to the Quinault Rez?"

He shrugged while he cut the meat. "Those people are afraid of us. I have acquaintances there, so…" He paused and looked at me sharply. "You look worried, son."

I'd hinted at our relationship when I came over for the car, but he didn't know the extent of my feelings. Was a bit nervous about his reaction.  

"Cullen and I…"

"You said you had something going on with him?" Dad speared a piece of meat; chewing on it thoughtfully, he raised his eyebrows.  

"I'm falling for him."

He must have noticed how nervous I was because he reached down to gently pry from my fingers the knife I was gripping. "The tribe's mores are not those of others; I've told you that before. My father told me about his grandfather's time, when people weren't bound by the outsiders' morals. I won't hate you or anything, Jacob. Chiefs used to have several wives."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you understand."

"Just take care, son. I know you take things very seriously."

I mumbled under my breath, "What about the Black line?"

"Rachel and Rebecca will have sons." He took a sip from his glass of water. "The line will continue somehow; we're not keen on dynasties like the others."

I slouched on the chair, crossing my arms behind my neck while he cracked up a smile. "For a moment there, you looked like you'd just seen a _tistilal_ , Jacob."

I had to chuckle at that. "The big bird with a whale in its claws?" I craned my neck to look around. "Don't hear the wings making thunder."

"It's good to see you smile, Jacob." Dad pushed away his plate and patted his stomach. "You were so stressed before you took off."

The mention of the thunderbird brought my trek to my mind. I put my elbows on the table and toyed with a napkin, leaning towards him. "The north was great, Dad. I wish you could've seen how brightly the Ghost Road shone at night."

"The Cree came up with a good name for the Milky Way." Dad nodded solemnly, and then he muttered, "The Wolf's Trail has kept me company in many hunting trips."

He leaned across the table and poked my chest. "You are the wolf I could never be! The messenger of the spirit world resides within you."

I sighed in disappointment. "The wolf hasn't talked to me much, Dad." I shrugged and poured myself a glass of water. While I drank, my mind wondered and I recalled the time spent with Edward, or fixing the car with Rose and studying those damned lessons. "Been distracted, really."

"When the time's right, the spirit inside will guide you, don't worry."

I tensed up when I heard the soft rumble of the car approaching the house because it was Chief Swan's.

"Charlie's a bit early." Dad looked at his watch. "He comes often on some pretext or another; we just shoot the breeze for a while. He was pretty devastated after Bella passed away."

I heard Chief Swan knocking on the door.

"Come in, Charlie. Don't need to knock."

"Billy, I came in for a cup of…" Chief Swan paused in the threshold when he saw me. "Jacob? Your dad said you were with the Cullens on tribe's business."

I shot a grateful look at Dad for covering up for me. I waved at Charlie and stood up. His face had more lines than the last time I saw him. He had a spatter of grey hairs above his ears, and the lines above his mouth were more pronounced.

"Hey, Chief!" I walked up to him and patted his shoulder awkwardly. Seeing his sad expression made me want to hug him.

He shrugged and said, "I really missed you, Jacob, after…"

Couldn't hold back any longer, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, stepping back after a few moments. I blushed, not knowing how Chief Swan would take it because he was kind of stoic. The man just grinned at me and patted my back, "Still as warm as ever, Jacob."

He smiled at Billy. "Came for a cup of coffee before I return to the office, and I wanted to warn you."

Dad motioned to the coffee pot and I went to the stove to turn it on.

"It's good that you're here, Jacob." The Chief walked up to the kitchen counter and leaned against it. "We've had reports of shots fired in the woods at night from several Forks residents that live on Bogachiel Way. Seeing as how you were … impulsive with your bike, I want you to take care."

I remembered the 'bike' incident. It was the excuse we cooked up when the newborn army attacked and that bloodsucker crushed me.

"I will, Chief, have no worry."

Charlie crossed his arms and gazed at the windows for a while. Then he said gruffly, "I don't want to see you getting hurt, Jacob, after…"

I poured the coffee, passing him the cup.  

"Thanks, Jacob." He sipped the coffee absently.

I put my hand behind my neck and rubbed it. Was a bit embarrassed because Charlie really cared about me. He cheered for me during my romance with Bella. I glanced guiltily at Dad who crossed his arms as if expecting me to make a choice.

Charlie was like an uncle. He had always been around me, forming a tightly-knit group with Dad, Harry Clearwater, and Quil's father. I felt a knot on my throat at the thought of telling him because he might not take kindly to the notion of me hooking up with Edward.

"Chief Swan, I've got something to tell you." I stopped for a second, trying to find a diplomatic way but could find none; the plain truth would have to do. "Edward Cullen and I have grown… closer."

The Chief sighed wistfully. "Misery loves company, right? I saw Edward during the funeral, poor guy was devastated. I'm sure you two have a lot in common. During the bike incident he seemed as worried about you as my daughter – like it was Bella lying there. The look in his eyes…"

I felt heat pooling in my lower body. Charlie's words made me aware that Edward had cared for me far longer than I thought.  

Charlie sipped his coffee and gazed at the ceiling, conceding grudgingly. "I realized he's a decent guy, just like you, Jacob." 

I ruffled my hair, wondering how to make Charlie understand that my interest in Edward wasn't platonic at all. I mumbled low under my throat, "We're kind of dating."

Charlie finished the coffee and put the cup down. Apparently he hadn't heard me because he smiled tiredly at Dad. "I have to return to the station. Nice talking to you, Billy."

He nodded at me. "Take care, Jacob. Come to the house whenever you like. That place is lonely."

"Chief Swan." I smiled weakly at him.

After he opened the door, he absently touched the zipper of his jacket. "Jacob, this is more a wish than anything, okay? You did Bella so much good. I trust your judgment about Edward. I'm hoping you'll use it… carefully."

Charlie walked out the door and I whispered, more to myself than to him, "I will."

In that moment I felt dizzy when the realization hit me like a hammer.  Having to defend Edward in front of Quil; then explaining to Dad, and finally Charlie's words.

I was able to name my feelings for Edward which were simple, really. I loved him; I had fallen for Cullen head over heels.

\--

"This is so dammed hard!" I put down the book, wishing I was in the garage working on the Porsche with Rosalie, or out in the woods. I caressed Kwolie's fur; the stuffed wolf appeared to look at me with sympathy, but obviously he wasn't in my predicament. I'd found that English was harder than history and math combined!

"If your assignment is too hard, Jake, why don't you take up another subject like history?" Edward's smooth voice made me shiver all over and I gazed at the man. He was standing on the other side of the room, browsing through his books. We had to stay apart so I could concentrate on the lessons; else we'd start groping each other. It was hot, but for now I really had to keep my mind on the subjects.

"Nope, Jasper's gone hunting with Em." I threw the book on the couch and crossed my legs. Jasper often helped me with history, the moody guy made it seem easy. He sure knew stuff from way back when.

Edward picked up a book and walked towards me. I gulped at the sight of his pale collarbone peeking above his button-down shirt, he looked edible. The way the stray sunlight highlighted his tousled copper locks made me want to card my fingers through his  hair.

"You should do well to concentrate on learning at the moment, wolf." The bastard smirked at me, having read my thoughts.

"Would be easier with music, you know." I gazed at the open door, hoping he'd take the hint. Wanted to hear Edward play the piano, to hear the sounds Bella had gushed about.

He walked to the shelf with the CDs and picked up a bright green plastic case. "I know a string quartet that will soothe you, Jake."

What did I have to do to interest him in music again? Edward was so oblivious; would I have to bang my head against the damned shelf?

Wanted him to become engrossed in the things he loved. I had the cars, the patrols with the pack and my studies to keep me busy. Edward had nothing but his books.

I squirmed on the seat as he put the CD on the player. Guess I was expecting a lot from him, but seeing Charlie's worn features made me realize the toll Bella's death imposed on all of us. Edward was still fragile and I wanted him to grow strong again. Taking up his old hobby would be fine, but the damned Cullen was stubborn.

I heard the sounds of violins and other instruments. They were fine, but nothing like the music I knew those pale, long fingers could make. I shuddered when I remembered how good those cold fingers felt against my cock, and that wet and amazing mouth.

I wiped the sweat off my brow with my left hand, glaring at Edward when I saw the smirk he sported. To distract myself, I took out the phone and texted Quil. Wanted to find out what Dr Cullen wanted with him.

My fingers clumsily typed the message. _'Wassup man? What did Doc want?'_

I sent it while Edward smiled maliciously. "The wonders of technology. People have the world at their fingertips. Of course, I don't need that to know what you're thinking, wolf."

I glanced at the screen which showed my friend's message. _'Tests, lots of them, really boring.'_

I held the phone while I glared at Edward. Didn't know what bothered me most; his smug tone, the way his clothes fit him like a second skin, the bronze hair I was dying to touch, or a combination of all of this.

His words gave me an idea to get back at him in a naughty way, though. Giving up on studying for now, I stood up and walked up to him, and then poked his chest with the phone. "So your powers are better than this?"

"They are, Jacob."

I snorted and walked to the door.

"Where are you going, wolf?" Edward said in a worried tone. "You haven't finished your essay on Nineteenth Century novels."

I stood at the threshold; leaning against the door, I bent my leg and propped my foot against the frame. Looking at him and trying to hide my thoughts, I licked my lips. "Going to the woods to distract myself."

Edward stepped towards me and I lifted my hand, arching my eyebrows at him. "Stay here, Cullen. I have a surprise for you."

"What…"

Without waiting for his answer, I dashed out of the room. Trotting down the stairs, I adjusted my growing shaft. I wanted to wipe the smugness off Edward's face, and I knew exactly how to do it.

Having reached the woods a few minutes later, I leaned against a pine tree and tugged my tee over my head. I palmed my throbbing cock through the rough denim of my cutoffs before unbuttoning them and wriggling out of them.

I looked towards the house and then at my lap, staring at the wet tip glistening in the sunlight. _'Enjoying the show, Edward? It's gonna get interesting.'_

I closed my eyes, imagining his startled face as he read my thoughts. I loved to ruffle his feathers, to see those golden eyes sparkle with life and anger when they stared at me. I didn't need Edward by my side to see his face in my mind; I had memorized his features. The pale, smooth skin and broad cheekbones, the perfect eyebrows and chin, topped by the bronze hair of a god.

I wanted so much to make him mine, but the time was not right. The wolf inside waited for something. Didn't mean I couldn't play with my lover, though.

I leaned on the tree and gently slipped down, the sting of the rough bark against my back so different to the way Edward's smooth chest felt against my skin. I looked down at my lap and the shaft bobbing in the breeze. Once my backside reached the ground, I spread my legs and fisted my cock. It throbbed in the confines of my warm hand, but I yearned for the much more appealing cold. _'Will you feel this tight around me when I fuck you, Edward?'_

My fingers circled the crown while my thumb rubbed against the slit, gathering a clear drop of precome which I raised to my lips. My tongue darted out to lap the salty liquid. _'Your cock, Edward, I can never get enough of it. Want to taste you, to own you. Want your cock in my mouth, want to see it bobbing around as you sit on my lap and bounce up and down. Want to…'_

A musical sound interrupted my sexy monolog. It was the song Rose had put for incoming calls. I growled and my hand reached for my cutoffs; I fished out the slim case.

Smiling at Edward's handsome icon, my thumb pressed it and I read the message. "Am bare, wolf. My shaft is glistening, feels perfect. Want your hot mouth around it."

I moaned, remembering our 69 in the meadow. I pumped my cock fast; staring in the direction of the Cullen house while I smacked my lips _. 'You taste like honey and the sea, Edward. Can't wait to see to see your spread thighs, your hole hungrily swallowing my prick. Can't wait…'_

I heard a discordant beep between the sounds of the rustling twigs above me. I hefted the phone and read the message; a picture was coming through. I whimpered when it revealed Edward's cock in close up. The tip was wet, shining against his happy trail. As the picture finished transmitting, I groaned when I saw his balls which hung low but didn't hide his entrance.

I looked down at my lap, and the blur my fist made as I beat my meat raw. I heard the squishing sound of the slick precome as I palmed my shaft while I breathed deeply the scent of my arousal, mixed with the wildflowers and the pines. _'Can you hear that, Edward? Can you smell how hot you make me, how you've got me in the palm of your hands?'_

I couldn't touch my nipples because my left hand held the phone. I moaned when his smooth voice came over. "I can taste your perverted mind, make no mistake about it, my Kwolie."

Edward's grunts as he came and the photo of a pale fist wrapped around his thick shaft made me come hard. It was almost as satisfying as having Edward's mouth around me, as having him stuffing my mouth full of cock. I could never get enough of my vampire.

\--

Back in the house, I hastily grabbed the sandwiches on the plate. The knowledge that it was me who made Edward squirm on the chair made my cock twitch. Smirking inwardly at his disheveled appearance, I cocked my head at the dish.   

"Esme's gone hunting. She wanted to prepare the food first, and then she joined Emmett and Jasper." Edward fiddled with the cuff of his shirt, valiantly ignoring the smile I tried to hide between bites of sandwich.

"Never knew you were so inventive, wolf."

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. "There's a lot you don't know. You'll have to stick around to find out."

"I intend to."

After finishing the third sandwich, washing it down with the lemonade she'd made, I glanced down at the phone on the table and noted the hour.

"What the hell? Time runs so fast; I've only got three hours to finish the damned essay." Seeing his puzzled expression, I said, "Got patrol duty tonight; the guys are going to the Quinault Rez to find out more about those hunters."

"I don't understand why you're having so much trouble with those books."

I shrugged. "I have the essay finished in my mind, but there are some old words I don't get, and the characters are kind of weird, you know?"

Edward sighed and ruffled his hair as I wiped my lips with the napkin.

"I can see why you think that. I remember I scribbled some notes about their motivations." He scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration. "Let me see; at the time I was reading Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein_. You'll find them there."

"And?" I sighed, hoping Edward would realize I did not have his powers and would finally tell me where the book was.

"Oh, second topmost shelf. In front of the CD collection." He stood up and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I'd show it to you, but Esme asked me to go to the supermarket and get food for a voracious wolf. Know about him?"

"Uh-huh. The big bad wolf likes to play rough with vampires."

Edward shuddered and then glided away. "See you later, Jacob."

"See ya, man."

\--

I was in a hurry when I reached Edward's room. Hoped his notes would be useful. I looked at the shelf he'd mentioned, glancing sadly at the CDs. I yearned to hear music made by Edward's own hands.

I squinted at the titles. The books were lined up in a neat row, according to some order I couldn't guess. I fingered their smooth leather covers and grabbed _Frankenstein_ , pulling it out. Since the essay had to include _Wuthering Heights_ , I grabbed it too. I also got _Sense and Sensibility_ , recalling how Bella had carried on about it.

I made my way to the couch and sat down beside Kwolie, putting the books on my lap. Sneaking my hand beneath the couch, I pulled out a notebook I had thrown there. My squirming lap dislodged some papers from one of the books; I grabbed them and put them atop _Wuthering Heights._

I sighed while opening the book Edward mentioned and started reading. I lost track of the time, trying to understand his notes. They did help me because Edward had a way of explaining things that was just like him, intense and romantic. I smiled at that; he was always so composed, and I loved to scratch that surface and reveal what was beneath. He couldn't complain because he did the same to me, really.

I smelled Rosalie before she opened the door. "What's up, Rose?"

She leaned on the doorframe. "Just wanted to talk, but I can see you're busy."

"Yep, school work." I glared weakly at her. "Which you suggested."

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Only wanted to help you, wolf. I'll leave you alone to do your homework."

I went back to reading, scribbling down some notes of my own. I got tired of reading them, so I put the book aside and stretched my arms. My hand strayed to the one Bella liked, so I decided to test my knowledge and find out if I could understand it. Besides, I had to find passages to use as examples.

I opened the book and started reading. I could get most of the meaning, and I rubbed my belly in satisfaction. Ruffling through the book, I found a dog-eared page which I started reading. My gaze was drawn to the bottom; there was writing below the printed text. My heart beat faster when I recognized Bella's handwriting. Her looped h's and d's were unmistakably, certainly more elegant than my own. I eagerly read it.

_"Rosalie is helping me with my pregnancy, which was unexpected."_

My fingers gripped tightly the book. Bella wrote this when she was pregnant. I could remember her head bent down while she wrote carefully, her hair a dark curtain framing her beautiful face. I felt raw as I touched reverently the page. It was a remembrance of Bella; it was a pale ghost of the girl who made her way into my heart.

I continued reading.

_"The days grow wearier. The ache in my back and ribs is killing me, but I must keep a brave face. I can't stand seeing Edward's dejected face."_

I brushed my wet cheek absently; I wanted to find out more about the way Bella felt those last weeks of her life. There was nothing more at the bottom though, so I flipped the page and saw her handwriting below the text.

_"Edward's proposal does not tempt me; I won't give up the child growing inside me, not even if Jacob should agree to his plans."_

I put down the book. If I agreed to Edward's plans? What did she mean?

I picked it up with trembling hands and read the lines below.

_"Jacob has always been agreeable to my desires, ever since I flirted with him on the beach. He was so young and eager, but this child is mine and Edward's, the fulfillment of a dream. I'm sure Jacob would agree to father another child with me, but it wouldn't be the same."_

What the fucking hell was this? I read again her notes with growing dismay, turning the pages to search for more. There were none. The words remained the same no matter how many times I read them. Could it be that this was Bella's delusion? Maybe the pregnancy had affected her brain.

Looking at the ceiling, I prayed that it was so. I had no illusions about Bella, not after the way she played with me. But Edward? He had always been upfront with me. I couldn't think he would propose this stupid plan she mentioned. So Bella would abort the baby and they would just ask me to become her replacement stud?

What in the hell was Bella thinking when she made up this fantasy? My wolf growled at this because it went against everything he wanted. I panted and clung to the hope that it was her fantasy. When Edward returned, I would confront him about it and he would deny it. Yes, he would.

I stood up and wanted to kick something; then I felt the soft touch of a paper against my bare ankle. Looking down, I saw the sheets lying on the floor which were stuck inside _Wuthering Heights_. Seemed like they came from a notebook. So Bella had written more?

 I wanted to find her explanation, surely it was a joke she made up during the stress of her pregnancy. But when I picked them up, I noticed it was Edward's beautiful handwriting. I skimmed through them, growing more agitated by the second.

_"Jacob, you have to understand that I wanted to protect Bella. Just like you have become a part of me, she was my beloved wife. I thought it safer that she should give up the baby so she could have another with you; the human child she so earnestly desired. You were the safest person I could think of, knowing how deeply you loved her."_

The papers slid through my numb fingers. It wasn't a joke at all. Worse, it wasn't Bella but Edward who proposed this!

I felt dizzy so I put my head between my knees and breathed slowly. But it made me feel worse, and my heart kept beating madly. I was so disappointed and angry!  

I recalled the warnings of my friends. Were they right? In this fucking triangle, I was always the weakest side. Seemed that still held true. His words kept coming back to taunt me; so Edward thought I was the _safest_ man! What the hell!

Once a third wheel, always a third wheel. So Edward thought he could just call me on the phone and say, "Hey, Jacob, I know you have a hardon for Bella, so why don't you come over and lay with her. Have a child with _my beloved wife_ , because I know you're the _safest person_. Or should I say, the safest pup."

I was breathing fast, unaware of anything. Didn't hear Edward's car entering the driveway. Suddenly, a pale blur darted through the door.

"Jake, let me explain."

I squeezed my eyelids, crumpling up my tears, wishing them away so he wouldn't know how much I hurt. I looked up through tear-filled eyes to see his blurred face and I lost control.

This cold proposal of his shook me up so much because it called up my fears that I would never amount to anything in his eyes. That it was Bella who still held his heart, and I was nothing more than a replacement for both of them.

I wanted him to hurt, just like I felt broken. I shot up from the couch and stalked toward him, poking his cold chest.

"What are you going to say? That I was just the spare stud for Bella?" I said brokenly, "Your beloved wife?"

"No, Jake! You don't understand."

"You wanted me to have a child with her!" I shouted furiously. I ran to the shelf, my fingers curling into a fist with the need to hit him. "Do you have any idea how demeaning that feels?"

"What?"

"A consolation prize, that's all I am," I said hoarsely. "Innocent, stupid Jacob!"

"You never were that, you are everything to me…"

"DON'T!" I punched through the shelf and it went down, the books and CDs crashing down to the floor. I muttered through clenched teeth, "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I do mean…"

I barely noticed that the sound attracted Alice and Rose. They were standing silently at the door.

"I'm just a third wheel, right?"

"No!" he shouted. "I thought it was the best solution."

"Not for me. For you and Bella, like always!" I walked to the door, but Alice glided and stood in front of me, blocking my exit.

"You can't go, Jacob. Please talk things through, at least." The pixie looked so frail, yet I knew she could easily take me on.

Rosalie suddenly stood in front of Alice. She snarled at the pixie, "Jake will do what he wants. He's free to go and I'll personally see to that if you two try to stop him."

"Why do you care so much about him?" Alice said angrily, "You couldn't stand the sight of him!"

"You ask why?" Rose pointed at me. "The day when I came in and saw Jake crumpled on the floor… he reminded me of Emmett. The same desperate vitality, the same drive. It's true that I didn't care for him before, but he's my friend now. So he will go if he wants!"

I barely paid attention to their words because I felt tempted to run northward again, to lose myself in the woods and forget Edward.  

I shivered when I heard his anguished moan which tugged painfully at my heart, and I knew I couldn't do it. To leave Edward broken, just like the day I returned to Forks, was beyond me. For in breaking his heart, I would surely destroy my own. 

I shook my head, wondering if I had imprinted and that was why I was unable to leave him behind. I hadn't felt the weightless feeling they all talked about. Certainly my life didn't revolve around him because I could hurt him. In fact, a dark part of me rejoiced in seeing him cringe. But in my heart, I wanted him happy, even if it made me miserable.

Who needed the damned imprint when there was love? It bound me so tightly to Edward until I couldn't breathe in his absence. His joy was mine, and his pain too.

It killed me that he didn't feel the same way.

"You're wrong, Jake, I do feel the same…"

While Edward spoke, I turned and rushed to him, snarling and lifting my arm as my fingers curled into a fist. Edward cringed but didn't move, expecting that I would hit him. But at the last second I swung my fist towards the couch, and it broke in half.

I stomped towards the door.

"You're leaving," Edward whispered sadly.

"Told you you wouldn't get rid of me, and I keep my promises," I growled. "I need time to think. I'm going on patrol."

 Knowing Cullen, I turned to glare at him. "DO NOT FOLLOW ME!"

I panted, trying to hold myself together. Where was that damned spirit guide when I needed it?

Pausing at the threshold, I lowered my head and said brokenly, "You know what really kills me, Edward? I can't stand to see you hurt. But you and Bella, you stomped all over my heart so easily!"

I dashed out of the room, breathing deeply to control the urge to phase. Somehow I made it out of the house and had the presence of mind to undress and tie my cutoffs around my ankle. Then I shifted and ran to the woods. I paused where the lawn met the trees and raised my muzzle, howling at the sky in despair.

 


	12. The Beta's advice

 

The woods were my shelter, soothing this throbbing anger. My mind translated automatically the different shades of grey dotting the limbs into the yellow hues of the dried leaves my human form knew well. My pads treaded softly on the loam as I walked deeper into the forest with an easy gait. I shook my head as I tried to concentrate on my duties. It just wouldn't do if I failed at patrolling the land just because Edward…

A twig brushed my left forepaw and I shivered at the touch; then I swerved to the right to avoid some shrubs that stood on my way. I whuffed softly; it was pointless to try to avoid the issue plaguing my heart. Edward had used me; the leech had the fucking gall to propose me as replacement stallion so _his_ Bella could get what she wanted!

I was in the middle, like always.

Why the fuck did I have to return? I was doing much better up north, breathing the clear air and taking the moon as my compass. I was free in the lonely wilderness, and that was the operative word because I felt alone up there. If Alice hadn't sought me, then Edward would be dead by now. My hackles rose at the thought and I raised my muzzle to howl at the moon, for I would have never seen his handsome face again.

 _'Think about the tribe, Jacob, duty first.'_ Mentally forming these words, I forded the Quilayute. The cold water soothed my body but the inner turmoil would not let up. I thought we were doing so great, and the date was so romantic and sweet! I wasn't lying when I told him he'd really swept me off my feet, because he'd brought me to the place which held the memories he cherished. It was a loving gesture I hadn't expected from Cullen. And yet, all the while he kept his mouth shut, guarding his fucking secret! If he cared enough to share the special meadow with me he should've said something. Cullen even said he hadn't taken Bella there!

But… he had wanted to talk about Bella when we were driving down 101 and I silenced him. My withers shivered when I remembered how soft his lips felt against my fingers as I shushed him. Wanted to keep that day just for us, with no mention of _her_. Perhaps he would've told me then, but I didn't have the power to read his mind, dammit!

I stepped onto a ledge near the shore, and my haunches tensed before I jumped out of the water. It was cold tonight and I shivered. To dry off, I violently shook my head from side to side, continuing with my rump and ending with the tail. It was exhilarating really, letting the wolf do his business.

I breathed deeply the calming air of the forest and shook my rump one last time. The sickly sweet scent of shrubs made me gag, though it was somewhat balanced by the smell of trees and animals scurrying around. How fitting, a dreary night for my dull life.

I growled softly. Really needed to get off this train of thought because I was becoming as emotional as Cullen! My fur rose at that while my forelegs pawed restlessly the soft loam. Wished I could make Edward feel as wretched as I did. But I just couldn't do it, wasn't my style at all.

I snarled at the thought of seeing him cringe before my feet, asking for forgiveness. I'd let him stew in his vampire juices for a while and then…

The scent of my pack mate in the forest made me look up. I noticed the crisp leaves on the trees limned by the soft moon peeking from above a breach in the clouds. Any other night I would have enjoyed the sharp view which human eyes couldn't see, but tonight I felt dismal. Tried to compose myself so he wouldn't see me like this but I finally shrugged, thinking it was inevitable he would find out through the mind link.  

_'Wassup, Paul?'_

_'Jake, are you there?'_

I whuffed at that. Quil said all the guys were going south.  

The earth trembled when he approached and finally the huge wolf stepped from behind a thick cedar, his dark silver fur glowing in the moonlight. He perked up his ears and stared at me without his usual defiance, more like an equal.

_'What are you doing here? Thought you'd be on the way to the Quinault Rez.'_

_'Just tidying up some business.'_ Paul tilted up his muzzle and stared at the moon which was rapidly disappearing above the clouds.

Images of Paul and Leah flittered through our link; he had been sneaking around with her and now was forced to catch up to the rest. Who would've thought old Paul had it in him to go after feisty Leah?

He lowered his muzzle and looked at me sharply, pawing the ground. _'Yeah, Leah's nice. Guess we ended up friends after I stood up for her in front of Sam.'_

 _'Why did you do it?'_ Paul had always struck me as one of Sam's true followers and what Seth told me just didn't ring quite true. Besides, as long as we spoke about the pack I could forget for a while Cullen's betrayal.

Paul stalked towards the forest and I followed him. Catching up with him, I stepped onto a round mound in front of a rock.  It felt good to walk side by side with him, to have the big hulk of my pack brother between me and the darkness. The wolf inside huffed, feeling uplifted by the presence of one of his kind, and I forgot momentarily the worries that plagued my mind.

The shrubs trembled as we stalked past them. I turned my muzzle towards him, staring quizzically at Paul.  He bared his canines in a wolfish grin as he stopped in front of a pale larch.  

 _'I stood up for Leah because it's my duty as Beta. I must advise the leader, tell him when I think he's doing wrong, and believe me, Sam was very wrong that day. Wanted to go after the bloodsu…'_ He paused for a moment and then went on, _'…vampires when he didn't have to.'_

The way he had changed words in midstream told me he knew about my relationship, but fishing around in his mind I found no disgust. I was surprised because of all pack members, I expected Paul to be the most hotheaded about it. 

He just snorted and turned his head to look at me. _'Yeah, pal. I know about you and the leech. Thanks for not telling me!'_

I whuffed softly, lowering my ears. _'Didn't know how you would take it, man.'_

Paul cocked his head and barked in amusement. _'Not my business at all. It's not my cup of tea for sure, but whatever floats your boat, Jacob.'_

He stalked forward again, lowering his head to sniff at the ground. _'No traces of either leeches or humans, and we're near the spot where Quil found a bullet from those fucking poachers.'_

I felt a pang of guilt at that; I was wallowing in self-pity when my pack faced this problem.

Meanwhile, Paul trotted towards a copse beyond a clearing, disturbing some birds. The owls hooting above me reminded me that life went on, regardless of my pain.  

_'Anyway, where was I? Yeah, telling you about Sam and Leah. Her words struck me as the plain truth. Sam cared too much for that girl, patrolling day and night her house as if we didn't have to protect all of Forks! After Bella died, he was stubborn and wanted revenge, as if she'd been one of us!'_

Gotta admit his words thrilled me because I wasn't exactly keen on Bella at the moment.

Paul pawed the ground and walked towards me. _'So I pointed out to Sam he was wrong. Bella chose her life; she knowingly took the risks. Would've been quite different if your leech had impregnated a high-school girl who had no idea he was a leech and the perils entailed and so on.'_

His words brought me back to Earth with a crash. Remembering Edward's betrayal, my eyes stung and I lowered my muzzle to the ground, thankful for once that we didn't shed tears like humans.

Paul barked several times. _'What happened, Jake? Your thoughts are all sad and you're crying.'_

I wasn't surprised he knew; even though we didn't cry like humans, there were still telltale clues. I whuffed and my tail thumped the ground as I sat on my haunches. _'Sure you wanna know?'_

 _'I'm part of your pack, Jacob.'_ Paul pawed the ground restlessly, avoiding my gaze. _'I care about you, though I don't always show it.  Was quite jealous of you 'cause you've always been the golden boy, Ephraim Black's heir and all that. It's just… I guess being with Leah has made me grow up fast. That woman is very complex, and so pretty.'_

I sighed impatiently; it was nice that he appreciated Leah. I'd always felt the only female in our pack was overlooked. But frankly I wasn't in the mood to hear him heap praises on Leah.

Paul read my thoughts and he glared at me. He perked up his ears and growled, _'So tell me, what's stuck up your ass?'_

I told him what happened the pack way: my mind framed some thoughts and Paul read the rest from my brain. The fast exchange of information was usual business for us but it would have baffled any human, even the traitor Cullen.

 _'There you have it. Love sucks, and then you die.'_ Shrugging, I looked up at the hole in the cloud cover through which I saw the Ghost Road, the silvery river of stars.

Paul barked angrily and his tail swished violently. _'Bet the fucking leech has a lot of dark secrets, you should dump him, Jake!'_

_'Not really, Cullen's told me stuff about him which is awful.'_

I lowered my tail to the ground, twitching it against the dry leaves. I remembered his pained grimace when Cullen confessed he'd killed those people long ago. Had to admit it took a lot of guts for Edward to tell me that because I could see in his hooded expression he plainly expected me to outright reject him.

My fur rose when I recalled the words I said on the car, _"I want all of your sides, the good and the bad."_

I whined low in my throat and turned my muzzle towards him. _'He's always been frank with me, Paul. But this time he and Bella went too far.'_

 _'Really?'_ He frowned and lowered his rump to the ground as if he was preparing to attack someone; his heavy breathing came out loud in the silent night, interrupted by the occasional screech of the nocturnal raptors overhead.

_'Edward told me those dark secrets which you read in my mind.'_

_'Except the one which was important for you, that damned leech!'_

Paul raised his rump and walked away from me. He stopped near the tree and turned to me as he sat on his haunches. His tongue lolled as he grinned wolfishly. _'Lemme play the devil's advocate, okay? Act like a Beta to you?'_

 _'Fine, fine.'_ I didn't like his predatory smile and the way his thoughts were tinged with amusement. If Paul made jokes at my expense, I would bite his throat; Beta position be damned!

He stretched his forelegs and lowered his muzzle to his paws. _'I saw Bella's notes in your mind, they were pretty insolent.'_

 _'Said she played me ever since that day at the beach!'_ I growled low in my throat.

_'I see that you're angry with her.'_

_'Those notes were typical Bella, thinking only about herself!'_

_'But at the same time, you're pretty devastated she passed away.'_

_'Sure, sure.'_ I flattened my ears against my skull and walked towards the forest. _'So what if I am? What's your point, man?'_

 Paul growled as he raised his body to follow me. We walked for a few seconds, and then the soft thudding sounds of his paws on the ground stopped, which made me turn around.

Paul was looking at me with his ears flat and his brow puzzled in a concerned expression. _'Bet you're angrier with Bella than Cullen, and you're taking that anger on the leech.'_

My tail swished furiously, creating a whirlwind of dried leaves around my haunches. _'Are you nuts, man? What Cullen did is unspeakable!'_

 _'Sure it is, but the guy was protecting her just as you would've done in his place.'_ He snarled, his canines shining in the moonlight. _'Both of you would have pulled down the moon for that silly girl. Don't you dare deny it!'_

I looked at the sky while I thought about his words, sighing when the clouds covered the spot through which I'd seen the Milky Way. _'I would've protected Bella, but not to that extent!'_

_'You wouldn't have advised her to abort?'_

_'To save her life, yes.'_

_'If she didn't want to, would you have insisted?'_

_'No, it was her choice, Paul. When I was trying to make her fall for me and she said no, I backed off. I always respected her choices, though I hated her actions.'_ I whined in despair. _'I wouldn't have told her she should just have another baby with Cullen.'_

 _'The girl was never aware of the consequences of her choices, Jake, she made mistakes and you_ always _got mad at others.'_

 _'Huh?'_ I tilted up my chin to gaze sharply at him. What was Paul getting at? Dealing with this new version of him was wearisome; I missed old hotheaded Paul because he was easier to deal with.

_'Remember when she slapped me? You rushed to her defense. You pack a mean bite, you know.'_

I pawed the ground angrily, my ears sticking to my skull as I snarled. _'You were threatening Bella!'_

_'With Sam, Embry and Quil present? Sam told me Embry was laughing his ass off. That'll tell you how threatening I was, but you got mad at me.'_

_'Can't you see I had to protect her?'_

_'She was the one to hit me! C'mon Jake, when you slap someone, what do you expect?'_

_'Don't know, man. I don't see your point, Paul. Bella's gone, now Cullen's the one who broke my heart with his stupid proposal.'_ My hackles rose and I had to control the wolf inside who wanted a fight; I growled. _'Let me point out that Bella didn't have that stupid idea. It was Cullen!'_

Paul didn't answer. He lifted his muzzle to stare at the sliver of moon visible through the passing clouds; then he raised his forepaw _. 'Fine, Jake, whatever you say. Gotta go. It's a long way to the Quinault Rez.'_

I stared bewildered at him while Paul turned to run south. His tail swung up and down in farewell. _'My advice, Jacob? Just dump him. Ten of him aren't worth one of you.'_

\--

After he left, I meandered through the forest, trying to grasp in my jaws the strange conversation we'd just had. Couldn't make heads nor tails of it. If this was the kind of advice he dispensed to Sam, no wonder so many of the Alpha's decisions were so poor; though I had to admit Paul had proved a friend and listened to my tale.  

I shook my head as I walked through the forest; I inhaled deeply to try and note any extraordinary smell. There was nothing, just an odd metallic tang I supposed came from the tannery on the town.

What did my fight with Paul have to do with anything? I was angry when I heard their confrontation; just vaulted over the porch and ran like the hounds of hell were after me. Had to get to Bella before he could pounce on her; I knew how easily Paul lost his temper. He should've just walked away after she slapped him, turned the other cheek so to speak.

I had to admit there was a kernel of truth in his words, though. After I phased, I didn't try to reason with Paul. I was so angry at him we just went at each other.

The crunching sound of a twig made me look down. I recognized the burnt stump of the pine where the poachers got the ten-pointer, though it was covered by a peach fuzz of moss. I smiled at the way Edward drank the deer's blood while devouring me with his eyes, and that thought made me wonder: if I had read only Cullen's note, would I be so angry?

I closed my eyes, trying to remember the wording. He wrote I was the perfect man to impregnate her; how dare he!

My heart beat faster after the proverbial light bulb went off in my head: Edward _had written_ the note. He didn't mean to keep the secret, obviously wanted to tell me. He might've felt I would blow my top if he didn't prepare the apology or whatever. But then, why the hell did he keep quiet?

I pawed the earth restlessly, my claws leaving parallel lines on the muddy ground as I recalled how much time we spent flirting and groping each other. I spent hours in the garage working with Rose, plus all the wearying studies. The hours ran so fast, there wasn't much left to ourselves, and the scant time we had I spent distracting him with naughty thoughts.

I felt a twinge of remorse and lifted my muzzle, idly staring at the forest. Wouldn't surprise me if Edward thought that when Bella and I had a child, he would bind me tighter to him. We would become the perfect little family! I swore my damned vamp had so many weird ideas, like wishing I'd imprint on a Rez girl just so we could be close!

I lowered my rump to the ground as I tried to grapple with the issue. From the start I knew he'd loved Bella, but I chose to go ahead and seek whatever relationship we had. Told him I accepted his bad side when he awkwardly revealed his past, and I stormed out of the house without giving him a chance to explain himself!

What the hell was going on? I guessed Paul's talk had rattled me more than I thought. I was still angry at Edward, but Paul made me realize the harsh situation Cullen faced.  Frankly, I felt like tearing his head off with my paws but I was in love with him. Deep in my bones, I knew that if he was in danger I would do everything to save him. And Edward had loved Bella passionately, way more than he cared for me.

I glanced at the foliage of the trees which was different; it meant I was out of Rez territory and approaching the Cullen house. I walked faster because my worry about the emotional vampire gnawed at me. I'd hear Edward out and let him grovel; then I'd give him the cold shoulder for a while. It would be hard to do, though. The man I would ignore was aware of my every thought and knew I wanted to jump his bones.

I was passing through the forest when I noticed shiny spots on a tall pine to my right. I walked slowly towards it and watched two red points just above a crotch with a twisted limb; they looked like the eyes of a monster. My fur rose in fright because the situation resembled the dream I had the first night I spent at the Cullens'.

I hastily stumbled backwards when the spots moved jerkily, but I saw no animal behind the eyes. They swung around, bobbing up and down on the trunk as if they were seeking their body. They slid rapidly to the ground and seemed to crawl towards me.

I backed away, and then I recalled Seth's words about the poachers. These were no ghostly eyes but laser sights; the poacher was hunting tonight!

I dashed to the right, whimpering when the damned red spots climbed up my leg and shoulder. I ran forward but a cedar obstructed my path. At that moment, I heard a melody out of nowhere. Came from the cutoffs tied around my hind leg, and I remembered the cell phone Rose gave me. I turned my neck and glanced down just when pain bloomed in my head.

\--

**The Cullen house**

Carlisle frowned at his sons. Emmett was fiddling listlessly with the controls of his console, gazing up at Jasper from time to time. Jasper appeared strained; obviously he had used his powers to keep Edward's despair at bay.

"I'm going to the kitchen, dear." Esme's voice was tinged with worry. "I have to prepare something for when the young man returns."

"He won't come back," said Edward dolefully. He stared blankly at the plasma screen while Rosalie awkwardly touched his shoulder.

"Jacob needs time to think, Edward." Rose sighed wistfully. "The wolf is noble, he will forgive you. I just wish you had told him…"

"… sooner," Edward muttered, scowling at the neat row of books on the shelf. He shook his head, cursing the moment he decided to write down his confession instead of telling Jacob. "He won't forgive me."

Alice felt a ghostly pang in her heart when she heard Edward's hoarse voice. She leaned down to pick up the remote and flicked through the channels but after a few seconds, the remote fell from her limp fingers.

When he heard the soft thud against the floor, Edward frowned at his sister.

"I can see Jacob!" Alice's voice quivered with wonder which rapidly changed to fear. "He's…"

Having read Alice's thoughts, Edward screamed desperately into the night.

 

 


	13. The crossroads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Warnings:** Angst for this chapter._

 

**EPOV**

Sounds and melodies were linked in my mind. My ears would pick up the soft rustle of the trees, or the rhythm of a spoon striking a bowl, and try to fashion songs out of it. After that night, I would connect a soft thudding sound with impending doom.

I was frantic about Jacob, ruing my delay in baring my secrets. I was afraid that he would leave me and I would be left alone. Little did I know that life had planned something excruciatingly painful for us.

I frowned when I heard the thudding sound of the remote hitting the floor. Looking at Alice's frightened expression gave me pause; and when she said she had seen Jacob, I dove into her mind.

My world shattered in pieces when I grasped her vision. Jacob was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound in his head. Two dark shapes approached him in the shadows and picked up his prostrate body.

I screamed hoarsely because this vision was the stuff of my worst nightmares; it made me relive Bella's death all over again. To halt this maddening descent into chaos, I closed my eyes and clutched desperately the memory of Jake laughing in the meadow.

I would not believe this was real until I saw his dead body. My hands gripped the couch so tightly it broke; I stopped when I felt the wood shards against my fingers. A soothing feeling descended over me and I gazed at Jasper, who was frowning at me.   

Jasper felt it necessary to dull my pain. This brought me back to earth because if I wanted to save Jacob, I had to act fast.

"Where is he?" I said hoarsely.

Alice stood up and walked towards the window. "Can't say, the vision flickers in and out of existence."

"What's going on?" Rosalie glided towards Alice and clutched her shoulders. "What's happening with Jacob?"

"He is in the woods. Someone shot him in the head." Alice said softly.

"What? That can't be." Rosalie wrapped her arms around herself.

"It's what I saw. Something strange allows me to see Jacob, though it's blurry."

I couldn't stay in the house; my wolf needed me! I stood up and jumped up, breaking through the window; slivers of wood and glass shards rained all around me as I landed on the lawn. This was the fastest way to the forest. I heard thumping sounds behind me as my siblings and Carlisle followed.

Rosalie stepped towards me while her hand fished inside her jacket. She pulled out a cell phone and her thumb touched the screen while she said fervently, "Please, please answer, wolf. Be safe."

I heard Jacob's phone in the distance, but then there was the sharp report of a gun. It was too late; they had already shot him!

I had to help him! Snarling like a demon, I ran into the woods. The trees appeared blurry, like the whirlwind of emotions in my mind.

I followed the sound of his phone like a beacon. The thoughts of my family right behind me were distracting me so I didn't pay attention; I caught snippets in the few seconds it took me to reach Jake. Alice had remained behind; she was calling for an air ambulance and was instructing them to land in front of the house.   

My heart shattered when I reached my wolf. Jacob's nude body lay on the ground; his jeans tied around his ankle. His position was awkward, quite unlike the grace he always displayed. There was a stream of blood running down from the wound in his forehead. I hastily tore off my shirt, tearing strips off it to fashion a crude bandage. I leaned down and wrapped it gently around his head.

Rosalie gave me a curt nod and growled at the woods. "Take good care of Jacob; I'm going to catch those bastards!"

"Going with you," Emmett said.

The two ran into the forest while Carlisle adjusted the rapidly soaking bandage around Jake's head. He checked his pulse. _'He's still alive; though I'm afraid his blood pressure is dropping.'_

I brushed my hand over Jacob's bloodied cheek. He had told me that even if a bullet went right through his head, his powers would allow him to live. I held on to his words like a lifeline.

Carlisle opened Jake's eyelids to check his pupils, and then nodded at me. I bent down and gently lifted my wolf.

Gazing sideways at me, Carlisle said, "The helicopter should arrive soon. We need to get Jake to the hospital so I can operate on him."

"Why? Jacob said his powers would heal him even if he shot himself in the head." I walked towards the house, taking care not to jostle my precious Jake; thankful for once that my cursed existence allowed me this unearthly grace.

"Complications are bound to arise." Carlisle explained. "The pressure of the bullet as it struck will cause swelling, and there are probably fragments of bone inside his brain. I will have to check the X-rays to decide whether an operation is warranted."

He muttered, "We have to hurry; his healing ability gives us little time to make sure he heals correctly." Carlisle heaved a deep sigh. "It could have been worse, Edward. The bullet struck a glancing blow to his forehead; if it had hit him directly…"

I shuddered at that thought. Even Jasper's soothing power comforting me could not shut out the dreadful reality of the night. I concentrated on getting Jacob to safety. He was all that mattered to me because he was all that anchored me to this world.

The pull of the abyss dragged me ever downward. My thoughts became hazy, limned with the sharp pain of what they had done to Jacob. On our way to the house, Carlisle made small talk I didn't get. My anguished thoughts were concentrated on Jake; he could not die! Those fragments of bone Carlisle told me about couldn't portend anything good though; what would happen during the operation?

The clattering sound of the rotor blades of the helicopter touching down startled me. I was surprised how fast we had gotten there because my mind was jumbled.

A woman clad in a dark uniform slid open the cabin door and jumped down. She was followed by two men; they pulled out a stretcher where I gently laid down my wolf. The paramedics carefully lifted it and climbed inside.  

"I will go with you," said Carlisle. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

"Sir, that is not allowed." She peeked at the cabin, where the men were hooking an IV drip to Jake's arm.

"I've worked with Dr. Richardson, the Chief of surgery at Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles. Furthermore, I know the troubled medical history of the wounded young man." Then Carlisle pointed at me. "This is Edward Masen, my assistant; he is also aware of Mr. Black's health issues."

"Well…" The young woman frowned, weighing in her mind Carlisle's demeanor. She was impressed by his professionalism and sedate manner. The brunette finally relented and motioned us inside.

The helicopter took off.  I gazed forlornly at the rapidly shrinking forest below while the paramedics hooked Jake to monitoring devices which measured his pulse and temperature.

"This can't be right!" said the woman. "His temperature is way too high!"

Carlisle moved too fast for human eyes to follow and fiddled with the back of the machine; then he said, "Surely Mr. Black's temperature is a bit high due to the stress of the bullet's impact."

The woman's fingertips traced the digital readout. "Well, it's gone back to normal." She frowned at the display and a few seconds later she groaned. "The thermometer is malfunctioning; it's all over the place."

\--

I waited outside the operating room. They had taken Jacob to another floor for CAT scans,  X-rays, and other analyses I didn't care to know but were essential now. Two orderlies pushed the rolling bed with Jake and entered the room. A few seconds later, Carlisle returned; he was with another doctor and a nurse.

He motioned me aside. _'Jasper and Esme are on their way, son.'_ He frowned and tugged the blue surgical mask covering his mouth. _'Alice tried to contact Jacob's pack; they all seem to be gone, even Billy Black. I'm operating on Jacob without the approval of his next of kin because there's no time to lose. We must ensure his body can heal properly.'_

I groaned in despair. I wanted to destroy the monsters that hurt my love! I clenched my fists to refrain from hitting the wall.

Carlisle stepped towards the operating room and paused for a second, looking intently at me. _'Son, I want you to know that I've always been proud of you. I was wracked with guilt because I turned you to save your life, but through the years your love and caring soothed my existence. I have no regrets whatsoever about saving you because you and your siblings have immeasurably enriched my life.'_

After Carlisle entered the operating room, a nurse walked towards me. It was Alice.

_'Edward, I think I saw Jacob because of the shock to his system when the bullet hit.'_

"Can you see him now?" I whispered softly.

_'Destiny takes divergent paths tonight. The future is too cloudy for me to see right now and given Jacob's ability to hide from me, that is surely a good sign, right?'_ She patted my shoulder and walked inside, fingering the sleeve of her surgical gown.

Half a minute later, the disgruntled doctor came out the door. He was followed by the nurse, who was shaking her head. Carlisle could be very persuasive; he didn't want any more people than necessary observing Jacob's healing ability.

I didn't know precisely what he told them because I shrank back from delving into my father's mind; I didn't want to see him cutting into my Jacob. I trusted his skills to ensure Jacob's powers had room to act; Carlisle would take care of the wound so his body could recover from the impact of the bullet.  

Pacing up and down the corridor _,_ I wanted to hurt myself for allowing this to happen. I should have followed Jacob in his patrol, but he didn't want me to. He was angry because of me; in a sense, I provided the killers with the opportunity to get to him!  

I wondered how Jake would react if he could hear me. He'd probably mock me for assuming the world rested upon my shoulders. He'd say I was being too emotional again, and he would have a point because Jacob would have gone on patrol anyway.

I placed my hands on the cold wall, tilting down my chin to glare at the floor. Those damned hunters were outside my control. If I ever found the ones who did this I would have no compunctions in killing them; they had tried to kill my wolf!  

My fingers curled in a fist and I tried so hard to control myself, to keep from hitting the wall and voicing my despair.

Remorse filled me at the thought that I hadn't told Jacob what he meant to me; how much his presence buoyed me up. I wanted to see his smile; I yearned to hear his raspy voice. Most of all, I wanted the opportunity to finally tell him the truth, that I was so deeply in love with him it scared me.  

My perception of time became disjointed and fuzzy; the minutes crawling slowly as if they were trapped in amber. The soft sound of the nurses passing by merged with the hum of the electrical equipment.

I closed my eyes and my mind pictured Jacob through the years. The handsome Quileute boy whose ebony hair reached down his back; it had looked so silky I had to refrain from running my fingers through it. I recalled the boy who defied me time and again as he wooed Bella.

I sobbed dryly, remembering the heartbroken expression on Jake's face when I let him know Bella would marry me. The wrenching pain in his mind made me cringe, but I thought the truth would help Jacob move on.

I shuddered at the fire in his brown eyes after he refused to kill me, his mortal enemy, when I asked him to. Instead he did whatever he could to give me back my life.

All the while, I tried to ignore the notion implied in Carlisle's thoughts. With the absence of the pack and Jacob's father, I was the person who had to decide about Jacob's care. It wasn't just life support, for I could offer him true resuscitation.

I was startled when the doors swished open and they rolled out his bed. The many devices he was hooked up to made me cringe; and the grayish tint of his face, what was visible beneath the bandages, scared me. He looked so wan!

"Alice, I will see to it that any record of the operation is destroyed." Carlisle motioned for Alice to go. She pushed the rolling hospital bed which held my wolf.

Carlisle turned to me. _'Edward, I won't lie to you. The situation is critical; there was a small piece of bone near the hypothalamus. Thankfully it was the only one. I have to say that Jacob's recuperative powers are amazing; even as I operated, I could observe the tissue repairing itself.'_

"What is the prognosis?" I said weakly, bracing myself for the worst.

_'Alice is taking him to a room I've secured for him. It is private but has all the devices and security of the Intensive Care Unit.'_ Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. _'I have faith in Jacob's strong body and mind, son. But things could change; his blood pressure dropped rapidly when I operated, and I'm not sure if the blood…'_

"What about it?"

_'He lost a lot of blood; thankfully, when Quil and the others came here I persuaded them to donate and Quil's blood was compatible. I'm not sure what the consequences will be, given Jake's inherent powers.'_ Carlisle sighed sadly. _'There was no choice though, without the transfusion he would have died.'_

\--

Draped in shadows, I stood on the corner of the room. Jacob looked so vulnerable it broke my heart because he was always the strong one. His presence in any room hardly went unnoticed; his vitality flowed in the sweep of his broad shoulders and his warm smile.

He was deeply embedded in the world, so much a part of it that it broke me seeing him pumped up with medicines and tied to the monitoring devices. Jake's head was swathed in bandages and his eyelids were puffy. There were so many electronics hooked up to my wolf, he who was so alive and natural.

That dreadful night I relived the pain I felt when I stood watch over Bella, hoping she would somehow wake up; knowing in my bones she was dead and my venom had failed.

But I knew Jacob was tenacious; he would hold on to life with fingers and claws. I counted on his strength and thirst for life.

It was in the dead of night that Carlisle's hints haunted me. What if the stress of the wound and the operation was too much for Jake? What would I do if he died?

I could bite him and transmit the venom which would make him immortal, turning him into a Cold One, despised by his tribe.

I shuddered when I imagined Jake's warmth changed into cold, his loving brown eyes turned red, crazed with the desire to feed and kill. I recoiled at the way this would change my gentle, loving wolf. From being the protector of this land, he would turn into the undead predator.

I had tried to save Bella by turning her, but she craved the chance. She yearned for the opportunity to become one of us.

Jake wouldn't enjoy life as a vampire; he hated the imprint so forcefully because he wanted to be free. If I turned him he would become a monster, trapped by his darkest instincts just like me.  

But if I lost Jacob, I would lose whatever love and warmth this existence held for me.

I knew then what Alice meant when she saw many paths diverging tonight.

I was at a crossroads and faced a cruel decision. The forks on the road were clear in my mind. One led to the meadow in Portland and the happy remembrance of Jake smiling winsomely at me, lifting me off the ground as he wrapped me in his strong arms. I shared with him the place where I enjoyed the ineffable moment, the joy and innocence of the girl whose name I never knew. I chose not to infect her with the taint of my cursed existence, and Jake lauded my decision.

So I could let Jake go free just like I did with the girl. He would be lost to me; instead he would die and leave this world to travel the path of his ancestors.

The other road led to changing Jacob so we could live forever, just like I tried to do with Bella.  

If I had been faced with this decision months ago, I would have turned him because I didn't ever want to lose him. He was my anchor and solace in this world. But Jacob had taught me selflessness; I admired his deeply ingrained instinct to protect and cherish. He had risked himself when he angered me purposefully so I would shake off the apathy that engulfed me.

 I had a choice between selfishness and altruism. I could do what was best for me and hold onto Jacob at all costs, or I could prefer what was best for him. Did I care enough for Jake to let him go?

The love that bound me to him forced me to choose the hard road. If it came to that, I would let him die. I wouldn't turn him; I couldn't destroy his soul just to assuage my miserable existence. Jake deserved so much more!

I sobbed bitterly at the realization that he had changed me. The little girl and Jacob had so much in common: pure hearts that couldn't be corrupted by the world. If the worst happened, I would cherish his memory by letting him go even though I would face a dreadful eternity of loneliness. I was sure that, however long I endured in this world, I would never meet someone like my Jake.

The decision brought me calm, tinged by despair; and the weary years stretching ahead of me weighed on my imagination. I took out my phone and, in the misery that enveloped me, I typed the message I would send to Leah if Jacob died.

_"Jacob died and I stood there and did nothing. That should tell you what I feel for him."_

I expected the pack would be outraged. They would think I had played with Jake's heart and might tear me to pieces.

But the remembrance of Jacob's body sliding down the wall after I hit him stayed my hand. My wolf had done so much to heal my mind, to give me so many reasons to live.

With a grimace, I put the phone back in my pocket. I would not throw away Jake's precious gift, instead I would honor the trust he placed in me by continuing to endure. The prospect filled me with dread as I visualized the loneliness that waited for me, but Jake's actions demanded nothing less.

\--

Rosalie returned some hours later. She knocked on the door and timidly pushed it. She looked disheveled and her clothes bore traces of a fight; I even noticed a smudge on her elbow.

"How is he?"

"Carlisle operated on him, it was delicate. Now we have to wait and see."

"I'll tell you later what happened with those guys." She crossed her arms and sighed. "If things end up badly, have you thought about…?"

"Turning him?" I growled low in my throat. "I won't allow it! If anyone tries, I'll fight them. Jake deserves to leave this world in dignity."

I choked back a sob when Rosalie gently patted my shoulders. "Edward, I admire your restraint so much. It shows you really love him."  

She went to the bed and gently lifted Jake's hand to kiss the palm, taking care not to dislodge the intravenous tube.  

I read the thoughts of my other siblings. Alice and Jasper were on the corridor, sitting on the chairs. Alice was trying to distract herself by imagining new clothes for the nurses while Jasper barely kept his grip.  The roiling emotions of the people in the hospital finally proved too much for him and he stood up to leave.

"What time is it?" I whispered.

Rose took out her phone and glanced at it. "A quarter to four."

I nodded and closed my eyes, wishing more than ever I had the comfort of crying. Without any doubt, these were the worst hours I had endured in my long existence.

It got worse when I heard strange beeping noises coming from one of the machines. I ran outside; guided by Carlisle's thoughts, I reached him a few seconds later.

"Jake's in trouble!"

He nodded and grabbed some syringes and equipment, and then he rushed to the room.  I stood on the threshold, looking in as Carlisle examined Jacob and gazed intently at the monitoring devices. He jabbed Jake's forearm with a syringe, injecting a medicine.

Before the machine returned to its usual beeping, the comforting sound of my wolf's heart soothed me. I took a step inside the room and reclined against the wall. I was so wrung out and nervous, I just slumped down to the floor.

I was dizzy with anguish. My mind did not connect that well with the world; I hardly noticed Carlisle and Esme holding me up and guiding me to a chair.

"Don't worry, son." Esme whispered, lovingly patting my shoulder. "Jacob is a strong young man; he will pull through. He loves you so much, I'm sure he's fighting to live."

I rubbed my hands over my face, holding doggedly to our memories together. I recalled the times I watched him walk away from our confrontations, wishing I could make things right for him so he could enjoy the happiness he deserved; the dark hours when I thought about Jake during our time apart while Bella withered to a husk and finally died, and Jacob's relaxed expression in the garage while he worked on the Porsche. I treasured the joyful moment when he fell asleep on the car as we returned from Portland at the end of our date.

Lost in remembrance, I hardly noticed Paul and Leah walking into the room. They spoke quietly with Rosalie and then walked up to me.

"Is this yours?" Paul picked up the phone that had fallen from my pocket and glanced at the message I wrote. "What's this shit?"

Leah peeked at the small screen over his shoulders while Paul glared at me.

"This is a nasty trick, Cullen!" Paul mumbled, "But I know how much you care for Jacob, it was all over his memories of you two. Hope you've changed your mind."  Then he leaned towards me and he put the phone on my hand, nodding curtly. "The blonde leech told me you refused to turn Jacob. I appreciate that very much, man!"

Leah wiped the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "Jacob looks awful!"

"He does; though he looks better than before." Rosalie said. "He has more color in his cheeks."

Leah nodded at my sister; then she leaned towards me and whispered, "I know what it is to have a broken heart. You have my deepest sympathies, Cullen."

"So you're still pining after Sam?" Paul growled.

"Course not, Paul. I needed to find someone else, and I think I have." She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door. "We'll wait outside. Jacob is hurt and needs space."

I looked intently at Jake.  Rosalie was right; I noticed his skin, which had seemed so gray before, was slowly regaining the russet shade I loved so much.

Time passed slowly as I tried to gather my strength. I gazed occasionally at the window, noting the darkness giving way to light.

A nurse would come every two hours to check his vitals and the IV drip. Thankfully Carlisle had fiddled with the machines so they gave innocuous data.

The nurse changed the empty serum bag several rounds later. "He's looking good," she said, scrunching up her eyebrows while she wrote down the data.

Too exhausted to reply properly, I nodded dumbly. After she left, I noticed Jake's eyelids twitching.

The worst night I spent on this earth had long passed when, in the midday sun, despair swiftly transmuted into hope after I watched Jake's eyes fluttering open. 

 

 


	14. The tale of the Two Wolves

I ran to the bed and leaned down, wincing at the sight of the tubes that connected Jake to the machines that measured his vital signs. The ugly, pale things contrasted sharply against his russet skin.  

"Jake, can you hear me?" I whispered hoarsely, unmindful of the nurse closing the door. I tried to read his thoughts, weak as they may be at the moment, but I got nothing.

"Jacob, I'm here." I gazed into his eyes. Wanting to brush my fingers against his hair, I splayed my hand on the border of the bed and whispered, "I'm so very sorry for what I did to you."

Jacob didn't answer and his mind remained blank. I groaned in frustration, but when I felt his warm fingers caressing my thumb I almost yelled. The gesture took me by surprise because I was used to divining his moves by reading him.  

At the moment I didn't care because I rejoiced at the warmth of his touch. My wolf made it through the hard night; he survived the delicate operation that ensured he would heal properly, and I had been with Jacob all the way.

The contact stopped abruptly after he closed his eyes, and I noticed his parched lips.

Carlisle patted my shoulder, meaning he wanted me to step aside. He fiddled with the machines a bit, adjusting their settings so the nurses wouldn't know how high his metabolism really was.

"I couldn't read him," I said forlornly. Carlisle nodded while he stared intently at a monitor which showed peaks and valleys; the squiggly lines that measured the activity of his brain.

"Seems to be fine," Carlisle muttered. "Jacob's brain patterns are very normal for a person who's just had this type of surgery."

I inched my hand toward Jake's fingers and caressed them, willing him to answer as he had done before. He jerked his hand away, instead.

Maybe my wolf was still angry with me. I had to know if he intended to leave me, and I screamed inside my head because his mind was closed to me.

I took a tissue out of a box by the bedside and, after dipping it in water, gently rubbed Jake's lips. I brushed my fingers against the bandages, knowing they had cut off his hair; if there was a scar from the operation I wanted to kiss it away. For the moment I contented myself with tugging the sheets, not daring to intervene with the nurses' routine.

I sat back on the chair, ready to resume my vigil with lightened spirits. Jacob was alive and he knew I was here; his fingers instinctively sought mine and I felt relief. The worry about his anger blotted out part of my cheerfulness, though not as much as being unable to read his thoughts.  

Rosalie touched my shoulder. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"I don't want to leave him," I said absently. What if there was a medical emergency while I was out? What if I lost him and I wasn't there to help?

Rosalie must have seen something in my face because she gently cupped my chin and tilted it up. "The doctors and nurses will take care of Jacob. You have no medical expertise, Edward; and we need to talk."

As I stood on the threshold, I gazed back at my wolf. Jake was unconscious; his chest slowly moved up and down while the reassuring sound of his breathing was joined by the dull humming of the machines.

Leah was talking to Seth on the corridor. When she saw us, she nudged Seth towards the door.

"What?"

"Stay with Jake. We have business with Edward." Leah grabbed Paul's hand and stood up.

Seth stepped towards me and patted my shoulder. "I'm sorry, man. Wish I could've protected Jake, he doesn't deserve this shit!"

Seth's condolences made me feel guilty. I thought he didn't know the stunt I pulled on Jacob until he whispered against my shoulder, "Paul told me he met Jake in the forest and talked with him."

Seth winked at me while he opened the door. "He'll forgive you."

\--

We took the elevator and made our way to the lobby. Rosalie pointed towards a staircase which ended in a brightly lit hall. The four of us walked down the corridor without uttering a sound.

Rosalie took out a key from her pocket and opened a door. "They gave Carlisle a temporary office."

I growled, "I take it you want to talk about the poachers."

Rose nodded and walked towards the window, her smart jacket outlining her beautiful silhouette. As she put her palm on the window, the sunlight made her hand shimmer as if it was fashioned out of gemstones.

Meanwhile, Paul walked to the desk and leaned against it; his plaid shirt was the same color as Jacob's which reminded me of my wolf's plight. Shaking my head, I tried to concentrate on what they wanted to tell me.

"Don't know if Jacob told you, but we travelled to the Quinault Rez. There was an odd spur Jared sensed." Paul grabbed the clipboard on the desk and toyed with it. "Those stuck-ups wouldn't let us in if we didn't bring an elder with us."

I pointed out. "So Jake's father went."

"Uh-huh." Paul shrugged. "To make it short; after Billy spoke to them, they allowed us free rein. So when…" He pointed at Rosalie with the clipboard. "You barged in, we were ready."

"After I left you, Emmet and I tracked them," Rosalie said, her back turned to us. "It was hard to follow; those people have an odd, elusive scent. Luckily Emmett went with me, he's way better at tracking. Anyway, I stumbled upon the wolves in the forest and told them what happened."

"Those fuckers shot the heir of Ephraim Black!" Paul roared and stood up, the veins in his forehead bulging.

"Calm down, Paul." Leah caressed his elbow. "What's done is done. Cullen, what is important is that we have them surrounded."

"You haven't killed them?" I walked towards the window.

"We decided not to. There's this weird smell coming from them." Rosalie gracefully lifted her hand and spread her fingers. "It's like they're not human, but definitely they're not vampires."

"We didn't want to tackle them without learning more," said Leah, her gaze straying towards me. "That's where you come in."

"You want me to read their minds?" I nodded at her and then looked briefly at the cars outside.

"Sure." Leah walked towards me and patted my shoulder. "Not until Jake is out of danger, though; these suckers aren't going anywhere. Half the pack is there, plus the big guy…"

"Emmett stayed behind," Rosalie said. "He called Jasper on the phone; and Jasper should be there by now with Alice."

I tapped my fingers on the metal of the windowpane as I gazed down at the parking lot. There was no way I was leaving Jake until I was sure he would make it. On the other hand, I wanted so badly to get my hands around the necks of the damned bastards that shot my wolf. I needed to read their thoughts because there was no way they could have confused Jake with a normal wolf. They must have known beforehand he was a shapeshifter.

When Paul's stomach growled, Leah grinned at him. "Why don't you grab a bite at the cafeteria? It's down the corridor."

Paul stood up and walked to the door. He paused at the threshold and called over his shoulder. "You coming?"

"Nope, I have something I need to discuss with Rosalie."

"I'll go with you." I said, hoping to get more information about the bastards.  

\--

Paul bought four sandwiches and sat at the table nearest to the door; as he unwrapped the first one, he mumbled, "Girl talk, huh?"

"Yes."

While Paul ate, my mind strayed to the conversation between the two women.

"What do you want to talk about?" Rosalie said.

"Well, I wanted to find out if there's a place where vampires don't go."

"I don't know. Carlisle might know more about that because of his connection to the Volturi."

"Oh."

"Tell you what," Rosalie said. "I've a few connections of my own. They might be more willing to confide in a woman, so I'll ask around."

"That'd be fine."

"That's not all, is it?"

"Nope. I just… how do you manage, being a vampire and a…"

"Woman?"

"Yeah."

"I just do. I have hobbies of my own apart from the others, and I try to keep busy. Guess things are different for you?"

"The pack. You know how it is with guys."

"Don't I know it! Jake told me you're the first female shifter?"

"Yep, I have that disgrace."

"Look at it this way, Leah; things have changed since my days, though not as much as some people might think. Perhaps your joining the pack is… evolutionary and more girls will follow."

"Hey, man!" Paul waved his half-eaten sandwich at me.

"Sorry, Paul."

"As I was saying, when you get to the Quinault Rez, try to stay out of their way. We don't need any more problems with the neighbors."

I noticed that Paul tried to keep his distance from me. "I guess you're not comfortable being around me."

"Nothing personal, Cullen." Paul munched on the last sandwich. "Appreciate what you did for Jake and all that, but I just can't stand your scent."

\--

When I returned to the office, Rosalie and Leah were gone. Instead my father sat on the leather chair.

Carlisle motioned to the other chair and then steepled his fingers. Even if I were unable to read his thoughts, the set of his shoulders and his worried face would have given me pause. I sat down with trepidation.

"Jacob is stable at the moment." He said, fingering his pen. "He's a remarkable young man with strong healing powers."

"I couldn't read his mind when he woke up," I muttered, looking down at the floor.

"I know, Edward. I'm sure you're aware of the nature of a brain lesion. Every person heals differently; some people present noticeable impairment and others… nothing."

I sighed despondently. "So you're telling me that…"

"I won't lie to you, son. I've been thinking about it ever since the operation. It occurred to me that Jacob is a shapeshifter, not a true werewolf. He phases when he wants; therefore, it is directed by his brain."

My shoulders sagged in defeat. "So my wolf might not shift again."

"It's too early to tell." Carlisle paused for a few seconds as he measured his words. "If you two decide to stay together, and he can't shift…"

"He will grow old and die while I stay young forever." I smiled bitterly at that. "It won't change a thing, Carlisle. I love him for his soul just as much as I admire his body. I won't care if we have a few decades at best; I just want to make him happy."

"I was sure that would be your answer, Edward." Carlisle said proudly; then he looked briefly at the ceiling. "It might be that Jacob's memory is distorted, son. I don’t want you to be scared if he is disoriented when he wakes up. He might not remember your relationship."

This was a real blow. I yearned for Jacob to love me back, to resume the easygoing, flirty way I had come to enjoy so much; things with Bella had always been so serious.

"If it comes to that," I said after a few seconds. "I'll stand back and give him space. I respect him, Carlisle. I want him to feel safe and comfortable with me. If Jake should distrust me, I'll let him go for a while. Doesn't mean I won't protect him."

I was wary of Carlisle's mind. There was a subject he was avoiding while he marshaled all the facts in that ordered manner of his. It made me very uneasy because it was the style he affected when he told a patient they had an incurable disease.

He looked at the laptop on his desk and started calling up files. I could see that they were reports from CAT scans. When he glanced at the upper right tab, I noticed Quil's name. What was he afraid to tell me?

"There's another matter of great concern, Edward." He finished ordering the files and was looking at them, noting the finer points of grey blobs up and down the pictures of brain scans which only his educated eye could translate.

"What can be worse than seeing Jacob grow old while I stay young? Than having him snarl at me, forgetting all we shared?" My voice was tinged with self-pity, and then the awful truth hit me because there was something far worse than this.

Carlisle made tutting sounds. "Things are not that bad, son. Jacob will probably shift after he's healed." He leaned forward, looking sharply at me. "And he certainly wasn't snarling at you when he caressed your hand."

I sighed sadly because I was aware of Jake's worst nightmare.

"It's about the imprint," Carlisle said, confirming my fears.

I imagined the worst scenario. Jake told me pack members imprinted after phasing for the first time. And yet, Jacob had been phasing for a while now and hadn't imprinted.

The damned bullet affected his brain in such a way that the probability of him imprinting increased. I was condemned to stand by his side, worry constantly eating at me because he might imprint on any newcomer, perhaps even Leah. Was I fated to see him fall in love with a complete stranger? Most of all, I didn't want Jake chained to the horrible fate he decried so much.  

"I need to know something, though." Carlisle leaned towards me and patted my arm. "Jake was very comfortable in the house. He doesn't appear to be bothered by our particular scent."

I smiled weakly, remembering our date in Portland. "No, he says he doesn't feel it anymore."

"Good, it's just as I thought. I need you to grasp some concepts, so please bear with my explanations."

I nodded, intrigued by his words. "Sure."

"The sense of smell is processed in the neocortex, but emotional associations are formed in the limbic system. It is the oldest part of our brain and controls emotions, sex, and eating. A key part of the limbic system is the hypothalamus."

I was startled. "You mentioned Jacob had a sliver of bone near there."

"Which I duly extracted. However, during the operation his hypothalamus was affected." Carlisle called up a file on his browser and turned the laptop towards me.

"Do you notice the changes here?"He pointed at a grey blur amid other shades of grey. Frankly, I couldn't make anything out of it.

"I'll take your word, Carlisle," I said wearily. I didn't want to see what the machines had made of my wolf's lovely mind.

Carlisle's finger slid across the touchpad and he opened windows which held other files. "Quil and Sam's scans differed exactly on the same spot I showed you. I compared the data against other Quileutes who haven't imprinted."

He smiled at me. "My conclusion is that the imprint affects the limbic system, specifically the hypothalamus. They can't help falling in love because the oldest, deepest portion of the brain convinces them they have done so."

Carlisle shook his head wonderingly. "The change is obviously controlled by the DNA contained in their extra pair of chromosomes. The added genes confer upon them the magic to operate the phasing."

I had to shake my head at that. I would join in Carlisle's obvious joy in his knowledge if the situation wasn't so dire.

Carlisle grinned reassuringly. "It may well be that the changes in Jake were already in place. He wasn't that bothered by our smell – the sense controlled by the hypothalamus – before he was shot. Perhaps the wound just accelerated the changes."

"So you are saying that Jake somehow imprinted on me?"

"We'll never know for sure."

I pushed the laptop towards him and leaned forward. "That's fine and dandy, but what does it mean for Jake? How does this affect him?"

Carlisle called up Jacob's file and showed it to me. "Do you see how this area differs both from Sam and Quil's tests as well as those from other pack members? Even normal Quileutes?" He beamed at me. "In layman's terms, Jacob has gone beyond the imprint."

"You mean after the bullet wounded him…"

"Exactly. There's no way his limbic system will change any further. Jacob won't ever imprint."

\--

Carlisle's news cheered me up as I rode the elevator. Jacob would love to know he was free to choose whomever he wanted. I hoped I would be his choice but if he turned me down, I would let him go.  

Carlisle was sure Jacob still retained the ability to shift. I grinned when I remembered Jacob's fingers touching me; that loving gesture, so like him, boded well for our relationship.

As I approached the room, I felt Billy Black's worry.  Squaring my shoulders, I knocked softly on the door before entering.

"Sir."

"Cullen." Billy nodded curtly while his hand toyed with the wheel of his chair. He patted softly Jacob's hand and spoke to him in Quileute. His black hair framed his shoulders and Billy closed his eyes, his words rolling over me like the soothing sound of the sea.

There was something otherworldly in the language Billy spoke; it certainly sounded different than any other. I got the gist of Billy's thoughts: he was telling Jacob about their fishing trips.

He patted his son's chest so tenderly it made me ache. Such a scene had happened before; Billy remembered the time Jacob was hurt by the newborn army, and after my wolf phased for the first time.  

After several minutes, Billy rolled the wheelchair towards the corner while I approached the bed. I saw grey color peeking underneath which told me Rosalie had brought the plushie to the hospital.

I leaned down to whisper in Jake's ear, "I'm back, wolf. I have good news and I can't wait to tell you. Wake up soon; won't you, Jacob? I miss you."

I rubbed his palm and glanced at the monitors. I wanted to wrest their secrets so I could be sure my wolf was fine. I stuck my hands in my pockets and walked towards Billy.

He stared at his son with his hands folded upon his lap; Billy's patient demeanor matched his mind. "I talked to your sister, Cullen."

"Rosalie?"

He nodded. "She told me you refused to turn Jacob. So you were willing to let my son die?"

"Sir, allow me to explain..."

He lifted his hands. "I don't need any explanation. Suffice it to say that your choice pleases me."

I was bewildered. "My choice to let Jacob die?"

"No, your refusal to turn him into an abo…." Billy shut up, but his meaning was clear.

I hunched my shoulders. "You mean an abomination like me."

"I'm sorry." He smiled guiltily. "I know you are not like the other Cold Ones, but such were the mores my father taught me." He sighed wistfully. "It's hard to part with the old ways."

He waved his hand at Jacob. "I'm glad you respected my son enough to let him go. If you had turned him, Jacob would have been lost to me." Billy looked at Jake and I noticed how shiny his dark eyes were. His voice rumbled and filled the room; it made me forget the annoying humming of the machines, for his words held magic. "My son belongs to the air and forest of these lands. They gave us power and breathed life into our brittle bones. Jacob becoming a Cold One would have broken my heart and I assure you, Cullen, I would not have lingered on this earth for long."

"I understand, sir."

"I can't say I understand your kind, Cullen, but I admire your restraint. That's a good foundation to build upon, isn't it?"  

"Indeed, sir."

Billy frowned at me. "I've heard Lahote mumbling about a fight you had with Jacob."

I bowed my head. "It was my fault, Mr. Black."

He waved his arm, accepting my apology. "I trust Jacob and you will work it out; young people react so strongly. How I wish my blood ran as hot as yours!"

I refrained from pointing out my cold body had no warmth to speak of.

"Youth is selfish," Billy said somberly. "You thought only of your woman and yourself, without considering my son's feelings." He lifted his hand to forestall my words. "For your sake, I hope you will do better in the future."

"I will try, sir."

"I'll tell you again that I'm pleased you thought of Jacob first. That wasn't selfish at all and I admire your intention to let him go. I'm glad you refrained because Jacob has a role to play in this living land." Seeing my woebegone expression, Billy said softly, "Everyone does, including you, Edward."

His wheelchair creaked as Billy made his way to the night table next to the bed and poured water into a glass. After he drank his fill, he went on. "Let me tell you a story my father told me when I was Jacob's age. It's the tale of the two wolves."

His deep voice rumbled as Billy intertwined his hands. "There was a grandfather, an old man wise in the ways of our world. He gathered his grandchildren around his tepee. He felt his end approaching and wanted to give his family part of the wisdom he'd earned." Billy shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe Q'wati himself taught him in a dream."

Billy sipped his water and gently put down the glass. The beeping of the monitors served as counterpoint to his deep voice and lent a surreal quality to the tale. "The old man told them about the fight raging inside his heart. You see, he said had two wolves inside. One was evil, the fear and anger he'd gathered in his long years, and his sorrow and greed. This evil wolf battled the good one which stood for hope and kindness, the joy he felt when he saw his children and his children's children growing up. The compassion he felt for the living things crawling and walking upon the earth, and his faith that the tribe would grow strong."

Billy rolled his wheelchair towards Jake. It seemed to me that he was telling the story for Jacob's benefit, too.  Billy bent down and gently patted Jake's strong chest. He lowered his voice into a whisper, "This fight goes on inside everyone; even you, Jacob."

He turned and looked at me sharply. "The boys and girls asked the old man a simple question: Which wolf will win?"

He paused for a minute and raised his eyebrows. "How would you answer that, Edward?"

"I don't know, Mr. Black."

"The grandfather replied: The wolf you feed will win."

I nodded solemnly. "So we have to do good."

Billy shook his head. "I used to think so. In fact, that was what I said to my father; but now I know better. A wolf does what it must to survive because the world is a harsh place. The wolf is a predator, just like man." Billy smiled bitterly. "Predators aren't usually nice. Man follows wolf, so he must do what he can to endure."

Billy glanced down at his son. "But Q'wati fashioned man out of wolf, and gave them both wisdom and heart. Let that guide you, Edward."

\--

The hours passed swiftly, dusk tinted the window an ochre color until it faded into black. People came in to visit Jacob, young Quileutes and friends of Billy's.

I grew to learn the personnel of the hospital. Using my charm, it was easy to persuade the nurses to cough up reports on my wolf. It did me no good, however, because I wasn't acquainted with the medical lingo. I just nodded in satisfaction when I saw Nurse Franklin had underlined the words, _'Amazing recovery.'_

While I was away, Chief Swan visited Jacob; Charlie's mind was fraught with fear. Jacob was, after all, one of his last links to Bella.  Sorrow weighed heavily on my mind because Charlie and I shared that link, and I knew we would never grow close. I was the cause of her death and neither Charlie nor I could ever forget that.

 Bella's father was an active part of the world. He lived in the moment and was everything I couldn't be, just like my wolf. I envied them so much their ability to stand in the sun, that vulnerability which allowed them to age until they would find their days coming to an end.  

I came back to Jacob's bedside around 10 o'clock. Seth was reading a comic book; rather, he was describing it to Jake.

"Just like I told you, this Green Lantern is a wimp!" Seth muttered as he stared intently at the glossy pages. "Sorry I didn't lend it to you, Jake; belongs to Nathan and I've got to give it back." 

He smiled at me and pocketed the comic; then he went to Jake's bed, "Gotta go, man. Your guy's here." Seth patted his shoulder. "Sleep tight."

The Quileute winked at me on the way out. "Jake's looking better, Edward. He woke up briefly; they're going to take out the catheter soon."

I cringed when he said that. I hated the notion of Jake's perfect body marred by all these medical devices, but they were essential.

"Thank you, Seth!" I waved at the young Quileute.

I hooked my foot around the leg of the chair and dragged it towards the bed. Then I leaned down and grabbed the stuffed wolf from beneath the bed; I had persuaded the nurses to leave it in the room. I ran my hands through the soft fur, smiling at the way Rosalie snarled at me when I asked her to fetch it from the house.

It was silly, but Kwolie reminded me of our date and gave me hope that things could be as good as they were that day.

Jacob's eyes fluttered open; I stood up and smiled down at him, running my fingers through his forearm.

He licked his lips, and I grabbed the carafe. "Do you want some water, Jacob?"

Jake shook his head, and then it hit me like a rock. I couldn't read his thoughts. He was awake and aware of his surroundings, but all I caught were faint wisps, nothing concrete at all. It was similar to the eerie silence which shielded Bella, but much worse because I had become addicted to Jake's sensual imagery. It was the perfect counterpoint; his joy balanced my pain. Jacob's mind was a veritable carnival of sensations in which whimsical and serious thoughts mixed delightfully. I would miss that very much.  

He must have seen my grimace of despair because he raised his eyebrows. I hunched my shoulders and put the carafe back on the table. "It's nothing, Jake; all that matters is that you heal completely."

Jacob reached his hand to my face, whispering, _"'Kwop kilawtley."_

I frowned, damning to hell the people that shot him. Was Jake cursing me because he was still mad at me? Was it some endearment in Quileute? Just when I had urgent need of my damned power, it vanished suddenly.  Why did fate torture me so?

Seeing my indecision, Jake growled softly and took back his hand. He turned his head and, in the bright light of the lamps embedded in the headboard, I saw his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

What had he said? No Quileute was nearby so I couldn't glean the meaning out of anyone's mind.  It dawned on me how useless I was without this power, especially when it affected my relationship with the most important person in my life.

"Forgive me, Jacob," I muttered hoarsely. "I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain."

I cupped his chin and gently turned his head so he would look at me. Taking a deep, unneeded breath, I plunged ahead. My voice was raw with emotion as I poured out my feelings to him.  "I'm in love with you. I love you so much!"

My thumb rubbed his exquisitely soft russet skin while I plodded ahead. "I wish I could say it better; play with words like an instrument, the way I did with…" I trailed off and smiled bitterly. "Never mind that, it's in the past and you're my future. Don't you know what you do to me? You drive every thought from my head, Jake."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply; seeking Jake's smell among the disinfectants, medicines, and metallic devices. My nostrils flared as I drank his scent, as vital and earthy as the forest. I opened my eyes and drank the sight of him. "You're the sun that outshines everything, my Jacob. The star I can't ever touch which sucks me into its orbit. You're everything I'm not; and I love you so, so very much."

I felt warmth on my nape as Jake looped his arm around my neck to pull me down. He was smiling at me. My mouth gently touched his and we kissed.

I framed his head with my hands as my lips tentatively rubbed against his. The kiss was awkward, with those bandages on the way and the annoying background humming of the machines around us; the hospital light and the murmuring of the people outside were distracting.

Nevertheless, it was the best kiss of my life because it was filled with wonder, the hope and joy that Jake would recover, that he had forgiven me. He was mine and I his; and I would never let him go.

Jacob moaned softly, "Edward."

 My palm rested against his broad chest as I soaked up the sound of his beating heart. I treasured its reassurance; I wanted to hold it in my mind as I reminder of what I had gained. I broke our contact and peppered his eyelids with soft kisses. "Please, Jacob, don't ever leave me. Stay with me forever!"

My forehead touched the soft cloth of his bandages. I tilted up my chin and muttered against his cheek, "I'm sorry, Jacob; I don't want any more secrets between us. I want forever with you, but you must know that…"

He puzzled his eyebrows in concentration and mouthed the word, "What?"

"You were very sick last night. I despaired because I thought you were going to die." I sighed sadly and looked into his warm brown eyes. "I couldn't turn you into a monster like me, Jacob. You see, I was willing to let you die."

His fingers grazed my lips and he said another word in Quileute. I kissed his cheek, his nose and finally his lips before continuing. "Do you see, Jacob? I tried to do the selfless thing and do what was best for you. I'm willing to let you go, just like I did with the girl in the meadow we visited, remember?"

I waited on tenterhooks for his answer. Would Jake remember our date or had the memory been erased?

He nodded, and the gesture lifted my spirits considerably. I whispered huskily, "I took the road that leads to you, Jacob. I'll always come to you as long as you want me. You're stuck with me, wolf, and it's all your fault because you've changed me forever."

Jake raised his eyebrows, obviously thinking at me. When I didn't reply, he whispered, "Answer… me!"

I gulped and touched his lips, my thumb tracing a path up and down his perfect cheek. "I can't read your thoughts anymore, Jacob. Carlisle operated on you to make sure you healed perfectly. He cut open that pretty head of yours and one of the results is I can't read you."

"Doesn't…. matter." He stumbled upon the words as if they were in a foreign language. "Stay with me… forever."

"Always, Jacob; you won't get rid of me."

He nodded somberly and then he said with a croak, "What else?"

I smiled at him as I stood and then retrieved the stuffed wolf from its place. I held it up and waved its head at Jacob.

He shot me a wide grin. "Kwolie!"

I put Kwolie on the bed and Jake patted its head awkwardly. My fingers intertwined with his, taking care not to disturb the IV drip. "Kwolie has come to visit you, with your pack and your father. As for the other news, I can say you'll be very glad."

I leaned down and whispered into his ear, "Carlisle tells me something in your brain changed. He says you won't imprint, ever."

"Sure?"

"He's quite sure. I'm glad for us, Jacob…" I couldn't go on because the nurse entered the room.

She looked over the monitors, writing the results on her pad. I read the name on her ID, _Anna Franklin_. She put a hand on her broad hips and frowned at me over her glasses. "You're Dr. Cullen's son, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Then you should know enough not to disturb this young man!" She dissolved a white tablet in a plastic bulb and leaned down, canting it up so Jake could drink from a straw.  

"I'm sorry, Nurse Franklin," I mumbled. I couldn't help but notice the way Jake's eyes lit up when the nurse chastised me; and to top it off, he shot her his trademark boyish grin.

"Atta boy!" said Nurse Franklin, patting Jacob's hand when he finished drinking.

I wasn't that angry when I noticed Jacob's smug grin; I was too busy drinking the sight of his lips curling upward.  

"Well, if you are going to be the one taking care of Mr. Black here." The nurse looked pointedly at me. "There are things you have to know. I'm amazed at the way Jacob has rebounded from his surgery." She positively beamed at him. "You should get your first hospital meal in the morning; afterwards we'll take you off the IV drip."

She pressed a button on a black box and the front of the bed lifted up a bit. The nurse gave me pointers about Jacob's care; she spoke briskly and professionally. I took careful note of her advice, though I doubted it would come in handy, given my wolf's healing ability.

After Nurse Franklin left, tutting at me one last time, Jacob yawned. I bent down to pick Kwolie up from its place on the floor where the nurse had put it.

"Here." I laid the stuffed wolf next to Jacob's hips. "Do you need anything, Jake? I'm so frustrated that I can't read you."

"'m fine; thanks!" Jake yawned again, but the way he smirked when he thought I wasn't watching gave me pause. I wanted so much to find out what he was thinking!

\--

Emmett patted my shoulder. _'I'm glad your wolf is okay, Edward.'_

I nodded at him. He cocked his head at the cabin in the middle of the woods. It stood forlornly in the sun, and for a moment it seemed like a ghost ship in the middle of Washington State. _'Those wolves, Sam and Jacob's friends, are on the other side. Jasper planned their patrols, they shift randomly.'_

"Can you see anything?" I asked my sister.

Alice glided towards me, her green jacket shining in the morning sun. _'I see the outcome. They die. Everything else is veiled.'_

"Good." I nodded at her; I had no sympathy for the people who shot Jake.

I had treasured the sight of Jacob leaving the hospital in the ambulance. After they took him off the IV drip, Carlisle managed to persuade the director of the hospital that Jacob should be transferred to Forks Community Hospital.  Of course, my wolf was going straight home.

The time had come to settle our debts.

I patted Emmett's broad shoulder and he ran to the cabin; the force of the impact split the door. As slivers of wood rained around us, Alice and I followed him inside. There were two people, a blond man whose surprised look was comical and a thick, middle-aged bearded guy.

They were sitting at the table, typing on the keyboard of a desktop. Thick cables ran from the middle of the cabin and disappeared into the earth. They would provide a noose for the bastards if it came to that.

They snarled at us and the older man tackled Emmett. I wasn't that interested in him because the blond's thoughts betrayed him. It was him who shot my wolf!

There was something strange about his thought pattern; it had a certain patina, like those old portraits where they painted a new version over the original.

I made for him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He wrestled me to the ground which was hard to do for a mortal. He wasn't a vampire though, because his eyes were the bluest I had ever seen.

I didn't have time to delve deeper into his mind as we struggled. Somehow, the older guy escaped Emmett and Alice and dashed out of the cabin. It struck me as odd that the man was able to escape Emmett's strength and Alice's clairvoyance. It didn't matter though, because the wolves waited for him on the other side. I smiled sinisterly; Quil and Embry were in the mood to play cat and mouse with the man who wanted to kill their best friend.

As I tried to tear off the blond's arm, something odd happened. My feet slipped on the ground; it felt like someone had pulled a rug under me. I found myself floating in midair. The feeling was surreal, like being on an elevator which is under free fall. I was acquainted with the sensation because it featured prominently in Jacob's nightmares. It was one of his scenarios when he dreamed of imprinting.

I looped my arms around the man's neck and pulled him towards me, snarling at him, "Who do you work for, the Volturi?"

He sneered; his thin, pink lips twisting in an ugly line. His thoughts told me the man, whose name was André, did work for the Volturi. There was something more sinister beneath those thoughts, and I knew there was a camouflaged layer underneath. I had to dig in deeper and, as I knew only too well, there was nothing like pain to scrape the surface.

I held onto his torso as I tilted down my chin, fighting against this strange surge of upended gravity, this power of his that defied physics. I bit into his neck with hunger born from the desire to inflict pain, to avenge Jacob. I let my baser instincts rise to the surface. I knowingly fed my evil wolf.

I became the killer I despised as I drank his blood, injecting him with painful venom.

The man screamed and his mind became unhinged by pain. In the scant time before he died, I glimpsed strange vistas:  swirling multi-colored dust that looked eerily familiar, an ochre desert in the middle of nowhere. He met a Volturi just as blond as he was. Gravity shifted around him. There was a programmed urge to destroy the wolves, to sow chaos so a new seed could be planted. The overwhelming need to cull and destroy.  

The man's yelling stopped abruptly, becoming a pathetic gurgle as he died.

I fell to the floor on top of the body; then I stood up and kicked it away, wiping the blood off my lips with the back of my hand. I squinted at my hand because the blood had a strange, dark tint; and being intimately acquainted with blood, I knew the man was not a mere mortal.

Emmett punched my shoulder. "Well done, Edward. Nice to see Jacob has rubbed off on you!"

I glared at him. "And the other bastard?"

"The wolves got him. I'd better remember not to piss off those guys!"  My brother cocked his head at the door where I heard the sounds of ripping flesh.

Alice walked up to me and touched my cheek; her voice tinged with wonder as she said, "Edward, you should see the color of your eyes!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __**AN:** In Quileute mythology, Q'wati is the Transformer who made them out of wolves.  
>  "Kwop kilawtley” means "Stay with me forever." It's what Jake said to Bella before Alice called.  
> "The tale of the two wolves" is a Native American tale. 
> 
> _The angsty part of the story is over, there will be tension but now it will deal with adventure. The next chapter will be JPOV:_


	15. The Ghost Road

****

**JPOV**   


The transition was fast. One moment I was in the woods and the next, everything went dark.

Didn't know what happened. I only felt someone holding me whose name I had on the tip of my tongue.  Things were limned in purple spots, and the sensation of cold arms beneath me eventually faded.

I caught whispered words in a language I didn't understand. Flashes of muted color passed by in a blur. I was trapped like those insects held in amber the prof told me about in the school whose name I could no longer remember.

My mind drifted out of this strange vision which shrank until there was blackness, and the swinging motion stopped.  

I drifted up in a vivid dream and then the world exploded in a frenzy of colors. I was walking in a field. I didn't know who I was, but the beautiful grass and flowers were soothing. Someone was missing, though, to complete the picture of happiness.

I started running and a few seconds later the ground trembled; I turned my head and saw a wolf trotting beside me. Its fur was beautiful, a bright color I couldn't name.

It was awkward running on two legs so I shrugged and became an animal. Tilting down my chin I gazed at my blurry paws which were a reddish hue.  

I looked sideways at my wolf companion and saw him sharper, in vivid colors.

It was refreshing being this animal because I didn't feel tempted to speak. Words escaped me like the running waters of a half-forgotten river. I turned my muzzle and spoke with the wolf like I did with my brothers.

I growled softly at that; I dimly recalled being the only male child. The confusion didn't bother me much because my thoughts were as fuzzy as the edges of the meadow. When we approached the limits of the field it got sharper but the woods farther along remained misty.  

The wolf flooded my mind with imagery. The woods were his home; they had teemed with animal life but lacked people. He had waited patiently for ages, in the manner of wolves. One day, having arrived in canoes, a group of tired men and women walked up to the woods. 

And the wolf grinned savagely and changed them into his own image.

During this silent communion, my memories slowly seeped back. The boys I dimly recalled weren't really my brothers but my pack mates. The gnawing hole I felt in my heart pulled at me relentlessly because I missed a man. He was left behind and I cared about him a great deal.  

There was a trick he had pulled on me, though. He wanted me to make a pup with the girl!

I stopped and furiously pawed at the ground; I watched the dried leaves fluttering up in the sharp colors I had known when I shifted into a wolf.

The Silver wolf growled, nipping my shoulders lightly. I flattened my ears and whined in submission until he huffed softly, rubbing his muzzle against mine.

_'I'm afraid the time has come for you to grow up, pup.'_

_'What do you mean?'_ I lifted my tail while I raised my paw, examining the fur. I remembered the color was called 'russet'. The word felt odd, though, as if it had shifted just like I had and changed its meaning.

_'Ephraim's heir must choose!'_ The Silver wolf backed away and raised his muzzle, howling at the sky which darkened in seconds. There was a new moon, so the spattering of stars was interrupted only by the wide swath of the sky river which bisected the heavens.

I mulled over the wolf's words, stepping back from him. We had been talking in Quileute. I did speak another language which I couldn't remember. I knew it was the tongue I used when I spoke with… Edward.

My heart sank further when I finally grasped the situation. I had passed away and now trod the path of my ancestors. Dad had told me about the custom of the Oglala Sioux to soothe their deceased. I wondered if he was appeasing my ghost by feeding my spirit. In this timeless place, I suspected he had mourned a whole year and had fed my spirit for the last time. I lifted my muzzle to howl at the Milky Way, for it was the Ghost Road I would shortly walk along. My campfire would finally add to its aura.

I tilted my chin to follow the path of the stars above which was so clear. If everything failed I would join them shortly. I hoped I would find the peace that had escaped me my whole life.

And I despaired for Edward because my lover would end up bereft in the cold world. 

I wouldn't go willingly. This fight against destiny wasn't new for me; after all, I had been waging it ever since the fateful day I met Bella at First Beach.

I turned my head and bowed at Q'wati, the Silver Wolf. My eyes narrowed as I wondered how to convince him to give me a second chance.

Q'wati growled softly. _'Do not fret, pup. You will see your mate again. You must learn to work with him.'_

Then the Silver wolf nipped my flank playfully. _'What will you choose?  The tribe or yourself, Alpha?'_

_'I will do what an Alpha must.'_

_'Your path doesn't end here.'_ The Wolf pawed the ground with such force that clods of grass shot up into the blackness. They broke up into small pieces which became translucent until they glimmered, studding the heavens among the other stars.

_'Your road may never end; it's one of the possibilities.'_ The Wolf perked up his ears and turned to look at the hazy woods. _'The earth that wrought you, the woods that nourished you – they need your magic. Predators and prey will…'_

_'Suffer…?'_ I whined softly.

_'No. They will die if you do nothing.'_

_'What do I have to do, then?'_

The Wolf walked towards me and when I stared at his black pupils I saw a small, bright whirlwind composed of tiny silver specks whose pattern seemed oddly familiar. I had seen it before when I looked at the sky over the woods up north, after I ran from my troubles and sought peace and freedom. The Wolf's eyes held the Milky Way.

 I didn't have time because everything shimmered and became blurry. I yapped at Q'wati in despair. _'What do I do? Answer me, dammit!'_

The Wolf's growls became as indistinct as the rustle of the twigs, but I grasped the meaning.

_'Follow the Wolf's Trail, pup.'_

Then darkness enveloped me and I knew no more.

\--

 I drifted back to the world, dreaming of nasty bloodsuckers that held me prisoner. They sunk their teeth into my arm and crotch. The leeches taunted me with insults while they relentlessly took their fill of me.  Where the hell was Edward that he didn't save me from them? 

I slipped in and out of consciousness but the constant itching on my arms and lap remained.  

People mumbled around me in a strange language I almost grasped. I recognized Edward's voice, though his tone wasn't smooth but harsh and weary.  I struggled to open my eyes, squinting at the blurry light above.  

His voice rose and I almost caught the meaning, but I was too weak to speak. His enticing scent drifted down; it was a pity that the awful stench of the medicines drowned it. Edward's sweet coldness was near, so I reached towards it and caressed his skin with my fingers.

But his scent also brought up the painful memory of wanting me to father a pup with someone who had rejected me. It enraged my wolf so I turned away from Edward. 

The small gesture had tired me and I drifted back into uneasy sleep.

Later I would dream that Dad was by my side, speaking about our fishing trips and all the fun we had shared. It was soothing because I understood him perfectly, unlike Edward and other people who talked in gibberish.

I lost track of time; the only constants were the annoying pinpricks all over my scalp and the itches in my arms and crotch. My fingers had touched the smooth tubes running down from my forearms; there were a lot of them.

As the nurses made their round, they would speak to me and I slowly began to understand them. It had to do with their voices; they seemed kind, like my mom talking to me.

It became easier the more I heard people speaking. The meaning was sharper, though some words remained puzzling.  

After dozing off for the eleventh time or so, I heard Seth telling me about his comic. I mentally shook my head at the kid; leastways he wasn't into video games like Emmett. I wondered where the big guy was. And Edward?

Then I smelled his scent and I fought to open my eyes. The vampire was above me, and I drank in the sight of him. Edward appeared disheveled; to be frank, he always looked like he had come from a romp in his bed.

After Edward offered me water and I shook my head, his face twisted in a grimace. I felt guilty because it was my fault. Obviously something awful happened and I was in the hospital. My vampire looked weary and defeated.

Too weak to speak, I raised my eyebrows in question. Edward muttered that it wasn't anything important and I should heal completely.

My heart flooded with tenderness at his words. Even in the midst of that odd vision, when I didn't know who I was and my mind was blank, I had known there was someone missing, a desire I wanted to fulfill. Edward was the love that awaited me, his was the yearning that called me home.

I raised my hand to touch his beautiful, cold cheek and said, "Stay with me forever."

I waited for his reply but it didn't come. My words were clear and besides, he could read my damned mind. Instead, Edward just frowned at me!  

I gulped when I realized he was like that girl after all. As I lay wracked with pain, I had poured out my feelings to Bella and she just walked away.

I growled and shrank back from him, turning to face the damned monitors so he wouldn't see me cry. I hoped he would just go away and leave me alone; obviously he was here out of a sense of duty.  

But Edward held my chin and softly nudged it so I faced him. He said he was sorry and I was surprised as the words poured out of him in a rush. He said he loved me, that I was the sun. He said so many beautiful words that made me want to smile and cry at the same time.  

I felt a rush of heat go through my chest, just like when I lay on the beach up north and soaked up the midday sun.  I reached for the nape of his neck and pulled him down. I yearned to kiss Edward's pain away, to make it up to him and erase the grimace that distorted his beautiful face. I would make it all right because I promised him long ago in the meadow where I shed the tears he couldn't cry. Because I loved him with all my soul.

I wanted to devour him, to knock him out with the kiss but my strength failed. It was sweet and tentative but the wolf inside demanded more, to mark him as my own.

"Edward," I moaned against his lips.

I panted after we broke our contact.

He said, "Please, Jacob, don't ever leave me. Stay with me forever!"

Edward went on and his smooth voice washed over me as the words fit together like a puzzle that finally made sense.

He confessed he didn't want to turn me, that he was willing to let me die. If the tables were turned, I wondered if I would have been as selfless. It made my heart soar that he had the strength to resist what must have been overwhelming need.

He mentioned our date in the meadow and I nodded. This led me to recall the time I carried Bella through the woods. The remembrance felt strange though; in my mind the flowers shined more brightly with odd colors. The scents of the grass and trees were sharper, just the way my wolf saw the world.  

My heart beat madly when Edward told me he would always follow the path that led to me. I knew then that we would find our way together on the road of my ancestors.

Too weak to speak for long, I raised my eyebrows. _'You're mine forevermore.  I'll never let you go.'_

He didn't say anything and it was unnerving. I whispered, "Answer me!"

Edward caressed my cheek; his voice was tinged with regret when he told me Carlisle operated on me. Something had changed, and he could no longer read my mind.

Silly vampire! It didn't matter at all because I cared about his mind, his body and soul, not his damned powers.

Since the spoken word was the only means of communication we had, I framed my thoughts carefully as I struggled to express myself. "Doesn't…matter. Stay with me… forever!"

"Always, Jacob; you won't get rid of me."

His words matched my feelings, but by the way he hunched his shoulders I could tell there was something more.  "What else?"

He didn't answer immediately; instead he bent down and picked up something. I craned my neck to see better while he held up the stuffed wolf I gave him.

The fact that Edward remembered and brought it here touched me deeply. I beamed at him. "Wolf!"

He laid it next to me and I patted the soft furry head. It made me recall the Wolf of my vision and my spirits sank a little.

Edward grasped my hand and entwined our fingers, twisting his wrist to avoid touching the tube going down my forearm.

He said my father and pack mates had visited. I couldn't believe his next words though, he said that as a result of the operation I would never imprint!

I just had to make sure, so I said with a croak, "Sure?"

Apparently, Carlisle was convinced and that was enough for me. The Doc was very professional.

Edward licked his lips and leaned down. I tilted up my chin, expecting his kiss; but the door swooshed open and a nurse came in.  The woman started lecturing Edward; she said he was bothering me. It was funny and hot as hell watching Edward being so bashful when I knew he could pretty much kill anyone. My vamp was a man full of contrasts and it was one of the many reasons I loved him.  

The nurse popped a tablet into a bulb and I drank the bitter liquid through a straw. To irk my lover, I grinned at the helpful nurse which made her smile at me.

"Atta boy!"

Had to admit I preened a little.

The nurse looked at me over her funnily-shaped glasses; she told me they'd give me real food in the morning and take me off the drip. Then she fiddled with a weird box and lifted the head of the bed; this allowed me to gaze at Edward's lean body. His clothes were very rumpled and his hair disheveled; all in all, he looked entirely edible.

The nurse left and I leaned my head on the pillow as I yawned. The conversation with Edward had drained me. He bent down and put the wolf on the bed, next to my hip. He asked me if I wanted anything, because he couldn't read my needs he sounded frustrated.

"'m fine; thanks!"

Edward walked towards the night table; I felt desire rush through my body at the sight of his lean figure. Since he couldn't read me anymore, I hid my smirk as I plotted ways to surprise him. I wanted him to lose his cool; to make him forget he was a vampire, if only for a moment, to finally claim him as mine.

He lingered at the door. I felt Edward's presence across the room as I drifted to sleep. It was comforting, like being in the woods.

\--

In the morning, the nurse introduced herself as Anna Franklin, but all sympathy I had for her vanished when she called the male nurse who roughly took out the catheter. It left me with a weird itch inside my shaft. Was uncomfortably when I moved and I hoped my fast healing would take care of that.

The morning passed in a blur while Doc Cullen rushed in and out of the room; he said he was filling the paperwork so I could leave for Forks. Carlisle had called Dad on the phone last night to arrange his signature on the release form.  

The sun was higher in the sky when the Doc examined me, shining a light into my eyes.  

"How are you feeling, Jacob?"

I sighed. "I'm good, Doc, and ready to go home."

He pointed at the window. "The sun doesn't bother your eyesight?"

"Nope, the sun's fine."

He took a step back and sat on the chair, puzzling his eyebrows. "What is fine?"

"Sun." I repeated patiently. My voice was still croaky; Nurse Franklin had trouble understanding me, too.

Carlisle shook his head. "The word you said… sounded like you were speaking Quileute."

Reviewing my words, I realized he was right. I had said _'Qahla'_ instead of 'sun.'

I nervously tugged the hem of the hospital gown. "You mean I've been speaking in Quileute? But I thought it was English!"

"Only some words, Jacob." The Doc put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. "It may be due to the nature of your lesions. It would seem that Quileute feels more accessible to you when you voice certain thoughts. The brain heals in different ways, Jacob."

The Doc smiled at me. "I'm sure your mastery of English will adapt and it will be just as before. Frankly, I'm impressed that seems to be the only problem I have detected in your recovery."

"Are you sure?"

"I am, Jacob. I would advise you to take this into account if you have trouble communicating with people."

His words brought to my mind the conversation with Edward. No wonder he hadn't said anything at first! The poor vamp didn't get what I said and, since he was unable to read my mind, he had no way of knowing. I lowered my chin to hide my blush.

"I trust you will heal fully," Carlisle said. "The mobility tests I've performed indicate you should be able to walk soon. Your lucidity is astounding for a person who recently underwent brain surgery. I think the explanation lies in your shifter chromosomes. The extra genes allow you to heal at this phenomenal rate.  You should be as good as new in a few days at most."

"That's good to hear, Doc." I shifted my legs on the wheelchair because I had a certain problem. Carlisle had told me that my hypothalamus, whatever that was, had been affected by the operation. It was why I would never imprint. The Doc had mentioned this part of the brain controlled the sex drive. Judging by the way the slightest touch sometimes made me horny, that could be a problem.

The freedom from the imprint had released something in me because my libido was stronger than ever. I wanted to be near Edward, to touch and caress him. I wanted to do so many things to him which would make my vamp blush if he could.

With the threat of the imprint gone for real, I felt I could unleash my feelings for Edward; I was sure the damned imprint wouldn't yank us apart and our relationship could continue on an even footing. I didn't want to leave him high and dry like Bella did with me.

That reminded me to talk with Carlisle about my remembrance of her which felt different now.  

I looked at him. "Doc, there's something I want to tell you."

"Go on, Jacob."

"My memories of Bella feel… changed." I held up my hand to so he would allow me to finish. "The colors are way sharper and scents more vital. Feels like I'm watching her through the wolf's eyes." I frowned in puzzlement. "But the emotions are kind of dulled."

 "You mean you remember her as…"

"A good friend, but nothing more. I know I loved her passionately, but now it all seems faded, like those sepia photos Dad hung on the wall."

Carlisle steepled his fingers and seemed to choose his words. "Not that I doubt you, Jacob, but how can you judge these memories changed? Maybe that's the way they have always been."

I shook my head vigorously. "Nope. I recall her when Edward was present and I can feel the passion then. My memories of Bella with Edward are normal. When I was alone with her, there's this weird change I just told you."

Carlisle stood up and fished his pen from the pocket of his lab coat. He leaned back in his chair and opened a drawer on the desk, rummaging inside until he took out a notepad. He wrote down for several minutes.

 Gazing up at me, he smiled disarmingly. "I think more clearly when I write, Jacob. It just doesn't feel the same when I type. I guess I'm old-fashioned."

While I waited, I tapped my fingers against the armrest of the wheelchair. It felt comfy; I would have to write down the model so I could buy one for Dad when I had enough money. Looking down at the sheet of paper, I saw Carlisle had drawn many diagrams.

Finally, the Doc put his pen back into his pocket and smiled at me. "What is really intriguing is your unconscious use of Quileute. Is it your mother tongue?"  

"Mom and Dad always spoke to us in English and Quileute." I shrugged. "And when I started school, we tended to speak English."

"That's interesting." Carlisle paused for a few seconds. "I thought that your mind would use older knowledge preserved in other areas of your brain. But what you have just told me…"

"Yeah?"

He looked sharply at me. "The way you remember with the eyes of a wolf and the fact that your memory seems intact suggests your wolf had a major part in your healing process."

"How so?"

"I believe your wolf is always inside you in a latent form, so to speak." Carlisle leaned towards me, fixing me with his stare. "Your wound erased memories, but they aren't really gone because your wolf remembers them. His magic helped restore them; that's why they seem to be overlaid with the wolf's senses."  

"Do you think the wolf is taking over me?" I shook my head after I voiced that stupid question. "Forget I asked, Doc. I don't feel any different or angrier than usual. Matter of fact, I feel calmer."

"It's good to know." Carlisle nodded sagely. "I don't believe your wolf can overwhelm you. As I said, he's been with you all your life, seeing through your eyes until the moment came when he felt he was needed. That's why your wolf part can reintegrate your memories so smoothly, recreate the remembrances you would have lost as a result of the wound in your brain."

"Why is it that only my memories of Bella changed like that?"

"I would say the wolf felt connected to her." Carlisle stood up and grabbed some forms on the desk. "I would hazard that's the reason you were so attracted to her, akin to the pull Edward felt towards his Singer. The wolf sensed something in Bella or her future which pushed him to be near her. Because Bella is gone, the wolf no longer feels that attraction. Instead the wolf is liberated and his memories, which are enmeshing with yours, feel different. Since the wolf is part of you, that sense of liberation also affects you."

Carlisle went to the door. "Now if you will excuse me, Jacob, after we pass this final hurdle the ambulance will take you home."

"Where's Edward?"

"He has other business, I'm afraid."  

\--

The stubborn Director of the hospital wouldn't release me until I had a full battery of exams. Claimed it was unprecedented policy to release a patient so soon after brain surgery. To appease the guy, Carlisle conducted the tests personally. He injected me with some stuff; I suppose to fool the machines so they wouldn't detect something unusual.

Afterwards I felt very tired and woozy. I was nearly unconscious when I waved good-bye to the friendly nurses at the ward.  

The lulling motion of the ambulance made me fall asleep. I woke up when we got to the Cullens, and the paramedics helped me to the wheelchair and rolled it inside the house.

I thanked them and waited until they were gone. Then I decided to test my legs and stand up.

I rose up slowly from the chair but my knees buckled; luckily, Esme was at my side.

"Easy does it, dear." She gently lowered me to the chair. "Jacob, do you want me to carry you to your room, or would you rather watch TV?"

I blushed because I didn't want Esme to carry me like a child; only Edward was allowed to do that.  

I didn't want to disappoint her though, because Esme was such a nice woman. I sought the easy way out and pointed at the screen. "I'll watch TV."

She rolled the wheelchair towards the couch and I stood up tentatively to step towards it, wobbling a little as I lowered myself to the couch.

"Are you hungry, dear?" Esme said, fingering her locket.

I patted my stomach because I was starving; the meal at the hospital had been bland. Nurse Franklin had advised me to take light meals for the first weeks, but obviously she didn't know the capacity of my stomach.

I smiled up at her. "Yes, Esme."

"Good." She smoothed her black dress. "Carlisle let me know when you'd be coming, so I had time to fix a little something."

That little meal turned out to be huge and delicious. A thick and juicy steak dripping with delicious sauce, lots of veggies and several slices of cakes. There was plenty of lemonade to wash down the meal, too.

I grinned when I pictured what the nurses would say if they could see me now.

When I was chomping down on the steak, I asked her, "Do you know if Leah or Seth called?"

"They will be coming here shortly, Jacob." Her voice told me there was something going on, but when I raised my head to ask her about it Esme had vanished into the kitchen.

The remote control reminded me of Emmett. He was gone too; I couldn't sense Rosalie either. She had been a constant presence at the hospital. I had recognized her scent several times when I would briefly wake up.  

After I wolfed down the meal, I hobbled to go to the bathroom. My legs were shaky, but I didn't want to ask Esme for help. I wouldn't allow a stupid bullet wound to slow me down.

I climbed the stairs one step at a time, testing my weight on my foot each time before lifting the other leg. My progress was very slow, but I nodded in satisfaction when I reached the bathroom.  

Doing my business was painful because there was this twinge inside because of the awful catheter. Gazing at my reflection on the mirror, I grimaced because I looked like shit. My hair was shaved on one side of my head. Rubbing my hand against my scalp, I felt it was growing back.

\--

After I made it back, I sat down and arranged my body lengthwise on the couch. Doc Cullen had said I needed sleep. My body had to replenish its energy to cope with the fast healing. He'd mumbled something about the extra chromosome pair which I didn't pay attention to.  

The comfy couch still had the lingering scent of my vamp. I was glad we had made up. Edward's face when he told me he was sorry, and the way his golden eyes shined when he said he loved me: that convinced me he was true.

I forgave him before I was shot. Judging from stories I heard from Charlie and Dad, when you lived with someone you had to forgive and just go on, or life became difficult.  

I snuggled into the pillow and fell asleep.

A cold hand gently nudged me awake and I looked up blearily at Rosalie's beautiful face. "Huh?"

Gazing at the window I noticed it was night.

"How are you, Jake?"

"Fine, blondie." I yawned and stretched my arms. "Where's Edward? Where's everybody?"

Rosalie sighed and stood very straight. She crossed her arms and gazed into my eyes. "Emmett, Alice and Jasper are tying loose ends; as for Edward…"

"Yeah?"

She frowned and cocked her head at me. "Listen, Jake; I'll be frank. I don't want any more fights between you and Edward."

"Why would we fight?" I blushed as I remembered our kiss on the hospital bed. "We just made up."

"You know how my brother is." She snorted. "As stubborn as a werewolf I've grown very fond of. The thing is, after they shot you I followed the scent of the poachers."

"And?"

"To make a long story short, Emmett and I tracked them. Your pack was nearby and they were very angry when they heard about you, so we coordinated our reprisal."

Something in her manner told me Edward was involved in the revenge. Knowing how protective Edward always felt about Bella, I would bet good money he'd gone berserk when they told him about those guys. He had done something drastic. Typical Edward!

I sighed deeply. "Guess my vamp got involved."

She looked sharply at me. "You don't look angry."

"What can I say? Those guys tried to kill me." Paul's advice regarding my fight with Edward made me see things from a different angle. "If someone tried to kill Edward…"

My nostrils flared angrily just thinking about it. I knew how the wolf would react if someone threatened his mate. "I'd hunt them down and make them pay!"

"Edward felt the same, but he did something you might not approve of."  

"So we will talk about it. By the way, where is he?" I sat up on the couch, my nostrils flaring as I inhaled his scent. "Cullen's here; why doesn't he come down?"

"He's afraid of your reaction, wolf, and he feels guilty."

"What did he do? Bite them?"

"Exactly. We had to find out more about them. Those guys were odd; Edward couldn't read the one who shot you very well. He felt he needed to use the leverage of pain to gain access to the man's thoughts so he bit him. There was an unexpected reaction though."

That made my heart beat fast against my ribs. "Please tell me he's all right!"

 I couldn't lose Edward just after he said he loved me at last; that would be like Bella all over again!

"He's fine, but his eyes… You have to see."  

"Where is he?"

"In his room."

I stood up and walked with a slow, wobbling gait towards the stairs. Rosalie held my arm discreetly, lending me support.

I climbed a bit faster with her help. Pushing open the door to his room, I found him sitting on the couch.  Edward had placed his head between his knees, his hand covering his face.

"Don't come any closer, Jake," he said. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"What's the matter?" I walked slowly towards him. "So you bit someone. Bet your eyes are red and all that. Told you I would take your bad side along with the good!"

"You're not angry?" He said weakly.

I hated how tentative his voice sounded, but then I remembered he could not read my thoughts and my heart melted.

"Fuck, no! Would've done the same if someone tried to kill you."

He slowly lifted his chin and when I saw his eyes my steps faltered. I would have fallen on my knees but for Rosalie's steadying hand on my hip.

Edward's eyes were a vivid green.

"What the hell!" I felt weak all of a sudden and plopped down next to him. "What happened to your eyes? Shouldn't they be red since you bit the guy? It was a guy, right?"

"He was a man and yes, they should be red."

"I'll go now, guys." Rose said.

 I nodded at Rosalie while she was closing the door. 

"Your eyes are so pretty, though." I laid my hand on his cold cheek, my fingers tracing a path up and down his cheekbone while I marveled at the smoothness.

"They were this color when I was human," Edward sighed despondently.

I wondered if Edward had sex before the change. With eyes like his, framed by that handsome face, people must have been beating a path to his doorstep.

"It's so… you," I whispered.

He leaned into my touch. "You think so? I didn't know if you would be angry with me because I fed my evil wolf. I killed because I wanted revenge against the people who tried to murder you. I'm a mons…"

I put my fingers against his lips to stop him. "You're not, Edward. Told you I would do the same."

I lowered my eyes to the floor and whispered, "At the hospital, I didn't have the strength to say that…" I rubbed my leg against his because I missed the cold contrast. "I've loved you for a long time."

"You have?" Edward said tentatively.

"I had some kind of dream or vision after they wounded me." I looked up at him and leaned forward, brushing my lips against his cheek. "There was a field and forest. Didn't know who or what I was, but I felt someone missing…. It was you."  

I nibbled on his ear while my hand snaked beneath his shirt to trace the hollow of his collarbone. "It's always been you, Edward. When we fought over Bella? It made my day because I wanted to see you, wanted your golden eyes fixed on me. But you dismissed me every time and I got so mad!"  

Edward looped his arms around my back and pulled me towards him. We were so close; I doubt anything could separate us. Wanted to remain like this forever. His hand slipped beneath the collar of my t-shirt to rub my shoulders, sneaking down my chest to tease my nipples. It made me shiver with lust and I could feel his smirk against my cheek.

He sighed and his cold breath tingled my cheek. "I always tried to be fair to you, Jacob."

"Appreciate it, man. Didn't hurt any less, though."

I nibbled his upper lip until he opened his mouth and we kissed slowly, our hands greedily rubbing our bodies. I edged him towards the back of the couch; didn't want to fall to the floor in the restricted space.

I moaned when I felt his tongue trace my teeth. Grabbing his shoulder, I slid sideways until our bodies were aligned perfectly. Lips against lips, my arousal rubbing his.

My tongue entwined with his, and slipped inside his mouth. The sensations were overwhelming; the cold against my tongue, his bulge teasingly rubbing against mine. I needed more.

I broke the kiss and my hands cupped his perfect cheeks. I growled, "We've waited enough. The damned bullet almost robbed me of this chance. I want you now."

Edward's lips curled in his signature smirk. "Glad I have that effect on you, wolf." Then he frowned. "I called Carlisle and he mentioned something about your wolf's memories?"

I nodded. "He thinks the wolf's memories meshed with mine. That's why I can remember everything though some of them feel different, like my times with Bella. He says the wolf felt drawn to her and that's why there's this dull quality to those memories now."

He sighed. "He told me that; I'm just glad you didn't forget me. Are you truly healed?" 

I took his hand and guided it to my lap so he would feel how hard and needy I was. Edward moaned, and his palm rubbed my clothed erection. 

"I want to do everything with you," I said raspily. "But I'm whipped, man. Horny and tired, a bad combination, huh?"

"We can do something else, wolf." Edward looked at me with bright green eyes. "The rough lovemaking will come later."

"What do you…"

His hands moving in a blur, Edward unbuttoned his pants and boxers and shimmied them to his knees. He unclasped my jeans while I lifted my hips so he could pull the cutoffs down.

"… mean?" I finished with a shrug. Having a vampire lover surely saved time.

I wiggled my hips so our cocks rubbed against each other, smirking at how wet he was.

"You're just as wet, wolf."

"Hey, did you read my thoughts?"

Edward fisted our cocks and swirled his thumb over my cockhead. I whined and my hips jerked unconsciously. He chuckled as he gripped us tighter. "No, I just know you well."

He fisted our shafts for a few seconds and then he wiggled his eyebrows. "I know you feel weak, Jake, but please do something!"

I wrapped my hand around our pricks, just below his fist. We moved up and down in tandem, a lazy, sensual contrast of coldness and warmth that made us shiver. I blushed at the obscene, squelching sounds our fists made.

Edward sneered at me and I put my lips on his cheek, needing to kiss the sneer away.

It was too much; the sight of Edward's lean body so close to me, the scent of our musk which mixed so well, and our grunts when our cockheads rubbed each other particularly hard. The slippery motion of his cold shaft and fingers around me drove me wild. I thrust my hips against his, locked in a competition to see who would come first.

It made sense because we had always competed; even now, bringing each other to the brink of orgasm.

My other hand cupped his cheek and my thumb slipped inside his mouth. When Edward sucked it greedily, I was done for and came with a shout.

Edward grunted and he slapped my fist away, his hand moving up and down our shafts in a blur, the movement eased by my come. He whined low in his throat as he came.

I wiped my wet abs with my hand and slowly raised it to my lips, enjoying the way his eyes became darker with lust. I daintily licked my fingers clean with my tongue.

I didn't realize I was wheezing until Edward moved us so my head lay on his chest.

"Are you all right, Jake? I should've realized you were still weak."

"Nonsense! You take my breath away, is all."

I untangled my cutoffs from my ankles and used them to wipe us clean.

The narrow space of his couch forced us to cuddle together but I wasn't complaining. It felt heavenly to lay my head on his chest and look up at his face.

My fingers traced his eyebrows. "Love your green eyes."

He pouted. "Carlisle is analyzing my venom and blood samples of the poachers. He thinks it is a Volturi trick."

I shuddered. "But you are fine, right? It didn't work?"

Edward caressed my brow. "It didn't. I'm the same as ever, as I just proved to you."

"Good." I smiled lazily. "Glad I can see what your eyes looked when you were…"

"Alive." He smiled sadly. "It was so long ago that I had green eyes." He looked at the ceiling. "Carlisle is convinced their trick failed, which means my eyes will revert to their cursed golden color."

I held his chin between my thumb and index and gently tilted it down so he would face me. "Don't you get it? I love your eyes and their color doesn't matter. Green, golden, black, topaz. They show me what you feel and they're perfect, like you. I wanted so much to see you look at me like this, eyes darkened with passion. Color isn't important; it's the fact that they're yours."

I sighed in contentment. Edward was my home and all that mattered to me on this earth. I was glad I hadn't walked along the Ghost Road yet.

And if it should come to pass that my spirit rose to the heavens, Edward would find me there. I was sure our paths would always meet.


	16. The Alpha

 

The leaves crunched under my sneakers as I ran through the forest; now and then I'd jump over fallen logs and rocks.  I took deep, short breaths as the rich scent of the woods in the morning filled me with energy. Gazing fleetingly towards the thick canopy overhead, I saw sunbeams dappling the trees like patterned tablecloths.

Running was part of my training. Hated feeling weak and I wanted my full strength.

I felt the need to shift but I didn't dare to try. Doc Cullen's words gave me pause: my brain had been somewhat damaged and that messed up with the imprint which was cool with me. But what would I do if it also destroyed my ability to shift?

Nevertheless, I sensed the wolf inside me huffing and biding his time. I swept my palm across my sweaty forehead as I shook my head, recalling how I'd fought tooth and nails against being a werewolf. Hated to be controlled by the wolf's urges and wanted to remain human, but now I yearned for him.

The wolf and I were two aspects of the same being, intertwined like the cord hemp and leather lace of the dreamcatcher I wove for Bella. The last days had taught me that these sides didn't clash but meshed into something far better. Pity it took a bullet and nearly dying to come to this conclusion, but I had always been stubborn.

Now I was horny as hell; the other reason I wanted to be strong was to pound Edward into the ground. The other day, it had felt great rubbing our cocks but I needed more. I yearned to be one with him. The presence of the wolf, lurking beneath the surface of my thoughts, agreed with this. I didn't fight him this time because we were of one mind.

I rubbed the sole of the sneaker against the ground to get rid of a stuck leaf while I brushed my fingers against the peach fuzz on the side of my head. It had grown but not fast enough. I wanted to look my best, to make Edward forget about the shooting so he wouldn't be haunted by memories.

My nostrils flared, catching his faint scent well before Edward reached my side. The breeze felt cool against my neck as I turned to the side and saw his blurry movement, like a compact train coming towards me.

He slowed down, taking long strides as he ran by my side.

"Hi, Edward." I grinned at him and drank the sight of the lean muscles of his arm flexing as he jogged, the pale skin contrasting with the bunched-up sleeves. The top buttons of his black shirt were undone, revealing the pale collarbone I yearned to nibble on. I stepped over a small bush and, as our paths neared, I reached my hand towards him, brushing my fingers against his hair. It was soft and tousled, the color of molten bronze in the morning light.

I could stare at his bright green eyes all day long; my arousal twitched at the beautiful sight while Edward smiled at me. "You left without me, wolf."

"Yeah." I wiped my face with my palm but Edward's hand reached for me. He held my wrist and leaned down. I shivered when I felt him licking the sweat off my hand. The sight of his red tongue and the scratchy sensation on my skin made me falter. I reached my arm towards him, grabbing his shoulder for purchase so I wouldn't fall on my face.

We had been flirting ever since I returned to the Cullens. Obviously he wanted to make love as much as I did, but there was doubt in his eyes when he tilted up his chin to look at me.  I damned this wound that prevented him from reading my mind because that would have come in pretty handy right now.

I had to shake my head at the irony of it all. I hated at first the ease with which Edward pried into my innermost thoughts, but now I wanted him to do just that. It had made me angry that he knew all my secrets, but a part of me craved that vulnerability. I could be naughty with him without speaking at all.

Edward's arm brushed against my hip. "Jake, we need to talk."

I grimaced and wondered if he had read my thoughts. I slowed down and stopped in front of a cranberry. Wheezing a little, I bent my torso and splayed my hands on my knees, taking deep breaths.

I stretched my legs and then my arms, trying to strike sexy poses to spark desire in my vamp. Wrapping my hands behind my neck, I twisted my upper body to soothe the used muscles, wiggling my behind just so.

I eyed him sideways, choking back a whimper at his smoldering stare; my cock twitched against the rough fabric of the cutoffs.

After stretching and cooling down for a few minutes, I led Edward towards a wide oak and we sat on the tall grass. I shivered at the ghostly touch of his fingers against my forearm.  "Jake, you've been troubled for days. Since I can't read your thoughts any more…"

"I'm afraid that I won't be able to phase," I said in a rush, tilting down my chin to stare at the grass while I said in a soft voice, "And I feel different, man. My wolf is near the surface." 

"Is that all; you're afraid you'll lose control?" The kind words and Edward touching my bare shoulder made me warm inside and I leaned on him, raising my thigh to hide my arousal. It wasn't time yet because we needed to talk.

"I'm sure I won't. The Doc said that the wolf has been with me always; it's the reason his memories fit mine like a puzzle and I remember everything, though the emotions I felt for Bella faded."

Edward traced my cheek with his cold fingertips. "So…?"

I looked up at him through my eyelashes. His beautiful face was limned by the scant sunlight that poured through the thick canopy and I just couldn't help myself; I lifted my thigh to rub his slim torso. Edward shuddered, and I blushed when I remembered the stern words of Q'wati about duty.

"Remember the vision I told you about?"

Edward smiled softly. "You mentioned a wolf?"

"My spirit guide, Q'wati, warned me about this danger we face. He said I would have to make a choice." I lowered my voice to a whisper, "And he called me Alpha."

"You told me you declined being the Alpha?"

"Felt I wasn't ready." I shrugged, my shoulder rubbing against his silk shirt. "I was mad at the wolf and tried to contain him. I guess that's one of the roots of my problems."

"What do you mean, Jake?" Edward carded his fingers through my hair and I snuggled closer to his coldness, rubbing my cheek against the smooth fabric of his shirt. "I made the wolf angry because I denied him my attention and deprived him of what he yearned for."

Recalling the silver wolf's words, I sighed and looked up at Edward. "He said you're my mate."

He nodded. "I figured as much, and I'm very, very glad."

His nearness made me horny; it was hard to contain myself. I snaked my leg around his and rolled us so I leaned on him. We were so close, I swore not even the breeze could have passed through us. I wished we had it easy like before the shooting. I could've thought about everything I wanted him to know and Edward would know instantly. Now I had to tell him.

I had to lay myself bare through my words, and the vulnerability was scary but also seductive.

I scooted away from him, breaking our contact as I sought space to frame my words.  "Being close to the wolf, I've come to realize he had ideas about Bella." I reached my hand to touch his shoulder. "I have to tell you that I would have never have acted on them. They're pretty graphic."

"Don't worry about me, Jake. I can take it."

Recalling how he had reacted when I bad-mouthed Bella to get a rise out of him, I doubted that. Yet I had to be honest with him.

I leaned on the oak, the rough bark against my back grounding me as I looked at the sky. "The wolf dreamed of mating with Bella, being rough with her and marking her." I glanced at him and frowned. "He wanted to make her his own."

Edward's breath hitched and I hastened to say, "I would've never allowed this, of course. Yet these feelings haunted me, so I kept myself in check with Bella whenever I touched her." I lowered my chin, saying softly, "You were right to distrust me with her; I'm a monster, too."

Edward cupped my cheek and lifted my head. "Jake, you are not a monster. You fought against your wolf. The distrust you mention? It was before I got to know how beautiful you are inside. I know Bella would have been safe with you."

I lifted my gaze to the canopy of the forest and shrugged in defeat."Frankly, I don't think so, man. Bella should have been with a normal guy, not you or me."

Squaring my shoulders, I looked at him and the words just rushed out of my mouth. "The wolf sees you as my mate; do you see? It's you I yearn to… mark. I wanna mount you, take you from behind and pound you until you scream and come on my cock."

I felt heat blooming on my cheeks and hid my face between my hands.

"So what? Are you afraid you will hurt me?" Edward said hoarsely, "Rest assured you couldn't if you tried, pup."

"I'm torn because I also want to make love to you, slowly and lovingly. I've been randy since I woke up from the operation." I spread my arms to indicate the path through the woods. "I run to get in shape, but also to blow off steam and calm down. When you're by my side, it's all I can do not to pounce on you."

"Silly pup, you should've told me because I want the same. There will be times for rough loving and times for softness."

Looking at his sculpted cheeks and his bright eyes, the same color as the leaves which surrounded us, made me lose control. I leapt on him and we tumbled through the tall grass. The tip of my tongue licked the seam of his lips until he opened his mouth and then I plunged inside. My tongue rubbed his teeth and trapped our moans while my hands held down his shoulders, caressing them through the smooth fabric. I felt him shuddering violently when I licked his palate.

My tongue roamed his mouth, wanting to memorize it. My fingers ruffled his silky hair and then the wolf took over, pulling on the coppery strands until I turned his head and we laid side by side.

I broke the kiss, panting while my heart beat madly against my ribcage. I would never get enough of this man.

I growled at him, "I so want to fuck you and see your bright eyes when I come inside you."

I kissed his eyelids reverently, noticing his grimace of disappointment. My vamp obviously thought about the moment when his golden eyes would come back.

I knotted my fingers around his hair and yanked his head. "I also want to fuck you and see your warm honey eyes, Edward. Wanna see you writhe under me with your eyes black as night. I just… love you."

"I love you too, Jacob."

I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt with trembling fingers until Edward swatted away my hands. He undid the first buttons and then slid it off his torso in a fluid motion. I bent my head and traced his nipple with my lips, biting it gently.  I looked up at him to see if he was in pain. Edward smiled reassuringly so I bit harder, my tongue teasing the nub while my hand reached to tweak his other nipple.

I munched on the erect nub like it was a pacifier, enjoying the taste of Edward against my tongue. It was like the smooth, weathered stones I lay upon on the faraway beach up north.

I lightly nipped a trail down his chest, laving the ridges of his abs with my tongue. My bites became harder, spurred by Edward writhing and moaning under me. My wolf howled with delight at the chance to mark his mate. This rough play was something I would have never tried with Bella, even if she became a vampire. Bella was so fragile I was always afraid of hurting either her feelings or her body, never realizing that her fragility had become a powerful weapon she knowingly used against me.

Edward was another matter entirely. He was tough and could handle whatever I threw at him. Truly, we were two of a kind and made for each other.

"You're mine to play with, mine to love." My voice sounded so rough I could hardly recognize it. I unlooped his belt and pulled it completely off. I rubbed the button of his pants before unclasping it; pulling down the zipper while Edward spread his thighs.

"You want it." I smirked with all the wickedness I had been saving for this moment. "You want my cock inside, splitting you open, owning you."

"Yes!" Edward nodded and I hooked my thumbs around the waistband of his pants and boxers and yanked them down, my eyes widening in satisfaction at his wet cockhead. Edward lifted his hips and I pulled down his pants to his ankles before taking off his loafers and throwing them on the ground. With a last tug, Edward's legs were free. I palmed my cock at the sight of those pale limbs spread just for me.

Crouching over my prey, my tongue traced the perfect V of his hips before mouthing the cold skin, nibbling at it like Edward was my meal.

Edward hooked his thumbs around my cutoffs and pulled them down. I winced and batted away his hand because my pubic hair was caught in the zipper.  I stood up and carefully shimmied out of them; palming my wet shaft, I smiled at the way Edward's eyes had become dark emerald with desire. I remembered Rose's phone and bent down to fish it out of my cutoffs.

"I'm gonna take your photo."

"Why?" Edward mumbled while I nudged the phone to catch his eyes and mouth.

"To remember how you looked when you hungered for my cock." I threw the thing to the ground and grabbed his ankles. "Should take a photo of you spread like this..." I lifted his legs until his thighs pressed against his chest. I pushed them down, meaning he should hold himself open. Edward grabbed his knees and I lowered my chin to swallow his cockhead, twirling my tongue around his slit and lapping up his precome. Edward moaned and spread his thighs wider.

I swallowed him down to the root, my cheeks hollowing around his shaft and my throat massaging the cold flesh until he squirmed on the ground. I bobbed my head up and down, finally sliding off his cock until it left my swollen lips with an obscene popping sound while Edward whined in disappointment.

I lowered my head further and mouthed his balls, lapping at the wrinkled sacs while Edward thrust up his hips, fucking the air in search of relief.

My thumbs slid down the meat of his ass until they met in the middle, lightly touching his hole. I spread his buttocks and speared my middle finger inside, rubbing the cold walls as I looked up to watch his face, framed by his leaking cock and open legs.

Edward's eyes were closed and his mouth hung slack; his face had a blissful expression, and I wanted to make it linger.

"Close your mouth, Edward." I growled, rubbing his rim with my thumb. "Or I might stick my cock inside."

He moaned and my tongue licked a path down his balls to his entrance, my lips rubbing against his rim. I speared my thumbs inside him, massaging the walls as I nuzzled my chin against the cold skin, flattening my tongue and thrusting it inside his stretched entrance. He clenched around me as I rubbed my tongue around his hole, my thumbs massaging his rim.  He arched his ass as he bucked up, riding my tongue as he moaned and writhed under me.

I splayed my hands against the v of his hips, staying his motions while I teased out the puffy lips of his entrance, saliva slobbering down my chin and his crack until it reached the ground. When I lightly bit on his swollen rim, Edward screamed.

I tilted up my chin and smirked at his utterly blissful expression. "You like this pup's tongue up your ass?"

Edward's cock twitched and his hands left his thighs to spread his ass, exposing himself to me. I kneaded the meat of his buttocks, shuddering at the cold contrast against my flesh. His pink, slicked rim looked ready.

"You're my prey, open and wanting." I stuck my finger inside, nodding at how wet he was. Since we didn't have lube, this would have to do.

I scooted forward on my knees and hooked my forearm under his knees, pushing them towards his chest. Grabbing my slippery prick with my right hand, I guided it towards his loosened entrance while I bit his ankle.

I paused for a second to let him get used to the stretch and, after Edward sighed, I jerked my hips until my cockhead was sheathed inside. The wolf took over momentarily and I thrust inside him in a gliding motion until I bottomed out. Looking at him, I stopped when I saw his grimace of pain.

"You okay?" It was hard to walk this fine edge of passion between my wolf and human parts. It allowed me to do things instinctively, but I wouldn't ever do anything that hurt Edward.

He closed his eyes and wiggled his hips, and then he growled, "Move."

I leaned forward, his bottom lifting slightly off the ground. He put his ankles on my shoulder as I fucked him roughly, my balls slapping against his buttocks when I bottomed out. I got a rhythm going, dragging slowly my prick out of him in a teasing motion, making him clench around me to keep me inside until the cockhead was all his greedy hole got. Then I thrust into him hard and fast, the squelching sound of our coupling loud in the forest.

Edward grunted and stared at me with dazed eyes, his pupils so blown he looked like a hungry vampire. I looped my arm around his neck and pulled him up, lowering my ass to the ground so we ended up with him sitting on my lap. He rolled his hips, his prick bobbing around as he pressed his palms against my thighs to ride me with slow, lazy movements.

I thrust my hips into him harsh and fast. My mouth traced a path up his collarbone, biting his shoulder while my nails scratched his back. I wanted the world to know he was mine. Nibbling gently on his neck, I bit him hard and then laved the wound with my tongue. My cock jabbed his prostate and he squeezed me hard. I grunted and repeated the motion.

I looked down at his lap. His throbbing cock looked in need of care. Closing my fist around it, I squeezed it hard and moved my hand up and down the slippery shaft.

I fucked him hard while I raked my nails over his perfect chest. "You like this, Ed?" I rolled my hips when I was deep inside him. "You like it, huh?" I had to wrap my arms around him because Edward was bucking up like a deer that wants to escape the wolf's jaws.

It was useless because he was trapped between my arms and my cock. There was no way I could ever let Edward go. He was my prey, mate and beloved.

I pushed out until only the flange of my cock pried apart his hole and then thrust inside him to the hilt, the motion was so harsh that his head hit the tree's bark. I had been so caught up I didn't notice we'd moved that far.

I pumped his cock, wanting to see him come undone

With eyes closed and features slackened in passion, Edward's face was beautiful. He arched his back and sat hard on me as his orgasm hit. Thick ropes of come landed on his chest and I wiped them with my fingers, licking them as my thrusts sped up. The meaty slaps of our bodies clashing together were music to my ears; the moment Edward opened his eyes and looked at me with eyes dazed with lust, I came with a shout.

The scratches on his pale skin were even now closing, but I treasured the memory and feel of them because it meant Edward was finally mine.  

After I slid out of him, I leaned down to cuddle against his chest. My fingers snaked down his hips to follow the curve of his ass, finally rubbing against his gaping hole. He growled, "You're insatiable."

"Only when it comes to you," I whispered.

I looked at Edward's handsome face which I had seen wracked with pain; now I had enjoyed the privilege of watching pleasure overwhelm it.

The wolf huffed in contentment because he had found his mate; I was happy because I had found the other part of my soul.

" _Kwo pat_ , my love," I said against his chest. "I wish you'd be mine forever."

"I will, Jake." Edward sighed and his hand closed around my wrist, his thumb massaging my palm.

Our fingers intertwined and I frowned in puzzlement. "I feel... weird."

"Don't tell me you imprinted." Edward nestled his chin against the top of my head, rubbing his chin against my hair.

"No, it's the opposite." I pressed my thumb against his palm. "They say that when you imprint it feels like gravity fails; you float and nothing holds you to this earth except your imprint. What I feel is… grounded."

I frowned while I struggled with the words to get my meaning across, finally choosing the ones that made sense to me. "It's like… when I drive my car it feels normal, light."

"And?"

"But when I drove Rose's BMW in Portland, I could tell how heavy the car was. I could sense all the bulk under my feet, protecting me." I rubbed my cheek against his chest. "It's the same now. I don't float in space, free of everything. I feel more… involved." I kissed his chest. "You are the connection that keeps me safe, that makes me feel."

I propped myself on my elbows, and then framed his head between my hands. I rubbed his forehead, wanting to clear all his troubles away. This intimate moment was perfect; Edward was open and willing to give and receive pleasure which made him my perfect lover. I could be as rough as my wolf demanded, but my human part wanted more: tenderness, love and the intimacy we shared. I wanted to open my soul to him just like he had bared his body.

"My wolf really loved this, but I'll tell you that my human side wants…" I shuddered and bit my lip; blushing hotly, I buried my face on his neck. "I want to feel you inside me; I want you to make love to me."

It was so much easier when Edward could read my mind! Baring my soul was hard, but it was making me so excited I could feel my arousal twitching again.

Edward didn't say anything, and he was frowning when I looked up at him.

I sensed that he wasn't ready to top yet. Edward still suffered from the pain in his past. I would make sure he grew strong enough to make love to me like I sometimes wanted.

"I'll wait, Edward." I said softly, "Someday, you'll want to know what it feels like to be inside me."

\--

On the way back to the house, Edward brushed my hair with an easy grin. "We don't want the others to know what went on."

I had to snort at that. "They will; if nothing else, the smell will tell them."

My arm lightly brushed against his while we strolled, our fingers touching now and then.

"So what are we going to do about the fuckers who shot me?" I said, shooting Edward a grin.

"They're dead and gone. Carlisle has put feelers among his friends in Italy. If the Volturi are up to something he's bound to find out."

"Q'wati said all life was in danger."

"Do you really believe you met that mythical figure?"

"It felt like he was my spirit guide and my wolf recognized him."

I heard my phone ringing and fished it from my pocket, frowning at Edward. "It's funny, last thing I recall from the night I was shot was turning my head to look for this thing; I heard it ring."

I gazed at the screen; Quil texted that they needed me. I sent a reply and put it back. From the corner of my eyes I saw Edward stumbling, so I grabbed onto his arm. "What's the matter, man?"

"Before the shooting, you answered the phone?"

"I was turning my muzzle, and then pain struck in my head."

He said wonderingly, "So we really saved you."

I shrugged. "Course you did, you took me to the hospital and…"

"No, I mean… I told you Alice had a vision, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Rosalie called your number. It must have been her call you heard. Carlisle said you survived because the bullet struck a glancing blow at your forehead… and you turned towards the phone just as they shot you." Edward wrapped his arms around himself. "If Rosalie hadn't called, I would've lost you!"

I grimaced and gave him a quick hug. "But you didn't. The pixie's power proved true, and you won't ever get rid of me."

\--

I parked my bike in front of my dad's house; fingering the helmet, I set it on the handle bars. Dad would be expecting my daily visit. I'd come every day since I recovered from the wound.

Sticking my hands in my pockets, I sauntered towards the house and entered.

"Hi, Jake!" Seth beamed at me; he was slouching on the chair next to Dad. "We've been waiting for you."

"Wassup?" I hit his shoulder playfully and Seth jerked. "What's the matter, Seth? Wasn't too rough, was I?"

He shook his head. "It felt weird is all; you've changed."

"Well," I said, rubbing my head. "I was shot and almost killed, Seth. That's bound to change something."

Paul leered at me from his chair next to Leah. "Naw, Seth. Bet Jake just got laid."

Leah blushed and hit his arm. "Don't be crude!"

Paul looped his arm around Leah's shoulder and whispered, "That would be the pot calling the kettle black."

"Whatever." I smiled at Dad and patted his shoulder. "Did you finish the casserole Esme sent?"

"I still have a bit left, if you want some." Dad waved at the stove.

"No, thanks." I hooked my foot around the leg of the chair next to him, swung it towards me and sat backwards. I glanced at the room. "Where are Quil and Embry?"

Leah exchanged a frown with Paul. "They're dealing with Sam. I think we have a situation…."

She couldn't finish because the door opened violently. Quil huffed as he stomped across the room, followed by Embry.

I said loudly, "Can anyone tell me what the hell's going on?"

"Sam wants to…" Embry glared at the door but he didn't have time to finish. Sam stormed into the room, glaring at him. "I told you I made up my mind!"

"Hey, guys!" I waved my arms, trying to break the fight. My wolf was snarling at Sam because he recognized him as a threat. "What the hell happened?"

"Sam wants to give the cold shoulder to the Quinault," Quil said.

"We don't think it's wise." Leah crossed her arms, her bronze skin contrasting with her white blouse. "We have to have their cooperation for…"

"We don't have to." Sam barked angrily. "Those people are afraid of us, always have been. Why seek their help now?"

Sam's gaze swept around the room, weighing our body language. It was obvious he was gauging the mood of the pack members. They chafed under his command and that must have shaken his Alpha position. I narrowed my eyes at Sam, my wolf raising his hackles at the chance to challenge him.

After a few seconds, Quil said, "Because we need them?"

Sam growled, "The killers are dead, we didn't sense anyone else."

"They might have buddies that could come back…"  Paul trailed off, and I understood why he didn't want to contradict Sam openly. His duty as Beta was to advice, not dictate.

Following that train of thought, it became clear to me where my duty lay. Some sort of confrontation was coming up and Sam was behaving erratically; thus he was a threat to the pack and the tribe. The time had come for me to claim my birthright.

My wolf huffed in agreement and his approval made me stronger. The time and energy I had spent trying to fob him off were now directed towards making us stronger.  

I had to be careful, though. With all these threats looming around us, I didn't want to split the pack. Sam had his support base. Certainly not those of us present at the house but the newer members of the pack and Jared.

The wolf demanded a direct approach, and I recognized it was the correct way. I had to convince Sam to give up the Alpha position willingly, I had to play to his weakness and get his agreement or I would have a fight on my hands. Because I wasn't sure I could phase and fight him as a wolf, I had to convince Sam for I intended to wrest control of the pack from him by any means. I knew in my bones – and the wolf agreed with me – that our survival depended on it.

I took a deep breath, fighting to stay cool and sound calm. "Sam, do you recall when you asked me if I wanted to be Alpha?"

Sam narrowed his eyes at me and bristled. "I do remember." He sat down on the kitchen counter, his voice booming around the room. "You said you weren't ready; I take it you feel ready now?"

Sam's body language spoke of violence barely contained. I glanced guiltily at Paul, hoping he would understand what I was about to do. I had to win Sam over.

"I was too young and felt you had more experience." I coughed in my hand and glanced at Dad, who was watching us through lidded eyes.  "I believe that's true even now. But after I was shot I had a vision."

Sam said morosely, "Your father told me."

"The vision was about danger coming to the land, and this wolf I met? He said the time had come to take my place."

Sam looked sharply at me. "So you want to be Alpha because of the vision?"

"Only if you're my Beta. I need… the pack still needs your experience." I gulped and decided to speak from the heart. It was something that Sam and I had in common. Despite his treatment of Leah, I knew he had loved her, perhaps even more than he loved Emily.

Sam was acquainted with hard choices as much as I was. Looking into his dark eyes, I said firmly, "Hated it when you forbade me to tell Bella about us, but I've come to realize you were right. If I had kept my mouth shut, she wouldn't have fallen for Cullen so hard and she'd be alive today."

I felt guilty of pulling this card, but the pack's unity was very important. In order for the pack to remain whole and use our strength effectively, I had to lead with Sam by my side. As wolves, we would fight until one of us gave up; if I were able to shift, I knew I had the strength to beat Sam. But survival demanded everything, and leaders led not only through strength but also using their cunning. Sam's Alpha instincts told him he would have a hard time controlling the pack; if I offered him a face-saving alternative, he might grab the chance. My wolf was aware of the undercurrents and shared this insight with me.

Sam nodded wearily; I felt he was vacillating and just needed a little push.

"Your words about Bella? That's the kind of advice I'd want from you." I made a fist and pulled at my hair. "Think about it Sam, the heirs of Black and Uley leading the Quileute pack! Think of the strength we'd have if we united!"

Sam said hoarsely, "Would you follow my advice?"

"Not always," I said. "I would do it if I thought it was for the best interests of the pack."

That was the plain truth because I wouldn't easily dismiss good advice. I hadn't rejected Rosalie because of her sarcasm or Leah due to her complaints.

Sam hunched his shoulders and walked to the door. Quil started to say something but I raised my hand to hush him. It was better not to pressure Sam; besides, the set of his shoulders told me Sam had already made the decision I wanted.

At the threshold, Sam turned and nodded in defeat. "You've got a deal, Jacob. Hope you find the job less stressful than I did."

Sam walked out the door, his broad silhouette limned in the twilight.

\--

Edward scowled at me. "So they made you the Alpha?"

"I persuaded Sam it was best for the pack if I became the Alpha. He'll be my Beta, though I would have preferred Paul or Leah."

I balanced my body on the balls of my feet, hating what I was about to do.  So this was what Q'wati meant when he said I would have to choose.

I took a step towards him and then stopped, lowering my eyes to the floor. "Edward, being the Alpha is a full-time job, I'll have to…"

"Leave me?" The despair in Edward's voice tore at my heart.

I walked up to him and hugged him fiercely. "I have to move back home but I'll never leave you." I leaned my head on his chest. "I can't leave you because I love you."  I tilted up my chin and leaned closer to whisper in his ear, "Come home with me! I know Dad wouldn't mind."

"But the tribe?"

"I'll try to convince them," I said, blessing the fact that he couldn't read my mind because it would be nearly impossible to convince the others. The negativity we felt towards bloodsuckers was strong, but for Edward I would try my damn hardest! I muttered against Edward's ear, " _Kwo pat_ , I would give you the moon if I could."

He smiled wryly. "But you can't, Jacob, just like you won't change the prejudices that have lasted for decades. I won't cause you that kind of grief."

"Will you be okay?" I said, rubbing my cheek against his chin.

He said wearily, "Wolf, I was okay before you were born, I've lived for so long that…"

I put my fingers on his lips to silence him. "Don't say that. I don't know what I would've done if you'd found someone and I'd never met you."

Edward smirked. "Glad to see my past unhappiness serves to make you happy."

I lay my head on his shoulder, turning my chin to mouth the nape of his neck. Edward shivered and then I said, "I'm happy we're together, and I know you'll do fine. I'll just miss you like crazy."

I was startled by Rosalie's cough. She was at the threshold with a heavy bag on the floor in front of her. "Wolf, Alice had one of her visions and she knew you would leave us so…"

She picked up the bag, hefting it on her slim hand. "These are your clothes, books for your studies – which I earnestly hope you'll pick up - and other stuff, wolf." The corners of her perfect lips turned up in her signature smirk while she said, "I left out your stuffed mutt because Edward needs something to cry on."

I had to smile at that, picturing Edward holding onto Kwolie. I went to her and hugged her, lifting her in the air. Rosalie seemed smaller somehow.

She beat her fists against my chest though, making me cough. "Put me down this instant, mutt!"

I put her down, wheezing a bit. "Hey, no need to get so defensive, Blondie."

She pouted. "The Porsche will have to wait." Then she grinned wickedly. "I bet you've forgotten how to fix it since all you care about is my brother."

"Hell, no!" I reached back to touch Edward's arm. "I mean, I do care about him but I haven't forgotten how to fix a car!"

"You won't have time," Rosalie said, glancing down at her high-heeled shoes.

"We'll make time and get it fixed." I wiggled my eyebrows at Edward. "You'll lend it to me so I can drive Edward on our next date."

"Promises, promises."

I picked up the bag and made my way out the door, stealing a kiss from the grouchy blonde on the way out. Edward walked silently by my side. I wanted to say goodbye to Esme, the Doc and the others but they were out hunting.

We stayed quiet as we walked in the forest; the crescent moon was the silent witness as owls hooted above us.

"Another reason I persuaded Sam?" I finally mumbled, "I didn't want to fight because I'm not sure I can phase."

"Carlisle assured me you would eventually shift." Edward's hand on my shoulder felt light as a feather. "I know you will phase because you're too stubborn for your own good, wolf."

"Whatever you say, _kwo pat_."

We kissed briefly at the border and I walked towards the Quilayute with a heavy heart. After several yards, I turned my head. I thought Edward had returned to the house, but he was still there. His beautiful face looked pensive, bathed in the moonlight which limned his tousled hair so nicely. I regretted being unable to see those bright eyes with my wolf sight; that would have been a treat. Nevertheless, I knew I would treasure this image of my lover in the moonlight.

" _Nayeli!_ " I waved at him, shouting the words of affection in that ancient tongue, and then I let the night breeze carry my whisper to Edward, "I love you."

 

 


	17. The Two Spirit

 

 

Seth crossed his arms behind his neck and slouched on the chair. "So you want me to patrol today?"

"Sure, I need you to get used to the schedule. Tomorrow, Paul and I will go to the Quinault Rez." I speared the last bit of pancakes and then fingered the glossy cover of the Biology textbook Rose had put inside the bag, taking care not to smudge it with maple syrup. I wanted to check the chromosome chapter.

"We'll need to shift and run, man." Paul started on his seventh or eighth waffle; I had lost count of them. Frankly, it pissed me off the ease with which he made himself at home.

"Uh, Paul, next time you might want to have breakfast before you show up?" I pointed at the cupboard with my fork. "That was the last box of flour mix and I'm too busy to go shopping." Patting his back, I said with a smile, "You guys know I eat like a hungry wolf."

He shrugged. "Sure, Jake."

"We can't enter the Quinault Rez as wolves and risk detection because that tribe distrusts us; we'll have to drive down there." I looked at the window and sighed. "I'll use the bike; been a while since I rode it."

The truth was that I was unable to phase and I had to come up with an excuse to hide this weakness from the pack. I knew I had to show strength the first few days as the Alpha because the pack had to be sure their fate rested on the grasp of firm jaws.

I had attempted to phase after everyone left but it was in vain. I tried to get angry and pulled out all stops, recalling when I shifted for the first time. It was useless and the change didn't come; I became frantic and called Edward on the phone. He managed to soothe me; not exactly through the words he said, full of practical advice as they were, but the concern and care seeping through his voice.

I came back to the present when I sensed the guys coming. It was the scent of Quil, Embry and Jared. I squared my shoulders when I visualized Jared. He might prove difficult to deal with.

Quil opened the door and walked inside, Embry by his side.

"Hiya guys." Quil beamed at me, and the sight of my burly friend did calm me a bit.

"Come in; we were just discussing the Quinault situation." I gazed at Embry and cocked my head towards Seth. "I want you to patrol with him."

"Okay, Jake." Embry sat on the chair.

Looking at Jared, I said, "You'll relieve them, taking the night shift with Quil and Leah. Beware of the darkness; I think it's the most dangerous time." Drumming my fingers against the checkered tablecloth, I said, "I'll get in touch with Sam; he and Colin will relieve you. Meanwhile, Paul and I will powwow with the Quinault."

"Why don't you take Sam with you?" Jared said, scuffling the floor with his sneakers. It was obvious he felt Sam had more wisdom to deal with the Quinault.

"I need someone experienced handling the pack while I'm away." Staring right into Jared's piercing eyes, I explained patiently, "The Beta should do a fine job."

In truth I didn't want Sam near the Quinault people because he was unreliable around them; I had an inkling he'd had traumatic experiences with them. Couldn't voice this out loud, though, because it would undermine Sam's authority as Beta. Also, Jared was Sam's man through and through.

I smiled at the creaking sound of Dad's wheelchair coming from his bedroom. It was nice to be back home, though I missed Edward with all my heart.

"So you say." Jared's resentful tone made me look up; he had stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans and turned his back on us. "He shouldn't have given up being the Alpha; at least he's straight."

"What the hell do you mean?" Paul growled, his face twisting in a grimace. "What does it have to do with anything?"

"We need a real man leading the pack, not a sissy." Jared scoffed. "Our ancestors are rolling in their graves."

"You take that back!" Paul shouted and stood up, the veins on his forehead bulging.

"Paul, I'll explain a few things to our friend." I motioned to Paul to sit down, trying to calm him because I had to fight my own battles.

Dad wheeled his chair nearer; I glanced at him as he paused at the threshold and looked at me with eyebrows raised. Hoped he wouldn't say anything because I had to deal with Jared's issues myself. I had to convince Jared that being gay had no bearing on my abilities to be the Alpha.

Watching Dad gave me an idea, though. I remembered the stories he told me on our fishing trips, and I had to fight back a grin when I recognized Jared's weak point. He was obsessed with tradition, so my wolf and I would pounce on that and use it against the guy. 

"Funny you should say that, Jared." I kept my voice calm.

"It's the damned truth! We are better when led by real men."

I stood up and walked to the counter, saying nonchalantly, "I take it you haven't heard of the Two Spirit."

"The what?" Jared looked at me sharply. He had keen eyesight but there were some things you just needed a deep soul to understand.

"The word _berdache_ doesn't ring a bell?" I had to bite back the sarcastic comment on the tip of my tongue as I strove for a serious tone. "The ancestors you mention weren't so rigid in their views of sex. They accepted men dressing as women and vice versa, they even considered them healers and prophets."

"So they were gay?" Seth said.

"Maybe, it didn't really matter though. I guess their views on sexuality were fluid; they weren't set on rigid roles." I pointed at my dad. "Dad told me their presence on hunting parties was desired because they brought good vibes and luck. So if you think that our ancestors would roll in their graves if they saw me leading the pack, you're wrong. They'd shrug and say it was good luck that a Two Spirit leads us in these troubled times."

"Is this information for real?" Jared said confusedly, brushing his fingers against his short-cropped hair.

"It is real, Cameron." Dad's voice boomed around the kitchen as he rolled his wheelchair inside. "My father told me the stories his own father, Ephraim, told him."  

At the mention of Ephraim Black, our common ancestor, Jared shivered and looked at me.

Dad went on. "I can't say it is the same with all tribes across the land, but around here." He motioned with his arm to the woods visible through the windows. "We've had a tradition of prophets in which Two Spirits feature prominently."

 Dad's wheelchair squeaked against the linoleum as he approached the table and picked up a glass of water which he waved at me. "Those men and women underwent spiritual renewal; my father told me they died and returned to life, brimming with visions of the future."

My friends' eyes were wide as they looked at me. I just had to shrug it off because, despite Dad's words, I knew I wasn't that special. I just had this freak accident. I looked at Quil, Embry, and Seth. "I didn't die, guys, it was close but…"

"People who suffered this were changed," Dad said, interrupting me. "They could predict the future and so they became prophets."

I shrugged with irritation. I hoped Dad was wrong because I had enough with being the Alpha and trying to juggle my relationship with Edward.

Embry said wonderingly, "Jake, you will become…"

I lifted my hands. "Nope, Embry. Trust me, I'm not the pixie and so I can't predict anything."

From the corner of my eyes I observed Jared's eyes. He would glance at me occasionally; the way he lowered his chin each time told me he had grudgingly accepted my leadership because he was shaped by his own beliefs.

"Didn't know about that," Seth mumbled.

Dad looked at him through lidded eyes, leaning his head on the chair. "You should ask your mother, Seth. I'm sure Sue has plenty of stories to share."

"I don't know why we are stuck with the ideas of the pale-faces!" Seth said angrily, pushing away his dish which was speckled with dried syrup.

"Our ancestors had to accept them." I took a deep breath and glanced out the window while I tried to frame in words what the vision of the Silver wolf hinted at. "Our people couldn't just fight the pale-faces at every turn, not when they felt the world closing in on them.  They had to adapt to endure because survival is the first rule for any being."

Seth glanced slyly at me. "Another one of your rules of survival, huh?"

Damned kid! He had to remind me of that! I fought to control the blush spreading on my cheeks when I remembered that day; I met Edward after Seth and I talked and the way Edward drank his fill while devouring me with his eyes made me realize I was his.  

\--

"Are you okay?"  I hefted the phone closer to my ear, staring at the tiled floor of the bathroom. After Seth's words, I could hardly wait for the guys to leave so I could call Edward; felt like a lovesick kid but I was very worried about my vamp. "You sound tired."

"I'm fine, wolf."

"You sure?"

"Well, I spent all night working on a piece of music."

"That's great!" I balanced my weight on the soles of my feet and nuzzled my cheek against the cold screen of the phone, wishing it was Edward instead. "I mean, I wouldn't force you or anything, but…"

"I know."

"Tried to drop subtle hints."

"Your thoughts were clear enough, Jacob. Having you back in one piece and the fact that you remembered me…" Edward paused while I damned the fact I wasn't by his side because his face in repose, while he thought about things, was beautiful indeed.

"It gave me the push I needed to compose again," Edward finally said. "Mind you, it's nothing great …"

"Nope, coming from you… I bet it's great."

"Thanks, but it seems you're the one who's not all right."

"Nothing escapes you, huh?"

"Your voice tells me you're stressed and besides, years of experience help. Now tell me, Jacob."

I talked with him about the confrontation with Jared and my concerns about the pack.  

"I have to say, you found an interesting way to deal with it," Edward said.

"I had to."

Right then, I heard Leah knocking at the door. "Gotta go, Edward. Will you meet me at the border after I finish for the day? Let's say, around 4?"

"Sure, Jacob; take care."

"You too, _kwo pat_."

\--

"I talked to this Quinault woman I know," Leah said tentatively. "When I met Paul and he told me about your plans to meet with them, I felt I had to tell you. That's why we came."

Leaning my elbows on the kitchen counter, I tilted down my chin. Then I nodded at her. "And?"

She shrugged and leaned closer to Paul. "I don't want to go around your back or anything, but I had the idea that we need more personal contact with this tribe.  I remembered this girl I met in Port Angeles because she was a Quinault."

"Good thinking. Leah." I fingered the cutlery drawer before crossing my arms. "I want you to clear the results with Sam."

Leah twisted her beautiful face in a grimace. Frankly, I hated laying the burden on her but she had to learn to deal with Sam in a business-like manner. I squinted at Paul and Leah, noting the way they sat close together with hands entwined beneath the table. She seemed to be well on her way to overcoming what happened with Sam and the way the imprint ruined her life. 

Paul glanced casually at the Biology textbook on the table, pushing it aside. "Leah, what came of it?"

"Well, her uncle is an elder and my friend said she would talk to him."

"Great," I sighed and glanced at the ceiling before looking at Leah and Paul. "Listen guys, I have to tell you that either one of you would make a great Beta, but I had to choose Sam."

"Why?"

"Because I have to keep the pack united," I said slowly. "Besides, Sam has lots of experience which I need."

"You mean, you need his power base," Leah said shrewdly.

"Yep." I smirked at her while I walked up to the table to pick up the book. While I ruffled through the pages, Leah leaned closer, her ebony hair framing her pretty face.

She touched the pages. "The book looks interesting; does it have much about wolves?"

"Nothing too specific." I shrugged. "Just taxonomy and stuff."

Noting how Leah gazed longingly at Paul while she sighed made me want, more than ever, that I could phase so I could read her thoughts which were often interesting. Though in the past they had been tinged with hurt and sarcasm, still I missed that. 

I prodded her. "C´mon Leah, what gives?"

"I have to find a way to fight against the imprint." Leah tossed her head angrily, her black hair whipping around her cheeks. "I won't allow the damned imprint to steal love away from me again!"  

"Doc Cullen says I won't imprint," I said, a tad guiltily.

"That's nice, Jake, but to get to the point where you are I'd have to let someone shoot me in the head." Leah glanced at Paul.  "I won't do that for any guy… sorry, Paul."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love," Paul said, and squeezed her shoulder.

"Doc Cullen said the key was in the hypothalamus, whatever that is." I looked at Leah and then at the book on my hands.  "There should be another way to get the same effect without those bastards shooting at you. I still don't know why the fuckers shot me!"

"Son, you have to take care in your patrols." Dad called out from the living room as he rolled his wheelchair toward us. "I don't want ever again to see you in the hospital."

"I will, Dad." I had to shake my head at that; first, I needed to shift and that didn't look too promising at the moment. Then again, I could be shot dead as a man or a wolf. There were things I just had to accept to move on.  

Dad lowered his chin to gaze at the fork on the table while I opened the biology book to check out the chapter summary. It was just as the Doc had told me.

"Guys, did you know we have an extra pair of chromosomes more than normal humans?"

Leah shook her head while Paul nodded somberly. I raised my eyebrows at him and he said, "Sam told me he'd found out something like that. It was right after he attacked Emily; he was babbling hysterically so I didn't give it much thought."  

"Seems old Sam may have been looking for a way out of the imprint." I gazed at Leah meaningfully.  

She wrapped her arms around herself and said wonderingly, "Even then, Sam tried; he just couldn't escape it."

I touched her hand. "I'll talk with the Doc; we'll find a way to block the damned imprint, Leah. Want you to know you're not alone!"

She nodded her thanks while Paul said, "Remember our talk in the woods when you were mad at Cullen?"

"Yeah."

Paul cocked his head at the book. "Well, lemme point out that the extra pair of chromosomes would have been troublesome if you and Bella had a baby."

I plopped down on the chair when the truth hit me; I'd told Edward that Bella and I might have faced the same situation, but encountering it like this made it all seem more real.

"Bella would have died giving birth to a child of mine if Edward had gone ahead with his stupid plan." I gulped while my heart thudded wearily all of a sudden. It all seemed pointless; Bella and Edward's struggle to overcome the strange powers of her baby, and Edward's outrageous solution to have me as stud? Even then Bella would have passed away.  My anger at Edward appeared so childish now when I had faced the reality of death coming from a speeding bullet or the innocent pages of a book.   

Dad patted my shoulder. "You can't be sure, Jacob; it could have turned out different."

"Did you know about the extra chromosomes, Dad?"

"I didn't." Dad shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not as wise as you think I am, Jacob; certainly I'm no Q'wati who molds people into wolves meddling with these chromosomes you speak of."

\--

Having read the time on the screen of the phone, I stuck it on the back pocket of my jeans. I was way ahead of schedule and managed to build a reasonably tight patrol roster. The reunion with the Quinault was ready and I believed I'd reassured the pack through the practical steps of watching the borders and extending a friendly hand to our neighbors. Most of the guys were behind me, except Colin, even Jared appeared more agreeable.

The leaves crunched satisfyingly under my sneakers as I strode through the familiar forest, inhaling deeply the rich scent of the fertile loam which was peppered with wildflowers. I glanced at the thick oaks and slim saplings, enjoying the thought they would grow and become as stout as the older trees. All in all, I felt I had done a good day's work, though the joy was dimmed by my worry about Edward.

My vamp sounded weary; I knew Edward was a pretty emotive guy and I planned to lift his spirits by patrolling the borders in such a way the he could join me without transgressing the Treaty. I wanted to reassure him, not through sex – though I was looking forward to it – but through small touches like the dreamcatcher. It wasn't fashioned for Edward; actually, it was mother's and I asked my father to give it to me.

I knew Edward couldn't sleep or dream but I wanted him to have it because it was one of the few things that I still had from mom. I felt that by giving it to him, he would get to have my mom's protection and love.  

I froze in midstep; I couldn't pinpoint exactly why, but I sensed Edward was in pain. The world shifted around me as colors jumped at me from the forest; my heart beat a mad rhythm against my ribs as I ran towards him. Didn't even realize I was a wolf until I had taken several steps, hardly aware of the fading pain on my legs from the restricting denim fabric which had been torn to shreds and fell to the ground way behind me.  I inhaled deeply as I sought to follow the delicious scent that was Edward's. The ground blurred as I ran like mad because I heard him crying in pain.   

I jumped over an outcropping and landed on the darker part of the forest; after a quick run through the copse of oaks I was out of Quileute lands and nearer Edward. I barked angrily, having scented something wrong in his smell; it tasted like darkness. My lungs ached with the exertion when I finally saw him; he was writhing on the ground.  He was rubbing his eyes which were closed.

I licked his face, my tongue burning at the taste of his agony. Edward moaned and thrashed around among the dried leaves. I had to take him home!

Howling, I glanced around to get my bearings. The Cullen house was farther than dad's home; it would take longer to get there and I knew Carlisle was probably at the hospital. I glanced unconsciously at my hind paw and my jaws snapped shut in anger; during my phasing, the jeans had been ripped apart and with them, my phone was gone. I couldn't call anyone to get help because the other guys patrolling, Embry and Seth, were at the other side of our borders!

Edward whined and that made up my mind in a hurry. I shifted and tenderly lifted him up. As I turned home and started running, I whispered soothingly, "It'll be all right, Edward. We're going home."

It wasn't until I had gone a hundred yards, taking care not to tread on sharp stones or twigs, that I realized I was taking Edward to the Rez. I gritted my teeth and continued warily; I'd face the consequences later but the most important thing at the moment was taking care of Edward. If anyone thought I would just stand by and let my love suffer because of the Treaty, they were dead wrong.

Edward drifted in and out of consciousness; he would flail his arms around and I had to duck to avoid being hit, though I had bruises on my chest from the times I was too slow.

I made it home and yelled for Dad to open up the door. I lifted up his body so he wouldn't inadvertently knock Dad out of his wheelchair while I walked up to the couch and laid him down.

"Edward, how do you feel?" I knelt on the rug and brushed his hair, gritting my teeth at the sight of his beautiful face twisted in a grimace of pain.

"Hurts, the light hurts so much!" He moaned; I noticed his eyes were still shut tight.

"God, what am I going to do?" I said hoarsely, glancing up at Dad.

"Son, what is going on?"

"Dad, I found him like this. Had to bring him here. Please help me!"

"There's nothing I can do, Jacob," he said patiently. "I don't understand his kind; we should get his father."

"The Doc! Of course we should, I'm so stupid!"

Dad rolled his chair towards the kitchen, muttering, "You're just overwrought because of your mate's pain. It's natural, son."  

While Dad called Carlisle, I tried to soothe Edward by talking softly to him. It seemed to work because he stilled his movements, so I hummed him a lullaby mother used to sing when I was hurt. It was an old Quileute song that spoke of seafarers returning home after a long fishing trip on their canoe, and the warmth that waited at home.

I went to the kitchen to grab a towel; I wet the cloth on the sink and returned to the couch to rub his face. I knew it was useless but what else could I do? I never thought I would see Edward wracked in pain, unless he battled the Volturi or werewolves. I thought about Edward sitting in that hospital room as he watched over me when I was near death. How the hell had he managed the strength to do that?  I felt so small and useless.

I mumbled an apology as I tenderly brushed his hair, "I'm so sorry, _kwo pat_ , so sorry I didn't see how strong you are."

I dimly heard the clinking sound of the clothes hangers coming from my closet. Dad was looking for something.

" _Nayeli_!" I choked back a sob while I bent my head to kiss his cheek and then I whispered, "Please don't leave me all alone, Edward."

He still had his eyes shut tight and I winced. What the hell was wrong with his beautiful eyes? I rocked back and forth on my soles until Dad handed me a pair of jeans.

"Son, you'd better dress. I found Doctor Cullen at the hospital. He's coming any minute now."

"Thanks." I dressed slowly; I didn't care I was naked. I had done everything on automatic since the moment I sensed Edward was in pain and I shifted.

All my attention was concentrated on Edward's still body. What the hell could a mortal do in this case?

I was tempted to just cut a slit across my arm and offer him blood so Edward would grow strong from that, but then I realized that would be dumb. My vamp's hunger could turn out to be uncontrollable and I didn't want to force that on gentle Edward who did his best to avoid drinking human blood. If I had at hand the carcass of an animal I'd just killed, I could offer him that.

Brushing my fingertips across his cheeks, I said, " _Ayásocha, kwo pat_? How are you, beloved?"

He grunted and then said, "I hurt, Jacob. It feels as if my eyes are on fire."

"Carlisle's coming; hold on, Ed."

So intently did I watch Edward that I didn't notice Carlisle's presence until he leaned over his son. The Doc took out a metallic device from his leather bag.

"What's the matter with Edward, Doc?"

"Let me examine him, Jacob." Carlisle checked his wrists and some faint scars on his throat, nudging Edward's chin this way and that. I bit my lip hard; didn't know I had drawn blood until the Doc glanced at me calmly.

"Jacob, please control yourself. You should know how the smell of blood unsettles us."

"Sorry, Doc." I mumbled sheepishly as I stood up. I walked shakily to the bathroom to wipe off the blood, knowing my healing would take care of the wound. Looking at my tearful reflection, I felt like smashing the mirror because I hated feeling so impotent. I would gladly deal with the rush and exhilaration of battle, but sitting here and doing nothing while my lover suffered was overwhelming. I glanced at the mirror and ruffled my hair.

On my way to the living room, I glanced at my bed and saw the dreamcatcher over the blanket. I grabbed it and fingered the beads and the soft sinew that bound everything together.

Carlisle was brushing Edward's hair. "You should have listened to me, son."

"What does he have, Doc?"

"I managed to pry apart his eyelids to confirm what I feared." Carlisle said. "His eyes are changing color."

I sat numbly on the chair, nudging it closer to Edward. I leaned closer to card my fingers through his soft hair and he turned towards my touch. My heart beat fast while I said, "What does it mean? How can a vampire's eyes go back to his human color and revert again?"

He said, "Eye color is determined genetically in humans, you know."

Carlisle lifted his hand to forestall my questions and then he pointed at Edward. "Have you heard of genetic engineering?"

I nodded tiredly and pointed at the kitchen. "Read about it in a Biology textbook. They tinker with genes; the book said they've used it to make seeds more resistant."

The events of the morning felt like a million years ago. If I could only go back to that time when Edward didn't suffer!

Carlisle nodded. "I think Edward was infected with a virus; it was a weapon genetically designed to render him - or any vampire – defenseless against the Volturi. It would decrease his abilities."

"Do you really think so?" I furrowed my eyebrows in thought.

"The state of the art has advanced enormously; I've kept abreast of developments but nothing has alerted me of such fine tuning as this would require." Carlisle rubbed his forehead wearily.

"It could be the government, you know," I said out of the blue.

"What do you mean?"

I recalled reading something similar in one of the comics Seth loved. "They could have found about vampires and developed this thing secretly, so that is why you haven't heard of it."

Carlisle frowned and then said softly, "Be that as it may, this fine tuning would require finesse which is not readily available. The biological weapon they used succeeded in part and we got to see how the color of his eyes changed. But a vampire's two extra pair of chromosomes hold thousands of genes and it's virtually impossible to control all that, although, given time…"

 Edward moaned and I grabbed his hand, wincing when he clutched my own too tightly. It didn't matter because I would hold onto him even if he broke my bones. I'd never let him go.

"What does it mean for your son, doc?"

"Edward's body is fighting against the infection. I believe the virus was crudely designed so it didn't affect his powers and gift which remain as strong as ever." Carlisle patted my shoulder and gently unclasped Edward's fingers from my own. "You'll need your hands to deal with Edward when he comes to, son. I believe he will do it soon."

I nodded dazedly.

"I wish I could give him an anesthetic, but there is none for us. Edward is in pain because his eyes are changing. I told him this might happen but he insisted on going about life the normal way." Then Carlisle looked pointedly at me. "He is a very stubborn young man, not unlike yourself."

He smiled gently while he picked up the instruments to put them back in his leather bag.  "I would say the two of you have met your match."  

"But Edward will be all right?"

"I can't predict the future, Jacob, but I have studied the human and vampire body in detail." Carlisle pointed at his son's smooth face. "Do you notice the way he's calmed down since I arrived? His body is adjusting again; we are tough to destroy."

Carlisle walked away and I was afraid he would return to his house. Edward needed him by his side.  

"Will you stay, Doc? I'm sure father won't mind."

I glanced at my dad who nodded somberly.

 "I will, Jacob." Carlisle grinned briefly. "I have files and materials I have to collate to get a better picture. I might as well do it here rather than at home. I'll call Esme just to let her know."

"Tell her I said hi."

"I sure will, Jacob."

Carlisle sat at the kitchen table and stroke up a hushed conversation with Dad.

Now that Edward was calm, I didn't want to jostle him so I sat on the floor and reclined my torso against the legs of the couch. I nudged my body closer so my forehead touched his hair while I draped my arm around his shoulder. It was uncomfortable as hell but I didn't want to bother him. Edward seemed to be dreaming, to judge from his twitching eyelids.  

Rubbing my forehead against his cold skin, I yawned. I glanced at the window and noticed it was dark outside. I was dead tired after all the excitement about the pack and doing chores; trying to take up studying again, and dealing with Edward's pain.

I was so bone-weary my eyelids felt heavy, I clutched Edward's hand and curled my legs near to the couch.

I wasn't conscious of falling asleep but I must have. During the night, Carlisle moved me because I woke up on the couch, nuzzling against the smooth hand that caressed my face. I smiled, inhaling Edward's scent.  

"Thank you, Jake."

"Whaaa…" I blearily opened my eyes and gazed at him. I was struck by the colors of his eyes which were a rich gold, nearer amber than yellow. They were the sun and life to me and I welcomed their change; I liked when they were green but also enjoyed the rich golden hue.

"What you said is true; you really don't care about the color!" Edward said, his voice tinged with wonder as I leaned closer and mumbled against his neck, "Course I don't care as long as they're your eyes, silly vamp."

Then I sat up on the couch and nearly fell off the edge, only Edward's hand on my shoulder kept me from falling. I looked into his eyes. "Wait, how did you find out? Can you read my thoughts?"

He smirked at me. "Yes, I can."

"Well, that's great news," I said with relief, though that would complicate matters for me because I had just lost the element of surprise in our teasing games.

I gazed at him. _'You're fine?'_

Edward ruffled my hair. "Silly wolf, you're never content, are you? For your information, I am fine and I can only read you intermittently. At times there's something like static that doesn't allow me to enter your mind. You were having an interesting dream about us but I didn't get to see how it ended."

I blushed while I hid my face against his neck. "Would love to act on that but I have to go to the bathroom; and our fathers?"

"Carlisle is on the lawn, talking to your father." Edward furrowed his eyebrows in concentration while I looked up to drink the sight of him.

"Oh, no!" He mumbled. "He's just received a call, bad news."

"What about?"

"I don't know exactly, he's coming to tell us." Edward looked at the door while I sat on the couch and tried to compose myself.

 Carlisle walked up to us, nodding at Edward. "You're all right, I take it."

"I am. Thank you, Carlisle."

"You know about the phone call."

"I do, though I don't see why it's so important to you," Edward said.

"What was the call about?" I asked Carlisle.

"I'm afraid I have bad news for all of us." Carlisle sighed tiredly. "My contact at Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles Hospital just called me, reporting a strange robbery. It would seem they forced their way into the hospital's medical lab and stole equipment and certain samples."  

"What samples?" I said with dread, because I had a feeling I knew what Carlisle was going to say.

"They stole your blood samples, Jacob, along with those of the other Quileutes."

 

 


	18. The trouble with Leah

 

 

"Are you really ok?" I nudged Edward with the edge of the frying pan. The smell of the pancakes made my mouth water, that and the scent of the vampire standing next to the stove. After the tensions of the night, I was hungry for food and Edward. 

"I'm fine, Jacob." He smiled tiredly. "While you were taking your shower, Paul called. He said he would meet you at the Quinault Reservation. Leah's coming along too."

"Fine, fine." I lifted my eyebrows at him, hoping he would comment about my lewd behavior in the shower. I was feeling frisky and took advantage of Edward being able to read my thoughts. I had touched myself and even played with my backside. Wanted him so bad because I needed the reassurance that he was alive.

Edward kept silent, though. I finally said, "So… anything else happened?"

He leaned on the kitchen counter, oblivious of my bathroom activities. I was nervous and my forearm pushed against the pan. It slid towards the edge of the counter and would have fallen to the floor had Edward not caught it easily.  

"You're jittery." Edward smirked while he wrapped my fingers around the handle of the pan. "I see that you're irritated because I wasn't able to read your thoughts."

I blushed furiously and lifted the pan, upending the contents onto the dish I had grabbed. I plopped down on the chair and kept my silence while I poured syrup on the pancakes.  

"Want your powers to be constant is all." I cut the cakes into thin strips and began wolfing down breakfast.

"I understand, Jacob. I'm pleased to be able to read your thoughts, even if it's occasionally."  He sat down beside me, nudging my leg; his hand traced a path down my thigh which made me shudder.

I grabbed a napkin from the holder. "It's just that I was used to being alone in my head, and when you recovered you read me again. It's confusing."

Edward pointed at the holder. "Did you carve that?"

I shook my head while I used the last of the cakes to soak up the syrup. "Nope, Dad did. It's a scene of the woods."

"It's pretty."

"Do you want me to carve something for you?" I said.

He shook his head. "Only if you have the opportunity, Jake. I know the Alpha position will take up your time, plus your studies and dealing with the threats."

We sat in silence while I gulped down the glass of milk. I glanced at him to make sure he was all right. The darker color of his eyes told me he would need to feed soon.

"And the Doc?"

"Carlisle is with Sue Clearwater. She heard she was in the Reservation and called him on the phone. He should be coming here any minute."

"Hope the old guys don't throw a fit because he's here." I said as I stood up. Grabbing the dishes, I made my way to the kitchen counter to wash them.

"Carlisle's been here before, when he healed you after the newborns." He laid back on the chair and crossed his arms. "They are going to object to my presence, though." 

"Do not worry, _kwo pat_." I turned to smile at him while I squeezed the bottle of soap over the frying pan. "I'll defend you. Want you to stay here for a while. I know Dad won't mind."

"I know he won't," Edward said. "He's a wise man."

I shrugged, lowering my chin while I started scrubbing the pan. I was being selfish because I needed his presence. Wanted Edward by my side so I could lay claim to his body and soul, time after time. And I yearned for him to possess me so I would be completely his.  

"Gotta go to the Quinault Rez, man." I said as I wiped my hands on the cleaning rag. "I'd like to stay, but since I am the Alpha I have to…"

I stopped at the sound of the door opening. The scent from outside told me it was Doc Cullen. I fiddled with the cutlery drawer while he walked into the kitchen.

"Edward, I trust you are fine," Carlisle said.

"As good as ever, Carlisle; or I should say, as fine as yesterday."

I hastily put the knives in the drawer and turned to face Carlisle. "Doc, something is bothering me about him." I waved my hand at Edward.

"Jacob, let me assure you that the color of his eyes is caused by proteins that…"

"It isn't that, Carlisle. Edward's eyes are pretty like always." Noticing Edward's smirk, I started putting the dishes in the cupboard and tried to hide my blush. "It's his powers. You told me the stuff they used to infect him hadn't worked, and his powers…"

"Remained as strong as ever. That is true, Jacob."

"Then why can't he read my mind?" I nervously wiped my hand on my cutoffs and walked up to Edward.  Shooting him a big grin, I had to run my fingers through his tousled mane; I shrugged because I couldn't help myself. As he leaned into my touch, I shivered all over. I'd never get enough of touching his silky hair.

When I heard Dad's wheelchair squeaking on the corridor I let go of him, though. This was a gesture too intimate to share for long, even with our dads. I wanted to devour Edward and spend the night contemplating him, like I tried to do when he was sick. Only this time I would gaze at his chiseled face and touch him, and the groping would lead to hot sex.

"… the results of the virus, I'm afraid," Carlisle said.

I shook my head as I turned to stare at Carlisle, noting that the corners of his lips curled up in a tiny smile as he repeated his words. Obviously he was aware I had been woolgathering.  "Edward's powers weren't truly affected at all. His body has dealt with the virus, hence his return to normality."

"But he wasn't able to read my thoughts, and the virus allowed him to?"

"It's like a lock that has a key," Carlisle said as he sat on the chair and leaned his elbows on his knees. Despite the kitchen implements around him, Carlisle looked every bit the calm, collected doctor. "When your brain changed as a result of the shooting, your thought patterns proved elusive for my son, so he wasn't able to read you."

"But then he got infected by the virus," I said slowly, leaning my shoulder into Edward.

"Carlisle, you're thinking that my brain changed as a result of the disease?" Edward said, looking at his father with eyes widened in wonder. "That fighting the virus made me stronger?"

"Wait a sec." I lifted up my hands. "Guess I get that part, Doc.  But you said lock and key, and he can't read me all the time!"  

"I'm not sure about that." Carlisle shrugged. "I'll hazard a guess and say your emotions play a role. The wound affected your hypothalamus, remember? I think when you're calm you're just easier for Edward to read."

"Oh; that's… nice," I said in a small voice. I was disappointed because I'd have to find another way to let Edward know I wanted him; no wonder he couldn't read me in the bathroom, my emotions were filled with lust.

\--

After Carlisle left, Edward and I sat on the couch and flipped through the channels. I wanted him there, but I thought he might get bored and want to work on his music. He had told me he'd been composing.  

"It'll be fine if you have to leave for a while," I said.  "Gotta go to the Quinault land anyway, so I won't miss you or anything."

"I'll stay, Jake." He shrugged. "It's just that I feel a bit odd here."

Dad slammed the front door and the sound startled me. The smell of tobacco and cured leather wafting to my nose told me we had a visitor, Saul Taholah. The elder was really stubborn and hated vampires.

I shuddered in apprehension while Edward looked at the door. I motioned for him to remain seated. "Stay here, man. Guess I know what this guy wants."

"It's an outrage!" Taholah shouted from the threshold, staring down his long nose at me. "How dare you bring him here? This breach of the Treaty ought to mean war!"

Glaring at him, I stood up.  "Are you nuts? I invited him here; carried him so he wouldn't die all alone. Cullen's the one I love, my mate."

I leaned down to caress Edward's shoulder, patting him after I felt him shiver. I stared at him intently, willing him to understand he shouldn't speak because this fight was for me to deal with. There would be other occasions when I would need him, but Taholah would surely rant on and on if Edward spoke.  

"He's your imprint then." Taholah shrugged. "I see; guess it's fine then."

Saul's words made me mad. The notion that the imprint made everything all right in the world stuck in my craw like the spine of a filleted fish. I shouted, "He's not! I hate the fucking imprint, but you know what I hate most?"

I walked up to him and poked Taholah's bony chest. "The fact that you kept it to yourselves, that you wouldn't tell us a damned thing. For your information, I love Cullen and that should be enough! If the elders make him leave, they'll be chasing away the Alpha's mate! Will you take that step? Haven't you learned anything?"

"That'll be enough, Jacob!" Dad said firmly. "Saul and I will discuss things in private, over the beers Charlie brought me."

I glanced down at him, noting the way he stared at me while he tried to hide his satisfied grin. Had to hand it to him, Dad was often irritated after his trying sessions with the elders, but he would outmaneuver them by letting them battle among themselves.  He told his tales of woe to Charlie and me many times as we watched the basketball games. After the other members of the council had it out, Dad smoothed things over and would try to get his way.

I shook my head, watching Taholah's face. He squinted at me as he considered his options. No matter what happened, the wizened guy knew he couldn't push me around. Being an Alpha carried certain considerations which I wasn't afraid to use, just like Dad wasn't above playing his good and bad cops routine.

\--

I held up Edward's wrist to look at his watch while my thumb and forefinger massaged his wrist. "We still have time for you to see me phase."

"I've seen you shift before, wolf, but I have to admit that after your delicious put down of that elder I'm intrigued by your wild side."

Edward's smooth voice made me shiver. I looked sideways at his crotch while I licked my lips. I still had an hour to get ready. If we timed it accurately, it was enough for a romp in the hay.

I grabbed the hem of my t-shirt and pulled it slowly over my body, turning in an arc so I ended up facing Edward. I patted my sweaty chest with it before letting it fall down to the tall grass.

Irritated but also comforted by the fact that Edward couldn't read my mind, I went on with my plan to seduce him and get him to fuck me. Grinning at him, I lowered my zipper and then hooked my thumbs around the waistband of the cutoffs.

I stared at the ground and turned my back on him, pretending modesty. Shimmying my hips, I skinned down my jeans and briefs, trying to control my growing arousal. I looked at him coyly over my shoulder and saw him staring at me, still as a statue. He didn't fool me, though; the scent of his arousal was thick in the air and I felt my shaft twitch in sympathy.  Finally, I spread my legs and bent down to untie my trainers in the hope that my display would get him to act.

I bit back a satisfied smile at the hoarse groans I heard from him. Crouching above the grass, I squirmed because of the blades of grass that tickled my inner thighs. I stuffed the jeans inside the bag and tied it around my ankle, hoping Edward would untie it soon. I frowned at my erection; this seduction was supposed to be innocent.

But then I heard Edward stepping away. I called over my shoulder, "Something the matter, Cullen?"

"I have to go, Jake. I need to look up something."

I turned to glare at him and stomped towards him, my anger quickly deflating my arousal. "What are you really up to, Edward?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have to read your mind. I know how your body reacts!"  My hand slid down his shirt, caressing his chest on my way down to his prick which I squeezed gently. "Don't deny that you want me like I want you!"

"So that's why you put your little show!"

I blushed and wrapped my arms around my torso, mumbling, "I need you. Seeing you weakened last night, not knowing if you would make it…" I gazed at the cloudy sky and then said in a louder voice, "I need all of you. Told you I want you inside me."

Edward stuck his twitching fingers inside his pockets and balanced on the balls of his feet. He gazed down at the ground. "Jacob, I want so much to pounce on you, but I have to contain my urges. You have no idea what you…." 

"Why don't you act, then?" I glared at him and snorted. "I get it. You're going to do what you did with Bella and marry me before you fuck me!"

Edward's face twisted in a grimace of pain, and seeing that made my heart twinge painfully. To know that I hurt him was unbearable so I stepped towards him and hugged him. Burrowing my face on his neck, I muttered brokenly, "So sorry, _kwo pat_. So sorry, beloved. Don't wanna hurt you but end up doing it anyway."

"Jake, I really want to, but …"

I whispered against his ear. "It's just that I need all of you."

Edward carded his fingers through my hair and then he cupped my chin, his thumb caressing my bottom lip. "I have to make you understand. I love you so much, Jacob."

"What does that have to do with …?"

"The thought of losing you is more than I can bear. I won't do anything to jeopardize what we have." He laid his hand on my bare chest and then touched his shirt. "When you were in the hospital and I despaired for you, I vowed I would never hurt you."  

"It won't hurt me to make love," I said slowly. "I trust you to be gentle."

"It's not that, Jake." He took a step back and crossed his arms. "What happened with Bella has left me afraid."

"What?" I shook my head because his words left me stumped. I wished I could read my vamp's mind.

"My seed is cursed and it caused my wife to die." Edward shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself. "I couldn't forgive myself if the same happened to you."

"Cursed? What the hell?" I puzzled my eyebrows in confusion. "You think that if you fuck me, it'll kill me? Is that why you don't want to top?"

"I don't know, Jacob." He looked at the woods with a faraway look in his eyes. "I was so sure I knew everything about vampires, what we were capable of. Then I made love to Bella and it was the reason she died."

He shuddered violently. "If you passed away because of me, I couldn't bear to live." 

 I looped my arms around his back and pulled him towards me, pressing my body against his chest. This time I did not intend to seduce him, only to soothe his pain. "Cullen, you won't hurt me. I love you, can you see that?"

I gazed briefly at the sky, thinking that Bella would surely be satisfied wherever she was because of the number she had played on my Edward. That reminded me I had to call Quil.

Taking a deep breath, I framed Edward's cheeks with my hands, staring into eyes which were the hue of a ripened wheat field, the color of life. "I'm not Bella, a frail mortal girl. I'm a dark creature like you, Edward. I can take whatever you can give and I won't…"

My phone rang; I grimaced and shrugged at him while I bent down to fish it from my bag. Looking at the screen, I saw it was Leah.

"Jake, we're on our way. Can you give me a lift home when we finish here? Need to talk to you." I frowned when I heard the rush of words so unlike Leah's usual measured style.  

"Sure, sure." Apparently it was what Leah needed to hear because she said goodbye and hung up.

I crouched to put the phone in and take out my jeans. I extended them on the grass, smiling up at Edward.

I wasn't bothered that my attempt at seduction had failed, but Edward's words worried me.

Would it be like this down the road? I didn't want Bella's ghost standing between us more than it already did. I felt sure I could take in stride whatever Cullen dished out. I wasn't lying when I said I needed him.

The wolf howled inside, hurt by the pain echoing inside my mate.

I blinked, dislodging the thin film of tears from my eyes. This was no moment for crying; I needed all my faculties to face the Quinault and try to get at the bottom of the things that plagued our land. I glanced up at my vampire and sighed because of the pull to protect him who I loved the most, even if he drove me nuts.

\--

"We don't know where this scum came from," said Joe Kennekuk, the Quinault elder. He puffed on his pipe, squinting at me.

"You must have an idea," I sipped from the glass of beer the man gave me. It wasn't my idea of clean fun, but I didn't want to irritate him. Joe appeared to be in his mid-forties; his weather-beaten face reminded me of Dad. His long black hair framed his shoulders while Joe tapped his pipe against the kitchen table. The distrust he had shown us when we arrived seemed to have disappeared.

"Didn't you guys notice anything unusual?" Paul said from the couch. It was good to have him around because my friend usually cut to the chase. As long as he kept his temper, Paul and I would get something out of Kennekuk. We could even try to take a leaf out of Dad's book and pull a good cop, bad cop routine.

Leah hadn't told me why she wanted to talk to me. Instead she had gone to talk with the woman friend of hers. She might get information, perhaps more than we would.

The man gazed into the window and smiled ruefully. "Lemme try to remember, boys, I'm afraid my memory isn't what it used to be."

I crossed my arms and sighed, remembering the way Leah had asked around at the store where we bought sandwiches. It reminded me of my sisters. Before they went away, Rachel and Rebecca would greet relatives of the elders. They would talk about things which didn't catch the attention of my ten year-old self, but we got things as a result. People came by and helped us with the house.

My sisters were not above using the influence that came with being direct descendants of Ephraim Black to get things done. I missed that when they went away.  Leah was like that, it seemed. Maybe that was part of the reason why I found it easy to be with her, and why Rosalie and I were such good friends; in a way, both of them reminded me of Rachel and Rebecca.

I shook my head as I sipped the warm beer. It felt nice to have Leah and Paul at my back. There were things that got done easier if the Alpha relied on his lieutenants. Didn't know where that thought came from, unless it was from my wolf, or a half-forgotten conversation with my Dad.

One of Sam's faults was shutting Leah away the way he did; he had lost the input she would have given him. I intended to make use of her insights to help run the pack.

I snapped back to the present when Joe spoke. "Those pale-faces were weird."

Kennekuk sighed and left his pipe on the table, his fingers reaching for the bottle of beer. "It was nothing we could pinpoint or we would have run them out of the Rez. Nothing that told us they kidnapped one of you guys, understand?"

"Hope you see why we had to act, Joe." I hefted the glass and took a sip. This cover story was my idea to deflect their attention from the carnage where Edward killed that man and got infected. We'd told the Quinault elders those poachers kidnapped one of our women, so we had to breach their lands to rescue her. Leastways that explained the bloodstains the pack left behind.

"We do understand, Jacob. Honor is important for us too." Kennekuk nodded curtly. "I appreciate your honesty." 

"We had to do it." I lowered my gaze as if I was very moved. In reality I was a bit ashamed to tell such a lie, but it got us through their doors after Sam's fumbling. He hadn't bothered to explain why we stepped into their lands; he had insisted it was Quileute business. 

"The girl that came with you… was she the one they kidnapped?" Joe said, waving the bottle at the door.

My hackles rose at the thought of the poachers kidnapping Leah, and when I noticed Paul taking deep breaths I realized it was time to defuse the situation. "Nope, it wasn't Leah. The woman they kidnapped is back at the Rez. She's Leah's cousin and that's why she came with us."  

"I see," he said.

I bit back a smile at that. Kennekuk obviously didn't realize or he would have been more cautious around Paul. It was plain to see he was smitten with Leah.  

"So, what do you remember about the kidnappers?" I said.

"One day, they visited the store." Kennekuk pointed vaguely at the window. "This guy wanted to buy an electric cord for their computer, or so he said. He'd run out of cash, so he paid with a credit card. Had a weird name, the owner told me." Kennekuk took a long sip from the bottle, sighing after he finished. He leaned towards me and whispered, "She's my cousin."  

"That's nice." I sipped my beer, wanting to ask the guy's name but I refrained. I felt Joe had to tell the tale at his own speed or he might omit details. By the way he had received us and provided us with goodies, it was obvious he enjoyed chatting up visitors. I needed to get the juicy details, or as many as Joe remembered.

I made plans to ask the pixie's help in tracing the credit card info. While I was at it, I might as well use the Cullen's computers to track down the other information I was interested in.

"Boys, the guy's name was Constantine Keepel," Joe said at last, eyeing me sharply. "When my cousin Sarah told me, it sounded just like one of your Quileute words."  

\--

After we said our goodbyes, we were walking down the street. Leah sauntered towards us, her hands stuck in the back pocket of her jeans.

Paul smiled at her. "Ready to go home, darling?"

Leah grinned briefly at Paul and tucked a curl of her hair behind her ear. "Actually, Paul, I want to ride with Jake back to the Rez, if you don't mind. The woman I met told me interesting stuff."

"You sure, Leah?" Paul sighed, taking a step back. He looked at his uncle's pickup truck. We could have run here as wolves but given the Quinaults' distrust of us, it wouldn't have boded well if we just walked into their land without obvious means of transportation.

"Yep, pretty sure." Leah leaned towards Paul and gave him a brief peck on the nose. Her gesture struck me as very tender. "I'll catch up with you after patrol, 'kay?"

"Okay, Leah."

"See ya, Jake." Paul said and slapped my shoulder hard, as if to warn me not to try anything with his girl.

I just rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "See ya back at the Rez, man."

I went to the passenger side of my Rabbit and opened the door, holding it for her. "Hop in, Leah."

I drove slowly for a while, fiddling with the knob of the radio until I found a nice station. I glanced up at Leah when the throbbing sound of Placebo's _'Bulletproof cupid'_ came on as we were passing Quinault Lake.  

"Neat, huh? If Edward was here, he'd tell us how this song compares to the bands he'd heard and stuff."  

Leah smiled wistfully. "I can see that you love him."

"Course I do, we've had our difficulties but I wouldn't change my Cullen for the world."

"By the way," Leah said, looking at me sideways. "Thanks for standing up for me with Quil."

"What do you mean?" I eyed the rearview mirror, accelerating when the green Ford behind me got too close.

"After he and Embry started making fun of my period, you said…"

"That their mothers have them too." I shrugged and pushed the pedal to pass the white semi-truck in front of us. "No problem. Hated it when he said that. I couldn't just boss him around - Quil would've resented that - so I just poked fun at my burly friend. If he or Embry persist, just tell me." 

"Will do; thanks again."

"No need, you're one of the guys." I brushed my hair in embarrassment. "Of course not, you're a woman. I meant you're one of the pack."

I blushed and leaned down to fiddle with the radio knob. "They have to treat you with respect."

I drove fast. The woods flitting through the windows made me remember the time Edward took me to Portland on our first date. The remembrance brought up other thoughts and time flew.

Out of the corner of my eyes, though, I saw Leah biting her lip. She obviously wanted to tell me something important.

Finally, I tapped my foot against the carpet near the brake and blurted out, "Why did you want me to give you a lift home?"

"Wanted to talk to you, Jake. It's about my period."

"Oh, another guy cracked a joke?" I glared at the rearview mirror. "Bet it was Jared, I swear that guy…"

"It's not that simple, Jake." Leah took a deep breath and brushed a curl of hair from her forehead. "Lemme speak, ok?"

"Sure, sure."

"After Bella died, I started having my period again."

"You did? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, first off, you were gone. When you returned you went directly to the Cullen house and…"

"Hey, I get it!" I smiled at her to take the edge off my words. "Sorry, Leah. Guess I've been wrapped up in myself and didn't pay you guys much attention. Didn't you tell Sam or the others?"

"No one cared."

Leah's words hit me hard. "I bet they do; they're just obnoxious sometimes. I know Quil and Embry like to joke and stuff, but I bet they would listen."

"I told Paul when we started going out."

"Good to know. I hope he was supportive."

"He was, but that's not the reason I wanted to talk to you, Jake. I haven't told anyone this." Leah's fingers brushed the buckle of her seat belt and she glanced at me. "Sorry I didn't get anything from Amanda. That woman only wanted to talk about TV shows."

"Don't worry, Leah. I got good information from that elder."

Her words came out in a rush. "Jake, I wanted to tell you that I missed my period."

I didn't get it for a few seconds. Guessed that, being a guy, that sort of information took time to penetrate fully.

When it hit me, I swerved the car, barely missing the fender of the pickup truck by my side. The woman honked her horn angrily and gave me the finger as she passed us by.

The Rabbit skidded to a halt on the shoulder of the road. Disregarding the angry look from the SUV driver behind me, I turned to look at Leah.

"What? Do you mean that?"

She eyed me sharply. "The woman I talked to - besides her interest on TV – is something of a shaman. She said I was pregnant, but Doctor Cullen wasn't sure."

"What the hell?" I started breathing fast and my heart thudded madly against my ribs. This news was unexpected. "Carlisle knows? Does Paul know? And your mother? What will you do? What…?"

"I don't know, Jake, I just don't know." She started fiddling with the seatbelt and I touched her shoulder gently.

"Have you phased?" I said.

Staring at the road, she shook her head. "No, I made excuses and got Seth to patrol for me, thankfully."

"What will you do?"

"I don't know, Jake."

I closed my eyes, breathing shallowly. What was it Paul had said about chromosomes? He mentioned that Bella would have died if I impregnated her. But then, what would happen with Leah?

Shaking my head, I realized she and Paul had the same number of chromosomes, so that wouldn't be a problem. But the phasing? What if she developed complications from her pregnancy and died like Bella?

I felt the world spinning until Leah patted my shoulder. "Jake, take a deep breath!"

Leah's voice, tinged with concern, brought me back to Earth. I should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.  

"You're gonna tell Paul, right?"

"Soon as I get my head around the news," she said calmly. "I still don't believe it."

"Maybe that woman is wrong! What did Carlisle say? I take it was you who asked him to go to your mother's."

"Doctor Cullen isn't sure. He said he would have to research stuff about shifters. Promised not to tell anyone, though."

"Good." I looked at the ceiling of the car. "Paul will support you; he'd better!"

"What will you do if he doesn't? Will you give him an Alpha order to change his mind?" Leah cocked her eyebrows at me and it was refreshing to get a glimpse of her sarcastic self, the indomitable girl who liked to rile us up.

"Not at all, Leah. I don't believe in forcing people." I shuddered violently. "Never have."

Gazing at the road, I adjusted the rearview mirror and then lowered my hand. My fingers drummed nervously against the wheel as I asked her, "You've told your mother?"

"No, I can only guess she'll be disappointed in me." Leah sighed. "I was looking forward to go to community college. Now with this…"

I had to shake my head at that. Leah was in danger of her life and she was worrying about college? I would never understand her.

I heard the song on my phone and took it out. Glancing at the screen, I saw I had a call from Edward.

"Wait a sec, Leah," I whispered, and then pressed my thumb against his nice icon.

"Wolf, I went home." Edward said.

"Whatever for? You should've stayed at dad's! Did someone come to harass you? If they did, I'll let them know how idiotic they are!"  

"No one did, Jake. It's for the best."

I leaned my cheek on the cool crystal, the news of Leah's possible pregnancy on the tip of my tongue. I didn't say anything because it was Leah's news to tell, and I didn't want to bother Edward.  

If Leah's news hit me hard and made me compare her situation to Bella's, what would Edward think? The vampire already had these silly worries about his seed being cursed. He would surely recall what he went through with Bella and the ordeal when I was in the hospital.

If I felt protective towards him, that had only increased after seeing Edward writhing in pain with that strange infection that affected his eyes. Squaring my shoulders, I decided to keep the news for myself, at least until Leah told him.  

But he was my mate and I needed to see what he said. Edward had decades of experience and would surely have wise advice.

"… so then I told your father I was leaving."

"You returned to your house?" I said.

"I did, Jacob. If you're finished for the day, won't you come over?"

"Leah is with me. I'll just drop her off… "  

Leah put her hand over the phone and arched her eyebrows at me. "I'll go with you, Jake. I want to talk to Rosalie anyway."

I nodded at her and said, "We'll be right over, Cullen."

"See you, wolf."

After I pocketed the phone, I turned on the ignition. I let a U-Haul truck pass me by before I pushed the pedal and took Bogachiel Way.  

Then I glanced at Leah, lifting my eyebrow. "So you and Rosalie are friends?"

She nodded. "We talked in the hospital when you were ill. She didn't seem so bad for a leech. The woman's got a head on her shoulders, I'll grant her that."

"That's nice."

 I didn't say anything for a while and finally turned off the radio. Music didn't sound so appealing after Leah's news. Thinking about Rosalie, I recalled she said she supported Bella during her pregnancy. Rose mentioned she sympathized with Bella's desire to become a mother. I had an inkling she would support Leah unconditionally and the cycle might repeat itself.

"You have to know something about Rosalie," I said, hating the fact that I was about to say something bad about Rose. She was my friend but Leah was also another friend. I had to warn her.

I gripped the steering wheel and glanced at the rearview mirror out of nerves. "Rose always wanted to be a mother. That's why she supported Bella when Edward and Alice wanted her to abort, so that will color her judgment, I guess. You have to take that into account when you bounce ideas off of her."

"Thanks for telling me, Jake." Leah bit her lip. "I take it you think I should abort?"

"No, not at all. I really don't know what to say." I swerved to pass a heavy truck. Despite the taxing conversation, I had to concentrate on the road. "It's your choice, Leah. I'll let you know that becoming the Alpha didn't exactly prepare me to advice you about this."

"I can guess."

"I'll support you whatever you do. Just… take care, Leah, 'kay?"

\--

It felt odd to return to the Cullen house. Glancing at the beautiful glass which shined in the late afternoon light, I recalled when the pixie first brought me here and the anguish I felt when I saw Edward's lifeless face.

So much had changed in the space of a few days. I had become the Alpha and then Edward got hurt.

Now it was Leah whose troubles worried me. I opened the door and motioned her inside. My ears pricked up when I heard Rosalie talking.

My fingers slid against the smooth wood of the banister and I wondered at the warmth that filled me when I heard their voices and smelled Esme's cooking wafting down from the kitchen. The Cullens had made me feel welcome here, and my heart thudded against my chest at the realization that this was home indeed.

Leah paused on the steps and stared at me. Smiling weakly, I hunched my shoulders and stepped towards the stairs and together we made our way to the lower floor.

"Edward's condition made me wonder," Rose said. "I've thought lately about Benjamin…"

"Hey, Blondie. Who's the guy you're talking about?" I walked into the living room, grinning at her. She looked as poised as always, her blond hair framing her delicate features.

I looked at Edward, who sat on the couch between Emmett and Jasper. "Was he the guy who did this to you?"

Edward shrugged. "We don't know, Jacob."

"Nice to see you, wolf." Rosalie smoothed her silk jacket.  "Anyway, to answer your question, Benjamin is a vampire from the Egyptian coven."

Edward said, "I heard he has a unique gift."

Esme stood up and walked toward us. "So glad you could join us, Jacob." She beamed at Leah. "And you too, dear. Won't you two sit down? There are sandwiches on the table. I hope you like them, Jacob."

"Thanks, Esme."

Rosalie grimaced and then went on. "Benjamin can manipulate the elements. At least that's what Irina told me the other day."

Eyeing the sandwiches, I decided to eat later; the conversation was too interesting. I looked at Doc Cullen. "So, was he the one behind the attack?"

"We don't know," Carlisle said. "He's not with the Volturi, but I wonder if there might not be another vampire with similar abilities."

I crossed my arms. "I don't understand you, Doc."

"Jacob, I told you the finesse needed to produce a disease that would act against one of us is beyond mortals." Carlisle frowned, his gaze sweeping around the room. "But hearing Rosalie makes me wonder if the tinkering could not be achieved far easier through the use of vampire powers like Benjamin's."

"This Benjamin guy can make water float and twist the wind to do his bidding," Rosalie explained. "What if there's another like him working for the Volturi, able to manipulate nature at a much finer scale?"

"Fine enough to change the structure of genes?" Edward said. He grinned briefly at me, and then he stared at Leah.

Meanwhile, Rosalie gazed at me. She must have noticed the weariness in my face because she glided towards us with her usual grace. She touched Leah's shoulder and then she walked up to me and just hugged me tight.

Rose's arms around me, the press of her body against mine and her concern - they killed me. They broke the damn behind which I had kept my fears and tensions at bay - the worry about Edward, the need to act like the Alpha, and the concern over Leah. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks and Rose hugged me tighter, murmuring soothing nonsense which made me recall the scant memories I had of mom's embrace. I sobbed harder, hating the fact that I had lost my composure and was bawling like a baby.

"Rose." I mumbled while I swiped my hands across my cheeks. "Gotta go, will be back in a sec."

I dashed out of the house and walked towards the woods, stopping by a huge oak. I wiped my tears angrily. I was supposed to be the tough Alpha! I was doing so well handling the stress of the day until Rosalie hugged me. Now that the damned waterworks were on, I couldn't stop them!   

I heard footsteps behind me and smelled Edward's comforting scent. Then I leaned into the hand that touched my shoulder.

"I know about Leah, Jacob."

"You read it in my thoughts, huh?

"No, she told me after I read her mind. I'm sorry for your friend, but you should've told me earlier to ease your worries."

"Didn't want to hurt you," I whispered brokenly.

"Nothing you say or do could ever hurt me, Jacob." He gently turned my face and his hand cupped my chin, tilting it up. "I love your strength and your kindness. Always."

I wrapped my arms around him and burrowed my face against his shoulder. It felt good to be home, in Edward's arms.

"You surprise me, Jake."

I sighed. "Why? I just suck at being tough, breaking down like this."

"You don't see yourself like others do." Edward ruffled my hair and whispered against my ear, "You are tough when you have to, and soft when you must. That combination is very appealing in a leader, and irresistible in the man I love."

He started kneading my shoulder and his other hand slid down my body, cupping my buttocks.

"You think so?" I mumbled. Edward's smooth voice and his caresses made my cock twitch.

"You are a great Alpha. For starters, you managed to lighten Leah's burden in a way Sam couldn't ever replicate. Of course, I can't talk for the members of your pack because if they felt the way I do I'd have to fight them."

"What?"

Edward held my biceps and, just like that, lifted me into his arms. I felt his cold hands under my knees and holding my back as the trees rushed by us.

His sweet voice lulled away the worries of the day. "You twist me around your little finger, Jacob. You bend me and mold me, even when you're vulnerable. It just makes me want to protect you."

"I love you too, _kwo pat_."

"You're unpredictable and unknowable, and I won't ever tire of you." Edward bent down and gently laid me down upon the grass of the meadow.

"And wolf? Just to make sure you understand: what I feel for you is way beyond what I felt for her." In a blur, he had opened my zipper and lowered my jeans, kissing my ankles as he toed off my trainers and then slid my pants and briefs off my feet.

"It consumes me, this hunger only you can assuage," he said as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off his body. When I tried to hook my thumbs around his belt, he swatted away my hands. "Let me take care of you, Jake. You wanted me to fuck you and I will. I can't deny you anything, Jacob, even when I'm deathly afraid I'll lose you. You make me unafraid."

He slid his pants off his body.

"Oh fuck!" I groaned at the sight of his cock and I spread my legs, my prick twitching at the sight of his cockhead, wet with his juices.

I squirmed on the grass, my dick slapping against my abs while Edward fished the small bottle of lube from his pants. The sight of his pale hand spreading the thick liquid on his shaft had me so hard, I canted up my hips.

"So willing and open, Jake."

His words made me blush, and I moaned when his thumb rubbed my rim. Edward smirked sexily as he stabbed his fingers inside of me. The thick fingers spearing my entrance for the first time hurt me. Edward paused, studying my face.

"What?" I groaned and snaked my hand between my legs. I grabbed his wrist and pulled it towards me, wanting to feel him inside.

Edward grunted, and his fingers stabbed my channel almost viciously. I looked at the sky above us, trying to distract myself from the pain. Gazing up at him, I shivered at the sight of his darkened eyes as he scooted forward on his knees, his thumbs spreading me open. He was wild and I was almost afraid. Almost.

I needed him, his darkness and passion a perfect match for my hunger.

I felt so vulnerable and desired I ached inside.

I lifted my legs, hooking my arms behind my knees. I blushed at how wanton I must look. Edward said nothing, though the way he looked at me said it all. His eyes held the same passionate stare that pierced me when he drank from the animal carcass I threw at his feet.

I felt his cockhead rubbing against my rim and I closed my eyes, wanting to savor the moment he penetrated me. Dreading it, desiring it.

He slid inside and just popped through my entrance. He stopped and I whimpered at the feeling; my body itched to have movement down there. I braced my hands against his chest and pushed backwards.

"God, you're so tight!"

His prick slithered further inside me, and I squeezed around him when I felt my wet prick sliding against his abs.

"Don't, Jake, or I will come," he said in warning.

I didn't say anything, too lost in the feeling of being trapped beneath him, this cold flesh that soothed my heat. His dick slammed harder and faster inside me and it was all I could do not to clench around him. I groaned at the squelching sounds of our coupling and my hands fell to the sides, my fingers clenching around the stems of grass.

Edward rocked his hips back and forth and then I felt him rubbing against something inside me.

"That's your prostate, Jake," he said.

I moaned and arched my ass, hooking my legs behind his back. Edward smirked in satisfaction, the bastard, as he lunged inside me. Repeatedly.

I clenched around him as he thrust in and out, my slippery cock sliding against his trail. I lifted my hands to rub his chest, tweaking his nipple as he rode me hard.

He grunted and thrust harder. Sweat was pooling on my abs while the squishy sound of our fucking drove me mad.

Edward closed his fist around my prick and swiped his thumb around my cockhead. That pulled me over the top. I shouted and came hard, my walls fluttering around him.

"Fuck!" he grunted as he jabbed his prick inside me, once, twice. Then he came, flooding my channel.

My body felt tired and spent. My chest heaved as I came down from the high.

"You okay, Jake?"

I nodded weakly, my hips wiggling under his weight. Edward pulled out his softening prick and rolled off of me. 

"You liked it, didn't you?"

"I sure did." I felt sure I was going to be sore, despite my healing powers. It was worth it, though.

I sighed when he leaned his head against my shoulder. Edward lifted his gaze to the cloudy sky and mumbled against my neck, "I can't lose you, Jacob. Bella's gone and I endured, but with you…"

I carded my fingers through his hair. "You aren't going to lose me, Edward."

"I'm afraid I will." He turned and burrowed his head into my chest, his words barely audible. "But I'm more afraid of hurting you, or making you sad."

"You don't make me sad, Edward."

"I fear tomorrow which might take you away, and the night that hides you from my sight." He sighed. "But you take that fear away just by being you."

"Love you too, Edward." I yawned, too tired to frame my thoughts properly. After the tiring day which ended in our lovemaking, I was sleepy. I cuddled my vampire and closed my eyes.

Edward's hand touched my chin so softly it felt like my mother's caress.

I fell asleep nestled in his loving embrace, freed of my worries.

"I'll hold onto you forever, Jacob. That is the measure and depth of my love."

Listening to Edward's voice, I remembered the vision of the Silver wolf and the sea of stars I beheld in Qwati's eyes. I held the world and Edward in my grasp before they both slipped away.

 

 


	19. The paradox

 

 

**EPOV**

Jacob's pliant body warmed my arms as I took him home. He was dead tired and he mumbled in his sleep as I carried him.

Looking down at his sweet face, I knew I could not restrain myself where he was concerned. Jacob didn't understand the power he had over me. The passion he inspired overwhelmed me.

He squirmed on my arms, finally rubbing his face and gazing up at me through half-lidded eyes. He lifted up his hand and his fingers caressed my cheek. "What are you thinking about, Edward?"

"I never thought things would turn out like this back in Chicago, before the Spanish influenza nipped my dreams in the bud," I said slowly. I had the need to open my thoughts to him using plain words like he did.

"Sorry about that, man." Jake said, his lips twisting in a grimace. Then he sought to distract me from this painful remembrance; he grinned briefly while his fingers touched my chin. "Guess things were different then, huh?"

"Very different, Jacob." I took a deep breath, before opening my innermost thoughts to him. "For starters, masturbation was frowned upon."

"So you didn't beat off?" Jake started swinging his leg back and forth, which was a sign he was nervous. 

"I hardly did. I have to admit I'm not used to talking about this, wolf." I stepped over a mossy boulder, the movement jarring Jake slightly so his leg brushed against my crotch. He quickly looked away.

I gazed briefly at the cloudy sky before continuing. "I didn't mention anything like this to Bella to spare her feelings."

He lifted his hand and touched my shoulder lightly. "You don't have to say anything if it bothers you, _kwo pat_."

"Your honesty compels me, Jacob." I smiled down at him. "I have to lay myself bare to your sight. It was you who taught me this."

He blushed and hid his face in my chest while I felt my cock twitch. Yearning to see his cheeks turn that enticing russet shade, I went on, "I want to do things to you, and this morning? I wanted to go to the bathroom when you were showering, push you on the floor and ride your slick, thick cock."

"God!" Jake groaned, and the guttural sound went straight to my prick.

"That's not all. When you were putting your show in the woods, I wanted to manhandle you onto the tall grass and plow your tight, virgin ass."

He touched the bulge on his lap and squeezed his prick, looking up at me with darkened eyes. "You did?"

"You want to know the truth, wolf?" I leaned down to lick a swath up his neck, savoring the earthy taste that was Jacob. I nibbled his ear, my body reacting to the shudder that travelled from his thighs up to his chest. "Jake, while you were in the shower I ran out to the woods. I had to jerk myself raw, thinking of you. That's why that elder was so angry; he smelled my come."

Jacob shuddered violently and bit my nipple savagely through the cotton shirt before he looked up at me, his eyes darkened with lust. "Stop, Cullen! Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Always."

"You drive me crazy." He looked down to the ground when I stepped over a big twig, his heel brushing against my thigh.

My fingers strayed to caress his forearm before gripping his slim flanks again. "Do you see? It was never like this with Bella; I always controlled myself when I was with her. That's why I could wait to fuck her until we were married."

He grimaced. "Edward, I'm sorry I said…"

"Doesn't matter, wolf. But you were deeply wrong when you thought it was easy to master myself and wait to have you. I had the uncontrollable urge to fuck you and lost the scant control I possessed." I sighed deeply. "And I'm sorry for that."

"Why?"

"Because you ought to be serenaded, Jacob. You deserve the wedding ceremony and my vows as I pledge myself to you for eternity. I denied you that and took advantage of you."

As I walked through the copse of trees, Jake's foot brushed against the bark of an oak. The sounds of the crunching leaves under my shoes were accompanied by the twittering of the birds overhead.

Jacob laid his warm fingers on my lips and said huskily, "Please don't think that _, kwo pat_. I gladly gave myself to you, and… I'm sorry I got angry."

He looked at the woods while his foot swung back and forth. He wasn't aware that on the downward stroke it would brush against my bulge.  I hid my shivering by moving faster. 

Jake bit his lip. "I lost control, Edward. Happens with you a lot."

"I know what you mean, wolf." I shook my head and gently put him down on the soft loam next to a slender pine. He fidgeted while he balanced on the balls of his feet, fingering the frayed collar of his t-shirt.

I wanted Jacob to know how viscerally he had changed me because his angry words hit deep.  His remark had implied I didn't care enough for him, and it wasn't like that at all. I stuck my hands in my pockets and gazed at the copse of pines behind him.

"Let me tell you the state I was in before we got together. I expected to take care of Bella and see that her every need was fulfilled. I imagined myself living a slightly modified version of the sedate life my parents wanted for me." My eyes gravitating towards him, I grinned weakly. "I foresaw a thousand years of this routine."

"That's… nice." He wrapped his arms around his slim waist and turned his back to me. He lowered his chin, gazing intently at the brown leaves on the ground.

Stepping towards him, I looped my arms around his strong torso and gently rocked him back and forth, whispering in his ear, "I ached to enjoy the rustic domesticity I was condemned to know only secondhand, through Norman Rockwell paintings. Bella represented that eternal and unchanging life."

I gently turned him around and looked into his brown eyes. I could see my reflection there, and the warmth in his gaze made my spirits soar. "You changed me, Jacob. You made me see the world through different eyes."

"You did the same, Edward," he whispered, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"You have the power to wound me with a few chosen words." I kissed the seam of his mouth. "And your smile makes me whole. If I act like a randy teenager it's because you are the life which the disease took from me so long ago."

He kissed me savagely, his lips warm and rough against mine. His hand caressed my chest while his tongue plunged inside me, seeking to devour me. I could feel his fingers touching my hips, finally snaking into my pants while I held his smooth biceps. He broke the kiss and made a fist around my shaft. Cupping my chin with his other hand, he gently tilted it up. "You see the sky? Makes you feel free?"

I nodded, soaking up the warmth of his fingers against my body, the scent of him all around me while I drank the sight of his chiseled face, the russet skin glowing in the dusk.

"When you lift me up in your arms, I float up there, disconnected from the world." He squeezed my arousal one last time, his hand moving to my chest. Then he splayed his fingers against my shirt, rubbing his thumb against the hollow of my collarbone. I said nothing, mesmerized by the ineffable moment. Finally, Jacob leaned to whisper in my ear, "And the cool wind that caresses me in the woods has nothing on you, for you soothe my soul."

He stepped back, panting harshly as if he'd just come from battling a newborn. I gulped at the sight of the faint sheen of sweat glimmering on his bulging arms in the last light of the day. Jacob looked into my eyes and extended his arm towards me, opening his hand like the flowers in the meadow. "My life and future? They are yours for the taking."

I nodded and walked up to him. Inexorably drawn by his warmth, my fingers reached toward his wrist. My thumb caressing the smooth skin, I leaned down to lick his palm and looked at him through my fringe.

Jake was limned in the fading twilight, seducing me with his paradoxical mix of strength imbued with tenderness – innocence clothed in sensuality. Jacob embodied contradictory qualities that blended in such an enticing fashion, I'd never get enough of him. I yearned to devour him, but most of all I wanted to protect him with my life.

Jacob shuddered under my heated regard. I let go of him, licking my lips before I grabbed his buttocks and pulled him towards me. He jumped and curled his legs around me, looping his arm around my shoulders. My hands were a blur as I fiddled with the zipper of his jeans to free his cock.

With his free hand, Jacob fumbled with the buckle of my belt before he let it go. Huffing, he lowered my zipper and grasped my arousal.

"Gotta have you right now, Ed," he said hoarsely.

I thrust up my hips, answering the grip of his thighs around me. Jacob hooked his ankles behind my back to get traction and lowered his body until our pricks aligned. Groaning at the moment of first contact between us, I shuddered at the warmth of his shaft touching my prick.

He made a fist around our cocks, moaning when my thumbs started rubbing circles on the seat of his jeans, kneading his backside. 

I looked down and groaned at the sight of his dark cockmeat against my pale flesh. Then I gazed at him and leaned forward to lick the corner of his mouth. "I want all of you, Jake. I want to feel your wet tongue licking me open for you, preparing me for your thick cock."

He grunted and rolled his hips, his fist a blur which covered our joint flesh while I twisted and pulled at his hard nubs. "Then I want to fuck you until you pass out, want you squeezing me hard while you beg me."

Cradled by my hands, his body wiggled atop me while he whimpered, "Ed, I'm close."

"Come for me, wolf. Make me come."

I felt his warm release coating my hand and dripping down my shaft. A few seconds later, my hips bucked up involuntarily in the grip of my orgasm. The movement startled Jake and he would have fallen if he hadn't clung tightly to my shoulders. 

I sighed after he stepped down on the soft loam. He shrugged off his t-shirt, using it to wipe the thick come off our pricks, the intimacy of the moment heightened by his practical gesture.

Jake's quip about marrying him cut me to the deep because I had been thinking about proposing to him. If there was a person that deserved to hear the words in which I pledged my eternal love, it was him.

Seeing the easy way he draped his shirt around his shoulder when he finished, I resented the thought that he would soon be with his pack. I was jealous of everyone Jacob dealt with; it was much stronger than the possessiveness Bella had evoked.

After a brief pang of jealousy, I had dismissed from my mind the numerous boys that lusted after Bella at school – Mike Newton among them – except when it came to Jacob. The thought that Bella had spent time with Jake had been enough to send me into a towering rage.

This should have been enough to clue me in about my feelings. I realized then that this jealousy, which had consumed me since the beginning, was but the need to have Jacob's undivided attention. That was one of the reasons why I counseled Bella to have a child with Jake. Because then, even if Bella had lived, I would have had a small part of him by my side.

I was selfish with him because Jacob enticed me to grab life and hold onto him with both hands. He was unpredictable, chaotic, and primeval. My feelings for him reflected that. They were raw, connecting to the deepest part of me, much more so than was the case with Bella. 

I hunched my shoulders when Jake smiled guilelessly at me. I needed to protect his life at all costs and I wondered, not for the first time, about the consequences of the infection the poacher had passed to me. The memory of the epidemic that took my life haunted me because the influenza had come over me so suddenly, I didn't know what hit me. What if my body had been affected somehow, beyond the temporary change in the color of my eyes? Had they tampered with the composition of my already cursed semen?

I didn't give a damn who was after Jacob: the Volturi, the government, random bad guys or aliens. I would fight them to the death.

Jake started walking towards the house and I followed with a heavy weight on my shoulders. This passion that Jake evoked in me was a two-edged sword. It would kill me if my seed hurt him. Carlisle had already assured me there was nothing wrong with me, but I had to make sure Jacob remained safe by finding and killing those who would dare interfere.

I couldn't let them take my wolf away from me, for I knew I could never live without him.

Jake stepped over an outcropping. He turned to grin at me and when I looked into his eyes, I was filled with utter happiness, the likes of which I had been denied during my long existence.

\--

Jacob was about to open the door when he scrunched up his nose and blushed fiercely. I was interested to note the bulge tenting his jeans, but he just shrugged. "Gotta take a shower, Ed. Your siblings will smell what we've done."

"Do it, wolf. Just don't tempt me, okay?"

Jake smirked at me as he patted my cheek. "Shouldn't have said that, Edward. Might want to make you squirm in front of your family. Perhaps I should jerk off or finger my hole?"

I groaned hoarsely at the images my playful wolf evoked.

Jake's hand hit my shoulder forcefully and he walked away moving his hips with a sexy swagger, calling over his shoulder, "Stay tuned, Cullen."

While Jake took a shower I rushed to my room to change my clothes and pour cologne all over me. It wouldn't mask completely the traces of our lovemaking, but the motions soothed me.

I listened to the conversation between Rosalie and Leah, right in the room next door.

"… glad we finally managed to find the opportunity to talk some more," said Leah.

"You have to forgive Esme. She loves to coddle our mortal guests."

"She was good."

"Guess having you teach her how to cook a Quileute dish was too much, huh?"

"Not really."

I slipped my shirt off my body and reached for a fresh one, wondering what dish they were talking about.

"Like I told you, you have to weigh everything," said Rosalie.

"Well, I haven't made up my mind."

"It's your decision to make; you are the one who's going to have to live with it. I hated how Alice and Edward pressured Bella; it was her body and her choice. And Edward never saw that with his silly plans to get Bella to have a child with Jacob, he was demeaning Bella too. You can't change a baby like underwear."

I leaned my head against the closet wall, shuddering at the remembrance of those awful days. The shirt I was holding slipped from my listless fingers and fluttered down to the floor.

"Is that why you helped her?"

"Partly, I wanted a baby of my own so much, you know. I hate it that I can't have one. I guess that's why Bella wanted the child; she realized what she would be missing in her immortal life. Too late though."

"It's a pity."

"Yeah. It is not too late for you, you know. In my time we didn't have the opportunities you have today. If you had a baby out of wedlock, you were ruined. I heard once…"

"Yeah?"

Rosalie whispered softly, "There was this girl who got in the family way. Mom told me she went to Boston to take care of the problem and we never saw her again. I searched for her obituary in the New York Times; usually I just glanced at it to see the latest offers at Bloomingdale's… Anyway, mom told me to let it go; the family probably buried her up north. You see, in those days, the procedure was very risky."

I heard Rose opening the drawers of her night table. "You got the leaflets?"

"Sure, in my pocket."

"Those are the nearby clinics. After Bella passed away, I looked up them up in the directory and went… it was something to occupy my mind. If you decide to go through with it, you might want to go with someone. You've got female friends?"

"Not really."

"Then give me a call and I'll go with you. I doubt you will want a man with you. And if you do decide to keep the baby and want someone to talk to, you're welcome to come here. You've seen how Esme is, she'll be glad. Carlisle is a good man, too."

"Thanks a lot… I don't know what I'll do."

With trembling fingers, I picked up the shirt and put it on. I looked at the jackets inside my closet, finally choosing the one made of Italian leather. I knew Jake liked it. I held on to the memories of Jacob to pull me back from the cloak of sadness that threatened to envelop me: his body, his innocence and lust, his grin.

"… so you're aware of your options?" Rosalie said.

"I am. Thanks a lot. Guess Jake was wrong after all."

Rosalie's words came out in a rush. "Oh, do tell what Edward's lovely werewolf said."

"Well, nothing much."

"Oh, come on! You won't betray him, the big bad wolf can take care of himself."

The two women laughed, a bit unkindly in my opinion.

"Jake said you would probably advise me not to abort."

Rosalie sighed. "I might have done that, once upon a time. Bella changed my mind though, after I saw the consequences."

"I'll have to consult with…"

Jacob shouted from the well of the stairs, "Leah, you want a ride home?"

 I shuddered at the sound of my wolf's voice and finished dressing, using his voice as another anchor to regain my composure.

 After I donned my jacket I walked out the door, but Rosalie called to me.

"Edward, could you please come here?"

"Sure, Rosalie." I walked into her room.

She stood up from the bed, smoothing her silk blouse while she smiled craftily at me. "You'd better treat your wolf right, dear Edward. You're wearing Jake's scent all over you like the finest cologne, you know."

My eyes shied away from her knowing gaze. I felt sure that if I had been able to blush, my cheeks would be the same shade as Jake's. 

"I wanted to talk to you because Alice found a clue at the hospital's database," she said. "Jazz and Alice went hunting, so I'm handling that for now. I'm afraid I'm not too good with computers, though."

"What do you want me to do?" I said a bit distractedly. I was listening to the conversation downstairs.

Jake had opened the door and then his phone rang.

"Wassup, Seth?"

"Jake, can you come pick me up? Hate to ask, but I followed a lead and I'm at the Quinault Rez. You told us not to phase to get home and I called Leah's phone and she doesn't answer and..."

"Huh, she's with me. Lemme see…"

"Go with him," Leah whispered so quietly I had trouble hearing her.

"I'll pick you up, man," Jake said. "Go to the main store. It's the one with the stand of comics you like.  I'll meet you there, 'kay?"

Jake's strong voice came from downstairs. "Edward, can you come down, please?"

Rosalie shook her head and pushed me forcefully towards the door. "We'll talk later, Edward. Don't keep your naughty wolf waiting."

I glared at her and then made my way downstairs.

Jacob stood on the threshold, smelling of fresh soap. Seeing his smile directed at me helped to vanish the haunting memories. He splayed his hand against the black jeans that outlined his thick legs, and then he brushed his fingers against the nape of his neck. His clean-scrubbed look was so sexy I found it difficult not to pounce on him.

Jacob's fingers played with the collar of his black t-shirt. "Man, Leah needs a drive home but Seth does too. I'm wondering if…"

"Of course I'll drive Leah home, you don't have to ask."

"You'll have to drive Leah into the Rez," Jake said. "If someone says something, you just…"

"Don't worry, wolf. I'll handle them exactly the way you treated that elder."   
  
I pretended not to hear Leah's snort, or her tennis shoe tapping an impatient rhythm against the floor.  
  
"Sure, sure."

Jake beamed at me as he went out the door and I couldn't contain myself. I rushed to him and grabbed his shoulder, turning his body slightly so I could kiss those pouty lips. "Take care, okay, for me?"

He nuzzled against my cheek. "Always, Edward."

\--

As I drove through 500 E. Division, I glanced at Leah. "Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"About the baby?"

"Yes."

"I have to think about that."

I pushed the button on the wheel and started to search for stations, hoping to make the situation less awkward with music. I tried several until I found a good song. When the Beach Boys' _Good vibrations_ came on, I hummed along. 

I looked sideways at Leah. "Jake loves this song. It was on the radio the time we drove to Portland."

Leah smiled briefly as she fingered the hem of her plaid shirt. "You do love him."

"Why? Just because I remember his songs?"

"Forget it, Cullen." She snorted softly and thought, _Guys!_

I had to shake my head at that while I downshifted to swerve around a white trailer just in front of the Chamber of Commerce.

"I have to talk with Paul," Leah said out of the blue.

I appreciated the fact that she was opening herself to me. From the gist of Jake's thoughts, I knew it was something Leah hardly did, so I kept quiet and nodded.

She brushed her fingers against her forehead. "I know he'll want to keep it. He's always wanted a child."

"So you will keep it?"

"I'm not sure. Rosalie gave me a lot to think about. I've gotta take Paul's opinion into account, though."

"It must be hard."

I glanced to the right and hastily looked away from the brightly lit Forks High School because the memories were too painful.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how mother will react," Leah said.

"And the elders?"

"They can go stuff themselves!" She glared at the road. "All they say is follow this tradition and that, but they fail to explain why."

She touched the window as she glanced outside, the fleeting light cast by the streetlamps outlining her ebony hair. "Jake said something that made me think. It was about what happened when he was shot, you know?"

I nodded wearily. "That was terrible."

"Jake said that the wound affected his… whatever it's called that controls moods?"

"Hypothalamus."

"Yeah, that. It made it so he won't imprint, that's what Doc Cullen says."

I smiled sadly when I thought about the time he had told me that. "Carlisle's pretty sure about that."

"And since being pregnant causes hormones to change and affects moods..."

I glanced sharply at her, noting the slight smile that curled up her pretty lips. "You think you won't imprint because of the pregnancy?"

Leah took a deep breath and glanced up at the ceiling of the car. "That's exactly what I think. I was discussing it with Rosalie but she disagreed. She thinks it's pheromones that make us imprint. I don't think so, though she made a good case."

"Rosalie is very shrewd," I said.

"Anyway, I have this feeling… and I know that the imprint is designed to help us reproduce. What would be the point in messing up my life by imprinting on someone who's not Paul when I've already had a child?"

I nodded, impressed by her reasoning. "You make a very good point."

Leah stared straight ahead at the road while we passed through the woods that surrounded US 101.

"I want so much what you and Jake have! The trouble is…" She patted her abdomen. "This situation could either break us, or make Paul and me stronger." Leah sighed tiredly. "I have to be wise for the three of us, and it feels daunting."

"That's an interesting way of looking at things." I smiled sadly because I couldn't help but compare the way Leah took the news and handled the situation with the way my wife had behaved. Despite Rosalie's words earlier, Leah's approach was more balanced.

Falling into a comfortable silence, we didn't talk the rest of the trip.

Leah pointed out the way to go when we entered the Reservation and I didn't say much. I was listening to the hum of the mental activity around me so as to avoid angry confrontations.

After I parked in front of Sue Clearwater's house, Leah unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door. She turned to me, scowling. "I've gotta admit, Cullen, that you and Jake fit together well."

"Thanks, Leah." I grinned at her, appreciating the fact that she hadn't mentioned my scent. In her mind, it was obvious that she found it nauseating because of her pregnancy.

Leah walked towards the house, waving over her shoulder. Her mind betrayed her, though. _If only you and Jake could forget about her!_

\--

We spent the next days pleasurably enough, even if there never seemed to be enough time. Jake had to fulfill his duties as Alpha and take up his studies. Meanwhile, I was busy trying to find out more about the persons who stole the blood samples taken from the pack.

Unfortunately, Alice's lead had proved to be a false trail; it led to a deserted warehouse in northern California. I also kept busy tracking down known vampires that might possess powers similar to Benjamin's. 

Rosalie was convinced that there might be vampires powerful enough to modify DNA itself, thus being able to manipulate genes at the finest scale. This scared me because of the blood I drank from the man I killed. It changed the color of my eyes, had it affected my seed too?

Jake spent the scant free time he had with me. The pack understood it was a matter of life or death. We had to find the origins of the poachers and the persons behind them, understand their motives in coming to Forks and shooting my wolf. 

Ten days after I made love to Jake for the first time, he was sitting at the table, typing queries into the computer.

"Do you want my help, wolf?" I looked up from my notebook. It was a yellow legal pad full of my scribbles while I brainstormed.

"Later, Edward." He leaned back on the chair, stretching his long limbs. He pushed back the chair, the wheels squeaking against the floor.

He glanced at the pad.  The stark zigzagging lines I had drawn joined several globes which represented my suspicions. It was very old-fashioned but it helped me think.

"Why don't you use a laptop?"

I shrugged, my ballpoint pen tapping against the paper. "It's just that the soft scratching of the pen against the paper reminds me of the days when I wrote music scores in Chicago."

"I wish I could have seen you then."

"Those were good years, when everything seemed possible."

"I can imagine." He yawned.

Writing on the pad felt as soothing as the heat coming from Jake's body. I leaned towards him and brushed his hair.

"Need any help?"

"Nope, Edward. I've got it right here." He shivered under my touch and his finger glided over the mouse, closing the browser window. I noticed he had it open to a picture of stars, a small IM window nestled by its side.

I glanced at the door.

"Seth's here," I said, before the Quileute boy entered the room.

"Hiya, Jake." Seth beamed at Jake and then nodded at me. "Edward."

"Come on in, Seth." Jake waved him towards the chair next to him. "How's it going?"

"Good." Seth took out a crumpled piece of parchment from the pocket of his cutoff jeans. "Took me days going back and forth to the Quinault Rez, but I finally managed to fish the complete name out of Amanda."

"So, she finally remembered it?" Jake opened a new browser window and glanced at it. "All the searches I've done looking for Constantine Keepel give nothing."

"She wasn't sure, but the name she gave me is… Lemme see." Seth squinted at the paper. "Kolas Keepel."

"I knew it!" Jake said loudly, shaking his head while he typed. "Joe Kennekuk obviously has no idea about the Quileute language."

"Amanda kept mentioning rites and health stuff." Seth shrugged. "Asked about Leah, too."

"How's she, by the way?"

"Fine. Mom finally got to see Leah's point of view." Seth smoothed the paper and put it in the pocket of his blue shirt. "I think mom's happy she's going to be a grandmother."

"Hope Leah isn't chafing at being left out of pack business." Jake glanced at me and explained, "Because of the pregnancy, you know."

I nodded while Seth fidgeted on the chair.

"Well, she is a bit restless," Seth said. "Gives her time to cram on her studies, though."

Jake smiled wryly. "Leah is like Rose, I swear. Blondie is after me day after day, wants me to read the textbooks even if it takes time away from our work on the Porsche. Gotta admit she helps when I'm stuck, though." He muttered low under his breath, "Rose explained the Fermi Paradox with all kinds of squiggly lines; said she studied it."

"The what?" Seth raised his eyebrows.

"Some old guy wondered about the reasons there are no aliens or something," Jake mumbled.

Seth scratched his head and looked pleadingly at me.

Shaking my head, I recalled the numerous times I heard it through the years. "Enrico Fermi was puzzled by the paradox that, if there are billions of stars which might have planets teeming with life, no one has sent us radio signals or visited Earth."

"Show off!" Jake snorted and I shuddered when I felt his hand sliding along my thigh, rubbing it lovingly.

Seth shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever. You might wanna talk with Paul, Jake. He's cranky, even though it's mainly Quil, Embry and Jared who take up the slack."

Jake frowned, tapping his fingers against the keyboard. "Guy should be happy. Had to rearrange the roster so he can spend more time with Leah."

"Well, to tell you the truth, mom doesn't like him in the house." Seth confided. "She complains he eats too much."

"That's Paul for you." Jake typed another query on the keyboard, smiling fondly.

I took advantage of the lull in the conversation to ask him something that had me wondering. "This Kennekuk had no idea of Quileute language? What do you mean?"

Jake leaned back on the chair and stretched his arms, the way his russet skin glowed in the afternoon distracting me for a moment.

"Well, Joe's a nice guy, but he said Constantine sounded like a word in Quileute." Jake shrugged. "Course I knew it didn't, but I thought the name might be the correct one anyway."

I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Why doesn't it sound like Quileute?"

"Sorry, _kwo pat_." Jake smiled at me, his abs touching the keyboard as he leaned forward to trace my cheek with his fingertips. "I forget you don't know us that well. Dad told me Quileute is the only language that doesn't have _m_ or _n_."

"Let me get this straight," I said, leaning into his touch. "It doesn't have the nasal sounds?"

"Exactly." Jake sighed and took back his hand reluctantly. "I'm sure it has to do with us being shifters. It would be difficult for a wolf that has just phased into a man to wrap his jaws around certain sounds, so there aren't words that use them."

"Oh, I see."

Jake stabbed the enter key repeatedly, impatient for the searching engine to furnish him with results.

He reclined on the chair and gazed at me. "Dad said his uncle told him a story. I don't know whether to believe it or not. Anyway, here it goes."

Seth crossed his arms and leaned back on the chair, listening intently.

"You know that in the Second World War, the Armed Forces looked for a strong code to keep their secrets?" Jake said.

"Sure, I read they used Navajo to encrypt messages because the enemy couldn't decipher that."

"This uncle told dad they thought about using Quileute, but since few people knew it…" Jake shrugged.

"I should've thought that would be better!" Seth piped up while he glared at the screen. "You know, fewer people to spill the beans."

"Would make it harder to decode the messages with few people available, Seth." Jake grinned at his friend, leaning forward to pat his shoulder. 

"I don't know what to think," I said.

 Jake shrugged. "Anyway, Dad told me the other reason they couldn't use Quileute was the lack of those sounds, nasal you said?"

I nodded.

"The lack of those letters would make the messages easier to crack, I guess." Jake glanced at the screen where a photo depicted the giant dish of the radio telescope in Arecibo. "There are all kinds of codes. Wish one of those guys was around."

"Do you think we're dealing with a code?"

He shrugged. "Well, one of the books Rosalie made me cram talks about the genetic code, and Carlisle said a vamp could change those genes."

I shuddered at the thought of the illness that could be churning inside me right now. "Jake, that's the reason I didn't want to…"

I glanced at Seth, feeling shy about discussing such intimate matters in front of him. I had to seize the moment, though, because we were kept too busy while we tried to find the origins of the poachers.

Jake noticed my nerves and glanced at his friend.

"Seth, could you go ask Rosalie about the tests I'm taking next month? She said she would prepare a schedule for me."

"Sure, man." Seth muttered sullenly, "I know you don't want me here."

Jacob started to say, "It's just that…"

"Jake, I understand. Leah does the same." Seth shuffled his feet as he went out the room, shaking his head.

Once we were alone, I plunged ahead. "Jake, the reason I didn't want to make love to you is because I worried about my semen."

Jake sat up straight. "What?"

"If my seed wasn't cursed already… I thought the disease I got could have changed something down there and it would harm or even infect you." I shied away from his eyes, and clasped my hands over my lap, suddenly feeling very small. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Jacob. Carlisle assured me I had nothing to worry about but I was selfish; I'll understand if you're mad and you …"

"Hey, hey." Jake stood up and crouched in front of my chair. He gently held my wrists and caressed the back of my hands with his thumbs.

"Don't fret your pretty head, Cullen. I feel just fine." He glanced at the screen with longing written on his face. "You should know that not everything turns out to be deadly."

Then he stood up and sat on my lap, the jarring movement pushing us away from the table.

Seth opened the door and stood on the threshold, looking at us with wide eyes.

Jake grinned at me. "Should've told me, Edward. You have the habit of keeping things to yourself. Don't want you brooding about things you can't control."

Seth snorted. "Then you should tell Ed…"

Jake turned to face him and growled, "Shut up, Seth!"

The Quileute boy lifted his arms. "Fine, man. Don't get mad!"

I closed my eyes as I tried to read Seth's thoughts. There wasn't anything concrete, though. Seth was worried about Jake and something else, but the Alpha's words made him shy away from thinking about what he wanted Jake to tell me.

"What is it, Jacob?" I said.

He looked at the screen, trying to evade my gaze. "It's about that guy we're tracking. I think he…"

He bit his lip and grabbed the edges of the table to push the chair nearer. He scrunched up his brows in concentration as he squirmed over my lap to type. "Lemme try another variation of that name. I've tried ten so far. What about…" The tip of his tongue peeked out sinfully between his lips while he thought, eliciting a grunt from me. "…Karl?"

I bit back a groan at the feeling of the heavy, warm body wriggling above me. Seth leaned on the door, obviously amused at my discomfort.

Jake pushed the return key with his pinkie and glanced at the results. "Nothing. What the…"

"You said the name is Keepel," I said. "Try a different spelling, like Kiepel with an _i_."

He typed and when the page filled with results he jumped up and down. His enthusiasm made him oblivious to my burgeoning erection, though.

 "Edward, you're great!" He turned to me and kissed the corner of my mouth, his wet tongue licking the seam of my lips before he broke the kiss. "That's the name!"

He squinted at the screen and clicked on a link. "That guy appears in this book. Says it's about the Industrial Revolution."

I leaned over his shoulder and caressed his flanks on the way to the keyboard. With my arms wrapped around Jake's torso, I read the summary of the history book. "Kiepel is mentioned as a reclusive inventor in 1801 in Cologne."

Jake clicked on a link and It opened on another tab of the browser. "There you are! There's another mention of the guy in 1970! The guy's a vamp that's been around for centuries. Lemme print it and show it to the others! Wanna get Jasper's impresions."

Afterwards, Jake grabbed the flimsy sheet and dashed out of the room, followed by Seth.

I made to stand up and follow them, but when I glanced at the screen I noticed the IM window was still open. My finger glided over the wireless mouse to close it but I saw something strange.

There was a new message with the icon of a handsome young guy named John Davenport. The succinct message read, _'Jake, man. Everything's ready. When do u want the hookup?'_

I stood up and pushed away the table so violently that the computer teetered on the edge but didn't fall off. 

What was the meaning of this? Jake was obviously communicating with this blond bimbo, and there was a hookup? Did he know this Davenport before? What was going on with my wolf? I had the sneaking suspicion this was why Jake ordered Seth to shut up. 

I sat down abruptly, my knees shaking at the thought of Jake leaving me for this man. It would kill me if he ever allowed someone else to make love to him, to have what I had.

I bent down and took harsh breaths, my hand cradling my cheek. It was obvious that Jake was hiding something from me. But I knew him like the palm of my hand and the thought of him cheating on me didn't ring true. It just didn't. Jake didn't have it in him to cruelly deceive, however much he insisted he was a dark creature. The way he treated Bella assured me of that. He had always been painfully honest with her.

I thought about the way he nurtured me back from the edge of despair, his frank way of seeing the world. I resolved to wait and see what happened. It might have seemed foolish to place my faith so blindly on this man, but it was easy to follow the example Jake set me.

In the hospital, Jacob had returned to me from the brink of death. He had changed and grown up, acquiring a wild streak which bespoke of his shifter nature, and wolves were noble. 

This train of thought soothed me, coupled with our experiences together. If Jake ever stopped loving me, he would say so loud and clear. He was utterly different from Bella in that regard. I could well imagine her playing with my feelings because, after all, it was what she had done to Jacob. She had toyed with the stout heart of my wolf during the time he courted her.

Jacob would never do that to me, so the explanation had to be something else. I pushed the computer towards the center of the table before I walked out of the room.

\--

"So you'll use your contacts to trace this Kieppel guy?" Jake cocked his eyebrow at Carlisle. He glanced at Esme, who was putting avocado slices on the dish.

Seth had gone home a half hour ago, and it was just us plus Jacob.

"I will, Jacob," said Carlisle, glancing at the threshold.

Alice nodded to him and glided inside the kitchen.

"Here you are, Jacob." Esme put the sandwiches in front of him.

"Thank you, Esme."

"Hey, wolf, why don't you ask me?" Emmett leaned against the kitchen counter, his bulging biceps flexing while he pouted.

"Nope, man, though we'll use your brawn."

"That's all you see me as, Jake? Beefcake?" Emmett grinned wolfishly.

Rosalie snuck her hand underneath his hoodie. "My beefcake, Emmett. Just in case you ever forget."

"Wouldn't have it any other way, hon.  You know I love you."

Jake pretended to gag while he wolfed down the meal Esme had prepared.

"Do you want more, dear?"

"No, Esme. Thanks."

Esme wiped her hands on her apron and then glanced at her watch. "I trust you know where everything is, Jacob. I'm sorry, but I'll have to go hunting soon."

"Don't worry." Jake grabbed the plastic bottle and squeezed it to spread the mayonnaise on the open sandwich. "I know you have to feed."

He arched his eyebrows, staring at the bottle. "It would be great if you could have something like this." He hefted it and then squeezed some more onto the crisp lettuce. "Kind of like those bags of blood they used in the hospital for my transfusions? You could drink up whenever you felt weak and didn't have time to hunt. Would be convenient for you guys."

Alice said wonderingly, "Now that you mention it, those bags of human blood would have come in handy when Bella…"

Reading Alice's thoughts made me stand up and lift my hand in warning, but she continued. 

"… was dying. The blood would have fed the fetus and she could have been saved!"

Jake munched on the sandwich for a few seconds and then stopped abruptly. He hunched his shoulders and said in a weakening voice, "You didn't use blood to feed her? I thought you tried it and it didn't work. It's so simple when you think about it. Hell, if I had been here I would've said…"

Jacob's face fell when he realized his counsel might have provided the solution to save Bella. He pushed the plate away while Jasper shuddered and moaned when his empathy made him aware of Jake's pain.

My wolf dashed out of the room, leaving everyone astounded except me. I knew what he was thinking. It should have been obvious to anyone who knew well his gestures.

I ran after him. I was worried because he was feeling the kind of remorse I experienced after Bella passed away. I had to catch him before he shifted. I rushed out of the house and leaped on him.

I caught him in midair, his arms extended forward in his urge to phase. Our bodies collided and we fell. I had time to shift my body around so when we hit the ground it would be me who impacted the ground.

After we fell, I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly while I muttered, "Don't… please don't blame yourself, Jake."

His face twisted in a grimace of agony, Jake said brokenly, "Don't you see, Edward? If I had had the guts to return, I could've saved Bella! Would've told her to drink blood! It's my fault she died!"

"Don't ever blame yourself, Jacob! It wasn't your fault at all. We should've thought about that ourselves!"

Jake sobbed against my shoulder, gripping me so tightly it began to hurt a little. "You are leeches, you don't know these things! I do, but I was busy running away. Even if my feelings for her are weak…" He choked back a sob and continued in a broken whisper, "I still miss my friend."

I had to convince my wolf it wasn't his fault because Jake was very stubborn when it came to Bella. He tended to take all the blame.

"You're leaving something out, _kwolie_." I hoped the term of endearment would calm down my wolf. I cupped his cheek and wiped his wet cheek with my thumb. "Jake, you're forgetting that Bella was a mortal girl. She knew in her bones all the things you're telling me about. Bella was always prattling on about how smart she was. Why didn't she think about it then?"

Jake paused and looked down at me. "What… what do you mean?"

I sighed deeply and all the pieces fell into place. The paradox of my dislike which turned into searing need of him beckoned me forward. Deep inside, my heart broke a little because at that moment I realized I was leaving Bella behind for good. Briefly closing my eyes, I bid goodbye to her remembrance because I needed to focus on Jacob, who was my present and my future.

"Bella always depended on you and me." I said firmly, trying to get Jacob to stop blaming himself for things he couldn't have foreseen. I didn't mince my words because I had to shock him into seeing the truth. "It's not your fault if Bella turned out to be too shallow to handle the consequences of her choices, mooning instead about eternal youth."

I rolled our bodies so I was on top of him and caressed his chin while I whispered, "Leah would have thought about the blood because your friend is tough, so you're not to blame if Bella couldn't see what was in front of her face."

"It's my fault," the stubborn wolf mumbled, "I know how much you loved her. I should've come and…"

"You're not to blame!" I said loudly, shuddering because Jake's words reminded me eerily of my own, back when he came to our house to jostle me into life after Bella died.

He muttered, "You really think so?"

"I'm sure of that, Jacob."

"Did you read what I planned?"

"No, _kwolie_. I couldn't read your mind because you were in turmoil." I smiled at him, basking in the way the sun made his russet skin look so inviting while I caressed his cheek. "The face I know so well told me you suffered."

I kissed the smooth skin near the corner of his mouth. "Your lips were twisted, which let me know your pain."

Framing his head with my hands, I gently kissed his eyebrows. "Your warm eyes were shining in tears."

I sighed against his brow. "I don't need to read your thoughts, Jake. Your face holds no secrets because it's stamped indelibly in my mind. It's my anchor to this world and the solace I've sought for so long." I whispered, "Do you understand, _kwolie_?"

"Edward, that's what I feel. I just wish I could say it like that."

"You don't need words, Jacob. Your soul speaks through you and tells me wondrous things."

I kissed him tenderly in the magic of that moment when things came full circle. In the beginning Jake consoled me over her and now I was soothing his pain. Jake was there at the start of the odyssey and would be with me at the end, for he alone made it worthwhile.

But then I looked into his eyes, and I was certain there could be no ending to our journey because it was boundless, like Jacob himself.

 

 


	20. The route into heaven

 

 

"Here you are, Mr. Cullen." The post office worker pushed a brown package towards me. I smiled at her and bent down to sign the receipt. That small parcel held my future because Jacob's engagement ring was inside. I wanted to spring the surprise on my wolf and thus picked it up out of a catalog. This way, Alice wouldn't find out and blurt it out to him.

"Thank you, ma'am."

Glancing around, I sighed at the changes time had wrought to the office in South Spartan Avenue. My fingers caressed the smooth carton before I put it inside my pocket while I glanced through the window at the back of the yellow newspaper machine.

Shaking my head, I tried to dismiss the notion of exotic places I couldn't visit which teemed with adventures I wasn't able to share. 

As I stepped into my car, a beat-up truck honked at me and I glanced at Paul, who was waving energetically. He shook his head and obviously decided to talk to me; the old Ford lurched to a stop several yards away.

I walked towards the truck, curious to know if Jacob's order not to speak about certain things applied to him.

"Wassup, Cullen?" Paul beamed at me.

"You are in a hurry, I see."

"Well, I had free time and Leah wanted me to look up cribs and stuff." He shrugged, his mind whirling around his mate's well-being.

"Did Jacob tell you we tracked a Volturi in West Virginia?"

"What? No, he didn't. He's been kind of distant lately."

Reading Paul's innocuous thoughts, I sighed and looked away guiltily. Actually, there wasn't any Volturi in that state; it was John Davenport who worked there. While we were searching for the elusive Kieppel, I researched the whereabouts of the blond guy. He wasn't as dumb as I thought, working as a technician in a radio telescope in Green Bank.  

"I see. It's not important, really." I wondered how I would get Paul to open up without seeming obvious about it.

"Guess I've been busy with Leah." Paul sighed, adjusting the rearview mirror. "I worry about her, and with the plans and all, Jake and I don't have time to…"

He trailed off when he noticed a blue Chevy coming towards us from the opposite side of the road. I recognized Quil's burly frame behind the wheel and the Quileute slowed down when he saw Paul's truck.

"Hey, man!" Paul waved but Quil just frowned at us and honked his horn in farewell before speeding up again.

"What the hell?" Paul scowled at the rear fender of the Chevy. "I know it's been rough on the guys with the shifting patrols and all, but he could've stopped and talked at least!" He looked down and picked up a can of soda. Sipping it slowly, he glanced up at me.

"Why d'you look so down, Cullen? Your eyes are dark, by the way."

I smiled weakly at Paul, keeping to myself Quil's reasons not to stop. It wasn't Paul that bothered him but me; Jacob's friend had noticed I was here and sped away, fearful of my mind-reading abilities. Put simply, Quil didn't want to face me.

My mood took a dive, resembling the usual overcast Forks sky.

"I have to go, Paul. I need to discuss things with Carlisle." I waved at him, suddenly envious of the sharp spikes of happiness coming from his mind, and made my way to the Volvo.

I drove around Forks for a while, evading the route that would take me to the Reservation. I trusted Jacob completely, but there was this patina to his mind which disturbed me. Was I reading too much into that stupid IM message? Was the blond guy just a recent friend?

Things didn't look up when I heard the silly romantic song I had put in my phone to warn me about incoming messages. I fished it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen. Jake had texted me. Sighing, I read his terse message: _'Can't go tonight, am floored by pack stuff. See you in the morning, Cullen. Miss you.'_

I drove home, deciding to pay Jacob a visit. I wouldn't ask him out loud what was behind his actions and his mind remained elusive to my abilities. When he slept, however, I would be able to peer into his dreams.

\--

"You've put the carton of milk on the porch?" Jacob stared intently at Quil, his long fingers playing with the frayed edges of the cushion.

"Every night before I go to bed, just like you asked me, man." Quil smiled warmly, his gaze straying down to the legs of the sofa where a small, pale hand peeked from the shadows.

"Good. Hope Embry has done the same." Jake stretched his long legs, unaware of the pudgy fingers that greedily reached towards him. I gasped when a small head, crowned with red locks, glimmered in the penumbra. I wanted to warn him but was unable to enter his dream.  

Leaning on the window frame, I shivered with dread while I gazed at my wolf's angelic face, belying the horrific scenario that was playing out inside his mind. It felt odd to watch him and observe his dreamscape in these circumstances. 

"Yep, Seth does it when Embry and I are on patrol. We understand the customs, Jake." Quil reached for the remote and pushed the button but instead of the screen coming to life, it was him who became transparent and vanished.

Jake stood up and bent down to turn off the TV, unmindful of the disappearance of his friend. At that moment, the hideous thing that had been reaching for him pounced. I realized with a start that the distorted features were those of a baby. It screeched at Jacob, "Come to me!"

He stumbled onto the chair, blanching from the hideous sight as he lifted up his hands. "Hey, I've done nothing to you and pacified… lemme go!"

I ran to his bed and held his wrist lightly, my thumb massaging the warm, smooth skin.  My touch seemed to calm him down, for the dream shifted on a dime; the living room in the dream disappeared as fast as the morning dew. I lurched when I realized the significance of the baby's red hair. The grimacing face of the creature that wanted to devour Jake would match a child of mine and Bella's. What if my wolf still believed he was guilty of Bella's death? Was that the reason he chatted with the blond guy?

I didn't have time to dwell on this notion because Jake's dream acquired heft, the fog resolving into a sharply lit scene. Jake was nude, laying on a silvery surface. I gasped at the concave shape that extended for hundreds of yards, holding Jacob like the palm of a ghostly, immense hand. It was the Arecibo radio telescope whose walls shimmered in the distance, rising sharply and creating a shallow bowl in the deepest part of which Jacob rested, squirming upon the metal which was pliant as silk in the dream logic of my wolf.  

It was eerie to witness Jacob's vivid imagery while the peeling paint of the doorframe scratched my palm as I reclined over his bed.

 I didn't want to intrude in his dreams but I just couldn't help myself. I had refrained from peeking into his browser history because I trusted him; nevertheless, I tracked down this John Davenport my Jacob communicated with. I was a hypocrite and I hated it.

The Arecibo dream obviously had to do with the guy; after all, he worked in that field. Davenport wasn't the simple hunk I mistook him for, which made him even more dangerous.

I had to resort to sneaking into the Reservation to watch my wolf sleeping.

My attention returned to his dream when Jacob twitched. I lowered my hand, poised just above him. My fingers caressed briefly the sheet covering his flanks; I was careful not to stimulate him too much. I didn't want him to wake up because he lacked sleep. Jake had been working too hard leading the pack, helping to find out more about those poachers, and studying. I had grown to resent the time he spent cramming all those lessons and couldn't help but wonder if they were the reason he was chatting with the blond.

My nostrils flared in anger when I saw his dream. Jacob squirmed on the liquid metal with a shadowy figure on top of him. It was a man riding his cock. The guy's limbs writhed and his tanned skin glistened in the cloudy day as he bounced up and down on Jake's lap, impaling himself.  

I plopped down on the floor. My palm cradled my face as I bit my fist, choking back a moan of despair. In that exact moment, Jake's dream shifted again. I closed my eyes and groaned as I sank into the dream. The clouds which had been hanging over the horizon in an eerie reminiscence of Forks began to clear rapidly. More importantly, the man riding Jake became paler, his hair growing and sticking every which way until I realized with a start it was me.

The dream suddenly sharpened as if this quality was suddenly siphoned off from somewhere. The clouds rushing through the horizon and the sun peeking over the scene lent it an ethereal quality. Glancing at my dream self I saw him glowing. The way Jake envisioned me took my breath away. There was tenderness and otherworldly beauty in my features which I knew I didn't possess, however much of a predator's lure I exuded. I was moved by the way Jacob gazed up at me, his hands caressing my body as if he couldn't get enough of me. The scene was hot and romantic; in this dream, Jacob and I were not simply fucking, we were making love.

Jake muttered phrases in Quileute. I heard _'kwo pat,'_ _'kwop kilawtley,'_  and other endearments he used with me, the sound of his raspy voice flowing over my mind like the sweetest nectar.

I sighed in contentment just before a thick sunbeam fell on my dream self. My body sparkled in the usual way for an instant, and then the strangest thing happened. The glimmering concentrated on a point above my collarbone and shot up into the sky, joining our bodies to the heavens. Gazing up, I saw night had fallen. The starscape over the Arecibo bowl was connected to the ground by the glowing thread of light. It seemed to vibrate with life and the secret energy contained within the realm of dreams. There were brighter patches on the narrow, silvery road which pulsed briefly. It was as if a ghostly, invisible giant animal was treading upon the light, making its way up to the sky.

The celestial gossamer thread hung for a moment above the two of us and then Jake wrapped his arms around my dream figure. I became translucent and vanished, shooting up into the sky.

Instead of mourning my passage, Jake smiled contentedly and mumbled, "Johnny had better be right."

Jacob's words jarred me so much I didn't stay to watch over him until dawn as I had planned. I jumped out of the window and walked away. I was touched and relieved and angry, all at the same time; frankly, I didn't know how to deal with this onslaught of emotions. I felt like going back and hugging him and also wanted to enter his shed and kick his car until it was a heap of twisted metal. This mix of anger, happiness and jealousy Jacob caused unnerved me. I swerved towards the forest, not wanting to damage his Rabbit because I knew how much Jake loved the car. Even if his behavior grieved me, I wouldn't hurt him for the world.

As I ran through the woods, I recalled the nightmare in which my baby attacked Jacob. It broke me, how he had been so afraid of it and wanted to pacify it with words. My legs faltered as I climbed upon a huge boulder, realizing that the baby was a stand-in for my marriage to Bella – and my past with Jacob.

Obviously Jacob was overwhelmed by it all, at least subconsciously. Our passionate history, which I was convinced lent strength to our relationship, acquired ominous overtones by the light of Jake's dream. Perhaps the emotional baggage was too much for my wolf and it was the reason he talked with this Davenport. 'Johnny' was new and fresh to Jacob, he didn't possess the stigma I had; Jacob had to fight the elders to remain with me and brave the censorious gaze of some pack members.

It was easy to interpret that his subconscious yearned for something simple and new.

I felt like crying at the thought that my wolf needed me to walk away from his life. Squaring my shoulders, I knew if it came to that I would gladly do it because I loved him. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him; I would even let him go because Jacob taught me freedom. If I had to cling to him to the point Jacob became so overwrought he dreamed about me shooting up into the sky, perhaps we were not meant to be.

I hit an old pine near our house; the crunching sound of the bark and splitting wood reverberated in the forest as the trunk lurched sideways. I needed to go home and vent this fog that clouded my thoughts.

 Snorting at the illusory beauty of our house, I went down to the garage and stopped in front of my car. The silver Volvo represented everything I hated about me; it was the past which wouldn't let me go and reached its dead hands to grasp me. I kicked hard the chassis, enjoying the shrill, rattling sounds of metal curving inward under my leg, the spattering of crystal shards from the broken lamp gleaming as they rained down upon the floor. Before I could hit the damned car again, cold arms wrapped around my body, holding me like a vise while a comforting fog of concern enveloped my mind.  

"Wait a moment, Edward! In heaven's name, what are you doing?" Rosalie's apprehension was my undoing and I understood exactly what Jacob had felt when she held him. Her warmth had broken through his defenses exactly the same way it broke through mine, as if they were made of melted butter. How I wished I could cry like him!

"It's Jacob!" I said, panting harshly. My worries poured out in a rush of words, my joy become despair at his strange imagery and the way I snooped into his dreams. My knees failed and I sat down on the white linoleum floor. Rosalie stood over me, listening intently while she hefted a wrench.  

"So you think Jake is cheating on you?" she said. "Edward, I just don't believe it."

"Of course I don't think so!" I shook my head and smiled bitterly at the thought of my wolf cheating on me. "Jacob wouldn't ever do that. It's just that…"

"What? What made you try to destroy your car?"

"He wouldn't cheat on me, but he is overwhelmed by our past." I told her my conclusions about the baby attacking Jacob.

She shook her head, scrunching up her eyebrows. "You think that baby you saw…"

"Was my child. It represented the past and Jacob obviously is threatened by it. When he talks to this Davenport, he must feel free, you know? Maybe he would be happier with that man."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you're completely wrong." She went to the bench and picked up a random screwdriver, glancing at her Porsche. "Talk to Jacob, pretty please? Ask him?"

I plunged ahead and told her about the sexual imagery in Jacob's dream until she lifted up her pale hand.

"Don't, Edward!" She glanced at the ceiling, worrying her lip. "Listen, any other time I would be glad to listen to your exploits, but not now. Seeing you like this, after you were so happy… it breaks my heart." She looked at me sharply and sighed. "Please, dear Edward, talk to Jacob."

I hunched my shoulders. "It might be that Jacob hides the truth even from himself."

Rosalie shook her head in exasperation. "Now what are you talking about?"

I tilted up my chin to look at her, noting the way her dark coveralls hugged her perfect figure. "Do you remember the arts teacher we had in Alaska during the Sixties?"

Rosalie frowned. "Can't say I do. Who exactly?"

"I don't remember her name. She had come back from a trip to Europe. She mentioned something about the protests in France and then she waxed enthusiastic about the paintings in Italian museums and…"

She lifted up her hand. "Yes, I remember. That was Esther Williams; she had an aquiline nose and a bun, only she wasn't our arts teacher. She taught history. So what did she say?"

" _Pentimento_. She told us all about it. It's when a painter changed his mind and worked anew over the same canvas." I reached down to grab a shard of red glass, scratching the floor with it. "People see the work, but over centuries the layer erodes and you can get a glimpse of the original design."

I gazed up into her golden eyes. "It is happening with Jacob. When I read his thoughts, it's like there's a layer underneath. I think he hides his real intent and this way, he can pretend to himself everything is all right."

She wiped her hands on a rag and gazed down at the mess on the floor, finally waving her hand at it. "Help me clean this up."  

"I want to go to my room and…"

"Brood some more? Craft stranger ideas?" She shook her head energetically, her blond hair whirling around her cheeks. "No, you stay here to help me clean and talk to me. For instance, I know you went to Forks this morning. You haven't told me why."

"I just went to the post office to get the engagement ring I wanted."

"The what?" She looked at me with wide eyes. "Come on, spill it!"

I shrugged and decided to help her. Rosalie was right, because at that moment being alone wouldn't help. My gaze shied away from the gleaming Porsche she and Jake were working on as I recalled what happened that morning.

"I want to sweep Jake off his feet when I propose to him because he deserves it."

"Of course he does," Rosalie mumbled while she went to the shelf to get a broom. "And?"

"When I came out of the post office, I saw Paul. He was driving a beat-up truck. Guess it is his uncle's."

Rose lifted her eyebrow. "Did you get something out of him? I know how persuasive you can be." She swept the floor, pushing the broken glass towards the dustpan.

"Nothing." I shrugged tiredly. "Just vague thoughts. Paul's mind was preoccupied with Leah and the baby."

"As he should be."

I picked up the dustpan while Rose grabbed a black bag. I said wearily, "Quil came by. He didn't stop his Chevy but the gist of his thoughts told me he was hiding something."

Emptying the contents over the trash bag Rose held open, I sighed tiredly. "It's vexing, you know."

"I trust Jacob and his love for you. It shines on his face when he talks about you!" Rose nudged my elbow with the plastic bag. "So, did you get the ring?"

"It's on my dresser. It has a leather string for Jake to wear it around his neck." I shrugged when Rosalie lifted her eyebrows inquiringly. "He can't wear it on his finger because he phases."

"Good thinking!"

"Anyway, I saw it on this online store. It's made of white gold, the design simple and elegant like Jake. Carlisle offered me an old heirloom but I didn't want it. My wolf deserves the best, to start his life with me with something brilliant."

I sighed brokenly at the recollection of the past hours which felt like a nightmare.

"Don't worry, things will clear up," Rose said. "I have faith in our wolf. He's tough and resourceful, though really, that boy should learn more math! Makes it hard to explain some concepts."

"I guess it does," I said a bit curtly because Rosalie's degree in astrophysics reminded me of the whole situation with Davenport.

We reminisced about the past and later, Rosalie bent down to open the hood of the Porsche. She pointed at the bench. "Could you get me the socket wrench which is next to the rag?"

"Sure." I walked to the bench, the shadows coming from the windows telling me we had spent hours talking.

Handing over the wrench, I gazed at the ceiling when Alice's thoughts crept up on me. I hastily wiped my hands on the oily rag and waved Rose goodbye.

"Edward!" She called out to me, waving her silvery wrench agitatedly. "Talk to Jacob, please?"

"I will."

\--

Squaring my shoulders, I walked out of the garage and slowly climbed up the stairs like a man condemned. I needed to find out something from Alice.

"Good to see you, we have this clue to Kieppel's whereabouts!" Alice said, and leaned her hand against the doorframe to her room. "I used decryption and followed the credit card trail. The man employed lots of aliases and false trails, but using my power I found the correct path which leads us to this estate in Eureka, California."

"That's good." I smiled sadly. I would willingly lay my life on the line to protect Jacob so he would find happiness, either with me or someone else.  

She pirouetted in delight, her leather jacket gleaming. Alice's chirpiness was annoying me, though.

"Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Edward."

"What does my future tell you?" I waited on tenterhooks for her answer; if Alice could see the path I would take, it meant Jacob had already made the decision that would separate us forever.  

"What exactly do you mean, Edward?" She said airily, waving her hand. "You know I cannot see into Jacob's future, therefore you remain hidden to me. Carlisle is certain the number of chromosomes the wolves possess make them a different species or something." She huffed, "You guys and your gene talk confuse me. I can only see the mortals and us."

I breathed a long, drawn-out sigh of relief at her words. It meant Jacob had chosen me, or would choose me in the future – whatever worked in the breach of causality implied by Alice's powers.

"Hey, wait a moment!" Alice smiled while she stalked towards me predatorily. "So you have doubts about Jacob? However much your wolf has changed, he remains invisible and, as long as you are with him, I cannot see your future."

She clicked the heel of her Prada shoe against the floor, squinting at me. "As a matter of fact, you haven't asked me the most important question."

"Which is?" My spirits lifted up by the fact she couldn't see me in her visions, I smiled briefly.

"If I can see Leah's child."

"So can you…?" Before Alice could answer, I heard the sound of my wolf's car and waved goodbye to her. She looked miffed but I didn't have time to chat. I needed to see Jacob so I rushed downstairs. I met Carlisle on the way down, though.

He brushed his hand against his hair. "Edward, I have just talked with my contact in Aro's court."

"Did they say anything new?"

His eyebrows puzzling in thought, Carlisle said slowly, "I was told that when Aro formed his coven, people in Etruria talked about a man who could mold new animals out of the old. In fact, my contact said his deeds earned him the nickname Proteus."

"Really?" I said, my fingers tapping impatiently against the banister. We had been researching for days, and it was precisely now that the results were rushing in. Why did life conspire to keep me away from Jacob?

Carlisle frowned, noting my impatience. He gave a light pat to the banister and gazed down the stairs. "The Volturi tried to get him to join them by murdering his coven but he vanished into the sea. Unfortunately it was so long ago no historical record remains. Aro's mind is so filled with memories, I doubt even he can remember that far back."

"Did your contact mention any particular features we could use to track him?"  

"Edward, could you come down here?" Jake shouted.

Carlisle grinned up at me in understanding. "There are some hints but we will talk at leisure later, Edward. I realize you have things to do."

I smiled warmly at this caring man. Moments like this, cut sharply from everyday routine, made me glad Carlisle had chosen me to be part of his coven.    

I rushed down the stairs and dashed into the living room, my breath hitching at the sight of Jake. His broad shoulders were clad in a black t-shirt, limned by the light coming from the monitor. He turned and his profile against the screen took my breath away. He pointed to the chair by his side and turned to the monitor, his thumb nudging the black headset he wore. I walked towards him, freezing in midstep when a pale face came into focus.

"Jake, the hookup is ready. Took you long enough," said John Davenport.

"Man, I had things to do and so did you." Jacob leaned forward, his hand poised over the keyboard. He turned to me and lifted his eyebrow, cocking his head at the chair.  

I shuddered when I read his thoughts. They had that two-layered quality I had explained to Rosalie, only now it was almost tangible. Sitting down, heaviness settled upon my limbs while I glanced at the screen. I wondered if the moment had come when Jacob would do what they did to servicemen stationed overseas when they broke up with them through a letter. Would Jacob _'Dear Johnny'_  me in front of the video camera? 

Unaware of my thoughts, Jacob grinned at the screen and patted my thigh. "This is Edward, John." 

Winking at me, he sat up straight and then whispered, "John Davenport is someone special, Edward, you'll see."

I nodded dumbly while he faced the monitor and started chatting with Davenport.

The guy glanced at his watch. "What time is it over there, man?"

Jake held my wrist and leaned down to look at my watch. "Quarter to two."

"Grandma should be ready, then. Lemme tell her."

I shook my head in befuddlement. What did Davenport's family have to do with us? The blond guy said something to Jacob and the wolf pressed some keys. A new window came up and the screen suddenly changed. There was a living room in whose broad windows I saw a portion of a beach and the blue of the sea stretching in the horizon. There was a jarring movement and then an old woman was smiling at us. She seemed somewhat familiar, though I couldn't pinpoint why. She nudged her bifocals and I squinted at her grey-speckled hair.   

"Ms. Hollis," said Jake, slouching on the chair as he turned to smile at me. "I'm… Jacob Black and this is Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, gentlemen."

I nodded at her without much enthusiasm.

"My grandson has told me so much about you!" Ms. Hollis beamed at us, the laugh lines in her face becoming more pronounced.  "Johnny told me about your project but he didn't say which school."

Jake squirmed on his chair and lifted his hand to rub the nape of his neck, his thoughts congealing around that double-edged layer. "Well, my high school has this project, you see? History teach told me to track down people for a genealogy project… they'll give me extra credit which I frankly need. Met John online and he said you used to live in Oregon and that's where our school is and…"  

"Oh, dear!" said Ms. Hollis, smiling broadly. "You're from Oregon?  I love Portland; it was where we stayed in the Fifties when Dad served in Korea."

Her words startled me so; I would have fallen off the chair if I had been mortal.

"So Ms. Hollis, could you tell me a bit about your life?" Jake fished out a notebook from the drawer and pretended to write on it.

"There's nothing much to tell, young man. You said your name was Jacob?"

"Yes, ma'am. Jacob Black." Jake grabbed my wrist; he lifted it and kissed the back of my hand proudly, looking at me with shining eyes. "And this is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen."

Gazing into Jake's warm eyes, the full truth hit me. I just sat there, dumbfounded, while the old woman smiled kindly at us.

"Young love is so wonderful!" she said.

 If I closed my eyes and saw her through the lenses of memory, her features would become rounder and smoother, her hair black, just like the time I watched her from afar. The girl I met at the meadow of memory had indeed become a lovely woman. In a way, she had brought me Jacob so it was fitting that my wolf brought her back to me.

She glanced at Jake. "I remember Portland. My family passed through a rough patch while we were there. We didn't know if Dad would be all right."

"Did your father survive the Korean war?" said Jake.

"That he did, not without injuries though." Ms. Hollis gazed down and sighed. "Mom had to fly to Hawaii while I spent two months with my aunt in Seattle. This was during summer break, I believe. Aunt Helena worked at the Boeing plant. I visited that place once; it was so new and big to a child like me!"

Jake scrawled on his notebook. "And afterwards?"

"Well, after the war ended, Dad was stationed all over. My mom insisted on moving with him, so I spent my school years in bases around the world." Ms. Hollis shrugged. "It was hard to make friends when you could be wrenched from them at any moment, but I made a few and kept contact with them through the years."  

Listening to the story of Ms. Hollis, I remembered the times I had wanted to take part in action, from my youth when I read in the East Coast papers about the Great War, to watching the newsreels in 1945 detailing the actions of the Army in the European theater while I sat at the back of the cinema ready to watch _'To have and have not.'_ The years passed and the venues in which I contemplated the actions of war changed, but through it all I despaired at being the eternal spectator, condemned not to act.

"That's admirable, Ms. Hollis," Jake said.

"Call me Martha, dear. To make a long story short, during the Sixties I married this man I met at Berkeley."

"And you were happy with him?" I blurted out in a hushed voice, needing to know if the girl I had met by happenstance had a good life.

"No, dear. I'm afraid it didn't work that way." She frowned and nudged her bifocals with her index finger. "The fact is that we had a lot of trouble. Ernest was a free spirit – he protested against the Vietnam War - but things just didn't work between us. I had a child with him but eventually we separated."

Martha grinned at Jake. "By the way, that child is John's mother."

"I see." Jacob crossed his arms on his lap.

"Anyway, I took University courses and met this wonderful man. I guess the time I visited the Boeing plant must have stuck with me somehow because Anthony Hollis is a physicist." Martha's face lit up as she said slowly, "He truly is the love of my life."

"He is with you right now?" Jacob said, his arm reaching towards me until he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"I'm afraid not, Jacob. He's at the hospital in Oahu. Anthony has heart trouble and needed some tests. Still teaches at the university, though. He was the one that advised Johnny to study astronomy, which seems fitting since…" Martha trailed off and turned to point at the beach outside. "We live on Hokulani beach, which is Hawaiian for _'Star of heaven.'_ We have reached our little haven of happiness." 

My body felt light and my mind swam with wonder. I missed the rest of their conversation but my wolf's thoughts told me the important thing: the girl I had met in that meadow so long ago had lived a fruitful and enjoyable life.

This was the basis for Jacob's double-layered thoughts and the sole reason he chatted with Davenport and kept it from me, ordering Seth to keep the secret.

I gazed at my lover, carefully storing in my mind how the blue light of the monitor bathed the smooth skin of his cheeks. I loved Jake more than ever.

"Oh, dear," said Martha Hollins, glancing down at her watch. "I'm afraid I have to go. Jacob, do you have enough information for your project?"

Gazing at me with warm brown eyes which had a film of tears, Jake grinned boyishly. "I believe I do, Martha."

"On that note, I'll take my leave of you two. Young love is so precious!" Martha frowned while she lifted her fingers to her chin, peering intently at me. "Your young man, Edward, he reminds me of someone…"

"Who?" said Jake.

"When I was a little girl living in Portland, sometimes I went to this field outside the city. It was so beautiful! There was a pretty young boy I glimpsed once or twice, though he looked so lonely and lost to the world." Martha pointed at me. "I've forgotten his face, but I remember the hair. It was just like yours, dear."

She sighed wistfully. "The poor boy looked so sad." 

"Do not worry, Ms. Hollis," Jake said in a hushed voice as he prepared to cut the connection. "I'm certain he found happiness."

"I hope so," said Ms. Hollis.

"I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Martha," Jake said solemnly, bowing at her.

"Good bye," I whispered softly as her image flickered and was replaced by the desktop. Caught in the poignant moment, I could hardly gather my wits.

Jake gazed sharply at me, nudging my elbow. "Are you okay, Cullen?"

The sound of his voice brought me back to the present and I grinned before pouncing on him, nearly toppling us both from the chair while I rained kisses on his face. Cupping his chin, I rubbed my thumb against his lips where they touched the plastic stem of the headset. " _Kwolie_ , you are truly amazing. How did you find her?"

"I remembered what you said about her aunt working at the Boeing plant." Jake sighed contentedly while he carded his fingers through my hair. "I knew I could use your computer to research, so I took the opportunity. Found an old invitation to a party, so that gave me the chance to find out the name of all secretaries that worked at that plant in 1954."

Jake looped his arms around my back and I cuddled against him. He gazed briefly at the monitor and then said, "Scratched out those who didn't fit. Got three possible leads and followed them. Found out Martha's grandson on the web and I chatted with John so he could introduce me to his grandma and she wouldn't think there was anything wrong."

"That was very smart," I said, leaning my forehead against his warm brow.

"Talk about smart." Jake's lips curled up in a tight grin. "Had to soak up info from Rosalie about astrophysics, paradoxes and stuff. Don't tell her because she might get mad at me!"

"I'm sure she won't." I swung my leg so I sat astride my wolf's lap, enjoying the way he wiggled under me. "But tell me, why did you tell Seth to shut up?"

"Didn't know if Martha's story was a happy one." Jake's eyes shied away from my gaze. "Needed to find out more. I wanted you to know there are happy endings, that not all is pain and sadness."

"I love you," I said softly.

"So do I."

Jake's lips curled down in a slight grimace. "Seth was going to spill the beans when I wasn't ready. But when John told me more about his grandma, I decided to let you know."

"Would you have told me if…?"

"If she had a tragic life?" Jake's broad chest heaved under me. "Sure I would have. It would've been when I thought you could deal with it."

He patted my back, cocking his head to the side. I got the message and stood up.

" _Kwo pat_ , your eyes tell me something," said Jake.

"That I'm very happy and I love you?"

"Nope, that you haven't fed." Jake smiled wolfishly. "Time to feed. Wanna hunt with me?"

"Always."

Jake stood up and brushed his thighs before he sauntered to the door.

Remembering the ring, I called out to him, "Wait a moment."

I ran upstairs to my room and grabbed the box, rushing out of the house through the front door. Jake had already shifted and waited for me at the edge of the woods.

The sight of the majestic wolf filled me with awe. His russet fur contrasted sharply against the dappled green light filtering through the canopies of the trees and I couldn't wait to run my fingers through his silky fur. The swishing sound of his tail as he looked at me and the soft thudding sound of his paws against the loam were but simple notes in the eternal sonata that was my Jacob.

I smiled at him, delighting in the sensation of his soft fur under my fingers as I stroked his russet withers. I was filled with pride at the wildness and fire that resided inside Jacob while he looked at me with those huge eyes in which my reflection lingered.

 _'Hop in.'_ Jake waved his head, his muzzle pointing towards his back.  

"What?" I said.

 _'You've carried me in your arms a lot. High time I returned the favor.'_  The wolf grinned at me, his red tongue lolling. _'And it looks like you need it, Cullen.'_

Jake lowered his torso and I gingerly sat astride his back, leaning down to wrap my arms around his shoulders. Huffing, the wolf heaved up his body with a mighty lurch and made his leisure way into the forest. The feeling was extraordinary because he moved through the woods with such stealth and grace it felt like sailing on the roiling sea, my body swinging slightly as he swayed his shoulders and hips, fitting into the primeval rhythm of the forest.

 I gazed at the ground and noted the natural way he walked, his hind paws stepping precisely over the footprints left behind by his forepaws. Jake's warmth under me contrasted nicely against the chilly November weather, just like his loving gesture had filled me with warmth. 

"I love you," I mumbled softly.

Strolling through the woods like this, everything took on an enchanting aspect which was full of mystery. Perhaps it was simply Jacob who buoyed me up so much with his thoughtfulness. Gazing up at the cloudy sky, I knew I would easily find the route into heaven if my wolf took me there.

I loved him so much it burned me inside. I may have voiced this unknowingly because Jake huffed, _'Fifth time you say that.'_

"Do you want me to stop?" I said, brushing my fingers against his ear.

He flicked his tail, and I felt a ghostly caress on my thigh. _'Nope, keep going.'_

After he leapt over a boulder, Jake huffed and stopped for a moment, tilting his neck to look up at me. _'Edward, I wanted you to see that there's hope because you've suffered a lot.'_

"It doesn't matter as long as I have you, _kwolie_. You make up for it."  

 _'Likewise for me,_ kwo pat _. Edward, do you see that your choice was the best one? Martha is happy. She's had problems of course, but she made it through.'_

"I see."

The wolf stopped suddenly, his ears pricking up while his fur stood on end. _'There's a deer, an eight-pointer, in front of us. Hop down and grab your meal. Do you remember when Emmett didn't want to hunt them?'_

"Yes, I do."

_'Now the big guy says they taste better than mountain lion. Glad Emmett saw the way that balance must be kept.'_

I climbed down, patting his flanks one more time before I gave myself to the chase, running down the slope and kicking glancingly the bark of the trees for the heck of it. I listened with one ear to the heartbeat of the deer and with the other to my wolf, trailing way behind me so he wouldn't be detected.

This was unfettered freedom and I could easily picture eternity slipping by, unheeded by the two of us.

I was hardly aware of catching up to the animal and sinking my fangs into its neck, drinking deeply of the rich blood which didn't taste as sweet as the memory of Jacob smiling up at me, or his russet skin glowing by the light of the monitor while he surprised me.

I was engrossed in the taste of the blood rushing through my system and didn't notice Jake had shifted until his finger wiped my mouth. He lifted his hand to his mouth, his tongue lapping daintily at the blood on his thumb as he gazed at me.

The moment just felt completely right, so I grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the field beyond the copse of oaks.

It wasn't the meadow I visited with her, which made me very glad because my life with Jacob deserved something different. The untamed field was strewn with haphazard wild growth and tall grass that reached to our ankles, reflecting the indomitable nature of my wolf, Jacob.

I gently pushed him down and he sat on his haunches, his fingers brushing against the blades of grass while I gazed down at him.

Before I proposed to him, I wanted him to know everything so I bared my thoughts. I told him about my confusion and the way his dream had baffled me.

Jacob's reaction was intriguing. Instead of being angry like I expected, he shrugged in understanding. "I'm sorry. Should've told you but I wanted to surprise you, man."

"I shouldn't have gone to the Reservation to watch you…"

"I get it, Edward. I might have reacted a bit different."

"Calmer, I know," I said, looking down at the grass.

"Nope, I might have shifted and attacked the guy I thought was fucking you."

"Oh."

"Gotta say I'm glad you didn't check my browsing history, though." Jake blushed hotly.

"Why?" There was a decidedly erotic edge to his thoughts that intrigued me.

"Well, when I was researching all the astrophysics and stuff…?"

"Yes?"

He mumbled through clenched teeth, "I watched some gay porn."

Jake's cheeks blushed so fiercely, I had to chuckle.

"It isn't funny!" He growled, fisting a tuft of grass. "I'm new at this."

Then it hit me that his 'research' was the reason for the sensual imagery of his dream. Those recent memories quickly sobered me up, though, and I became nervous.

"What's with you, Cullen?" He said, squinting at me. "Looks like you won a prize."

"You may be right, Jacob." I fumbled to unbutton the pocket of my shirt like an inexperienced teenager. Jake made me feel young and fresh, filled with awe in the face of a world which changed its meaning daily because of him.

Finally, I took out the small box and handed it to him while Jake pretended not to notice my trembling hands.

He carefully tore off the wrappings and opened the lid, staring at the gleaming white-gold ring which was tied to a slim piece of leather, so Jacob could wear it even in his wolf form.

Jake gulped. "You're making me nervous, _kwo pat_."

I knelt by his side on the tall grass and hefted the ring. A stray sunbeam fell on it and it seemed to shimmer, just like I had done in Jacob's dream.  

"I love you, Jake," I said in a hoarse voice I hardly recognized. "So much I can't even express it like you deserve; so, will you marry me?"

Jake blushed and stood up, taking the ring. "Are you sure? It's not only because of Martha, is it? 'Cause I'm sure we'll have disagreements and fights and…"

I laid my fingers on his warm lips to shut him up while I grinned at him. "We'll fight and find our way to each other as long as we both live. Just like the woods under the sun, we are meant to be, simply because you are you and I love you so much it hurts. So will you…?"

"Course I will!" He yanked the ring from my hands and only my fast reflexes allowed me to anticipate his move and slip the ring on his finger.

He splayed his hand and gazed at the jewel adorning his finger. "I love it."

It was spontaneous and simple, on the spur of the moment. If fit Jacob perfectly and when his face lit up as he bared his teeth in a winsome grin directed at me, I knew I had reached heaven.

\--

We walked slowly through the woods on our way back to the house. Jake had phased again and the rumbling of the ground as he walked beside me soothed me. I smiled at him, bereft of worry, but then my phone rang.

I fished it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen. It was Carlisle so I took his call with bated breath.

"Edward, it seems we have been contacted."

"By whom?"

"He didn't say his name, only that he had information concerning the Volturi and their plans towards the Quileute pack. I can't tell you more over the phone, though I will say it's very disquieting."

"We'll be right over."

"Tell Jacob we have contacted his pack."

"Don't worry, my fiancé knows."

Jake shot forward, trotting easily through the woods. The ring tied around his neck bounced up and down, glimmering when it occasionally intersected a sunbeam.

Jacob turned to glance at me. _'There's another reason I contacted Martha. I wanted you to experience how happy she is because she's part of what we fight for.'_

He walked towards me with an easy gait. _'Lemme explain. After I phased for the first time I was desperate. Felt like I couldn't control myself.'_

I nodded while I lifted my hand but I didn't reach towards him. Something in his stance told me there was more he wanted to say.

Jake shook his muzzle from side to side. _'So I imagined members of the tribe. They were the people I had to protect and I had to control myself to do it.'_

 "That was wise." I walked towards the nearby clearing and climbed over a huge boulder. He just jumped over it, his fur fluttering in the strong breeze.

Landing with a mighty crash, he shook his body. _'You remember when the newborns attacked and Bella rejected me all over again?'_

I nodded somberly.

_'Had to convince myself I was a warrior for all of Forks - that I had to defend the town against the crazed bloodsuckers - so I pictured random people in the streets. They were my tribe, my herd beyond the Quileute. Do you see?'_

"I do, Jacob."

_'Martha belongs to the world that goes on beyond the woods. She is part of the people that we must guard as stewards of the land.'_

I said nothing as I stared at the woods in front of us. There was an echo in Jacob's words that felt familiar, a pull I could not withstand.  

 _'Our survival demands we protect the balance that must always exist.'_ He barked sharply at the woods and turned to gaze at me with a feral look in his eyes. _'Can you grasp that,_ kwo pat _?'_

"I know, Jake." I squared my shoulders.

The wolf's thoughts promised adventure and action, releasing me from indecision. The quests I imagined as a teenager when I read about the bloody fields of Flanders during the Great War, the remorse I felt watching on the cinema the reels that told of heroes in far away Iwo Jima - everything became sharp in that single moment. My wolf's gaze vanished the despair I had felt when I heard Martha's casual words about those wars I could only experience as a distant observer. Kwolie's bark promised battle in defense of our people and the land he embodied so well.

And I was free at last.

Looking deeply into Jake's eyes, I shivered because he spoke with the authority and otherworldliness of _Q'wati_  himself. I felt small and helpless, like Jake in the vision he told me about.

The wolf rubbed his muzzle against my face, his fur caressing softly my skin. Kwolie stepped back and I gazed into his unfathomable dark eyes. _'Together, we will defend the people, for I am the Alpha of the Quileute pack and you are the Cullen, he who protects and culls the herd.'_


	21. The Volturi trap

 

 

**JPOV**

"The man named Kiepel called me," Carlisle said. He brushed his fingers through his hair and looked at me sharply. "It would seem he has been aware of our efforts to find him."

"How do you know it's him?" I stared at Doc Cullen.

"Alice traced the phone number. It's under his name," he said, smiling at his daughter.

"But how did he find us?" Paul wiggled on the couch, nervous at being around so many Cold Ones. I could read in the way his eyes kept sliding from his watch to the door that he wanted to return to Leah. Obviously, she couldn't join us because the scent of the Cullens might cause her to phase involuntarily. None of us wanted to know what would happen to her baby if this occurred, so she stayed at home and was guarded safely by Quil and Embry.

My friends and wingmen, as we used to joke; it was them I entrusted with her care so Paul would be free to come to the Cullen house. I wanted his counsel. 

"There are ways to track visitors to a webpage," said Alice. She was sitting near the plasma screen. When I frowned at the pixie she just shrugged, poised as ever. "If Kiepel has done that with a number of sites which hold material about him, he could glimpse a pattern and find our location. There aren't many covens in Washington State."

I stood up, not without patting Edward's shoulder. The small gesture reassured me because I needed his presence near me. Touched the chain with hung around my neck, my fingers lingering on the smooth surface of the ring he gave me. Our engagement ring. I was still dazed and buoyed up by his proposal.

"What did he say?" I cocked my head at Alice, and stuck my hands in my pockets. "Have you had a vision of this guy?"

"Can't say I have." The pixie crossed her legs, the satin trousers shining in the lamplight.

"He wants to meet us," Carlisle spoke slowly, measuring his words as he eyed me intently. "He mentioned your name, specifically."

"You won't go alone!" Edward growled, his lips curled up in a snarl. His fingers twitched restlessly on his lap as I made my way to him and carded my fingers through the soft hair of my fiancé. Liked the sound of the word; later, I was sure I would love to tease Edward calling him 'hubby.' But those thoughts were best left for the future, if and when we survived.

"I know you'll come along, _kwo pat_." I smiled down at him. "Want you always by my side."

Paul glanced at us and turned to exchange a look with Sam. If either of them started teasing me, I would just shrug and recount how I almost gagged every time they exchanged unending pleasantries with Leah and Emily.

Paul's next words made me feel a bit ashamed at my thoughts. "You will be guarded by the pack, Jacob. I don't trust them not to hurt you, after the stunt they pulled when they shot you!"

"I concur." Sam nodded heartily. "The easiest way to hunt down a pack of dangerous wolves is to get rid of the head wolf and then his betas."

"Wait a sec, guys!" I lifted my hand and turned towards Carlisle, whose composure always managed to calm me down. It brought to my mind when he took care of me at the hospital. "Carlisle, why should we meet this Kiepel? What does he want to tell us?"

"Jacob, he mentioned he knew the plan of the people who want to hunt us all."

I shivered at Carlisle's calm and soothing voice which belied the danger of his words.

Carlisle glanced around the living room. "It would seem that the plan they have concocted threatens to get out of hand."

"What is the plan, Carlisle?" Rosalie brushed aside a curl of her blond hair as she looked up from the monitor. She had been busy searching for more clues on the web. Had to admire the practical beauty of my friend. Rosalie's help came in handy because her degree in astrophysics allowed her to connect information I thought was unrelated.  

Before Carlisle could answer her question, Rose frowned at me. "And of course I'm coming with you, wolf. You won't get out of renovating the Porsche that easily. We have to finish."

I nodded my thanks at her.

Meanwhile, Carlisle stood up and walked elegantly towards me. He stopped on the side of the couch where Esme was. "Kiepel didn't say much, though he hinted that this plan is the work of the Volturi."

"I knew it!" Edward growled, his fingers gripping the couch so fiercely that the fabric ripped under his fingertips. "They want us to join them."

Edward looked down at the floor, hunching his shoulders as he said, his voice lowering until he ended in a broken whisper, "The Volturi don't know me that well. There is no way I will join them if they kill you!"

I went to him and crouched by his side, my fingers tracing a path from his thigh to his waist. I lingered a moment and then lifted my hand to his chest, finally looping it around the nape of his neck. Wanted to calm him down, to anchor him in the world just like he did to me. "Nothing will happen to me, Cullen. I have you and the pack to watch my back. Please, please don't worry."

"I can't help but worry about you." Edward cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it up so I would look at his eyes which held me entranced. I could sink in them, but I noticed something different this time. Their color had changed. I eyed him sharply, shuddering when I realized their odd hue was caused by green speckles embedded in the gold.

"Edward, your eyes are changing color," I groaned.

"That is part of the trouble, Jacob." Carlisle's ominous tone made me shiver. "Kiepel mentioned the extent of the plans. The Volturi do want to get rid of the threat your pack presents, but they also seek to control my coven."

"Carlisle, your thoughts scare me out of my wits." Edward held my wrist tightly, his face scrunching up in a grimace of despair.

"As well they should, son." Doc Cullen nodded. "The plans of the Volturi threaten to get out of hand and wipe us out. I'm afraid the disease you got when you drank the poacher's blood is one manifestation of their intent."

"What do you mean, Doc?" I panted harshly at the memory of Edward writhing in pain because his eyes hurt him. If those damned leeches harmed him like that, I would hunt them down!

"Kiepel didn't say more. He obviously wants to reveal it all when we meet him."

"Where will it be?" said Seth. I stared at him. The kid hadn't spoken much, he just absorbed the information. When Edward and I made our way back to the house, I caught a glimpse of Seth's mind as my pack mate ran towards the house. The boy wanted to tell me something which was important, judging from his thoughts.

"It's nearby, in a warehouse near Lake Pleasant." Alice noticed the puzzled look I shot her way and she said, "I listened to the phone conversation, of course."

\--

"I don't want you to do that!" I glared at them all, my gaze including Embry and Seth, Jared and Colin. Planning the confrontation with Kiepel held all my attention, but I couldn't let them go on thinking about this without trying to change their minds.

"I kind of understand them, man." Quil shrugged. "After all, it's an easy way out of the imprint."

"Not so for the girls!" I ruffled my hair, trying to make them see reason. "So you think if you get a girl pregnant, you'll be freed from the imprint?"

"That's right. Leah is sure that she and Paul won't imprint. What would be the point, once they've reproduced?" Seth shrugged. Noticing my glare, the kid shot me a brief grin. "I won't do it, of course. I've still got time, but Embry…"

"Sorry, man." Embry patted Quil's broad shoulder and said in a low voice, "Just don't wanna be tied down like you. Tell me, how long are you going to wait for Claire?"

"Until she grows up. I don't mind babysitting her till then."

After gazing at my friend's placid face, I exchanged a worried look with Embry. I sympathized with the guys, and that was my dilemma. Hell, I was in that situation just a while ago! If someone had offered me something easy so I wouldn't imprint, I would have grabbed the idea like the pack did.

Of course, having a baby with a girl was out of the question now; once Edward found out, he was bound to kill the girl or me.  

I shivered at my man's jealous streak. Kind of hot, actually.

I'd been too busy setting up the teleconference with Martha to seek any distractions, but I couldn't help noticing Edward's heated glares and the way he curled up his lips. Made me want to pounce on him and kiss his frown away, because my wolf felt happy that his mate reacted so strongly. As for me, Edward with a smoldering gaze was always hot.

The sound of the chair scraping against the floor returned me to the present and I looked at my pack. How could I not sympathize with my brothers? But impregnating a girl to get rid of the damned imprint without loving her was deeply wrong. How could I convince them to see it my way? Why did I have to become the Alpha and deal with this thorny problem?

"Listen guys, I just don't want you to rush into things just to get rid of the imprint."

"Easy for you to say, Jacob," Jared said as he stared at me. "You won't imprint; those damned poachers made sure of that!"

"Didn't ask them to do it, Jared," I growled, crossing my arms. "Lemme tell you, getting shot in the head isn't precisely my idea of fun."

"Paul won't imprint." Embry pointed out, trying to distract us from a confrontation. "And he wasn't shot, you know. He just got Leah pregnant."

"Sure, sure, Embry." I sat on the chair, toying with the empty bowl which still held traces from Emily's delicious stew. "But Paul is in a relationship with Leah, and they love each other. He didn't just knock her up to get out of an obligation. Can't you see that it would be unfair to the girl?"

"Listen to Jacob." Quil sat on the threadbare couch and draped his arm over the armrest. "He makes a good point. Suppose you knock up the girl. How do you think she's going to feel when she finds out the reason you did it?"

"We could always tell her first." Embry frowned and looked at me. "Jake, are you going to prevent us from doing this through an Alpha order?"

"Nope, there's no way I'd do that." I shook my head violently. "I can only try to convince you. I'm not going to keep you from doing stuff. That's not my way at all."

Seth breathed a sigh of relief, and that told me which path to follow in order to convince my pack mates.

"We partake of the nature of wolves; their freedom to roam the forest is ours," I said loudly, leaning my elbows on the tablecloth. "Hated it when Sam ordered me not to tell Bella about us, you know? Felt confined, in shackles; you all know that wolves hate shackles."

I breathed more easily at the solemn nods from Embry and Jared.

"Imagine you get a girl pregnant," I said. "What happens if you don't hit it off? You'd feel trapped, and if you left the woman, how would she feel? What about the kid? The responsibility of having a baby lasts forever. Better not to do it in a whim."

The guys frowned at me. I felt I was losing them. Guessed it was difficult to make them visualize how the situation might unfold in the future. Besides, the yoke of the imprint hung heavy on all of us.

 The wolf knew I had to cajole and convince them with persuasion, subtle hints, and even threats. But there had to be hope in the mix.

"No one has imprinted in a while," I pointed out.

"Doesn't mean we won't," said Jared stubbornly.

"Things change, you know." I shrugged. "Leah got pregnant and we never thought she would."

"Jake's right," said Quil. "Actually, that surprised me. I thought she couldn't do it because she didn't have her period."

"She started having it after Bella passed away." Seth shot me a nervous grin at the mention of her name.

I nodded at him and grabbed the salt shaker, putting it next to the bowl. I had given them a smidgen of hope, now was time for the threat.  

"Make no mistake about it, guys," I said firmly. "If I find out you're using a girl to get out of the imprint without her knowledge I will act. I'll warn her and you… even the parents."

I stood up and squared my shoulders. "Let's discuss our plans to meet the guy who'll tell us about the schemes of the damned Italian leeches. We must protect our lives first. The threat demands our attention; we'll deal with the imprint later."

I looked around, noting the empty chairs where Sam and Paul usually sat. They were over at Leah's, keeping watch over her. Worried by all the menacing information we'd heard, the three of us sat down after the meeting with the Cullens. We fashioned a schedule so Leah would always be guarded by two of the pack.

Leah was an important member of the pack, as I pointed out to Paul and Sam, coaxing them gently so they would manage to work together. I hoped they would forget any disagreements in order to protect Leah, counting on the feelings they had for her.

It was also important for me. Something deep inside, perhaps _Q'wati_ himself, insisted I had to protect her. She was part of our tribe and pack. As Leah herself pointed out, Sam had worked out a tight schedule to guard Bella day and night when the redheaded vamp was after her. Surely we could do the same for Leah, who was a Quileute like us.

\--

I swerved and downshifted on US 101 to let a sports car pass my Rabbit; my mind was too filled with worry to really grasp the beauty of the woods. Fingering the smooth plastic top of the gear shift, I bit my lip and thought about Edward.

Handling my relationship with Cullen was exhausting. Not through his faults, but my own. Weaving the layer of deceit I had used to spring Martha's surprise on him tired me something fierce, but I just had to do it. I yearned to care for him because my wolf and human parts demanded it.

I gave Bella a dreamcatcher to ward off her nightmares, and who but me would care about my Cullen? _Kwo pat_ needed a happy memory to combat that moodiness of his, that weariness that tore me apart the day I met him at the Cullen house after Alice brought me back from my trip up north.

My beloved had all the wealth he wanted and the powers of a god. There was little I could give Edward except peace of mind, and a good memory to ward his thoughts against the onslaught of the harsh world.

I lowered my hand to touch the soothing bulge of the cell phone in my pocket. Hardly anyone knew that Benjamin Akando had phased for the first time the other day. The boy was angry at his father; he shifted in the middle of the woods after he ran there to vent off steam. Stumbled upon Ben's thoughts when I was going home, actually. Took me a while to explain things and coax him enough so he would change back into human. I had to say his grayish fur was nice to look at.

There were two other guys who phased the following week. I kept this to myself; the Cullens didn't know because I asked Edward to keep the secret. I only told Sam and Paul, knowing they wouldn't patrol with the others until after we returned from Lake Pleasant. Even if the bad guys somehow monitored us, this should be an advantage. The new pack members were my ace in the hole; they would come in handy if the vampires had something planned while we were away. Scant as it seemed, that was my back-up plan, and I kept in touch with Ben through the phone.

Heaving a deep sigh, I braked the car gently as I approached the Cullen house.

My dour mood lifted when I saw Edward running towards me. He slowed down as he got near, allowing me to bask in the sight of the coppery hair which was tousled by the breeze. His sculpted cheeks were always a treat, and the grin he shot at me was something I treasured.

I stopped in front of the house and got out of the car, balancing on the soles of my feet until I felt Edward's strong arms holding me tight.

"I'm worried, _kwolie_." Edward caressed the base of my skull and gently gripped it while he leaned towards me.  

"Like me, Cullen, just like me." I grinned weakly. There was little I could say to cheer him up. He would read my thoughts and know it was false, and I didn't want to lie to him. Never liked it, even when I was hiding Martha from him.

"I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you," he whispered against my ear.

Edward kissed me slowly, his tongue rubbing against my chapped lips until I parted them. The movement of his tongue around my own was tentative, though. Our kiss was slow and sensual as my arms wrapped around his shoulders, fisting the cotton shirt. I lifted my hand and splayed my palm across his head, running my fingers through his soft locks while the thumb of my other hand swirled around his forehead, moving down to trace his eyebrows.  

"I hate to do this," Rosalie muttered from the doorway. "I dislike interrupting your reunion with our wolf, Edward, but we have to go. Time is running out."

At Rose's words, I growled against Edward's mouth, my tongue entwining with his. A trace of spit ran down my chin but I didn't care. I wanted him to enjoy the kiss and coax him so he would take care of himself. So he would come back to me.

 I did what Bella had done when she kissed me just before the newborn battle. The difference was that Edward was the only one in my life; there never would be anyone else. I closed my eyes and made a silent vow to our gods. Just like I was Edward's forevermore, this moment was ours.

Edward kissed me with such hunger, I was sure I would sport bruises on my neck from the way he pulled me towards him.

"Remember this!" I grinded my hips against him, my arousal twitching in the confines of the cotton underwear. After breaking up the kiss, I panted harshly and gripped his cheekbones, staring at his golden-green eyes. "I need you so much, _kwo pat_. Please take care, beloved."

"Always, Jacob."

\--

"Quil, I want you to watch from the rooftop." I cocked my head at the two-story building on the other side of the road, my arms twitching with the need to phase. Couldn't do it though, because I might be seen.

"Man, I want in on the action," Quil said, his plaid shirt outlining his broad shoulders.

"Don't worry, Quil. We'll tell you what happens." Seth scuffed his tennis shoes on the asphalt, glancing at the pack members surrounding me.

"Quil, don't whip out that photo of Claire and stare at it. We need you to keep watch," Embry said, trying to lift the mood by cracking a bad joke.

Quil glared weakly at him as I motioned towards the warehouse so Jared, Colin, Seth and Embry would take their positions. I walked alongside Quil for a while, my hands stuck in my pockets. "I need you out of the action so you can call the phone number I gave you if something happens to us."

"It's that bad, huh?"

"We don't know. I have to be prepared for everything is all." I heaved a deep sigh and lay my hand on my chest, willing to slow down my heartbeat so I could keep my mind on the confrontation at hand.

"So, who's at the other end of the phone?"

"Ben Akando, the guy I told you about on the way here. By the way, two other tribe members phased recently. Wanted to keep them out of the action because they're newbies."

"I think there's more than that." Quil stared at the woods with a faraway look. "I know you, Jake. Been watching you since you came from your vision quest. The way your face lights up when you speak of the pack? Guess those guys have to do with it."

"Uh-huh." I kicked a pebble and watched it fly through the air until it hit the bricks with a thudding sound. "If they kill us, I want the pack to go on. You and the others should regroup around Leah, Paul, and Sam, and build a new pack. Get ready to face them when they go to the Rez, and avenge us."

"So that's why you let Sam and Paul watch over Leah; they are the reserve. The situation's pretty dangerous then?"

"I'm not sure, man." I patted Quil's shoulder in farewell. "But I do know that the survival of pack and tribe means everything to me."

Quil motioned towards the warehouse. "What will you do if your Cullen is threatened?"

Walking away, I called out over my shoulder, "I don't know, man, I just don't know."

I glanced at Edward and my heart beat madly. I would do anything for him, but would I be able to sacrifice the pack? Would I have to choose between them? I wondered if that was the meaning of _Q'wati's_ words in my vision.

Edward was shielded by Emmett's hulking shape, and Rosalie was on his other side. My vamp seemed indestructible but for the tell-tale green hue in his eyes. The color worried me, because it meant the infection or whatever those guys unleashed was present in his body.

I flashed a grin at Esme, whose eyebrows were scrunched up in concentration. She was as composed and beautiful as ever, but the set of her shoulders and the way she had tied her long hair into a ponytail told me she would be a worthy warrior.

Jasper would join us later, but there was someone else missing, though.

I stopped near Edward, my nostrils flaring so I could inhale and treasure his special scent.

"Where's the pixie?"

"Alice has things to do; that's what she told me. She has been mysterious lately." Edward shrugged.

"Whatever. I think we have enough manpower." Taking a deep breath, I looked at Carlisle and nodded.

He glided towards the oak door and knocked softly. "Karl Kiepel, it is Carlisle Cullen. We've come as you asked us to."

"Come in," said a man in a light accent which was almost undetectable. I felt he spoke the language very well but there was something foreign, just like my vamp trying to whisper endearments in Quileute. Loved to hear them, nonetheless, because they came from Edward.

I walked inside and the first thing I noticed was the scent. It was like the Cullens but there was something odd about it, felt almost ancient. It smelled just like the sea during low tide, after a storm has passed and there's a lot of deadwood on the beach.  

Then I saw the cables strewn around the floor; they all led to a bank of monitors. A heavy-set man sat in front of them.

"You are late, gentlemen." He frowned at us, his weathered face wrinkling. He certainly didn't have the elfin quality I associated with vampires.

"Took us a while to get organized." I shrugged.

"Care to tell us what it's about?" Rosalie flexed her fingers. She stood to the right of Edward and me.

"Your mind," Edward said, his voice tinged with wonder. "It feels like a painting which has many layers."

"I have lived a long time, young Cullen," Kiepel said. "I've had to adopt and discard so many personas, it's no wonder you are puzzled by my jumbled thoughts."

Jared opened his mouth to speak but I shook my head. It was important to let the leech speak, especially if he was worried because we were late. His information might be crucial to the pack and to Edward.

"Your accent is odd," Carlisle said casually.

"I've lived all over the world," Kiepel said as he watched the monitors intently. "Started my days in ancient Greece and traveled widely. Met Aro one time I was staying in Firenze. It was during a plague, I think."

"So you work for the Volturi?" I said, trying to hold despair at bay.

"Not at all, young wolf!"

"But you were in that house in the Quinault Reservation." Edward glared at him. "You were part of the group that hurt Jacob."

"You're right. I was there, but only so I could sabotage them." Kiepel lifted his hand to keep us from asking questions. "Let me speak freely, for I fear we're running out of time."

He glanced around the room, his hand toying with a wireless mouse on the table. "I should start with my ability which is unique among vampires. I can mold people, not directly but through their progeny. I've been able to do that ever since I became what I am. I assure you it is a power like none other; close to those of the gods, of which I was one for a while."

"You were a god?" Seth said in a hushed voice.

"Not as such. What I wrought made people wonder and they weaved tales and myths out of it. I stopped tinkering with men and women when the results of my actions became monstrous to my eyes."

"From your description, I take it you can modify genes at the molecular level," Carlisle said.

"I change people's cores, meddling in what the mortals took thousands of years to discover." Kiepel pushed away the keyboard and sighed deeply. "Aro got a glimpse when he touched me at that meeting in Firenze. He wanted me for his guard and I refused, naturally."

Kiepel hit the table with his fist. "My power is not to be played with!"

"Aro doesn't give up easily," Carlisle said.

"I know, Cullen. The Volturi murdered my coven to force my hand; instead, I sailed away in despair. There was no way I could ever join those monsters!"

"How come you were with the poachers?" I said, wanting to find his reasons to talk to us.

"I have contacts which inform me of Aro's plans. I have nurtured them for centuries, so I know they are reliable. Aro has become more unhinged lately and that is worrying."   

"Guess those plans have to do with what happened to my fiancé." I had a knot in my throat as I motioned to Edward. "You will note the color of his eyes."

Kiepel nodded somberly. "Indeed, that is the case. It all started when Aro pounced on a tourist. To save her life, this woman hinted at friends of hers who worked cracking the genetic code and manipulating it."

"I supposed Aro was interested," Carlisle said.

"More at her thoughts than her words; after he killed her, he got in touch with those people. Thus, his plan was hatched."

I pointed at my pack mates. "He wants to get rid of us."

"Aro is aware of your tribe, Jacob. He has been ever since he met young Cullen in Volterra."

Edward lowered his chin and said mournfully, "It's my fault, Jacob. When I went to Volterra after I thought Bella had died, I wanted the clean exit from this world which only Aro could provide. But when Felix grabbed my neck and was about to kill me, I pictured your sweet face. Aro must have caught my thoughts, woven into Alice's visions, when he touched her."

Edward closed his eyes and whispered sadly, "I told you that your face is what I want to remember during my last moments." 

I gulped thickly and nodded.

Kiepel drummed his fingers on the table. "So Aro became obsessed with wiping out your pack, goaded by Caius. He forced those scientists to work for him, concocting a disease that would wipe out the shapeshifters." 

"But why shoot Jacob?" Rosalie said.

"Aro wants Jacob dead because he sees him as a vital piece of the tribe. With the young wolf out, he would sow confusion, allowing him free rein." Kiepel shrugged. "The others acted and shot you without telling me, so I was unable to prevent it."

Kiepel leaned his elbows on the table and leaned towards us, fixing us with a sharp gaze. "You see, they had a conceptual breakthrough and injected themselves with the disease to become carriers."

"But why did I become infected?" Edward said. "Aro only wants to eliminate the pack."

"Because Aro is a fool!" Kiepel said angrily. "Either that, or the people who meddled with the genes had other goals. The Volturi do not see the danger!"

I felt a cold hand wrapping around my heart as I recalled _Q'wati's_ message. "Everyone is at risk."

"That is the case, young wolf." Kiepel nodded wearily. "The modifications were not well-designed. They influenced other genes so the disease acted on Edward Cullen."

Kiepel punched the table. "And the meddlesome fools have been perfecting it!"

"The stolen Quileute blood samples," Carlisle said, hunching his shoulders.

"They shipped them to their laboratory so a more lethal version of the virus would be ready to act on your tribe." Kiepel motioned towards a monitor.

I walked closer and noticed what looked like an Excel spreadsheet, only labeled in strange patterns full of letters in four colors.

"They don't see the dangers of their own contagion, because the Volturi are gripped by hubris," Kiepel snarled. "I managed to alter their files, rendering them unreadable, but they already made the virus."

"It will be like the Spanish influenza," Edward said mournfully. "Spreading through the vampire population and killing us all." 

"That is so, young Cullen." The vampire nodded. "Furthermore, in my time with those people, I sensed duplicity. They work for two masters; the signs point to…" Kiepel glanced at the monitors and shook his head warily. "Never mind. It's too farfetched and you won't believe me. What matters is that you have to stop them while you can!"

"How will they spread the virus?" Carlisle cocked his head at me. "Will they use the Quileutes as vectors?"

"They've gone farther, Doctor Cullen.  They modified the disease so it is airborne; they intend to unleash it on the Quileute reservation. It will be unstoppable and spread through shifters and vampires until there are no people with magical ability left in this world! They seem to have designed the virus so it would act on the genes that control our unusual abilities."

"Where will they attack? Who's with them?" I said, trying to keep my cool so my voice wouldn't crack.

"Aro is hard to predict, even more so with those people advising him." Kiepel turned to look at a monitor. I followed his glance and frowned at the picture of the Arecibo radio telescope which I knew well from my dealings with Johnny Davenport. Why did Kiepel have it there?

He went on, "My contact tells me…"

"I suppose your contact is Marcus," Carlisle said.

"It doesn't matter." Kiepel pushed his chair to get away from the computer bank, the wheels squeaking against the linoleum. "I tracked your movements through software, which means the Volturi can do it too. They could crack the servers of the search engine, and download your data to find out where you live."

"But when will it happen, man? Did your contact say anything more?" Quil said.

"He said the Volturi will strike within the week. That's why I had to warn you." Kiepel ruffled his black hair, peppered with grey.

The sound of the melody coming from Edward's shirt startled me. He took out his phone and glanced at it, his thumb sliding upon the screen.

"Alice, what is it?"

"Edward, you have to come!" The pixie's voice rose in pitch. "I've had a vision! Leah's child dies!"

"Alice, I thought you couldn't see us!" I snarled, trying in vain to dispel the nightmare coming at us from all directions.

"I saw the baby as the doctors take him out. She will shift and that will kill the baby!"

"When? When does it happen?" Edward yelled.

"I don't know. The hospital.... the vision was hardly sharp. Let me think; there was a calendar on the wall, and the date… it's today!"

We dashed out of the warehouse and ran to the cars, speeding up towards Forks. Luckily this guy lived nearby, a sixth of the distance to Port Angeles, so we might make it in time.  I took out my phone and called Ben, groaning at the thought that the Volturi had sprung their trap and we were caught in it. Worse, the virus might kill us all if we didn't catch it in time.

We sped away on Edward's Aston Martin V12 and I prayed to our gods, Q'wati, and my ancestors. Gripped tightly Cullen's shoulder, needing his presence as the thread that tied me to the moment so I wouldn't sink in total despair.

\--

Didn't look at the road too much, just glimpsed the water of Lake Pleasant as we took a steep curve on the road. It felt eerily like the time Alice brought me to the Cullens while I was mourning Bella, worried out of my mind at the pixie's description of Edward.

Would there come a time when I could just lay back and enjoy life, now that I had Edward by my side?

"There will come such a time," Edward said firmly, pushing the pedal to the floor so the woods were just a blur. "I promise I'll arrange it for you, Jacob."

"Thanks, man," I glimpsed the buildings on both sides of Bogachiel Avenue flashing by.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop thinking of you, even with the Volturi."

I squeezed his elbow. "Don't be, man. Your love has made it all worthwhile, Edward."

I recognized the strip of the road we were passing through; we were close to the Clearwaters.

"I love you, Jacob, love you so much."

Edward braked hard, and the sports car skidded to a stop just a few yards from the house. As we jumped out of the car I heard Rosalie's BMW just behind us, followed by the steady purr of Carlisle's Mercedes.

The scent told me something was wrong inside. I smelled the stench of the leeches and something else. I looked down and saw a trail of huge paws that led to the woods, starting just a few steps from the porch. Sam or Paul must have felt the leeches and gone out to distract them, hopefully buying time for Leah.

I glanced back and shouted, "Jared, Colin… to the woods! The rest with me!"

Edward burst through the door which splintered in many pieces. I followed him but did not shift; the Cullens and the pack needed space to maneuver inside the house. The situation would tell me whether I should phase or not.

I scrunched up my nose at the odd scent coming from the man seated on the chair who was flanked by the Volturi. It was obvious they were vamps because of their beauty and red eyes, but the man was mortal. I could smell it in the traitor!

There was a weird sensation coming from the man. Felt like he was diseased. Couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but I sensed strangeness seeping from him.

"Where is she?" I snarled at him.

"The girl's gone. It doesn't matter because it brought you here." The man toyed with a metal tube. He grabbed the cap and pulled it up; I saw it had a vial inside. The glass was encased in a sliding cover made out of steel. It had an amber liquid inside, sparkling in the light. So this was the container for the virus.

"Why is your mind closed to me?" Edward said and nodded slightly at what I supposed were the thoughts of his siblings.

"Doesn't matter, Cullen," growled the man. "Soon the Quileutes will be no more."

The man hurled the tube towards the ceiling. After it slipped his grasp, the glass slid out of the protective steel. The windows to my left crashed as Emmett and Rosalie jumped inside. Edward rushed to the center of the room, but he was intercepted by a leech who used his power to cast a black cloud over my beloved.

Edward fell to the floor, writhing in agony as the vial whirled around its axis, lazily climbing towards the ceiling with its deadly cargo inside.

Carlisle made a dash towards us, knowing how important it was to catch the vial, but he was tackled by a hulking Volturi.    

I could jump towards the leech that tormented Edward or try to catch the vial; otherwise it would break and the virus would spread, killing us and the vamps. Didn't have time to ponder whether I should prefer Edward or the tribe. Didn't have seconds to reflect on the choice Q'wati mentioned.

I just jumped and phased, allowing my wolf to guide me the way he had done since I was born, as Carlisle had implied. The wolf's mind had meshed with my own so finely, and I had learned from him so much, I was sure he would do the right thing.

For the wolf had always been a deeper part of me. There could be no contradiction where no difference existed.

Thought fleetingly about dad's story of the two wolves as my bones and skin rearranged themselves. Heard it when I was a kid who dreamed of adventures, never knowing how dramatic and frightening the real thing would be. 

Kwolie, the wolf who lived inside me, had been fed love and care by Edward; he had also been fed distrust and anger by Bella.

In the end, Edward's love won. With the wolf's instincts guiding me, I would take the correct path on the road opening at this moment. 

Cold fingers closed around my ankle but the wolf's thrust upwards prevailed. I stared at the vial, twisting my shoulders so I could grasp it with my jaws. The wolf soothed my worry, assuring me my mate could take care of himself.

This fork on the crossroads, the choice I made this day, belonged to my tribe and ultimately to the world I yearned to protect.

My jaws closed delicately around the glass, just as gently as the she-wolf holding her cub by the scruff of his neck, as lovingly as my mother had held me.

I fell to the floor with a loud crash and the wooden floor splintered under the impact. Cracks zigged and zagged this way and that in all directions. Didn't matter, because the vial was unbroken.   

Something very heavy hit the back of my head, though. I shook my head, turning to look at the table. I stood up on trembling legs and gazed to the back of the house, where the guy who had held Edward was fighting with Rose and Jasper.    

Feeling very dizzy, I blinked slowly, my jaws holding tightly onto the vial. Wouldn't let it go until I knew it was safe. If necessary, I was ready to run out of the house, through the forest, until I could bury the damned thing somewhere only I knew.  

Somebody jostled me. Didn't know if it was friend or foe as dark spots danced around the edge of my vision.  I blacked out for a few seconds.

I felt strong arms under me, carrying me and finally laying me down onto the couch. "Are you all right, Jacob? Come on, talk to me! Tell me anything, please!"

Why was Edward so worried about a simple blow to my head?

Cold fingers touched my head gingerly. The smell was wrong, so I knew it wasn't my Cullen.

"He's fine, son. Just a slight concussion."

"Carlisle, what if the blow affected his brain? He was shot in the head once, for God's sake! I should've taken care of him!"

"It's fine, Edward. It was on the back of his skull." I recognized Rosalie's voice.

 "He's doing fine." Doc Cullen gripped my wrist, measuring the pulse. "Jacob, can you hear me? If you are unable to answer, just nod."

I nodded; feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

"Can you open your mouth? I need to get a hold of that vial and you're clenching it too tightly. It might break."

"Mmh?" I mumbled, turning my head when someone tried to yank it from me. I knew it was important to keep it.

I twisted my neck, seeking the elusive scent nearby. Reminded me of home, the woods, and a beautiful meadow.

"Jacob, the danger has passed." Edward's smooth voice lulled me. "Can you open your pretty lips so I can get the vial? It's too big for your human mouth."

I felt heat bloom on my face as I did what _kwo pat_ requested.

"Jake's blushing, which is always a good sign," Quil quipped.

"Leah?" I managed to say.

"I'm here, Alpha." I felt a damp cloth rubbing my forehead and opened my eyes. It was blurry at first, as if I was watching through a smudged window, but it cleared quickly.

Leah was poised above me, frowning at someone.

"Seth, don't just stand there! Get a glass of water for Jacob."

"Fine, sis. Just, don't be mad." I craned my neck and saw Seth kicking a piece of chair on the floor. "How will we explain this to mom?"  

"We'll pay for the repairs, of course," said Carlisle. "After all, this was caused by vampires."

"What happened?" I frowned at them. I must have blacked out for a long while and they hadn't told me what had happened with the leeches.

"My family, the pack, and those new members you told me about proved superior." Edward said, carding his fingers through my hair. "Jasper and Emmett are tracking the Volturi who ran away, they're with Sam. Your friend wants revenge on Alec, who held him and Paul with his powers. There were four bodies which we have burned."

"What about the mortal man?"

"He's dead." Edward's fingers smoothed my brow. "By the way, I didn't kill him. It was Felix when he realized they were losing."

"I suppose he did it so the mortal wouldn't betray them, or Aro commanded it in case the plan backfired. I've seen him ordering something similar." Carlisle held up my chin and looked into my eyes. "Good, Jacob's pupils are returning to their normal size."

Leah grabbed the glass of water from Seth and leaned down, cradling the back of my neck so I could drink comfortably.  

"What about you?"

She turned to smile at Paul. "My boyfriend helped me."

"Your fiancé, dear."

"Don't you forget it, Paul! Anyway, after he and Sam rushed out of the house to fight them, I had a little time. Ran to the woods and took the path that leads to your house. You remember it goes right up to a big pond?"

I nodded slowly. "Yep, used to go skinny dipping there."

Diplomatically ignoring Edward's heartfelt groans, Leah continued, "It has a distinctive smell if you recall. Hoped it would mask my own and confuse the leeches."

 Leah shrugged, and I noticed how radiant she looked. She was always striking with her shining dark hair and beautiful eyes, but the pregnancy made her glow. Then I hastily tried to hide this thought from Edward, well aware of his jealous streak.

I was not successful. Edward's fingers clenched around my elbow as he glared at me, then at Leah. Finally, he shrugged and relaxed his grip.  

"I wasn't that valiant, I know." Leah patted her belly, which had begun to resemble the crescent moon. "But I have to think of them."

"Them?" I blinked in confusion. "Alice mentioned only one baby in her vision."

Paul wrapped his arm around Leah's stomach and winked at me. "Found out from the ultrasound this morning. The doc said Leah's expecting twins. Guess it proves the worth of Lahote sperm."

"Don't be so cocky, Paul! In case you've forgotten, it is me who will give birth to our twins." Leah jostled his ribs, and Paul grimaced.

I felt Edward's hand ruffling my hair and I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes and huffing in contentment.

"The Alpha looks happy," said Quil.

I opened my eyes and blushed again. "Guess things are back to normal if this guy starts cracking up his lame jokes."

"Aww, Jake is offended at my sophisticated sense of humor," huffed Quil.  
  
I saw Embry pushing Quil as he winked at me.

"Nope, just tired is all." I lifted my hand to caress Edward's cheek. "What about your eyes, Cullen? And the vial with the disease, what are you going to do with it?"

Edward handed the vial to Carlisle, who grabbed it gingerly. Doc Cullen bowed his head. "I'll make sure it is taken care of. I'll go to the hospital and use their incinerator."

"As for my eyes," Edward said, gently nudging my shoulders as he cradled my head on his lap. "I have read Carlisle's thoughts."

"So, what do they tell you?" I said huskily as I looked up, lost in the wonder of Edward's gaze as he grinned down at me. I reached my hand to touch his cheeks. His eyes looked gorgeous in that strange mix of gold and green. Yearned for them to remain so, but most of all I wanted him to be whole. Mine forevermore.

"I've told you that nothing can take me away from you," he said, bending down until our foreheads touched. "Carlisle is sure that my eyes will return to normal without any further exposure to the virus."

"That's good. _"_  
  
"I caught a glimpse of your thoughts when you jumped." Edward said, kissing my forehead. "I feel the same, you know. You have nurtured my good wolf with your love; that is why I love you so."

I traced his cheekbone with my thumb while I drank the sight of his eyes, and whispered, "Kwop kilawtley."

Edward closed his eyes, his locks brushing my forehead as he leaned over me. "I will stay with you forever, Jacob."

 

_Next, the conclusion._


	22. Epilogue: The endless road

 

 

 

**6 months later**

The rows of white slabs stood neatly in the carefully tended lawn by the side of Callawah Way. The trees in the distance lent a forlorn look, though.

Clutching the bouquet of her favorite flowers, I walked slowly towards Bella's last resting place in the Forks Cemetery. I bent down and put the freesias by the headstone, shuddering when my fingertips grazed the cold slab.

I took a deep breath, trying to dislodge the knot in my throat and dispel the sadness that cloaked me like a blanket. Cullen had offered to come with me, but I refused. I knew my Edward would be devastated at the memories which would make him brood. His handsome face would twist in a grimace of despair, and the grin that made my heart beat madly would disappear.

I had to do this alone.

My vampire was very stubborn though, so I enlisted Rose's help. She convinced him to test drive the Porsche Carrera. Much as I wanted to see him driving the car we renovated, and watch the wind ruffling his hair, I knew I had to come here to pay my last respects to Bella. After all, I was getting married in a week.

"Hey, Bella," I said in a hoarse whisper.

What could I ever say to the dead that know everything? I gazed up at the cloudy sky, picturing the river of stars that swirled above us. It was where the spirits of our people dwelled, the Ghost Road my father told me about. Quil had helped me appease her ghost spirit, offering small amounts of food throughout the year, even when I had been too busy otherwise. Soon I would feed it for the last time, so she could rest in peace in her campfire in the Milky Way.

I closed my eyes, imagining one of the bright stars held Bella's tent. She was sitting by the fireside, warm and happy as she looked down on us.

"I miss you, even though my memories are hazy." Opening my eyes, I gazed at the copse of trees in the distance, and the limbs swaying in the breeze soothed me.

"Was mad at you, Bella." Hunching down my shoulders, I said quietly, "You didn't choose me and you led me on. That's why I left."

I was determined to pour out my heart and let her know everything. "I'm sorry I didn't return. Despite what Edward says, sometimes it feels that if I had been here, I could have saved you."

I bit my lip, thinking about the choices that had led me here. Sure, we had beat the Volturi plan and saved the tribe. There were bits and pieces that still puzzled me, though. Kiepel's hints were odd, and I didn't understand completely why the virus turned out to be deadly for vampires too.

I pushed those thoughts aside for the moment, fidgeting with the collar of the cotton shirt. It scratched my neck, and the black suit felt too warm.

I took out from my pocket the dreamcatcher I made for Bella. Edward gave it to me months ago.

"The resentment is less, Bella. I understand you a bit more, why you acted the way you did. You loved Edward and wanted your child. I respect that."

I laid the dreamcatcher upon the grass, knowing the sinew would shrivel away to nothing, as fleeting as everything under the sun.

"I love Edward too. Love him more than I ever loved you." I crouched above her tomb, looking down at the letters that formed her name. "I'm sorry but that's the truth. You were mad at me many times, Bella, but I always told you the truth. Wish you could have done the same with me."

I took a deep breath and remembered the good times I had with Bella, so I could say my final farewell to the girl I once loved.

"I miss you, Bella. Miss my best friend. When I ride my bike it reminds me of you." I felt moisture coursing down my cheeks. "Sometimes I crack a joke and remember when I coaxed a smile out of you, and I am still angry at you, Bells. Mad that you're not coming back."

Crossing my arms, I broke down and sobbed bitterly, recalling the past and things that would never come back; the joyful moments with her and my dreams of the future which never came true.

I heard soft footsteps on the grass and smelled a familiar scent. Startled, I brushed the back of my hand across my cheeks to wipe off the tears and tilted my chin to look up at Charlie Swan.

"I visit her when I feel sad." Charlie gazed towards the trees, obviously giving me space to regain my composure. "Hardly anyone comes here. Renée wanted to bury her in Florida but I insisted it should be where Bella was happiest. My family had a plot on Old Clallam Bay Cemetery, but this place is closer."

I sighed brokenly and made to stand up. Charlie bent down and grabbed my hand, yanking me up.

"Sorry, Chief Swan."

"Don't be, Jacob." He frowned at me, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "We both loved Bella very much. When I heard that you and Edward were tying the knot, I was sad because you are the man I wanted her to end up with. I felt you two were made for each other."

Tears ran down my cheeks as I lowered my chin. "Edward loved her very much, Chief. I've come to respect her choices. Too late."

"No, son. It's never too late." Charlie glanced towards the copse of trees. "I worry about you, Jacob, so keep in touch. Don't be a stranger."

I noticed more grey hair peppering his hair and moustache, and his worn face had more lines. I stepped towards him and hugged him tight.

Charlie petted my back awkwardly. "Still so warm, Jacob. You understood Bella like no one else. Take care."

* * *

\--

I flexed my arms, enjoying the sense of freedom after changing clothes when I returned to the Cullen house.

"What are you going to do now that you've passed the tests?" Rosalie hefted the socket wrench close to her dark coveralls.

"Don't know, Rose. I'll decide after the honeymoon." I reached my hand towards her.

She gave me the tool, grinning mischievously. "You've got a smudge on your pert nose."

"Oh, thanks." I rubbed it off and wiped my hand on my t-shirt. Then I crouched down to tighten the lug nuts on the tire.

"Those guys at the shop never fixed the suspension of the Volvo properly, Edward is always complaining," Rose said with a smirk. "I wonder why."

"He shouldn't have wrecked his own car," I stood up and took a step back, splaying my hands over my shirt. "That should fix it, until the next time he complains."

When I glanced at the floor, I noticed a grease spot marring the Talking Heads logo on my shirt.

"Edward was jealous, wolf. You should have seen him that day," Rose said.

"Damn!" I pulled off the sweat-soaked t-shirt, wiping my torso with it before throwing it at the Porsche. "That's the new shirt Edward gave me."

"Sleek lines and color," said Rose admiringly. "No wonder he got jealous."

I glanced at the shiny metal which formed the chassis of the newly waxed Porsche, inhaling deeply to smell the leather seats inside.

"A thing of beauty." I nodded, rubbing my sweaty abs with the palm of my hand.

There was a smidgen of oil on the car I hadn't noticed before. I walked up to the Porsche and leaned over the hood. It was on the other side so I had to reach lengthwise to wipe it off.

Rose wolf-whistled. "Nice rear fenders!"

Wondering what she was talking about, I rubbed my fingers across the spot and then stood up to gaze at the row of cars in the huge garage. I noticed a blurry shape rushing towards me and smiled at Edward.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, his tongue slipping into my mouth like it belonged there; he thrust his hips aggressively against mine and I stumbled towards the Porsche as he shoved me forward.

Edward broke the kiss and said loudly, "Rosalie, would you mind?"

He splayed his hand all over my chest, rubbing circles against my nipples as his thigh wiggled up and down, wickedly rubbing my arousal. I started to groan but he closed his mouth over mine, trapping the sounds while I looped my arms around his back.

"I'm leaving, Edward. Don't wreck the car!" From the corner of my eyes, I saw Rose walking towards the door as she called over her shoulder, "On second thought, do wreck the car, guys. We'll just fix it again. Have fun!"

I jerked my neck back to escape the tongue that was intent on mapping my mouth; wrapped my leg around his hip and gazed at him. "What brought this?"

"You, Jake." Edward stepped back, searching my eyes while his fingers opened the zipper of my Wrangler. He wrapped his fingers around the buckle of my belt and yanked it so violently, it made a swishing sound as he threw it across the garage. It fell on the floor with a soft thud.

"Do you know how sexy you looked just now?" Edward's intense gaze made me shiver. My dick twitched and the cockhead rubbed against the wet spot spreading on my briefs.

"I read Rosalie's mind. Sweaty chest, light glinting all over your slick body." Edward licked a swath down from my shoulder to my abs, his tongue swirling around the muscled ridges as his thumbs hooked around the loops of the pants. He knelt on the floor and yanked down my pants and underwear, freeing my cock which bobbed in front of his face.

His hands kneaded my rump. "Your pert ass on display."

I whimpered low in my throat as he tilted his head to tease my slit with his tongue.

He gazed up at me. His dark eyes gleamed with lust, and the wet tongue teasing my cockhead made my knees buckle. I would have slipped to the floor but he hooked his arms behind my thighs to hold me up as he swallowed my length.

"God!" I splayed my hand on his face, my fingertips tracing the bulge on his cheek my dick made as he took me to the root, his nose pressed against my wiry hair.

Cradling the back of his skull, I thrust forward. I grunted at the vibrations on my dick when he moaned. Rolled my hips to get more of the wet suction, but Edward slid off my cock. His tongue did crazy things to the shaft, and it finally slipped off with a popping sound. He wrapped his hand around the base, looking up at me with that intense gaze while he wiped the drool and precome off his chin with a lazy swirl of his thumb.

"You were leaning over the car, showing your assets." He spread my buttocks with his thumbs. "You were flaunting your pretty ass which belongs to me, and I wanted to do this…"

In a blur, he manhandled me and turned me around, pushing my chest onto the hood while he shoved my legs apart with his knees.

I bit my fist to keep from shouting as his fingers played with my rim.

"You should see yourself, Jacob. Pants around your ankles, writhing on the car, hole twitching. You're so beautiful." I felt his cold breath on the crease of my buttocks and I keened.

"So eager." His tongue licked a swath down my crack and I bucked up my hips to get more of the raspy sensation. I tried to spread my legs but they were trapped by the rough denim around my ankles.

He spread my ass with his thumbs, nibbling the skin between my buttocks before his tongue finally speared me, rubbing the inside of the rim before he stabbed it deeper. Bellowing, I thrust back to ride his tongue.

Heard the springs of the car creaking as the hood jiggled up and down. His face pushed me against the chassis while I writhed at the slick finger he slipped inside my body.

Blushing at the lewd slurping sounds he made as he ate me out, I wiggled on the hood of the Porsche and arched my ass, eager to enjoy the attentions of his talented tongue.

Tried to hump the car to relieve my aching need, but he held my hips to prevent any movement.

"You're so naughty, wolf." Edward breathed against my entrance as he stabbed another thick finger inside me, searching for my prostate.

"Please, please!" I moaned.

"What? Didn't hear you, Jake. Distracted by the sight of your gorgeous body swallowing my fingers." A third finger jabbed inside. I squirmed at the cold lube he spread inside me. He scissored his fingers, stretching my insides. My abs rubbed against the moisture on the warmed metal from the precome leaking from my dick. I groaned as his fat knuckles rubbed against my walls while the pad of his thumb played with my sensitive rim.

It burned, but being full was delicious. Wanted to feel him inside, though.

"Fuck me, come on, fuck me!"

His fingers slipped out and I felt achingly empty, my entrance twitching at the cold air of the garage on the wet skin.

Felt Edward's firm thumbs on my buttocks, spreading them just before he sank the blunt cockhead. Hurt for a second and I whimpered. Edward stopped, just the flange of his cockhead spreading my hole. I craned my neck to glare at him.

"What are you waiting for? Go on!"

"So needy!" He groaned heatedly as he stabbed his cock inside until he bottomed out. It filled me so much I wouldn't be surprised if the cockhead reached up to my throat. Felt fit to burst.

He put his palm on my back and pushed me onto the car. The force of his wild thrusts as we fucked made me slide across the hood until my feet left the floor.

The car lurched back and forth and the suspension below me creaked over and over. His thighs slapped against my ass when he bottomed out. On the outward stroke, he moved teasingly slow and I clenched around him, wanting him to lose control, to make him as hungry as I was.

My cheek was pressed against the metal and my nostrils flared, drinking the scent of wax and leather combined with his musk. I licked my lips, wanting to wrap my lips around his dick.

Cursed the rough denim confining my ankles that kept me from spreading my legs wider. My hands tried to grab purchase on the metal but it was useless. Then he hauled my legs upwards and I grunted at the new angle which allowed deeper penetration, moaning when his shaft rubbed against my prostate. I curled my toes inside my sneakers as he dragged his dick over it. Again and again. I could almost picture his smug smirk.

"So wanton and open, _kwolie_."

I blushed hotly against the cold metal when he called me that while he fucked me.

"You're my wolf, forever." His hand snaked between my abs and the wet hood which was groaning under the force of our fucking, making squeaky sounds as my chest slid across it with his thrusts.

He encircled my throbbing cock with his thumb and forefinger, swirling his thumb over the sensitive nerves below the crown just the way I liked it. He leaned closer; his body heavy over me as he mounted me, his cock spreading me open.

I was seeing stars on the edge of my vision.

"Harder, dammit! Wanna feel you for days!" I panted, twisting my arm so I could reach his body. Grabbed his cotton shirt and pulled him towards me. The bastard hadn't even undressed to fuck me!

He licked my ear shell and turned my sweaty face towards him. At a particular sharp jab of his dick I groaned, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside my moth, jabbing it just as hard as he was poking my walls with his huge prick.

I could taste myself on his tongue; it merged with the wax scent that I was sure would cause me to sport a boner from now on. It overwhelmed me, just like the squeaking of the car springs beneath as he took me hard, and his cold body pressing me against the metal. He fisted my cock, his thumb rubbing wickedly against my soaked slit as he thrust inside.

Stars swam in my eyes as I came hard, enjoying the best orgasm of my life. The come spattered my chest and abs, my entrance clenching helplessly around the girth that kept me deliciously stretched.

He rolled his hips, stabbed hard my insides once, then twice before he came with a guttural groan.

"You ok, Jake?"

I nodded weakly, hardly aware of his come dribbling down my thighs, or Edward wiping my swollen skin tenderly before he lifted me in his strong arms to lay me down on a mat on the floor.

* * *

**A week later**

"Jacob, don't you want to eat something more substantial?" Esme smiled warmly, holding up a tray filled with sandwiches. I would have wolfed down the lot because they looked delicious; the green lettuce peeking from between loaves of bread contrasted with the brown, crisp slices of bacon.

"Nope, thanks. My stomach's fluttering with nerves."

She nodded briefly, her glance sliding towards my hungry pack mates who were watching the tray like predators.

"Esme, I want to thank you for everything you've done." I shot a grin at her, admiring the way the curtain of dark hair framed her pale face. The composure and warmth in her regard won me over since the start.

She laid the tray with the sandwiches on the table and smiled at me. "You need to eat, Jacob. I'll just leave it here for you and your friends. And you're welcome; you have earned your place in our family."

"Thanks," I mumbled thickly as she made her way to the door.

The moment Esme left the room, Quil and Seth fell on the sandwiches like ravenous wolves. I rolled my eyes and stuck my hands in my pockets. Unfortunately, Embry was still on patrol.

I fiddled with my tie, my thumb sliding across the silk which felt as smooth as Edward's skin. I wondered if my man was being pestered by Emmett and Jasper at this moment. Felt a little guilty after I winked at Alice and sent her to his room, suggesting I wanted to see him at his best.

Leastways, I wasn't suffering this torture alone.

Glancing at the door, I shivered when I realized he was probably listening in on my thoughts. _'Sorry that I couldn't resist the temptation,_ kwo pat. _I love you.'_

"Earth to Jake, Earth to Jake!" Seth was waving a sandwich at me.

"Sorry, got distracted," I said, batting away his hand.

"Give it here, Seth." Quil took the sandwich and leaned against the table. "Jake was obviously thinking about his mate."

"Oh, I see." Seth shrugged.

"Picturing his wedding night, I guess," Quil said innocently.

I felt my cheeks bloom with heat, and wanted to swat his thick head; I shrugged instead. "Just wait till you marry Claire, man. You'll feel the same."

I hid my smirk at Quil's embarrassed cough and winked discreetly at Seth. The kid looked handsome in his dark suit, his hair slicked back.

"Jake, what are you going to do now that you caught up with classes?" Seth asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Don't know yet, man. Rose suggested I should study engineering."

During the long hours Rosalie and I worked on renovating the Porsche Carrera until it shined like new, we shot the breeze and talked about many things, including her past and her days at the University.

She had implied I had aptitude for those things, but frankly I didn't quite believe it.

Seth shot me a sympathetic look and groaned. "Guess Rosalie would think that. You said she was the one who told you about the Fermi paradox, right?"

"Yep." I looked out at the window. That information was the thing I used to chat up Johnny so he would trust me, and I could finally find out who was the girl in the meadow.

"What about you?" I said, looking at Seth. "What do you want to do?"

"Haven't given it much thought, what with worrying over Leah."

"She's busy with her twins, huh?"

"I swear those kids will be shifters one day, they bawl on and on! They look wrinkled and odd, but Paul loves them. Leah and Paul? They are nuts over the boys." Seth mumbled to himself, "Hope she names one after me."

"She might, Seth," Quil said, having finished his third sandwich.

"Paul is constantly in the house. He's kind of annoying, mostly on weekends."

"Fine." I glanced at my watch, hoping the ceremony would be over and wouldn't stretch endlessly like the rest of the day had. "You can check with the guys and swap patrol duty so you can get out of the house on weekends."

Seth grinned at me. "Sure thing. I'll do that."

"That's good, just don't mention it." I knew Seth was trustworthy and wouldn't blabber about this special treatment.

I heard a soft knock on the door. "Are you presentable, Jake?"

"Come in, Rose."

Rosalie walked inside, her long gown swishing softly against the floor. She looked so pretty, it was easy to imagine her dressed up in the old-fashioned way she told me about.

I frowned, noticing what she was carrying under her arm.

She cocked her head at the door and smirked. "I come from Edward's room. The guys and Alice are driving my poor brother crazy. It would seem Edward is irritated with a certain wolf. He sends you his love, he said."

She handed me the big plushie, Kwolie. I squinted at the thin ribbon wrapped around his furry neck; there was a piece of paper attached. Guessed it was the kind he used to compose because it had those musical notes on the edge. I groaned at the huge words, written in his flowing handwriting. _'Naughty wolf'_

Obviously my mate wasn't pleased at my thoughts. Quil jostled my elbow, snickering just like Seth, so I decided to get revenge.

I grabbed Kwolie. "Thanks, Rose. By the way, you don't have to smirk so much, you know."

"Sorry, wolf. You and Edward strike me as funny sometimes."

I hefted the plushie and fished the pen out of my pocket. Biting my lip, I wrote my answer. _'Not funny, vamp!'_

When I waved Kwolie at her, Rose shook her head. She didn't relent, even when I swung Kwolie's cute ears at her.

Grinning broadly, I handed it to Seth. "Would you give this to Cullen, man?"

"Sure, Jake." Seth grabbed Kwolie and turned to Quil. "Wanna go with me? Let's pester Edward for a while."

"Sure thing, Seth."

My friends left and Rosalie made to leave the room, but I held up my hand. "Wait, Rose. Could I ask you a favor?"

She eyed me sharply. "If it's about my custom-made torque wrench you've been eyeing, the answer's no. You lost my angle wrench that time you and Edward frolicked in the woods."

"No, it's about the Porsche." I scuffed my shoes against the floor, looking out the window at the woods. "Could you lend it to us for our trip up north?"

"Of course. I'm going to be busy anyway." She smiled briefly. "Leah needs my help with the twins. She needs someone that knows how to handle babies."

She stepped towards me and touched my shoulder. "Remember I said you own a substantial part of the car. Just make sure you take a picture of Edward driving."

"Thanks, Blondie."

She nudged my elbow and grinned wickedly. "That's why you want it, right?"

I turned aside, vainly trying to hide my blush. "Well, maybe."

"It was a pleasure working with you on the car, Jake," she said, walking towards the door.

I stepped towards Rose and wrapped my arms around her. "Thanks for everything, Rosalie."

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. She was great at being a friend and big sister; I had no doubt she would have been a great mother. Didn't want to make her sad, though, so I said a bit lamely, "You'll teach Leah lots because you're great like that."

Rosalie hugged me tight, and if I closed my eyes it could have been my mother's arms around me.

"You're great too, Jacob," she whispered. "Your coming here brought happiness to Edward… and me."

* * *

\--

Edward did not invite any other coven to the wedding, mindful of their prejudices. I sent invitations to my friends and dad. Phoned Rachel and Rebecca, but they were too busy to attend.

The setting was simple. Just a few tables on the lawn for the food Emily and Esme had prepared. I smiled at Esme, noting the way she glowed with pride at seeing her son getting married. Knew how much she had enjoyed the recipes Emily brought with her. I couldn't wait to taste the result of Esme's skill and Emily's homecooked flavor.

I had peeked in the kitchen now and then, telling them I was checking out what they were doing while taking the chance to grab bites of the delicious food until Emily caught on. She glared at me, her arms akimbo as she shooed me away from their domain.

I sighed when I saw the empty chairs next to Sam. Felt keenly the absence of Leah and Paul. They couldn't come because she had given birth recently; though the delivery went smoothly and without complications, Leah had to take care not to exert herself.

Nodded at Doc Cullen, who sat beside Esme and held her hand. I'd never forget the way he cared for me, I just hoped I could make his son happy.

Dad sat in front of the pack, looking very neat in his black jacket and tie. Bowing towards him, I whispered my love in Quileute, but then Quil nudged my shoulder.

"Pay attention, man," he said in a stage whisper.

Rolling my eyes, I glanced towards Rosalie's hair, shining in the afternoon light. She looked elegant with her face framed by golden braids, next to her hulking husband.

Alice tapped her shoe impatiently against the floor next to Jasper. She didn't seem very happy at Edward, who had put down his foot and nipped in the bud her attempt to decorate in grand style. He knew my preferences and wanted to honor them.

I insisted on simplicity, knowing that if the ceremony was magnificent it would invariably remind him of the other wedding. Didn't want those memories to haunt him.

Seth beamed at me and I waved back. Despite his inexperience, one day the kid could well become the Alpha, just like Quil behind me, Leah or Paul. The Alpha's responsibility was discharged with heart and mind, not just a big body.

The celebrant finished speaking and my sight was relentlessly drawn to Edward, as it would always be as long as I lived. My Cullen looked delicious in his black tuxedo which complimented the alabaster skin I yearned to touch. The striking planes of his cheeks framed the wicked grin he directed at me, promising adventures in and out of bed. His ruffled hair, sticking every which way, begged for the touch of my fingers and his eyes, lovely in any color of the rainbow, shined with joy as he looked at me.

We said our vows in the presence of family and friends, cherished in the warmth and love coming from so different people.

* * *

\--

"How long will it take, Edward?" I tapped my foot on the floor at the rhythm of the rock song coming from the loudspeakers I had installed.

"Hours. We'll go through Olympic National Park to Port Angeles and then take the ferry to Victoria on Vancouver Island." He shot me a grin as his hand lazily swung the wheel. "Drive this way and that, enjoy the hunting and make love under the moon. How does it sound, Jacob?"

"Fine, man, just fine." I beamed at him and nudged his elbow. Loved the Porsche because it was small and we were so close. "Saw you talking to dad."

"Well, Billy wanted me to be... gentle with you," Edward sneered. "He is under the mistaken impression that you are a virgin."

"Oh God!" I hid my face on his shoulder, curling on my side. "This is embarrassing."

"Don't worry, Jacob. I didn't tell Billy about the time I fucked you over the hood of this car."

My arousal throbbed at this words and I looked up at him. "You spent half an hour discussing this?"

"No, Billy reminisced about your fishing trips. He spoke about legends, too." Edward sighed. "He started telling me about the wolf's trail, but then Alice came up and interrupted us. So, what is it all about?"

"Actually, dad has told me many versions through the years. The one I like the most is modified from the Cherokee." I took a deep breath. "When the world was young, the sky held few stars. People mainly ate corn then. They prepared dried corn to make corn meal which they stored in baskets."

"And?"

"One day, an old man and his wife found that something had gotten in their cornmeal during the night. They saw prints on the ground, along with scattered cornmeal. They were so big they knew this wasn't a dog, but a wolf. The people of the village thought it was a spirit wolf from another world. They wanted to scare the wolf away by making noises with drums and rattles, so the people hid around the place where they kept the cornmeal."

"My wolf wouldn't be sated just with cornmeal," Edward said fondly.

I nudged his ribs. "Hush, Ed. Lemme finish. Near dawn, they heard an odd sound, like a flock of birds flying at once. They looked up to the sky and saw a giant wolf swooping down towards them. He landed near the baskets and began wolfing down the cornmeal."

"Reminds me of you when you're eating, Jacob."

I glared at him and tilted up my chin to lick a stripe of his neck until I reached his ear. I nodded in satisfaction at the shudder that went through his body.

"The people made loud noises with their drums and rattles which scared the wolf. He ran to the top of a hill and leaped into the sky, food spilling out from his jaws. He created a path across the sky made of the cornmeal that escaped his jaws, and each grain of cornmeal became a star."

I leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. "That is how the Milky Way came to be."

The woods passed us by in a blur and we didn't say anything for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence.

With the top down, the wind blew over the window and played havoc with Edward's hair; a breathtaking sight which was framed by the Pacific Ocean just below the highway. I leaned towards him and brushed my fingers through his soft locks before opening the glove compartment to take out the camera.

Edward groaned. "Not again, Jacob."

I smiled at him while I shot his picture. "What can I say, dusk looks good on you."

In the twilight, his bronze hair merged with the shadows, the lighter streaks gleaming like threads of molten metal which lent him a striking appearance.

"Jacob, there's something I have to say."

I glanced at him; Edward was looking straight into the highway, but the way he worried his bottom lip told me he felt guilty.

"What is it, Edward?"

"I've been kind of rough with you in our lovemaking."

"Uh-huh. What about it?"

"It's just that you were sad after you visited the cemetery; I thought passionate love would help you to become your usual cheerful self."

"So you wanted to fuck the sadness out of me?"

Edward groaned. "No… yes. I don't know. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

I leaned on his shoulder, rubbing my cheek against the soft leather jacket. "You didn't, man. It was pretty good. Remember when we drove to our date in Portland? I told you I wanted your good and bad side. Well, that goes for your soft and passionate side, too."

"You have certainly proved you spoke the truth, Kwolie."

Edward's words, the tenderness in his gaze and the remembrance of the rough fucking over the car had me hard as a rock. I pressed my palm against my bulge and sighed regretfully. "I made a mistake, Edward. Should've asked Carlisle to lend us his car."

"Why?"

"Because the Mercedes is big. The Porsche is too small to fuck in; too narrow to have you ride my lap, writhing on my cock."

I felt his shiver through the thick jacket, and just to make sure I made my point clear, I slid my hand under his pants and boxers, warm fingers teasing his dick until I swirled my thumb over his slit, smiling at the moisture.

"Wet already?" I said with a leer. "I could make you come just from bouncing you up and down on my lap."

The Porsche swerved violently and I reached my hand out to steady the wheel. "Careful, man. If we do something to this car, Rosalie will kill us."

He stared intently at the road and pushed the brake pedal down hard.

"What are you doing, man?" I said in feigned innocence while I rubbed his dick.

"There's a field up ahead and I detect no one nearby." Edward turned to look at me, his eyes darkening fast. "The road is deserted and we are horny. What do you think, wolf?"

"I like the way you think." I rubbed my thumb along the crown of his dick, and his hips bucked up into my fist.

He stopped by the shoulder of the road and I opened the car door, stepping out to run towards the field. The stars were bright above. I felt the cool breeze coming from the woods as I lowered the zipper of my pants and toed off my loafers. I grappled with the buttons of my shirt before cold arms enveloped me, his hand caressing my flanks as I undid the buttons.

His fingers did the rest. I lifted my arms, allowing him to pull my shirt off my torso. With a lazy flick of his wrist, Edward threw it to the ground. Meanwhile, I pulled my pants and briefs down my legs, grabbing onto his shoulders as I slipped them off my feet.

I rubbed my cock and looked for a flat spot. Gazed towards the car and found a blanket in that direction which Edward had apparently pulled out from the trunk. Turned towards him to undress him, but found that Edward had already taken off his clothes.

"Spoilsport," I muttered, and licked my lips at the sight of his jutting prick, the cockhead glimmering with his juices under the moonlight.

"Just because I saved us time?"

"Nope, because half the fun is getting you out of your expensive clothes."

I laid myself down lengthwise on the blanket and spread my legs.

"Jacob, you are a delightful sight."

Sprawled on the ground, I fished around for my pants until I found them near a jagged rock. I balled them up and put them under my neck.

"Resourceful wolf," Edward said shakily.

I gazed down at my throbbing cock and then at Edward. Wished I possessed the wolf's night eyesight so I could enjoy the sharp vision of his pale chest and small nipples that begged to be tweaked, my mouth watering at the thick cock bobbing in the breeze.

Edward bent down to retrieve the bottle of lube from his jacket. He shook his head and threw it at me. Twisting my torso, I flexed my arm lengthwise to catch it and then fumbled with the stubborn cap before upending the contents onto my palm. I squirmed at the feeling of the cold, thick liquid.

My cock glistened under the moonlight after I spread the lube over the throbbing shaft. Edward whimpered low in his throat and knelt, scooting towards me on his knees.

He crouched over me and lowered his body, gripping my shoulders as he moved his hips so his hole hovered over my dick. My slick fingers probed his opening but he swatted my hand.

"I want to feel it for days," he said in a hoarse whisper.

"Want my cock to open you up? Want to ride me bare, skin on skin?" I held the base of my cock between my thumb and fingers, directing it like a blunt screwdriver to prod his crack with it, and rolled my hips to spread lube around his rim with the cockhead.

"Crouch over my dick," I growled. The short hairs at the nape of my neck stood on end as my wolf rose to the fore. "Spread your ass for me. Lemme see how needy you are."

Edward grunted and spread his cheeks with his hands. My cock teased his crack, nestling in the crease of his buttocks as I wiggled under him, rubbing the cockhead fleetingly over his entrance.

I smacked my lips at the scent of his musk which combined with the dank smell of the wet forest wafting through the breeze.

"Jake, come on! I need your cock," he said, trying to impale himself, but my hands gripped his hips, keeping him in place.

"Might keep you like this for a while, or make you come on my fingers alone." My thumb traced a path on the skin between his buttocks up to his heavy balls, touching the base of his dick before returning to the entrance. I sank my slick thumb into his hole, groaning when he clenched hungrily around it. I stabbed it inside until it sunk to the knuckle, rubbing my calloused pad around his walls. I smirked at the needy moan I coaxed from him and slowly pulled back my thumb.

"If you don't pound me right now, you fucking wolf, I'll hold you so tight you won't be able to move, and ride your damned cock myself!" he snarled.

"Sink on it, Ed!" I sat up and pulled him down, thrusting up my hips so my dick breached him until it sunk midshaft.

Grabbing his waist, I gazed at his face, looking for signs of pain.

"You're thick, wolf," he groaned and rolled his hips, squeezing around me.

"And you're tight!" I thrust up my hips and slid inside until I bottomed out, his buttocks rubbing my groin. I leaned back on the blanket and raised my knees, cradling his body between my thighs. "Ride me, Edward!"

His hands firmly grasping my shoulders, he looked into my eyes. "I love you."

It just killed me when Edward said that. Shivered all over and arched my back, wanting to map his insides, to brand him as mine. Edward rode me leisurely, thighs opened wide and hamstrings strained with the effort of moving up and down. Clenching my dick on its way out, relaxing when he lowered himself.

My hands roamed over his chest, pinching his hard nubs between my fingers until they stood proud. Jabbed my dick inside, watching his pale cock bobbing around, the crown so wet with precome that it drooled down from the slit to my abs.

Our lovemaking was tender and slow. We kept silent, grunting every now and then; the sounds escaped into the lonely night and mixed with the hooting of the owls and the rustling of the trees.

I lost passage of time, enraptured by the cold tightness which encased my girth. I looked up at the passing clouds that ran their fleeting race across the face of the moon, and gazed at the pale god who held me in his grip.

My fingers traced patterns on his chest which only I could decipher. Edward's perfect face and body were framed by the stars above as he impaled himself again and again.

I had gone up to heaven and finally met my fallen angel.

How much time we spent like this, I didn't know. Edward, the field in the middle of nowhere, the lonely trees and his body; it was all I saw, all I needed.

I could swear I felt his soul inside as he gave me his body.

He started bouncing up and down as I glanced up, noticing a break in the clouds. A sliver of moonlight fell on his face but I was distracted by his gleaming cock which bobbed around. I wrapped my fingers around the stiff girth and tugged it around like a pliant gearshift. My hips arched off the ground as I pumped his dick with my fist.

Nearing his climax, Edward rode me hard, his thighs flexing as his walls clenched around me.

The friction inside him and my hand around his dick made him come. He squeezed my dick so tight it hurt a bit, and thick ropes of come shot all over my chest, reaching up to my neck.

I jabbed my dick inside, hoping to ride his climax to achieve mine. Grunting at the tightness, the exquisite friction around my cockhead was too much and I finally came.

Edward lay atop me for a while, panting harshly. Then he rose on his knees, my softened cock slipping out of his body.

I reached my hand beneath my neck and pulled out the balled-up shirt to wipe my dick, wincing at the soreness.

"Come here." I said, cocking my head at the spot beside me. Edward heaved himself up and then settled by my side.

"Open up," I said huskily, hauling his knee upwards. He raised his thigh and I used my shirt to wipe off the come which was dripping from his swollen hole.

Edward groaned as I rubbed his rim tenderly, leaning down to kiss the hollow of his collarbone. "I love you so much, Edward Cullen."

"I know, Jacob." He looped his fingers around the nape of my neck and pulled me towards him. "I know it in my bones; I felt silly during our vows."

"What the hell?" I nudged his chest and then laid on my back. "So the ceremony was a farce to you?"

"Not at all, silly wolf!" He nestled his head on my shoulder and carded his fingers through my hair which made me huff in contentment. "Do you remember the time we kissed, just before rushing out to find out what Kiepel wanted?"

"Yep."

"I know you made a vow to yourself," Edward whispered softly. "It was beautiful and solemn. I felt joined to your soul, if that makes sense. I knew nothing could happen to us because you made me believe it."

"Of course it makes sense, Edward, because it's what I've felt for a long time," I said slowly.

We laid under the stars, watching clouds race across the sky.

I felt sated, and tired. Yawning widely, I noticed that Edward was staring at me.

"The soft starlight, and me riding your lap," he said wonderingly. "It's just like in your dream."

"Which dream? The one you watched when you were jealous?"

"Yes. I'm glad my fate in real life was different than in your dream," he said with a smile.

"I barely remember." I covered my mouth with my hand to hide another yawn.

"After we had sex in your dream, I turned into a beam of light and shot up into the sky." He raised his arm. "I remember the funny way the beam pulsed."

I leaned towards him so my brow touched his neck. "Really?"

"The beam was brighter in spots which pulsed; it was like a giant, invisible animal was climbing on the beam to reach heaven." He ruffled my hair and sighed. "It reminds me of your legend about the wolf that created the Milky Way."

"Oh." My lids felt heavy and I wiggled closer to lay my head on his chest, snuggling comfortably against him.

"That pattern in your dream also reminds of the way you walk in the forest in your wolf form. Your hind paws step precisely onto the prints left by your forepaws."

I closed my eyes and drifted asleep, lulled by his soothing voice and his scent nearby.

I strode along the frontier between dreams and consciousness, and things flashed randomly across my mind as it made seemingly random connections:

Edward's words about watching my dream made me recall the time when I had the videoconference with Johnny Davenport to get acquainted. He had a photo of the Arecibo radio telescope on the wall. Come to think of it, Kiepel had the same one in one of his computers.

The radio telescope received signals from deep inside the Milky Way, which was the Ghost Road created by the wolf as he found the route into heaven in the legend of the wolf's trail. Q'wati himself told me about it in the vision I had when they shot me. _'Follow the wolf's trail, pup,'_ he said. Thus, the trail led into the myriad stars of the Milky Way. But what could he have meant by that?

The Silver wolf, Q'wati, insisted that all life would end if I failed. It wasn't really so, though, just us magical beings. People with different abilities like Seth, the kid who was so curious about the Fermi paradox. Rose told me it meant there was no sign of life coming from the stars. No one there to talk with us; no one there who _wanted_ to talk with us, she'd joked once. They'd rather keep their silence and watch us.

So the radio telescope remained mute; the Arecibo bowl which was on the screen Kiepel glanced at when he said the poachers worked for two masters. Kiepel said the people that designed the virus were advanced and wanted to wipe out all magical beings in the world.

Why were there no aliens visiting? Seth would love to meet them.

I felt protective towards the kid; without me to guard him against predatory leeches, Seth would have a rough time. Though he poked fun at my laws of survival which were true. Werewolves were put on this Earth to keep balance between predators and prey. Wild predators would wreak havoc with the prey and die when their prey became extinct, unless the predators could cross the sky and leap to other stars like the wolf that created the Milky Way. They wouldn't succeed though, if the people on other stars were protected by magical werewolves like us. Predators would have it tough coming here, unless they beat the competition first as is the predator's way. I had my Edward to protect me, though. He was strong and invulnerable unless he was writhing on the ground; his eyes hurting like hell because of the disease the poacher infected him with.

My Edward who rode my lap and then shot up to the sky like the wolf that created the Ghost Road, the galaxy full of predators watching us.

* * *

\--

"Jacob, wake up, wake up!" Edward jostled me awake. I winced at his cold hands gripping tightly my shoulders.

"What?"

"Your thoughts, Jake. Your thoughts have given me the key to everything!"

"What do you mean?" I blinked and opened my eyes, looking blearily at Edward, who was shivering. I shook my head, trying to recall my jumbled thoughts, but gave up after a few seconds because only wisps of the connections remained.

He stood up and picked up his clothes, dressing fast while I followed suit. Shrugging, I balled the shirt with wet spots and didn't put it on. Felt hot anyway.

We walked to the car and Edward drove us away, ignoring my puzzled look for a while.

"It all makes sense," he said after a truck passed us. "Your mind put the puzzles together in that lucid state between being awake and asleep. Don't you remember what you were thinking?"

"Parts of it. Q'wati mentioned the wolf's trail. He said that all life would perish because of my choice," I said, and found that talking about it with Edward helped me recall the thoughts I had had when I was falling asleep. "But Carlisle said the disease would only kill vampires and shifters."

"You forget part of your train of thought, Jacob. Kiepel was angry at the fact that all people with magical ability would die. He also hinted that the poachers worked for two masters, not only the Volturi."

"Remember how he scoffed at us?" I growled. "He said his idea was too farfetched and then glanced at the screen which had..."

"I know what you saw. That damned radio telescope in Arecibo."

"Why are you angry at it?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Because it reminds me when I thought you and John Davenport…" he snarled.

I put my fingers on his lips.

"I wasn't ever interested in him, Edward. You are the only one in my heart."

"Sorry, Kwolie."

"The radio telescope, though. Johnny told me they've spent years listening to radio signals coming from deep space and got nothing."

"Which brings us to the Fermi paradox," Edward said, gripping tightly the wheel as the Porsche sped through the night. "Fermi wondered at the calculations he wrote on a napkin which showed that the galaxy teems with planets that support life. But if life is so widespread across the universe, there should be millions of advanced civilizations polluting the heavens with radio signals. We haven't found any signs of them, though. And if they are so advanced, why haven't they contacted us?"

"That's strange for sure."

"You thought about predators going rogue and destroying the herd. They would perish for lack of food unless they could spread across a new habitat: new woods, or a new star."

Edward's words sent a shiver racing up my spine. "So you think that no one up there has sent radio signals…"

"Because predators reach their world and snuff them out first," Edward said, staring at the highway.

"But why haven't they eliminated us?"

"Why indeed? What might be so different here than in other worlds? What if the only difference was…?"

"Magic!" I sat up on the car seat, glancing at the straight road ahead which seemed to stretch into infinity. "What if the difference that protects us is magic, like Q'wati that created us?"

"Exactly. You once said we were the stewards of the land, here to protect the people."

"Those beings in the stars up there wanted to eliminate us." I shuddered. "Remember what Sam said?"

"When?"

"The time we were discussing what Kiepel wanted."

Edward furrowed his brow in thought and then said loudly, "If you want to get rid of dangerous wolves, you kill the Alpha and his betas! You get rid of the more capable wolves, which on this world means vampires and shifters. We are more powerful because of our abilities."

"The man in Leah's house," I said. "Edward, he smelled different. Not like a vampire or human, but alien."

"Like the man whose infected blood I drank." Edward pushed the pedal, and the beams of the headlights seemed so forlorn in the night, I had to snuggle closer to my vamp.

"The guy's mind was very strange." Edward paused, his lips pursed in a thin line. "I hadn't heard of the trick he pulled when he made me float like there was no gravity."

"Rose told us that Ben, the Egyptian vamp, can do that."

"But you forget something, Jacob. The man I met was no vampire because I could drink his blood."

"He infected you. The man truly wanted to wipe us out, vamps and wolves."

"Because the world would be defenseless then. It would become a silent prey to be devoured by predators up there."

"And life here would end, just like Q'wati told me," I said. "It was never just about us."

"There's another thing. Alice."

"What about the pixie?"

"She didn't have a vision of the virus spreading and killing us."

"Because we stopped it."

"You don't know her powers as well as I do, Jacob. Alice has visions when people take decisions that might threaten us. Months ago, she told me she couldn't see you because shapeshifters were members of another species."

"The pixie is wrong!" I growled, clutching Edward's arm. "We're as human as you!"

"Exactly, Kwolie. You will remember that Alice saw Leah's child in danger," Edward said softly. "But if these people aren't human, they could decide whatever the hell they wanted because they would be hidden from Alice's powers."

"My God! You put the pieces together very well." I felt a sliver of fear run through my spine.

"I'm only putting together the ideas that were in your mind during your lucid dreaming, Jacob," he said.

"Alice didn't see Leah's other child, though."

"Because her other son will turn out to be a shifter like his parents," he said. "That's the reason."

Edward drove in silence as we approached the city. He left the freeway and took us to a hotel. As he was parking the Porsche, he turned to me. "Your laws of survival are true, Jacob. We must hold the balance; keep the people safe from outside meddlers until we grow stronger than those predators."

"We'll have to contact Kiepel and get his help." I nodded. "We will protect them."

* * *

\--

**Vancouver Island, British Columbia  
Two days later**

I stalked towards the vampire, guided by his unique scent. He stood on the open by the copse of pines, his lips stained with the blood of his prey. He fixed his eyes on me as if he knew what awaited him.

Moonlight limned his striking features, stamping them in my mind. My footpads trod softly upon the loam of this northern soil, not far from that beach where my dreams had broken until Edward's love made them whole.

This man had the power to weave new dreams out of hope. His lips were nectar I would never tire of drinking, and in the shelter of his strong arms I found solace and love. His golden eyes, which sometimes held green speckles by the light of the spring sun, hinted at eternity.

Stopped in front of him and noticed a reflection in his eyes. It was the strong wolf, wrought out of earth and woods, fashioned out of chaos and given life to walk on this world. I stepped towards my love and shifted, and I saw a proud Quileute mirrored in his eyes.

"I see you had good hunting, Cullen."

"Just like you, Jake." He wiped a smear of blood from my lips. I leaned closer and cupped his chin between my fingers.

We kissed in the silent night under the scattered light of the Ghost Road.

Forever my mate. The wolf huffed, as the instincts that ran deep through my blood assured me that Q'wati revealed a true vision of the future; ahead of us stretched the endless road that would take us to the stars.

I lifted up Edward's chin so he gazed up at the Milky Way. Drinking the sight of his starlit face, I said, "I've been thinking, Edward. We live forever, and that means we can easily brave the chasm that separates the stars when the time comes to do so. We will become shepherds of the people under different suns. The day will come when we'll sail between the suns as easily as our ancestors crossed the seas from opposite sides of the world to settle here. As long as we keep the balance."

"You paint a long road ahead, Jake. It's bound to get dangerous and boring sometimes."

"Would you have it any other way, Cullen?" I caressed his cheek. "You are a hero, you know."

"You make me feel like one."

"Because you've always been so." I laid my cheek next to his and gazed up at the silent stars which pulsed brightly, promising danger, and threats, and adventure.

I wrapped my arms around him. "I won't ever let you go, Edward. You're mine for as long as I live."

"And you are mine, wolf. Mine to cherish and love." Edward's fingers touched my lips. He made me feel small, vulnerable, and powerful. All the things I was and could ever be, he brought it to the surface with his passion.

His thumbs caressed my cheeks and I drank the sight of my beloved. The bright pinpoints of the stars above glimmered in his eyes. It was fitting, for Edward held my world in his hands as he said, "Your warmth is my endless summer, Jacob, and in the prison of your arms I've found the key to eternity."

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
